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Husband Not Affectionate (14 Tips To Bring Back Hugs)

by Sonya Schwartz

I think that every relationship will go through a rut at some point. Two people simply get bored at times. Stress begins to make its way into the relationship. Slowly, the physical affection begins to make its way back into the relationship. With both time and work, relationships are able to make it through these times. 

Sometimes, he simply doesn’t start showing affection anymore. This is different from a rut. The hugs and kisses stop or feel obligatory. Holding hands is non-existent. The fun things that you used to love slowly fade away. Thankfully, there are things that you can do to bring hugs and kisses back into your relationship. 

How To Get Your Husband To Be More Affectionate

While some people are bound to advise you that giving your husband an ultimatum or shouting what you want is the answer, it is not. Those types of behaviors will make your husband resent you over time. Any type of affection that you do receive will be forced. You don’t want him to feel like he has to hug you. Instead, you want for him to want to hug and kiss you. 

These tips will help you accomplish just that.

1. Have a conversation about it

You should always try to effectively communicate your wants and needs to your husband. He might be stressed, and not realize that he’s showing less affection. 

When a woman takes the time to do this, it also opens the door for him to communicate. If he tells you about a problem that he has with the relationship, that’s a great start. Make sure that you don’t get defensive, and take the time to listen to him. 

2. Resolve problems in the relationship

resolve problems in the relationship

Talking about problems is not enough to bring back affection. Instead, you will both need to take steps to solve problems in the relationship. This may mean making changes. Couples that are unable to resolve their issues may benefit from a mediator or couples counseling. 

3. Don’t keep bringing it up

If you’ve had the conversation once, there’s no point in having it over and over again. He heard you the first time. When your husband does become more affectionate after several conversations, you’ll start to feel like he doesn’t actually want you. The worst thing is knowing that you’re getting cuddled because your partner feels obligated to. 

4.Give your husband more affection

We should always give what we wish to receive. If you would like for him to hold your hand more, make sure that you do the same. When your husband is no longer affectionate, it may be a sign that he isn’t feeling loved. It’s hard to give love when we don’t feel like we are receiving it. 

5. Learn about love languages

Most people have different love languages. One person may respond well to acts of service. However, their partner may respond better to words of affirmation. Conflict often arises in couples when they have different love languages. This is because we tend to give love the same way that we receive it. 

It’s more important to give love the way that the other person receives it, though. 

According to Dr. Chapman, there are five love languages. What a person’s love language is will determine how they receive love. They are: 

  • Gift-giving means that your partner, or yourself, feels loved when they receive presents. It’s not always about what the present is. A simple surprise gift of their favorite candy bar is a great way to make them feel special. 
  • Acts of service is a language that involves doing things for people. This might include doing housework. Other acts of service could include taking their car for maintenance or making them dinner. 
  • Words of affirmation involves expressing love through words. This could be telling someone how amazing you think they are. Quotes and text messages are a great idea for people that receive love this way. 
  • Quality time is self-explanatory as well. Spending time together is the most important thing to them. Make sure you put your phone away if your partner prefers quality time together. 
  • Physical touch means that a person wants to be physically close to their partner. Sex is nice, but that’s not what this language is all about. Hand holding, touching their arm, or simply cuddling are all important. 

You and your partner can take a quiz here to discover which love language you both have. Doing this can help clear up confusion regarding one of you not feeling loved due to the lack of affection.

6. Have more sex

When a relationship suffers, so does the fun in the bedroom. Women that tell their husbands no to doing the deed frequently will find that it slowly begins to affect their marriage. Even when we’re tired, it can make him feel as though we simply aren’t interested in intimacy anymore. 

Instead, make getting nasty in the bedroom a priority. If necessary, plan a sex date with each other. Be honest about things that are going wrong in your sex life and work through them together. 

7. Enjoy romantic gestures

Show appreciation when your husband does something romantic. Sometimes, men pick the worst timing. It’s the thought that counts, though. When he takes the time to plan a romantic dinner for two, make sure that you’re engaged in the dinner. Talk with your husband. Tell him thank you. 

8. Increase intimacy in the marriage

Intimate moments instantly make us think of having sex, but being intimate with one another is so much more than that. Romantic ideas are always great. Romantic date nights never stop being a great idea. Romantic ideas often involve being close to one another. 

For example, a romantic massage. Having open conversations with each other will help. Other ways to become closer in a marriage include: 

  • Watching romantic movies together
  • Go on a romantic picnic
  • Spend quality time together
  • Have sex more
  • Show appreciation
  • Talk to each other more
  • Plan a date night

Simply being connected to each other can bring you closer together. Spending time with one another doesn’t have to be romantic, either. Sitting together at the kitchen table or cooking dinner together can help, too.

9. Show respect

show respect

Most of us feel that we’re respectful, but our days can be full of tiny bits of disrespect. Over time, it can result in a complete lack of affection from our husband. Disrespect takes a toll on every marriage. 

Things that commonly do that are considered disrespectful include: 

  • Eye rolling
  • Yelling or screaming
  • Questioning his judgment
  • Telling him what to do (even if you’re just trying to help)
  • Criticizing him
  • Emotionally manipulating him
  • Giving him ultimatums
  • Flirting with other people

It takes quite a while, but this will result in your husband not being affectionate anymore. It creates a gap in the marriage that ends in a lack of physical intimacy. If your husband is not being affectionate anymore, take a good look at how he’s being treated.

10. Go back to when you first started dating

Take the time to reminisce with your husband about those early days and years. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to help bring a relationship back from the dead. 

When sharing those memories doesn’t help, start acting like you used to. Did you nag him about what he was wearing on your first date? Were you mothering him on the second date? Probably not. For him to act the way that he used to act, you need to act the way that you used to act. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

11. Let him know he’s emotionally safe

When we ridicule, correct, etc. our husbands, it leads to them feeling like they can’t talk to us. Often, the husband will feel lonely. Over time, it results in a complete lack of affection from our husband. 

Couples that are already well down this road can still repair their marriage. Tell him that you’re sorry. The next time he opens up to you or attempts to discuss something, listen without judgment. Be supportive when he makes mistakes. This will not only strengthen your relationship but can also help bring back the affection that you want. 

12. Don’t give him an ultimatum

If you want your husband to be more affectionate, don’t try to force him into this. I tried it once. He said he simply didn’t like cuddling anymore. In return, I stated that I did not like giving blowjobs anymore. It never changed. Although it didn’t result in the end of our relationship, it never made my husband more affectionate either. 

The more mature part of me now knows that this was not the wisest thing to do. It resulted in a power struggle between the two of us, with each of us wanting to win. The ultimatum caused a breakdown in communication. Instead, opt for healthy communication with your husband. 

13. Practice self-love

practice self-love

It can be hard to make sure that you do a face mask every week when the electric bill is overdue, you just got off work and a toddler is screaming, but you need to. Not only do you need to do this for yourself, but your husband also needs you to take care of yourself. When you don’t, he gets a frazzled wife that is irritable and frumpy. 

Do you feel like smothering your husband with affection when he’s like that? Probably not. He won’t feel too affectionate either. 

14. Enjoy life like you used to

Marriage has a bad reputation for sucking the fun out of life. That’s not because people get married. It’s because married couples tend to be a bit more settled. They stop letting their inner child out to play. However, that inner part of you is the you that your husband fell in love with. 

If he’s not feeling affectionate anymore, consider doing things that you find enjoyable. Turn up some music and dance in the kitchen while you cook. Smile more. Laugh more. Enjoy life!

FAQs

Is it normal for a husband to not show affection?

Think about your relationship. Was he affectionate in the beginning? If not, that might not be the way that he shows love. However, if he’s suddenly not affectionate anymore, that signals a problem in the relationship. You two need to figure out what that is and work on it together. 

How do you deal with a non-affectionate husband?

Communicate with him. Show him respect. Avoid being unintentionally disrespectful. Stay connected by increasing intimacy. Have sex more often. Plan a date night. Be fun. Stop criticizing or nagging him. Act the way the two of you did when you first met each other. 

Can a marriage survive without affection?

Yes, it can. It depends on how much affection means to both people in the marriage. If you both enjoy other things, such as gift giving or spending quality time together, you might not need as much affection as someone that prefers physical touch. Take a good look at your marriage to see if this applies. 

What does it mean when a man is not affectionate?

When a man is not affectionate it can mean several things. He might not care for affection. This could be because of previous abuse or trauma. Some simply don’t have this as their love language. If he was previously affectionate and no longer is, it’s one of the first signs that there is a problem in the relationship. 

How do you know when your husband no longer loves you?

Your husband will show several signs when he no longer loves you. Sex will decline. Cheating is common in these relationships. Affection will slowly become non-existent. Romantic moments, romantic dates, and romantic anything stops. No more compliments or sweet comments. The two of you lead separate lives. 

To Sum Up

When you and your husband are no longer affectionate with one another, there are quite a few ways that you can improve your relationship. What would you advise your friends to do in this situation?

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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