Does open communication give room for nagging? What does nagging really mean and how can you stop nagging, especially when it’s become toxic to your relationship? Open communication means a couple in a relationship gets to express their anger, pleasure, or other feelings without shutting each other down.
For transparent communication to take place, both parties need to practice active listening while the other person is talking. However, when either of you begins to complain or give commands as though the other person’s opinion doesn’t matter, you are nagging.
You nag when you can’t seem to have a decent conversation without looking for ways to shift blame from yourself. You are nagging when you feel you need to talk your partner down at every point. If you love your partner and don’t want him to break up with you, you need to stop nagging.
Nagging isn’t limited to romantic relationships, but it is most common among couples in long-term committed relationships. If you don’t try to stop being a nag, you’ll have difficulty in getting people to do things for you. Those who oblige you would do so either out of obligation or because they need something from you.
When you are used to doing things in a particular way, it is usually difficult to try another way. In essence, to stop nagging, you need help. On that note, this article offers all the help you need to learn how to stop nagging and become the best kind of partner.
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Constant yelling or speaking while angry will do nothing to improve your relationship. If you yell at your partner every time you need something done, you will most likely still not get that thing. For example, you need your husband to fix the leaking faucet but he doesn’t get to it on time.
Rather than shout at him each morning that he needs to get the faucet fixed, simply take his hand and lead him to where the leaking faucet is. Then gesture with your hands what you need him to do. It would also help if you already arranged the tools he'll need to fix the faucet.
Even if he wanted to give another excuse, the absence of his nagging wife will make him pause. Then he will get to do the chore because you’ve shocked him.
Most naggers don’t become so overnight. Nagging comes with daily practice, and with time, something considered nagging simply means voicing opinions to nags. One of the helpful ways to stop nagging is to limit the number of words you use when requesting your partner’s help with chores.
For instance, don’t say “Did you remember to pick up the laundry” every weekend. You can simply say ‘laundry!’, and your partner would understand what you mean without you complaining. Rather than sound like a broken record, you would sound like an alarm reminder, which is something he’s probably used to.
It is selfish to assume your husband or partner will be available to carry out tasks at the same time as you. You probably have different professions and work at different paces. Good relationships come with good and bad, convenience and discomfort.
If your relationship is to work, you need to make compromises. Instead of assigning joint tasks at your convenience, consider his schedule and fit the tasks into it. When your partner sees that you’re willing to let him work at his pace, you won’t need to continue the vicious cycle of nagging to make him do his share of the work.
Another tip to get your partner to do something without having to nag is to always confirm if he’ll be able to do it. Rather than prattle on about what he should do today, ask him in a respectful manner if he’ll be able to get it done.
If he says yes, you can hold him to his errors if he doesn’t comply later. If he says no, you know not to be disappointed. Instead of saying “you need to pick up my prescription at the doctor’s”, try asking “Would you be so kind as to pick up my prescription from the doctor?’’
By using the confirmation method, you’ll know what to expect and not get angry later on.
Empathy is one of the most important tools in a relationship. The exact opposite of empathy is selfishness which leads to nagging. Forget the common notion that women are homemakers and focus on the fact that you’re in a partnership with a man you love. You both decided to stand by each other no matter what. That includes understanding when to cut your man a slack.
As such, if his work makes him too tired that he cannot help you out on most days, you should try putting yourself in his shoes. Sometimes, you can do his chores without nagging him on why he didn’t do them. He will see your efforts and appreciate you more.
When you try the confirmation method consistently, it might soon turn to another channel for nagging. Therefore, consider creating safe terms to indicate the ability to do (or inability to not do) a task.
Instead of asking him each day if he’ll be able to pick the kids, use shorter terms such as ‘Picking the kids?’. Then he can reply ‘affirmative’ or ‘negative'. That way, you know what tasks to reshuffle to replace his inability to pick the kids that day.
One of the ways to avoid nagging is to create a system that will directly communicate each person’s role in the relationship. Developing a to-do list might help in this regard. Let sticky notes do the talking for you on the fridge, bathroom mirrors, and closet doors.
When you talk less and do more of showing him what you need his help with, you’ll be improving the level of communication without seemingly harassing him. For example, you don’t want him to drink the milk straight from the milk jar, but you won’t be there every time he needs to drink milk.
As such, you can stick notes on the fridge door stating ‘No drinking from the jar, use a cup’. He would think twice about drinking from the jar.
Relationships involve give and take, and sometimes the sacrifices one party makes appear imbalanced. One of the reasons people, especially wives, nag is because they feel unappreciated. Your partner also has the right to feel unappreciated when there seems to be no reward for his extra effort in the home.
Most men see themselves as providers and so want their egos stroked. Your nagging will not make him happily help you with the dishes because he feels he provided the money for the meal. Creating a reward system for each completed task will give your partner the boost he needs to run errands willingly.
What you consider important on your list might be the fifth thing on your partner’s list. If you feel the need to nag to make your partner feel bad for stashing his clothes in the wrong laundry basket, he might think you’re just being silly.
To him, getting the laundry done is more important than arranging dirty laundry in the right order. When you accept that both of you have good intentions and the end goal is the same, you’ll be able to overlook the imperfections in between. However, if you continue to see a big deal in insignificant details, you’ll remain a nag.
The need to nag doesn’t only come from OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), it can occur because you’re the only one qualified for the task. Even though you desperately need a helping hand, you still need to do the major work.
If your partner is not in the best position to do the chore on his own, accept the little help he can give. Sometimes, you might even have to fly solo. For example, the problem you have with your partner is his unavailability. If he cannot attend your company’s dinner all night but drops you off to say ‘hi’ to your colleagues, you can accept that as his support.
It is difficult to please people with OCD, which is why they make the best naggers. If you’re obsessed with the idea of perfection, it will be hard to overcome nagging. One of the ways to stop nagging is to appreciate your partner when he meets you halfway.
He might not have done the tasks the exact way you would have, but he tried. Also, practice self-reflection as it will help you consider your inability to do perfectly well something only your partner can do. Understanding your inadequacy will make you appreciate your partner more.
If you expect your partner to help you, you’ll need to spell out what you need clearly. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, life is too short to play the assumption game.
If you need your partner to spend more time with you, say so instead of nagging about his work hours. If you want him to buy you more gifts than he already does, tell him. Don’t complain about how much he spends on other things to cover up for how you really feel. Most men don’t want to play the guessing game because they think bluntly.
On the heel of assumption is unreasonable expectations. If you keep expecting the impossible from your partner, you’ll always have reasons to complain. It’s okay to set the bar high, as long as you’re doing so for the right reasons. Your relationship should be a process of growth, not a sprint race.
If you’re comparing your relationship with others, and make it look like you’re in a competition, you’ll always be dissatisfied. Your partner will never meet up with the standard you’ve set and he'll quit sooner or later. To avoid losing someone you care about, begin setting achievable expectations without denying yourself happiness.
If you have issues with delegating tasks yet berate your partner for not helping out, you’ll stay a nag. Getting external help might be the best solution in this case. If neither of you is responsible for the task, there will be no blame-sharing.
For example, if getting grocery items at the right time is a major conflict, try ordering online and have them delivered to your doorstep. As such, whatever you cannot do on your own, an expert will do it. It will take the pressure off you as a wife/homemaker, and it will make peace reign in your relationship.
Sometimes, the problem is not your partner, you’re your own problem. If you expect your partner to live by a particular standard or rule, you should be able to do the same. If you practice double standards, your partner won’t feel obligated to do the right thing.
It becomes worse if you have kids because they are going to follow in your footsteps. If you cannot practice what you preach, you’ll appear to be a strong-headed nag who is never wrong. No one wants to be around such a character, and you’ll end up feeling lonely even though you’re in a relationship.
You nag so much because you feel cheated, unappreciated, and dissatisfied. You feel you’re doing so much but not seen or well-appreciated.
You can stop being a nag by communicating how you feel to your partner. Let him know you’re displeased with the way things are and would need something to change soon.
Instead of nagging, delegate tasks so that you’ll have more time to pursue personal experiences that’ll make you happy. You may also request your partner’s help in clear terms. Tell your partner exactly what you need him to do, so you’ll have no reason to complain if he doesn’t get it right.
Parents nag because they feel they know best. They don’t want to watch their children make the same mistakes they did. As such, they think hovering and nagging will do the trick. They don’t like to accept that kids have to make the same mistakes sometimes to learn.
Yes, nagging can ruin a relationship if it is not quickly addressed. Nagging involves complaining and being overbearing. It comes with negative energy no good relationship should have. If a couple doesn’t address the root of the nagging, they will constantly have reasons to fight till they finally break up.
Nagging usually starts with being opinionated, then it graduates to the inability to actively listen to what your partner has to say. Nagging can also be a result of being in an unsatisfactory relationship.
Nagging has no long-term benefits, which is why you should take these tips seriously to overcome this negative act.
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