Getting married can be one of the happiest days of a person's life. However, the actual marriage can sometimes fall a little short of what you envisaged it to be – especially if you are dealing with a lazy husband. It may have been that your other half did not show signs of a lazy husband before you married him, or you may have been so in thrall with him that you didn't notice. Dr Joshua Coleman recently documented his difficulties with being lazy.
Either way, if you ever complain that ‘my husband is lazy and unmotivated' then here we look at ways that you can deal with that. We offer advice on how to leave with a selfish husband in your house as well as investigating whether laziness is grounds for divorce. All relationships and every marriage is different, but hopefully you will you pick a number of things you can do around the home to ensure that your lazy husband starts to be more driven and enthusiastic in all areas of his life.
- 1 How Do You Deal With A Lazy Husband?
- 2 How Do You Live With A Selfish Husband?
- 3 Is Laziness Grounds For Divorce?
- 4 How To Deal With A Lazy Husband – The Bottom Line
How Do You Deal With A Lazy Husband?
Dealing with lazy husbands can be a hard task, but it's not impossible. There are a number of things you can do to change his lack of interest in helping with the household chores or his ambitions within his career.
Communicate With Him
One of the best ways to change the lifestyle that your lazy husband seems to be aiming for every day is to talk to him. Start conversations with him about how you are feeling and how you feel you take on a lot of the responsibilities for the house or family due to his innate laziness.
If you talk to him about his efforts and how as his wife you are finding it difficult to deal with the changes in his attitude towards anything since you got married, something may hit home. Communication is key in any marriage to ensure that problems are addressed and a new understanding between a wife and husband can be reached.
Don't Pick Up After Him
Perhaps the worst thing, you can do for the lazy husband that does no work around the house is to pick up after him, tidy the kitchen, clean the bathroom and take on more than your fair share of looking after the kids. If you are a parent, obviously you do not want your kids' happiness to be hurt by your husband's laziness, but if it is just the two of you, let him live in his mess for a bit. Perhaps you could cook a meal for just you and not the both of you one evening. Or perhaps you could not do the washing up after you have cooked a meal for you both.
These are all ideas to ensure that he gets the general gist that if the house and home continue to look tidy and organised, he will have to start pulling his weight.
If it's help with the kids that you are after, then ask for his support and give him tasks that he absolutely has to do because you are busy elsewhere.
Point Out When He Is Being Lazy
Something that is worth trying with a lazy husband is simply pointing out when he is being lazy. This works for a couple of reasons, firstly, it alerts him to the fact that he could be using his time better, but also it gives him the opportunity to at least explain why he is just sitting down doing nothing.
If you give him the time and space to assert why he is just sitting down, you can start a two way conversation that is a healthy approach to resolving your problem. Additionally, if you improve the amount you both communicate with each other, the better your relationship will become.
Bearing this in mind, when you point out that he is being lazy, try to find a way to do so that is constructive and not just critical. This is key so that he doesn't feel like you are constantly nagging him or belittling his ways of doing things.
Don't Let Your Standards Slip
Pay close attention to your own standards when you are with a spouse that is lazy. It can be very easy to take on their laziness every so often when ordinarily you would not have behaved in such a way. Ensure that you are still doing everything you would have done – either as a wife or with the kids or around the house – while you are working through this imbalance.
This is important for two reasons. Firstly, it is a way of leading by example. As you may do with colleagues at work or with your children, by being a multitasking whizz, you are showing your partner what your expectations are. Secondly, it's good for your mental health. If you are brought down to someone's level when it comes to their laziness or lack of motivation, in reality it could lead you into depression. Remember to stay driven in all aspects of your life that are important to you.
How Do You Live With A Selfish Husband?
Some men are easier to live with than others. Some men are lazy but still romantic and affectionate, whilst other men can see their laziness start to manifest itself as selfishness. If you are a wife to a selfish husband, this can be difficult to live with – especially if you have high standards and your priorities are different. Here we look at a number of ways to live with a selfish and lazy husband.
Find Ways To Work With His Laziness
It can be that you love your husband so much, or you have told him so many times that you want more help around the home with or with the housework, that you have given up trying to change him. If that is the case, his selfishness has taken a hold in your marriage and it is something that you will have to work with if you want to continue being his wife.
Bearing that in mind, you will need to find ways to accept his lack of appreciation for all you do around the home in addition to his uneneuthusitic approach to helping with parenting, laundry or any other thing you feel you have no one helping you with.
Being patient with someone who is inherently selfish may sound impossible, but if you are keen for your marriage to work, you will need to find a way to show patience with his lazy attitude. This is especially difficult given that your husband was probably someone that you were expecting to be a massive support for you in your life. Instead, he is not the person you turn to for advice or help with many different elements in your life due to his selfishness.
However, if you have patience with the situation and you find a healthy way to maintain that patience, your mental happiness should remain too. Just because he is selfish, doesn't mean that you have to stoop to his level. Remain true to what you believe in and you should hopefully be able to live with him as your husband for years to come.
Your patience may even reap rewards too if you manage to communicate with him frequently when his behaviour, laziness and selfishness hurt your feelings. Make it a priority in your life that you work towards giving him advice on how to support you better, but try not to get frustrated when that help doesn't materialise. Some men just need a little more time to get their brain in gear.
In addition to having patience, it is imperative to stay calm in the face of selfish behavior. Often, if you do not stay calm with selfish men, and instead you get angry, things can take a turn for the worse. He will see you as a person who is constantly down on him and never appreciating him.
Imagine if this happened to you, and it was your husband who was constantly getting angry at you for not doing things around the home. It would be tough advice to take. Bearing that in mind, it is important to stay as calm as possible while you are working through these difficult issues.
Plus, staying calm leaves you somewhere to go for when his behavior really does get out of hand. Don't let things get cumulative and explode at him over something that on its own would be a small issue. Instead, leave your anger for when his selfish attitude really does justify an angry reaction.
Is Laziness Grounds For Divorce?
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Answering this question is hard as all marriages are different as the people within them will all have very different attitudes which will make a very different decision in each situation. Here, instead of answering a clear yes or no as to whether laziness in your husband is grounds for divorce, we ask questions that are a good idea for you to answer and work through to see whether you want to fight for your relationship or take the initiative and go down the divorce route.
How Much Do You Love Him?
Answering how much you love your husband is fundamental in figuring out whether you truly want to divorce him due to his laziness. The reason being is that there is a balance to be had for just how lazy he is versus how much you love him.
It could be that when you weigh up all his pros and reasons why you fell in love with him the first place, that you realise that leaving him for his lazy attitudes to aspect of his life is over doing it. However, it could be that his laziness is such a turn off for you because it is so bad, that in spite of his good points, you simply don't love him anymore,
How Unhappy Are You?
If his laziness is making you materially unhappy, then looking at divorce may be the only answer for you. Being unhappy in love and in marriage is never going to change unless you both make a concerted effort to turn things around in your relationship. However, if you have tried to make your husband see your point of view, and you are still unhappy – either because he has done nothing about it or because what he has done is not good enough – then you may want to think about plans to divorce.
This is a massive decision however and a decision that should not be taken lightly. It is imperative that you weigh up what you will be walking away from and what you stand to gain if you think you are so unhappy that your relationship is not worth saving.
What Else Is Good In Your Relationship
Before you call a lawyer, make a mental list of what else is great in your relationship. It could be that you may have been concentrating so much on your husband's sloth that you have not taken into account how great he is in other areas of your partnership. This is easy to do and a common mistake for wives to make in relationships, but something to be aware of as soon as possible.
If you don't look at what else is good in your relationship you may walk away from it and only realise what you have left after the event. Plus, by focussing on the good, you may be less critical of the bad, so it can be a win win situation.
How To Deal With A Lazy Husband – The Bottom Line
Dealing with a lazy husband can be a hard thing to work through as it can have such an impact on your life, or how you dreamed your life to be. If your husband lacks determination in his career you may find this a massive turn off or if your husband is unhelpful around the home, you may find that you feel very under appreciated. These are both very difficult emotions and ideas to work out.
The key to making sure that the situation does not get worse is communicating with your husband exactly how you are feeling. Trying to find the words that express your disappointment while not being overly critical is hard, but essential to do. Without being constructive in the situation, you will become part of the problem too and your husband could start to distance himself from you – feeling like he can never do untying right.
It is possible to come through problems like this and it is an issue that many couples will face over the course of their time together. Grappling with ever changing circumstances like a new job, partnering and finding time to have together are all things that couples grapple with. All these ideas can have an effect on the balance in a relationship and how each partner perceives the other. A lazy husband can be something that wives have to contend with, but it is infinitely doable to rebalance and regroup so that you become stronger than ever.
In short, talk to your husband about how you are feeling – you may find that your husband has some interesting insights too.
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