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How To Pursue A Man (12 Easy Steps)

by Sonya Schwartz

When it comes to the relationship between a man and a woman, many cultures and religions will agree that there are unwritten rules. One of those rules involves the woman sitting pretty and waiting for a man to approach. While that is alright, we also have to admit that this ideology has robbed women of their shots at happiness. 

Here’s the thing, if women don’t make certain bold moves, your love life may remain quite boring and unsatisfying. Many men are not as sensitive as we women, and as such, it sometimes pays to be a straight shooter.

If you are reading this article, I believe you are like many 21st century women who are tired of waiting to be chosen by men. This article will arm you with practical tips on how to pursue a man without feeling cheap.

12 Ways To Get A Man

1. Get to know him

Just as a hunter studies its prey before the attack, you should also study your man of interest before making a move. Getting to know him is the first and most important step you will need to take when trying to pursue a guy. Men are used to doing the pursuing, but if there’s one thing they like, it’s getting swooned as well.

They say knowledge is power, and that's precisely why this step is crucial. Men need to be studied because not all of them would appreciate being ‘wooed’ by a lady.  You can have meaningful conversations and use the information you have to your advantage. Then do background work to find out his preferences and turn-offs. 

2. Be a lady

Be a lady

The secret to being able to walk into any room and grab the attention of everyone without a glance lies in the hands of many women. You can always tell who a proper lady is from what she wears and how she speaks. A lady is the envy of all other women and the eye candy of interested men.

It’s important to dress nicely but leave some things to the imagination. Men love mystery, and the art of seduction requires using the one thing men drool over to your advantage. Wear items that tease him about what's going on underneath, but let him work to get even the tiniest glimpse.

Men love women who hold themselves to high standards, and when such ladylike women approach them, they are ready to give in to their demands. 

3. Be mysterious

The human mind is always eager to solve a mystery —we are curious beings. Therefore, it is no surprise that mystery will always appeal to the average man. If you want to pursue a man, you will need to hold your cards close to your chest. Do not reveal everything about yourself too quickly, and give vague but interesting answers whenever he asks you a question. 

The idea is to make him wonder about your past, future, and what is going on in your mind. When he feels this way, he will naturally want to ask more questions, spend more time with you, and get to know you better. 

Mysterious women spark the interests of men because men love to hunt. They are happy to go on a mission to discover who you are. By staying mysterious, you make him feel accomplished each time he learns something about you. In the quest to pursue men, it’s best to make them feel like they’re doing the chasing, and not you. 

4. Be yourself unapologetically

Trust me; men can always tell when a woman is not herself, and there are only a few things as cringing as watching women pretend to be something else. If you want to pursue a man, you need to make him fall in love with the real you. 

Of course, nobody is perfect, and no one is proud of all their attributes; however, you can showcase your strengths and the best sides of you whenever he is around. 

For instance, if you are a fun-loving person, do not try to shy away or hold back this side of you because you think he is the quiet type. For all we know, he might just be looking for a lady to things up in his life. 

5. Be welcoming and friendly

If you ever wonder why you do not make new friends, look inwards. People who are unwelcoming and unpleasant will always struggle to gain new relationships, let alone maintain them.

To attract a man, you will need to be welcoming and friendly. Men need to see you as approachable, dependable, and friendly. Don't keep a grumpy face but smile. It’s easy to pursue a guy this way because he feels more comfortable and welcome in your presence. So make sure that you smile at him and have a warm personality towards him at all times. 

6. Take things slowly

In the same vein as being a lady, you will need to practice self-control. I know this may be hard to do because you are head over heels for this guy, but you must hold off on sex. 

We live in a society that judges women who move too quickly as being too easy, and you do not want that. While you may be the one stepping outside the norm by chasing a man, it does not mean you won't make him put in some work before having you. 

7. Flaunt his competition

Flaunt his competition

The push and pull tactic is a relationship strategy people use on their love interests when trying to get their attention. It merely entails showering them with attention at the start and withdrawing that attention after that. It may seem illogical at a glance - to ignore a man you want, but it works. 

When a person receiving your attention in the past is suddenly ignored, they get worried and start to crave that attention, and it is significantly worse if they see you showing someone else that attention. 

8. Choose your dates wisely

From the weather to the day's location and time, you need to pay close attention to how your meetings go. Choose a time and place that favors you most and allows you to be in control. 

For instance, if you are most active in the evenings, you should choose your dates to fall around this time. That way, you can be your best self and give him a wonderful time which will, in turn, make him look forward to spending more time with you. 

An additional point would be wearing something red on your dates. Red is not only the color of love, but it has proven to be captivating, sexy, and memorable. When you wear red, it will be challenging to peel his eyes off you, which will trigger feelings of love.

9. Get close to his friends

Based on the Johari window theory, every human being has a conscious and unconscious side. Meaning that while it is possible that no one knows us as much as we know ourselves, it is also possible that there are things about ourselves that others know, that we don’t. By getting close to his friends, you will gain knowledge about this side of him.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

His close friends are people who know him more than anyone else, and they are more likely to help you win the guy you love if you are close to them and they see you as an excellent addition to his life. They will arm you with tips and tricks to win his heart. 

10. Be confident

Old or young, man or woman, confidence will always be an attractive personality. A confident person who is assertive and sure about what he/she wants is more likely to get what they want than someone shy. To put this to the test, think of all the times a guy has approached you. 

Who were you more likely to say yes to? The one who was confident and made you feel like you would be missing out on something fantastic if you decline, or the shy guy who stammered his way through your conversation? I am sure your answer leans towards the confident one. 

That's exactly how confident you should be when speaking to a guy you want to pursue. Maintain eye contact, be assertive, and watch him fall in love with you.

11. Be independent

As a 21st-century woman, you should know by now that your independence is non-negotiable, and the more independent you are in your thoughts and finances, the more freedom you earn. This means that to attract a man, you need to show him that you are independent and capable of being on your own. 

Your independence reflects that you have a wonderful life going on for you, and you only need him to share in this goodness. Many men will shy away from a woman who seems like baggage or someone likely to drain them emotionally. A woman's independence negates all these notions as it shows that you do not need him, but you want him.

12. Be upfront

Maybe you are not one for mind games, or you do not have the patience to take things slow; you may want to go ahead and tell him how you feel. You can ask him out on a date, through a text message, face-to-face, or over the phone, depending on how confident you feel. 

However, remember to keep an open mind when handling things like this as it is possible to face rejection. Refrain from being aggressive, and try to remain calm and cheerful all through the process. Even if he says no now, how you handle the rejection can make him have a heart change later.

FAQs

How do you keep a man from pursuing you?

If you want a man to stop pursuing you, then you have to make yourself unavailable to him. Decline hangouts, dates, and do not respond to his messages or calls. If all else fails, you may choose to use the classic 'I have a boyfriend' line. Most guys will take a bow once they see that you are in a relationship.

How do you make a man feel needed and respected?

A man will feel respected and needed if you listen to him and talk to him respectfully. Just as you can tell that a person respects you from the way they act, he will also be able to judge your level of respect from your actions. Do not lie to him or play mind games, and make sure that you are loyal and faithful in your relationship.

Do men like to be chased?

Many men will say that they prefer to do the chasing. It makes them feel manly and more in control. However, some men do not mind being chased. To them, a person who is honest and bold enough to confront their feelings will always have a front seat in their lives.

Why we shouldn't chase a man?

While it is okay to love a man and yearn to express this love in every way possible, I always advise ladies to be subtle when chasing a man. Do not be aggressive or make it obvious. Remember, if a person feels chased, he will run.

How can I make him miss me badly?

They say distance makes the heart fonder, so if you want a man to miss you, you have to be willing to give him the space to do so. Do not be readily available every time he wants to see you, get busy with your life, and whenever you finally get together, make your dates memorable.

The Bottom Line

When pursuing a man, think of it as being the map a driver chooses to follow - you are in control without having to take charge. I hope you enjoyed reading this list, don't forget to share it with friends, and I look forward to reading about your experiences in the comment section. 

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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