Looking for ways to punish your man sexually? It doesn’t matter if you’re here because the traditional male-dominant dynamic got boring, or you are just looking to explore new forms of pleasure? How you came to this decision is beside the point, the focus of this post is helping you take control of your man, and hopefully, your orgasm.
If your boyfriend is usually the one in control, both in bed and out in the real world, chances are he would really appreciate you taking the driver’s seat for a change. But don’t just take it from me, as several studies and articles have been published to that effect.
The first thing you need to know about taking the reins is that you can’t get another person to pleasure you the right way without first figuring out what that means. You are in a better position to communicate how you want your man to please you when you know and understand yourself.
Between getting in touch with yourself and investing in cuffs and whips, here are a few ways to get into bossing your man around in a kinky way.
So you and your boyfriend have been having consensual sex before, that doesn’t make it okay to spring a new thing on him without his permission. Before you go ahead and use something ‘foreign’ on him, make sure he is on board with it. I understand the whole point of punishment and discipline may seem lost if you have to ask permission every time, but there is a way around that.
You can do it the Christian Grey way and draw up a written agreement with provision to withdraw consent at any point. Or you can do it verbally. The most important thing is that you give him the opportunity to either accept or decline the offer.
The ideal thing would be to discuss beforehand what is okay and what isn’t, rather than just springing it on him in the heat of the moment. If you’ve read the Fifty Shades books or seen the first film, you know there’s a lot of ground to cover in discussion.
It is particularly necessary to have the conversation when it’s the first time the two of you are trying this out. You should talk about stuff like boundaries, safe words, the activities he’s willing to try out, and what you’ll use in the bedroom. This not only ensures that he doesn’t feel violated, but that he gets pleasure from serving you as well.
After getting the niceties out of the way, it’s time to get down to business, that is, letting him know who is in charge. If you are to continue with what you’ve planned out, then you have to be confident about it.
Everything from your posturing to your language has to exude confidence and demand respect from your boyfriend. However, you don’t become a professional dominatrix overnight, it takes time and practice. So just work on your attitude, and ease into the role. (Spoiler: there’ll be bloopers, and that’s okay.)
Your boyfriend is basically your slave during playtime, and slaves don’t get to call their masters by their name. Let him give you a title that really drives home the fact that you are the one calling the shots, and his primary role right then is to observe and obey.
If you like, you can go with the traditional title of “Mistress” or any other one you feel comfortable with. He is only to address you by the title you pick while he’s being disciplined, and failure to adhere to that rule will only earn him additional punishment.
The same way you would take a child’s toys away to discipline them, you can deny your man some guilty pleasure when he’s been naughty. Or just because you feel like, remember, you are in charge. Usually, men who like to be dominated in the bedroom do not mind, scratch that, they love to relinquish control to their master.
So if you deem it fit to deny him the freedom of beating his meat when he wants, then so be it. Not being able to touch himself without your permission is a sweet punishment that he knows will have a happy ending if he’s a good boy. Plus, it keeps his thoughts centered on you the whole time so that’s a win-win for both parties.
No matter how committed your boyfriend is to the game, there are bound to be slip-ups. There will be days when he mistakenly calls you by your name instead of addressing you as your chosen title during playtime.
When this happens, you don’t need to get angry or lose your cool. Simply mete out an appropriate punishment so he knows the rules are not just a suggestion. For instance, if he breaks your masturbation ban, use tortuous pleasure to give him what he deserves. Let him watch as you touch yourself with his hands tied behind his back.
When you’re trying to discipline your man, humiliation should never be off the table. The best part is that it doesn’t have to be limited to just the bedroom or playroom. You can build up some heat by using him as your personal servant while focusing on something else.
To take the humiliation up a notch, have him strip down to his underpants or, better yet, his birthday suit while he fetches you drinks or rubs your feet. This gets both of you mentally prepared to continue your roles, and the view of his naked glory is an added advantage for you.
There is no fun in doing the same thing over and over again. When you and your boyfriend get it on in Dom-sub mode, try not to limit yourself to the same routine so it doesn’t get boring too soon. To keep him on his toes and keep things interesting for you, try and switch things up after a couple of sessions.
It wouldn’t feel like much of a punishment if he gets too comfortable with it, so you can either dial up the intensity of your usual routine or introduce news ones entirely. Whether or not to tell him beforehand is your prerogative, as long as you still respect his boundaries and have safe words in place.
If sex with your boyfriend has always been something that happens when both of you are in the mood, that has to change. You need to have his all-access pass revoked and let him know he has to be a ‘good boy’ before he can get into your pants.
You can order him to complete some tasks, then have a steamy session afterward as a reward. Use denial to get him on his best behavior. Doing this doesn’t make you cruel, it just increases his yearning for you and makes him put in his best efforts when he finally gets a chance.
Whoever said the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach hasn’t tried controlling his orgasm. You can literally have him eating out of your hands or any other place you desire if you play your cards well. It is called delayed gratification in psychology, the sexual aficionados call it edging, but you can call it whatever you want.
So you basically tease him by whatever means you deem fit, probably even sex, and let him build almost to the point of climax, then stop. Feel free to use this as many times as you want until you either climax yourself or he can’t bear it anymore. You can then permit him to get his own orgasm if you’re feeling generous.
Contrary to popular opinion, and according to Mistress Ava Zhang, a professional dominatrix based in New York City, you don’t have to be cruel to dominate a man. Apparently, you don’t have to become someone you’re not or throw empathy out the window to discipline your boyfriend.
Thus, showing him that you enjoy what you’re having him do to or for you doesn’t make you any less intimidating. If anything, it inspires him to try harder because a sub’s only goal during playtime is pleasing the dom. So when your man takes the initiative – without breaking any of your rules – a pat on the back is still very much in your favor, nothing too sweet though.
You may be wondering how realistic it is to balance a regular relationship with a kinky role-reversing lifestyle. Like how does someone go from being a loving girlfriend to commanding your man to strip down to his birthday suit and put your big toe in his mouth? The simple answer is to draw a line.
For Christian Grey, it meant changing into his red room pair of jeans; for others, it means breaking out the collar. You too can pick a select outfit that would signal to your man its time to serve. Or condition him – like a pet – with a tone that would serve the same purpose.
Roleplaying is the OG of kinky sex. But to be frank, it isn’t always easy, especially for people with a soft, passive personality to don a dominant hat and discipline the naughty out of their significant other. Whether or not you are this type of person, roleplaying can add a great deal of variety to your sex life.
You can have him play the character of someone you’ve always imagined doing things with or you can both assume roles from your favorite movie. The possibilities are as vast as your imagination.
In the vein of role play, you don’t have to be an award-winning writer or actress to act out a good plot. You can just pick from your ready-made pool of fantasies, and you are set. If you are committed enough to it, you can go as far as using props, and setting the scenes to really bring your characters to life.
You can also switch up sometimes by introducing your man’s fantasies into the pool, as long as he gets punished in it. Otherwise, he’d still be pretty happy going along with yours.
When you choose to tell him is your prerogative, although it is advisable to inform him beforehand in case he needs time to prepare. As long as you are both committed to it, it shouldn’t feel too corny.
Another way to show your boyfriend who is the boss is by assuming sex positions that give you total control. If he is used to taking you, muscle memory might make him want to take the lead again by increasing or reducing the pace, do not let him.
Few women have the chance of putting their pleasure before their partners without being judged for it, but you do because again, he is obligated to please you. So, take full advantage, and ride that man six ways to Sunday at any pace and position of your choosing.
Knowing what gets you off would really come in handy at this point because you can easily show him and lead him there when he isn’t getting it.
There are four letters in BDSM, and 22 more in the English alphabet, do not limit yourself to one. Hell, you shouldn’t even limit yourself to just one alphabet. The idea is not to stay in one place, as I implied earlier, the thrilling kind of reduces when it becomes monotonous and predictable.
So do your homework and explore tons of other means of punishment until you reach his or your red line.
Whatever you do, do not betray your partners’ trust by abusing your power. Relinquishing total control of yourself to another person is not a decision one makes lightly, and you run more than just the risk of ruining sex for him if you misuse it. You can break him altogether.
Only emasculate him within an agreed time and at a place you’ve previously discussed. Whether or not he’s comfortable with other people knowing about the lifestyle, it is not your place to out him. Finally, don’t take advantage of playtime to put him under duress outside of sexual pleasure, and never continue when he says stop.
The best way to make your boyfriend realize how his actions affect you is by acting in the same way he’s working with you. If he’s taking you for granted and ignoring you, then it would be best to do the same and focus on yourself.
If your partner is the one that initiates sex all the time, an excellent way to spoil him in bed would be to start things. You can go a little further by doing the sexual activities he enjoys the most without him needing to request it or initiate it.
Locating your partner’s pleasure spots is an easy way to make them scream in bed. You also have to make them desire to have you by telling them how much you want them. Then again, it wouldn’t hurt to surprise them in bed by doing things they didn’t see coming, but will ultimately enjoy.
People want to be punished because they feel it’s a way to cope with guilt. To alleviate the emotional pain, they’re experiencing, punishing themselves is an easy way to feel in control of their lives.
If you want your man to worry about losing you, stop giving him all the time and attention you’re giving him now. Pamper yourself and talk about your plans without including him. This act will make him think of the possibilities of a life without you.
If you enjoyed reading this half as much as I loved writing it, my heart is full. Don’t forget, punishment or not, communication is key to a great relationship, so always remember to check-in. That said, please let me know what you think in the comment section and share the article with anyone you think deserves to see it.