Whether you are a man or a woman, the dating scene is nerve-wracking for anyone. It doesn’t matter if you are skinny, overweight, or average-looking, we are all being scrutinized. Profile pictures are studied in minute detail, descriptions are under forensic examination.
We take nanoseconds to swipe left on a dating app and reject someone who doesn’t match our exact requirements. Meanwhile, beauty standards are no longer attainable. Fashion models and celebrities are photoshopped and airbrushed to appear unnaturally slim and beautiful.
At the other end of the scale, there’s a steady rise in the number of children under 10 years old suffering from an eating disorder.
So it’s not surprising that if you are fat you might be reluctant to step into the dating scene. You may believe that you don’t meet society’s ideals when it comes to an attractive partner.
You might have tried online dating and have become used to rejection, or even been subject to abuse like fat-shaming. You may have reached the point where you think to find the love you should diet and lose weight.
Perhaps you are a plus-size woman with low self-esteem and you want to try online dating but you are apprehensive.
I am here to provide some great tips that will help you to raise your confidence. The good news is they don’t all involve going on a diet.
There is a right and a wrong way to post profiles online when you are fat. And I can also give you some ideas of what to wear if you are overweight to flatter a larger figure.
Table of Contents
If you are posting a description for online dating you must be honest about your weight. There is no point pretending to be a size zero or just posting headshots. For some daters, being overweight is a deal-breaker.
I am not suggesting you try and put them off. Everyone chooses their most flattering picture and writes a favorable description of themselves. Just choose a picture where you are wearing makeup and your hair is done up for a night out. Use full-body pictures that don’t accentuate your weight.
Your weight is just one aspect of who you are. People tend to look at pictures before they read descriptions on dating apps. So it’s pretty likely they’ll have an idea of what you weigh before they get to your description of yourself.
There’s no need to be funny or apologetic about your weight. You are what you are. Some people will be attracted to you and others won’t be. That’s normal.
So you were honest on your dating profile and posted realistic pictures of yourself and now you’re finally in a bar with a guy. What does that tell you? It tells you that you are more concerned about your weight than your date is.
People are attracted to confidence, humor, kindness, compassion, empathy, and manners. Sure, looks are important as well but they are not everything.
When you are overweight, sometimes you neglect other aspects of your appearance. Why bother with hair or makeup? No one is paying you any attention? You feel invisible so you act as if you are invisible. Or you feel ashamed about your weight and you don’t want people to notice you.
You are used to hiding away. Well, that won’t do anymore. Go to a hair salon with great reviews and ask for their advice about the best hairstyle for your face. With a flattering haircut, you’ll instantly feel uplifted and confident.
I know, this was the last thing you wanted to hear, but bear with me. Junk food makes you sluggish, it affects your skin and hair and it piles on the pounds. Before you even think about entering the dating pool, give yourself a goal weight and wean yourself off junk food and take-out food.
I’m not advocating starting a diet, but a switch from junk food to healthier options will make you feel better both physically and mentally. You will begin to feel some control over your weight and this is empowering.
If you’ve never been on a dating app before you might not have encountered the type of responses you may receive. Some people simply have no attraction to fat women. However, others will see you as either a fetish sex object or someone to abuse online.
You have to be able to filter out these types of messages and develop thick skin. Remember, trolls exist everywhere on the internet, and they feel they have a right to say what they want.
The biggest mistake overweight women make when choosing clothes is to pick tiny prints or patterns. Fat women believe that big prints highlight and draw attention to their size. To combat this they’ll go for a tiny pattern.
The simplest way to demonstrate this is to imagine a big bold print on a skinny girl. It would swamp her. Likewise, small prints on a larger lady are swamped. The size of the print or pattern should be in proportion to the size of the person. This applies to overweight men also.
As with prints and patterns, you can use colors to your advantage when you are overweight. Colour-blocking is simply wearing two items of clothing in blocks of colors. The trick is to wear a darker color on the fat part of your body that you want to hide and a lighter color on the part you want to highlight.
For example, you have large thighs but a great bust – wear dark pants and a light blouse. Or, you have a fat belly but gorgeous legs – pop on a dark top and keep the light color for the bottom half.
As we talked about large prints and patterns, you should also bear in mind that this trick applies to your accessories as well. Don’t take tiny little clutch bags or wear kitten heels to a date. You will look out of proportion.
Take a handbag that fits your size and shoes or sandals that make your body ratio look right. One tip with prints and patterns, if your clothing is patterned keep accessories plain and vice versa.
Studies show that it is not so much size but body proportions that matter. In one study, men were asked to rate catwalk models and Playboy centerfolds. They chose the Playboy centerfolds and this is interesting.
Typically catwalk models are stick-thin, with a figure that goes straight up and down. Their waists are the same measurement as their bust and hips. On the other hand, Playboy models are much curvier. There is a bigger difference in the bust-to-waist-to-hip ratio. They have defined waists like hourglasses.
What this means to a fat person is don’t drape yourself in a tent-like smock. Cinch in your waist to create that hourglass figure.
If your date has asked you out or agreed to meet you they are interested in you. They already know what weight you are. It is not your job to now turn them against you. You don’t owe them an explanation about your weight.
Dates are about getting to know whether you like this person. You want to use this time to find out about them, their likes and dislikes, is there a spark between you?
Trust me, no one feels confident on a first date. It takes practice. We are all a bundle of nerves. The same thoughts run through everyone’s minds. Will he/she like me? Do they think I’m boring/attractive/opinionated?
So what do we do? We fake it until we feel it for real. We take a few deep breaths and exude positive body language. The funny thing is, even the act of faking confidence can increase our self-confidence in the long run. So it is a win-win situation.
Finally, no rule says you have to wait until you are contacted. Look for yourself and send winks or messages to people you like. If you’re rejected don’t take it personally. There will be people you’ll reject for a variety of reasons.
Don’t automatically assume that no one will want to date you because you are overweight. That is a thought in your mind, not other people. Embrace body positivity. Be open to contacting potential dates and magnanimous to rejection.
A quick way to tell if you are overweight is to measure your waist. A waist measurement over 35” in women and over 40” in men indicates too much fat around the belly. The Body Mass Index (BMI) is calculated by dividing your weight in kilos by your height in meters squared. A score over 30 puts you in the overweight category.
To lose weight you need to expend more energy than you are taking in. Combine eating less with more activity. Reduce your daily intake of calories by 500 and step up your movements. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Offer to walk the dog or the housework. Get off the bus one stop earlier. Think about moving more and eating less.
Weight gain and weight loss can ruin a relationship. You are attracted to a person that is of a particular shape and size. If that size changes dramatically it can be confusing to your partner. Some people accept that their bodies will change over time and others will not be able to.
It is normal to relax and feel comfortable in a relationship and to gain weight. In the first year, couples gain around 17 pounds. It is thought this is because they are in love and don’t need to attract a mate. As such, they don’t have to maintain their weight.
The weight doesn’t matter as much as confidence does. If you project a self-assured attitude that is sassy and sexy you are going to be attractive to the opposite sex. People who are happy and fulfilled draw others into their lives.
I hope you can see that being overweight is not a dating barrier. Concentrate on building your confidence and accentuating your good features. Enjoy your date and have fun!