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How To Date As An Introvert (13 Vital Tips)

by Sonya Schwartz

No one needs to tell you twice; the dating process can be a gruesome one, even for the most outgoing people. So, you can imagine it’s no walk in the park for your run of the mill introvert. You see, people with this personality type prefer to internalize their notions of life around them. 

They seldom want to participate and get exhausted when it comes to meeting new people, among other things. If you fall into this category, then you've probably spent one too many nights wondering how you're going to land yourself a man

In the famous lyrics of Michael Jackson, 'you are not alone,' there are so many women out there who share in your predicament. Here's the good news, introverts don't just deserve love too; they actually lead healthy dating lives. So, if you want in on it, check out these dating tips for the 21st-century introvert looking to explore this whole dating thing. 

13 Useful Tips To Dating As An Introvert

1. Be yourself 

It sounds like a cliche, right? Well, it's one solid piece of advice that I stand behind. Let's say you finally meet someone worth leaving your house for. Are you going to waste time pretending to be a social butterfly only to burn out on the first date? Let him get to know you for who you are because good people appreciate that. 

That's not all; you'll not feel reluctant to go on a second date, a third, and so many more, depending on how things turn out. Don't let anyone make you feel like there is something wrong with being introverted. We can't all be bubbly personality types with a knack for conversation. Sometimes it's that quietness and self-awareness that attracts the kind of guy you need. 

2. Go on the date before it happens

You can't scare someone off if it's all in your head… unless, of course, you choose to. So, take some time out to imagine what the date will turn out like. This should be right up your alley since spontaneity probably isn't your winning trait. 

The same way you'd carefully map out a job interview or a day out on the town, imagine what your first date will be like. Being introverted doesn't mean you're socially awkward; you're an intuitive person and probably know how things will turn out based on your actions. 

Though you can't completely predict the future, going on the date beforehand will prepare you for the real thing. 

3. Choose the venue for the first meetup

Choose the venue for the first meetup

The truth is that you will always feel more comfortable on your own turf, so take advantage of this. First dates are nerve-wracking for just about everyone, so play every card to your advantage. With this in mind, suggest a venue that you're comfortable with the first time you are set to meet each other. 

Don’t go to a loud bar or a club just to seem more worldly and experienced; coffee shops and parks are just as good. Do not let the people-pleaser within win the battle and the war because you will end up suffering for it. In a nutshell, go for places that don’t make you feel like an outsider.

4. Learn not to internalize rejection

Ahh, the big ‘R’ word, many introverts do not know how to handle this, even on a good day. But, if you are going to date, then rejection is very much a huge part of the package. What you need to do is to take that rejection and realize that it is not because of you in particular. Everyone has a notion of what they want in a partner; if you do not fit the bill, it’s really not your fault.

Look at it this way; you probably have a clear idea of all the boxes you want to be ticked. It could be in terms of personality types, physique, age, social standing, etc. Based on that, if someone does not fit the bill, you’d probably not want to date them either. Altogether, don’t take things too personally just because one guy does not want to date you.

5. Don’t force it

Do not become one of those individuals who suddenly makes their whole life about being in a relationship because they are ready to date. It never ends well because once it becomes an obsession, you’ll fall into the wrong hands. So, don’t head down to the store because you heard there’s a ‘buy one get one free’ deal on men; go there because you need some eggs. 

Likewise, don’t visit the coffee shop because you’re hoping to bump into someone new; simply go for the coffee. Sure, you have to actively make yourself available when you’re ready to date. But, don’t tailor everything in your life to fit the search.

6. Work on your people skills if it’s needed

I acknowledge the fact that this tip is not for every introvert out there. Some introverts actually don’t have a hard time interacting in social settings; they’d just rather not. If you fall into this category, simply move to the next point. So, let’s say that every time you walk into a room, you cringe internally; you hate it when anyone gives you attention.

Well, newsflash, your date is meant to pay absolute attention to you, and if he doesn’t, then probably there shouldn’t be a second date. Altogether, you have got to learn how to comport yourself when you feel you are the center of attention. It’s not hard to get over this, simply think of yourself as one with the crowd and look for ways to interact. 

If you can master this, then you’ll do just fine when you’re on your date.

7. Accept that you cannot be perfect

For the most part, introverts do not think they are perfect; I know this. But, there is always a fear of inadequacy lurking around the corner. It’s with this in mind that I’m going to ask you to stop thinking of the dating scene as an evaluation of how good you are. It really isn’t some exam you have to pass to prove to yourself that you aren’t meant to die alone.

With or without your date in the picture, you are a fully formed human being, and you’ve worked on yourself for years. You don’t have to prove that you are perfect for anyone. You’re simply there to have a good time and perhaps make a connection with a new friend or partner. So, take that weight off your shoulders before you step into the dating scene.

8. Compromise

Practically every introvert has a habit of cocooning themselves in their comfort zone. But, let’s say you find a person you click with, and you’re officially together. Chances are that they may want to go out once in a while, which isn’t wrong. Rather than shutting the idea down and hiding under the introvert tag, learn to compromise.

He probably stays in with you, for the most part, so give him the pleasure of stepping out of the house with his new woman now and then. Try as much as possible not to make the relationship all about what you’re comfortable doing.

9. Try your very best not to overthink

Try your very best not to overthink

This is one of the various disadvantages of being able to internalize everything. It feels effortless to ruminate on every single thing that happens. If this sounds like something you do, you need to minimize it once you begin ton date. It will do you no good to wonder why he smiled for too long or why he sat up too straight.

Yes, you can keep fone memories nearby, but try not to obsess over things that ultimately won’t matter regardless of whether you hit it off or not.

10. Embrace the small talk

I know you are probably already cringing at the thought of wasting your time with small talk. But, you’re going on a date, not taking part in a debate. You do not have to get down to the nitty-gritty right off the bat. Think of things this way, when you order at a restaurant, you first get an appetizer, then the main course, before finishing off with dessert.

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In the same vein, start your conversation light and playful, don’t expect to get to the deep stuff till you’ve built up momentum.

11. Don’t be too accepting

It’s hard out there for introverted folk; for the most part, it’s easy to let a lot of things slide, all in the name of keeping the peace. When you’re ready to date, it’s important to stay away from anyone bad for you. It’s one thing for a guy to enjoy talking to you, but once you can’t get a word in, there is a problem. 

Likewise, if you find that he’s inadvertently taking advantage of the fact that you are laid back or soft-spoken, don’t wait around to see if he’ll change.

12. Don’t worry

When you spend most of your time ‘in your head,’ it is easy to get stuck there. Try as much as possible not to worry about every little detail. Time spent worrying could be spent enjoying yourself with this new person who probably finds you fascinating. So, do not spend time worrying that he’s not having a good time. 

Instead, bring up conversations or fun activities that ensure he will have a good time. Live on the proactive side of life.

13. Be with a guy who understands you

At the end of the day, you are who you are. You can't force yourself to be more outgoing or more charming. On some level, you have to be who you are. With this in mind, don't settle for a guy who keeps pointing out how quiet you are or how reserved you are in a ploy to put you down. As much as you should compromise regularly, he should too. 

FAQs

Is dating hard for introverts?

From a more general perspective, finding love is not very easy these days. It even gets worse when you are introverted. You see, they tend to seclude or distance themselves from the larger population. This is because they are probably shy and find it uneasy around unfamiliar people. This being the case, dating can be a really big challenge for them if they do not get out of their comfort zone. 

Is there a dating site for introverts? 

By all means, yes. There are a good number of online platforms that are suitable for people with introverted character traits. These sites include Tinder, Badoo, Zoosk, Elitesingles, etc. 

Do introverts fall in love easily? 

There is no study that supports or debunks the claim that introverts fall in love easily. However, we have been able to ascertain that falling in love easily, will most likely be a thing subjected to individual personality. It really does not depend on whether or not a person is an introvert or an extrovert. 

Do introverts cheat?

A good study has proven that introverts are more likely to cheat in a relationship because they are vulnerable to other people’s propositions. This, therefore, means that an introvert, even though may not mix up with a lot of people, might easily agree to do something he or she does not really want to do. This goes contrary to the extrovert who can easily speak up and damn the consequences. 

How do introverts flirt? 

Introverts are not very good at talking. They rather listen and nod in agreement to whatever it is you are saying. Therefore, if it ever gets to a point where an introvert starts talking to you about an issue, then it could only mean that he is interested in you. 

To Conclude

This article has made laudable efforts to educate the reader on how best to be in a relationship with a man who possesses introverted characteristics.  Among the dating tips listed includes improving communication between the both of you, being supportive in any way you can, avoid getting him uncomfortable, having a safe word which you both can use, asking questions for clarity’s sake, and being sensitive to his moods.

If you found this article helpful, please feel free to like and share with family and friends. 

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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