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You Can't Force Someone To Love You (11 Signs You're Trying To Force A Relationship)

May 7, 2024

Many women have been in this situation. You meet a lovely guy, and for a while, everything is great. You both love children; you text every day and go on numerous dates that always end well.

It's been years, and you've become comfortable with each other, preferring to stay in instead of going out. You begin to ask yourself if they're the one for you or if you've been forcing the relationship this whole time.

You always know when you love someone. Likewise, when they're not right, you will also know, but that recognition might be harder to admit to yourself because it will mean breaking up and starting all over.

We've all stayed in relationships where we knew our partner's love had waned. We often try to convince them to stay for familiarity's sake or, even worse, force them to love us again. 

If you feel something is missing in your relationship and can't seem to identify what it is, we give you eleven signs that show you and your partner might want different things when it comes to love.

11 Signs You're Trying To Force A Relationship

1. You're never on the same page

When you say you and your partner have chemistry, what you're trying to say is that you and your partner are on the same page in intimacy, clause, humor, and what you both want out of your relationship. When it's not genuine, this chemistry or spark is often lost after the honeymoon stage, and you both can tell.

Nothing is forced when you're with someone who feels the same way about you. No matter how difficult the relationship might get, you'll both find ways to deal with your issues because you both want what you have to work on.

2. You feel good only in certain situations

you feel good only in certain situations

Another way to know whether or not you're forcing a relationship is to note how you feel with your partner in different scenarios and environments. You might feel cringe when your partner is around your family, or you might have anxiety attacks when your friends catch both of you on your date night.

It is easy to focus on when you feel good around your partner, especially when you're head over heels. However, it would be best if you didn't forget the moments when you don't feel good around them. If you find out your feelings aren't consistent with your partner in all environments, there might be something wrong.

3. You're not excited about a future with them

Have you pictured what your future will look like with your partner, and it doesn't excite you for some reason? This happens when certain things aren't right in your relationship. It is easy to imagine a life with anyone, but that ability doesn't mean the person is right for you.

A lifetime with someone you love should be so exciting; you can't wait to start as soon as possible. You will love the feeling that comes with talks about the future and hope to make it work as soon as possible. When the relationship is being forced, you might focus on more big life events like buying a house, your wedding and starting a family and not their presence in your life.

4. You're not good friends

Having a spark means that every moment with your partner is thoroughly enjoyed. It doesn't matter if it's spent running errands together, walking your dog, or cleaning the house. You are both friends, and you can be found laughing, joking, and having a swell time together, romantic or not.

When your spark is just an illusion, or it's forced, you can't expect to find such moments exciting. You will get bored easily or annoyed easily. When you're in a relationship with your friend, you can guarantee that when things get mundane, boring, or even though they'll be there to bring out your silliest self with ease.

5. You don't feel respected or safe

In a forced relationship, you easily confuse infatuation, comfort, and addiction for a spark, which often misleads you into thinking you're both in love. True love or a real spark often comes with other feelings and elements such as respect, commitment, and trust.

When you force someone to love you, you might feel uncomfortable when they're not around. You'll always second guess their actions due to a lack of trust, and this might lead to actions that remove any form of respect between you both.

6. You love the idea of a relationship more than them

you love the idea of relationship more than them

When you hope to be in a relationship for a long time, it is very easy to accept anyone who comes along and shows interest without actually feeling a thing for them. We do this because we feel lonely or pressured to be in a relationship. When you accept being in such situations, you start the relationship without being friends, which can affect how you interact and feel towards each other moving forward.

To know whether you're interested in the person or interested in being coupled up, ask yourself if you'll want to be friends with them. What if they want to move across the world in the future, or they hate kids? Would you still want to be with them? If these questions are tough, you might be with the person more for convenience than love.

7. You don't recover from arguments

The hardest part of relationships is when there are arguments. Being two different people with different expectations, you might view arguments as necessary for growth, while your partner might find them to mean you're both incompatible.

However, the most important part of arguments is how well you are both able to recover after they've occurred. Even healthy relationships experience conflict and arguments, but what distinguishes these relationships from forced ones is how they deal with the conflict.

Do you listen to each other during arguments? Do you focus on being right rather than focusing on your union? Do you both hold on to resentment after every fight? If you can't bounce back into loving your partner after a misunderstanding, chances are they're not the perfect person for you.

8. Private vs. public PDA

Every couple is different, especially when it comes to showing emotions. Some couples love using social media to show their love for each other, while others love private displays of affection. No matter the option you both prefer, you need to be sure that your PDA isn't being done to prove a point to people. 

You should have just as many private displays of affection as public. Couples with a genuine connection don't feel forced to kiss or hold hands. They often find other accidental ways, like exchanging chuckles, random hugs, or holding hands under the table during dinner. When you force things, you always need to make out only when others are around or mention your partner in your social media posts so everyone knows who you're with.

9. You don't trust him

If your intuition tells you that he's not being loyal to you, chances are he's not, and he's trying to force things with you. The lack of trust in relationships often means that both parties aren't right for each other. Trust doesn't only have to do with the opposite sex.

It can be trusting them and believing in who they are, trusting their opinions, and valuing every input they offer. When they do what they promise to, when they promise to, it increases your trust and makes you feel safe with them. Without trust, it's very hard to maintain a spark.

Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is
Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.

Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.

10. You keep feigning interest

you keep feigning interest

Have you ever forced yourself to stay interested while your partner tells you about their day or new hobbies? If there's no interest in what your partner does, you might not be interested in the person either. Everything they do, think about, or say keeps intriguing you when you love someone. 

You love their mind and how it works, what they love, how their day went, and the rest. You won't have to pretend to like the things they like, and you'll always be willing to divulge information on what you love and the things you do because they always want to hear about it.

11. You want them to change

When you love someone, you accept them as they are. You realize that some things about them can only be changed if they want to, and you acknowledge that. If you keep thinking your partner needs some self-improvement for your union to flourish, chances are you're trying to force him to love you. 

Just as you can't force someone to change their habits, you can't force someone to love you, no matter what you do. If you think your love for your partner is gone because he changed his haircut or has terrible fashion sense, you're probably trying too hard to make things work.

FAQs

Can you force love on someone?

People start dating because they fall in love; many people do so simply as a solution to their loneliness or to avoid any emotion they should feel after a breakup. It is possible to force love on someone, and it never ends well in most cases. Forcing a connection with someone means they might not be genuinely in love with you but might stay because of your willingly giving affection. It is vital to note that such relationships don't last long because those who are forced can never be loved.

Can you force a man to love you?

As women, we feel almost brand new when we fall in love. It doesn't matter if this love is in the form of a crush, a rebound, or a brand new connection we've just made. We love the idea of romantic union and find it highly addictive, which is why in some cases, we might be tempted to force a man to love us as much as we do them.

Take it from me; forcing a man to love you is something you should never do. Any man you choose to find love with should also feel love for you. Otherwise, you'll both struggle to keep the relationship afloat. Love needs to be a natural occurrence, where both parties find love in each other and, most importantly, are willing to work for a relationship

Can you force someone into a relationship?

Every romantic encounter needs to be natural if you want it to last. Forced emotions often die away fast, leaving you with hurt and heartbreak you can't heal from. You cannot force or convince anyone to fall in love with you if they've not developed those feelings independently.

Most people who try to force others to love them are emotionally damaged, highly impatient, and insecure in themselves. They live their lives always on the lookout for people who can show them the passion and happiness they need to find first in themselves.

Can someone love you and not want to commit?

Every relationship comes with certain expectations. One of which is commitment, or taking the next step. Imagine you love someone, and they love you too. You've both experienced deep emotions, being together for a long time, and you believe it's time to take what you have further. Your partner agrees but suggests you wait a little more before making any additional commitment.

It is very easy to take this as the biggest red flag, but the truth is that some people experience commitment phobia. Such people often experience triggering amounts of relationship anxiety, where they find happiness in intimacy but try to avoid any permanent commitment due to past trauma. If you have commitment phobia, it doesn't mean you love your partner any less. It only means you need any traumatic issues from your past, give yourself a timeline to decide how best to commit to your partner.

What to do if you feel like you're forcing a conversation?

Having a healthy social life can be affected by your inability to have and hold a conversation. Many of us have major anxiety during conversations because, for some reason, the chat ends up feeling forced. One way to make these conversations more natural and less forced is by shifting the focus off yourself.

You can do this by asking the other person some open-ended questions. This helps break your anxiety and gets the spotlight off you for a while. Offer affirmations and actively listen to the other person talking, and lastly, think out loud. Instead of editing what you want to say mentally, say what's already on your mind; it might be something the others want to hear.

In Conclusion

Love is a natural feeling which needs to happen on its own terms. We hope this article allows you to think about your relationship, and question whether or not it exists under duress. If this piece resonated with you, do well to share it with friends and family, or even better, let us know what you think in the comment section. 

Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.

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