When you are a parent, it becomes twice as hard to make certain decisions. Every choice you make has to be strategic and considerate to your kid’s needs. That’s why breaking the news about a remarriage can be a bit daunting.
Children love their parents and want the best for them. They cannot understand the adult dynamics and how love works in their tiny little minds. That’s why getting remarried after divorce is difficult for many women. They have to make sure their children are on board with having a new parent or blending with a new family.
You’re probably in the same situation, wondering how to handle everything. Well, ask yourself these few questions; how did they handle you being in a relationship at first? Have they met your new spouse-to-be already? Or did you keep the relationship a secret?
Depending on your answers, approaching the topic with the children will require stealth and patience. Explain what they need to know to them and consider their opinions. The following tips should help when you’re telling your children about your new marriage.
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Whether you have toddlers or big kids, they are reasonable people who want you to communicate with them. If you lost or divorced your partner, you would be open to love again after a while. The kids will understand that you cannot be alone for the rest of your life. When having the conversation, reassure them that they remain your priority. Ensure that they trust your words, and don't go against them.
It will be best to introduce your partner to the kids on time. Let them get familiar and comfortable with him, so it would not be a surprise to them when he asks the big question. Invite him to social and family gatherings. You can even go on a vacation with him and the kids to have quality time to bond.
As a parent, it’s best to wait until they are happy, relaxed, and maybe on a school break before telling them about your new spouse.
These are your children, you know them better. Maybe they have honed the idea that you’ll get back with their dad. Children love a perfect family and always look forward to everyone being in the same space. So, after sitting them down, explain things slowly and give them time to process this new information.
Weddings are an exciting event for almost everyone. This is thanks to the high spirits, love, and of course, the cake. Here’s the thing, some children will have to be bribed to get used to the idea. Hey, it’s nothing serious; simply take them for the cake tasting if they are below ten years. Involve older kids in the wedding planning, from the venue to decorations, down to picking out your dress.
For big boys, you can give them specific responsibilities for the wedding. The more invested they are in the wedding process, the more open they’ll be to a new family. However, make sure you don’t force them to do anything they don’t want to.
Your partner will be a big part of your lives from now on, and sometimes, children love when they are respected enough to be asked about these issues. So, set up a date, and let them know that your partner would like to speak with them. He should come bearing gifts to ‘appease the gods’ of course.
After a light conversation, he should ask them politely for their mother’s hand in marriage. Of course, it’s a bonus if they already like him.
Introduce him to the family slowly, when you are confident that he’s the one, you can organize a dinner to introduce him to the kids. This guy may be in their lives forever, so it will be best to bring him into the family slowly without any rush. The kids need to decide if this is someone they want in their lives or not.
Children have their ears to the wall and listen to almost every conversation in the house. The kids shouldn't hear the information about your engagement from others before hearing it from you. It is crucial to inform them first so they decide how they feel about it before they start receiving congratulatory messages from others.
Things will not be the same after the remarriage, your partner will become an integral part of the family, and you will take decisions with him in consideration. The children will need to realize that things will be different but, at the same time, assure them of your love and commitment to them.
Also, guarantee the kids of your partner's love for them. You and your partner would have to work together to build a healthy home and relationship for the children.
The truth is you never know how the kids would take it. No matter how long you have introduced your significant other to them, their response is still unpredictable. Some children might genuinely like the new man but would love their father more. It can get ugly, and they might say hurtful things to you, but you should fight the urge to respond harshly.
Approach the children with confidence and do not apologize for your relationship with your partner. Remarrying is not wrong, and it doesn't mean you never loved your ex-partner.
Understand that not all children will take this news the same way. While some will embrace it immediately, it might take other years to come to terms with it. Don’t let that change how you treat or care for them.
The primary responsibility of a parent is to love their kids, no matter what happens. Remarrying can raise worry in the kids' minds. They have questions like, “Is she going to stop loving me?” “Are we going to be maltreated” “Would we have to move out of our house?” Regardless of your current relationship with them, keep reminding them of your love, and don’t go back on your words.
Talk to them gently, informing them of your decision to get married and who you intend to marry. They must have seen you both together, so this should not come as a shock to them. As you tell them, assure the kids of your love for them.
If you have children with your ex, it’s only right to inform him of your impending marriage. You will live with his children in your new partner's house. They should be aware even though they don’t accept it.
Marriage is a serious affair that nobody should rush into. Before getting married, you have to be certain that you have gotten to know your partner to a certain extent. Date as long as you can, and once you're comfortable with the idea, go for it.
Both are important in a marriage, and no one should feel less important than the other. It’s necessary to find a balance in showing love to the two parties. Your spouse and your child should come first. A family is a unit, and no one is more of a priority than the other.
A large percentage of single moms remarry, while some decide to stay single for their reasons. Mothers often want a wholesome environment for their kids to grow up. The lack of a father figure is why single moms often remarry.
There is no perfect way or time to tell your kids about your intention to get married. However, while being considerate of their feelings, do not rush your relationship with your partner and give the kids time to get to know him. Once they know him, it would be easier for them to accept him as their new dad. Did you enjoy reading this list? Please leave a comment below and share this with someone who needs it.