Do you ever sit back and think about your childhood? How you were treated like a baby and how much love and care you received? It kind of puts things in perspective; what kind of mum you’ll be, and how great your partner would be as well (hopefully).
One day, you’ll get married, and hopefully soon, a baby will be on the way. Is your partner ready to be a father? Has he talked about it?
Once our relationship starts to get serious, a part of us begins to get ideas and wonder if our kids will also get to call our partner daddy one day. Unfortunately, being a fantastic spouse isn’t enough to know whether he will be a good dad.
How do you then tell if the love of your life will also be the right man to bet your eggs on? Here are some ways to determine if that guy will make a great daddy even if you’re yet to get to that bridge.
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Many people in the world today make recalibrating their settings their life’s work so as not to turn out as their parents did. If your guy got a chance to be a kid in a stable, loving home, odds are he’s going to make an excellent parent.
Whether he chooses to emulate his parents or strike out on his own ways, you can rest assured knowing he has wholesome experiences to draw from or fall back on when things get tricky. Coming from a stable, happy home means he won’t want to settle for less, and according to experts, that’s a foundation for raising a child successfully.
Notice what your guy is like under pressure because children tend to bring a lot of those. It’s a good sign if he steps up and sees things through when subject to emotional and physical strain, but worrisome if he bails and runs at the slightest hint of trouble.
Although they say something about how having a baby makes you want to do better in every way, that’s not the case all the time. Stress management can be learned, so you might want to get him started on that instead of writing him off.
Being able to provide for a family is how you can tell if your partner is finally ready to be called a man. And though it’s starting to sink that it takes more than money to be a good dad, you’ll agree with me that we can’t overlook the financial aspect of raising children.
It’s not enough that your spouse has loads of cash in the bank, notice if he spends with the future in mind. It’s a plus if he doesn’t depend on his parents financially, and best if he can manage what he makes productively.
Like I said, men are in touch with parenthood and the responsibilities that come with it now more than ever. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t ignorant guys going through life thinking they just have to secure the bag and the family front is set.
It’s important to have a ‘millennial man’ who is comfortable with being a hands-on parent instead of leaving all the work to his wife.
Not just the name, he has to wear this quality like a cloak too. If you’ve ever spent more than five minutes with a baby, you know they are not always the adorable angels we make them out to be.
When the time comes, you want his father to be able to keep his cool when your little humans lose theirs. He isn’t made of stone, but if he stays calm in frustrating situations more often than not, he’ll probably do fine.
This trait can be endearing in that people like this hardly ever get bored, and that makes them the best to hang out with. You’d be pleased to know that adults aren’t the only group of people who are attracted to this quality.
Someone with a lighthearted personality is more likely to genuinely enjoy the company of children than one who is serious all the time. A man whose sense of wonder is intact and can play with his kids like he’s their age will no doubt make a good dad.
Notice how your partner acts around children and how they respond to his presence. Some people naturally try to avoid the little ones because, again, they can be a handful. However, there are those who despite being aware of how messy it can get, tend to enjoy making a baby laugh and all the work that comes with that.
Men who love kids usually can’t stop talking about them. From posting cute pictures of their niece on social media to volunteering to watch their coworker’s baby during meetings, you can tell he’d love yours and his even more.
It’s not enough that he finds dad jokes funny, neither does being able to wipe poop and puke make him a potential good father. Some people don’t share the sentiment that others do about children and do not want any of their own.
Don’t assume your partner wants kids because he grew up in a large family and loves his younger siblings. You want to take this step with someone who isn’t just sure they want to be a dad but is also looking forward to meeting their bundle of joy.
Does your guy own a pet or has he ever had one that he had to take care of by himself most of the time? You can probably see how being able to successfully manage a dog can prepare you for the huge task of child-rearing.
There is so much one can learn from watching a puppy grow. All the tasks from feeding, training, cleaning after, to watching a pup go through life stages can certainly sharpen his patience as well as the ability to communicate and care for someone else.
When it comes to parenting, being able to remain balanced while effectively switching back and forth between tasks is associated with women. A stereotype that our generation is doing an excellent job of breaking away from.
It eventually comes down to the principles you set for your family. If you two are going to be juggling jobs with childcare, for instance, you should both learn to maximize your time. Years of conditioning means this may not come naturally to your guy, but he can always learn from dads who are killing it on that front one day at a time.
Substance abuse is never cool at any age, but having a child with someone on the path of addiction can be a nightmare. Imagine having to nurse a baby and their drunk dad every other day or seeing your kids grow up with a father who loses himself when he gets high almost all the time.
Not only is your relationship with him bound to get strained along the line, but such proclivity can also cause long-term damages to the children.
Patience to go through irritating and unpleasant situations without losing his temper and self-control to hold himself back when his humanness rears its head. If your guy has these two qualities in the face of real frustration, you would be lucky to have him be the father of your children.
The little ones will be able to approach their dad without the fear of him losing it, even when they mess up. It’s things like this that make kids trust their parents wholeheartedly.
Even if your relationship has not gotten anywhere close to discussing children and family, you can tell what kind of father he’d make if you ever got there. See how he pays attention to you and your needs, your environment, and those who matter to you.
You want someone who is naturally considerate and thoughtful of others, even when there is no immediate reward in it for him. These are the signs of a person who can be trusted to remember to feed the baby and notice when they cry funny.
There are two types of men: The ones who do the dishes because they are right there, and those who have to be told to wash their own plates all the time. Let’s say your fellow hates everything that has to do with doing the dishes.
Does he leave you alone to get the food done while he scrolls through his phone and splays his legs across the coffee table? Does he find it hard to pick up his dirty socks, let alone do the laundry? These are signs you should definitely address if you want to make an involved daddy out of him when your baby comes.
Does your mind go straight to your partner when you’re in a jam because you know he always comes up with something? That ability will come in handy in parenthood, and even before the baby arrives. You could use a quick-witted person by your side to complement your pregnancy brain.
After your bundle of joy comes, you may worry a lot that you’re going to break them because of how delicate they look. Having an ever-supportive and imaginative partner with you at such times wouldn’t be the worst thing.
Sure, you two have a lot of great times together, but if you want to know your partner’s potential as a father, judge the bad days. Have you ever been so sick you couldn’t be useful to yourself, let alone someone else? How about when you’re sad as hell and just need someone to hug you and say you will be alright?
If you ever had days like that and your spouse stepped up to take care of you without getting grossed out or complaining, he’ll likely make an excellent dad one day.
“We are the sum total of our experiences.” – B.J. Neblett.
From the moment we are born and throughout our entire lives, we pick up things from our immediate and social environments which eventually make us who we are. However, true growth comes when we can acknowledge what no longer serves us and unlearn them. This is the secret to successful personal development and a great mindset for a future parent to have.
Life will happen, and responsibilities will take their toll, you want someone who never loses sight of home in all of it. Someone who not only doesn’t mind spending the weekend at home with you instead of being elsewhere having fun but actually looks forward to it.
A family-oriented husband won’t resent you when it’s his turn to watch the kids. This is why it’s imperative to ensure he doesn’t just say yes to having a baby because you want it, but that he actually desires one too.
Again, forming and raising little humans of your own can come with immense pressure, the kind that can crush someone who isn’t on good standing. Most people don’t set out to be bad parents. A large percentage of those who end up contributing to their kid’s issues do so by overlooking their own childhood trauma and leaving emotional problems unresolved.
You shouldn’t perpetuate this pattern of avoidable messes to the next generation. If your spouse is struggling with any sort of mental illness that you know of, encourage him to get help before bringing a baby into the fold.
The best of dads knows when to dote on his kids and when to let them blossom by themselves. He teaches them how to protect themselves by controlling how much access others have to their personal space.
You can tell if he’s going to be such a father one day by the way he regards your boundaries. Does he even understand the concept, to begin with? The good news is that it can be learned, he just has to be willing first.
Is he already reaching that stage where he’s more interested in keeping meaningful company and less inclined towards reckless living? Physically in his prime, financially independent, life going according to plan with starting a family next on his list?
Does he have close friends who have settled down and have babies of their own? If you said yes, chances are he’s already looking forward to becoming a parent. Enthusiasm is good, it makes him more likely to put in the work.
Most people experience fear of commitment at some point in their life, albeit in varying degrees. Your boyfriend trying to avoid DTR doesn’t mean he’s going to make a terrible parent, he might just not be ready. However, he may not make such a great one if he is unable to remain faithful after agreeing to be exclusive.
If he can’t commit fully to you, an independent adult he claims to love, how much more is a baby who will depend on him for the better part of 18 years?
From what you can tell about your partner so far, do you think you’ll clash a lot if you ever became parents together? For instance, is he partial to the disciplinarian style while you’d prefer to be more indulgent?
Does he plan to inculcate his religion into his offspring as soon as they are born while you prefer that they grow up and make their own choices? I say it’s best to get on the same page about these things before making any permanent decisions.
How does this man treat you? Does he show regard for your wishes and feelings? Does he recognize and respect your personal boundaries? Does he rate you enough to treat you as an equal? Is he interested in your opinion or he makes big decisions all the time without consulting you? Make sure you check all of these out first.
Mutual respect is necessary for a romantic relationship to blossom but even more so when you become parents. It wouldn’t be appropriate for daddy to always undermine mommy (vice-versa,) and this would often happen if you and your spouse aren’t a team.
Some men end up resenting their offspring because they can’t bear to share their wife with anyone. Yes, even their own. I’m sure you know children require a lot of attention (100% a lot of the time as infants.)
A little jealousy when you choose to hang out with your friends over him may be fair. But if he’s so possessive that he gets vengeful whenever you dare direct your attention to anyone or anything other than himself, he may not be such a delight in fatherhood.
Emotional involvement makes all the difference in the parenting style of nowadays. Studies suggest that babies who are fortunate enough to have emotionally engaged dads develop better mentally and are less likely to have behavioral issues later on.
They also generally form better relationships, compared to those whose fathers only get involved when it’s time to whip out the credit card. These and more are what your children stand to gain if he can get in touch with his soft side.
It is not enough that you love and respect each other, if you’re going to make a great team, your communication has to be top-notch. If you’re usually open, positive, and honest with one another, chances are he’d carry that culture into fatherhood.
This is how one person doesn’t end up being kept out of the loop when they can’t be present. Also, kids bond better with their parents when they feel heard and understood by them, and it starts with how you communicate with them.
Do they have great hair or a long line of talents in his family? Are his sisters super-intelligent? Does he have a perfect jawline or other physical features that make you wonder if he was built in a lab? How about their family health, do they have any history of mental illness or terminal diseases?
This physical aspect may seem vain, but these are all essential things to look out for as they can give your babies a much-needed edge in life when they grow up.
Some believe that you may never know what a person will be like as a parent until they become one. Some men seem to be hopeless and then become best friends with their little ones when they arrive.
On the other hand, some seem to be full of potential but end up backing out when the stress of parenting gets to them. Seeing how he treats the ones on the ground has to be the most reliable way to tell if he’ll be a great dad. Treating his parents, other kids, helpless people, and little animals well are also all great signs.
Good dads are able to balance being playful and warm with their kids with tough love. They are comfortable being the bad cop when necessary but also know when to put the act aside and communicate on their little ones’ level. They understand that their commitment is lifelong, and they do their best to stay true to all of it.
If you notice the following signs, he is a bad dad: he provides money but neglects his other fatherly duties. He disrespects their mom in front of the kids. He’s overindulgent or strictly authoritarian. He abuses the kids or their mom or sets terrible examples.
A good father is patient and kind and fun. He looks forward to spending time with his children without being forced. He loves his family enough to make sacrifices to keep them happy even if a lot of his efforts go unnoticed by them. He provides and protects and lives a life worth emulating.
A child thrives better when they get to spend enough time with their parents, so I’d say the more the better. Recent research results show busy parents only getting about seven minutes with their kids isn’t good enough, dads should try to get at least one hour in one day.
Parents are not supposed to gaslight their kids, but some inadvertently find themselves doing it anyway in a bid to maintain control over them. You shouldn’t make a habit of this toxic behavior as it can end up damaging your kid emotionally.
Now you see you don’t necessarily have to get to the parenting bridge to see if your current partner is the right person to cross it with. Remember though, that all these can only help you predict how good he will be with a kid, and not to say for sure. If you found this article helpful, kindly leave a comment and share it, thanks.