When people display love or affection towards us, it can be exciting, causing a rush of emotions, especially when we feel the same way. It’s an amazing feeling to be loved or liked by someone. However, not everybody processes a show of love toward them as a good thing.
Some individuals don’t just find being loved or valued exciting. While for some people, this negative reaction is caused by past dating experiences, others can’t explain why they process love shown to them differently.
That said, if you respond negatively to being loved, perhaps you experience a disgusting feeling or even anger when people show they love or are romantically interested in you and you don’t know why, this article covers some reasons that’ll help you understand how you feel. In the end, you’ll know how to deal with these feelings.
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One of the most common reasons you experience a disgusting feeling when someone reveals they like you is because you have been significantly hurt in your past relationships. Because of this experience, such pain may become triggered every time someone new shows they care beyond friendship level.
Even though you don't know if the new person will break your heart or not, the pain you previously experienced has been registered in your subconscious causing you to process a similar show of affection as another possibility of being let down. If this is your case, to overcome being disgusted, first try to understand that everyone that comes into your life isn't the same as the guy that did a number on you. Gradually you will learn to trust again.
While being loved arouses excitement, happiness, or joy in others, you may feel confused, feel anxiety, disgust, or even anger because you have subconsciously developed a defense mechanism your entire life.
The disgust or anger you feel is only your mind's way of protecting you against emotional harm. Meaning, your mind automatically forces you to withdraw from potential heartbreak. For example, if you have experienced abandonment as a child, your mind may have switched to a defense mode that doesn't want to let anyone in that will abandon you again.
Note that most people are not even aware of this existing psychological defense. Meaning, your negative reaction, such as distancing yourself from love, being disgusted, or being angry is purely impulsive. These defense mechanisms may have been activated since you were a child, but sadly, they can sometimes be retained all through life, causing you to push love or a potential partner away.
Having a father that raised you without love as a child might cause you to project his behavior to other men that may genuinely like you. This reason also partly leans on the psychological side as it is sometimes referred to as fearful-avoidant.
Again the man that shows interest in you is not the same as your dad. You don't have to see your dad's behavior or lack of love in everyone that comes into your life. I've realized it's easier said than done, so if you need a professional to deal with such issues, it might not be a bad idea to reach out.
If you are someone that naturally avoids or dreads dealing with change, starting romantic relationships may be processed by your mind as too much change. It may be that you have experienced changes in the past (childhood stages), e.g., frequent moving into a new home, changing school, losing friends, etc., that resulted in unfavorable outcomes.
Over time, your mind may have become used to being attached to its comfort zone. Therefore, if your single life represents one of your comfort zones, someone expressing love or the idea of a relationship with you may appear like a threat to that comfort zone.
In this scenario, this may cause your mind to impulsively react with anger. The human mind can be a very complex entity. When it slips into a mode that is convenient for it, as individuals, we are often not aware until a scenario threatens that comfort.
Terrible experiences are capable of leaving a dent in the life or mind of a person. Meaning, a person can develop feelings or perceptions that are negative about life in general or specific aspects, e,g., love or relationship as a result of bad experiences.
That being said, the feeling of disgust you feel when someone reveals their feelings to you may be because your perception of love and intimacy may have been impaired by an awful life experience. It may not necessarily be your personal experience. It may be the experience of someone close to you.
For example, I had a roommate whose parents died in a domestic fight that went out of control. The trauma left her mind damaged, making her angry at anything that remotely looks like being in a relationship or love. Dealing with PTSD usually requires the help of a professional. If you want to have a healthy relationship, it might be best to seek the help of a qualified therapist if you can relate to this reason.
You can take this one as a sequel to the initial tip I mentioned about past relationship experiences. Sometimes, when some people have experienced too many failed dates, they may end up with a wrong notion about themselves that they suck at relationships, or they are not a candidate for being loved.
They may even pathetically take the blame on themselves that they are the reason all the dating they tried never worked. If you find yourself in this boat, blaming yourself over time may cause your confidence or morale to sink, thinking you are not good enough for anyone.
If you can relate to this reason, you should try to keep the thoughts of being a failure at dating out of your mind. You can't totally blame yourself for the past. Even your fault can't be traced to the so-called failures. The reason you feel disgust is probably because you allowed those thoughts to dominate your mind and subconscious.
I cannot overemphasize the fact that women are more prone to being victims of rape. Sometimes, these traumatic events are perpetrated by loved ones, making them more damaging and with the chances of leaving the victim with severe trust issues. If it happens at an early stage, like childhood or early teenage years, it can cause fear of engaging in intimacy and also withdrawal from the gender that inflicted the trauma.
That said, if you happen to have experienced sexual violence as a child and perhaps it's the cause of the disgust you feel for anything related to intimacy or a show of affection from the opposite sex, it is normal and understandable.
The trauma from sexual violence can linger with its victim for a long time, so the disgust you feel is only your mind helping you defend yourself. Opening up gradually or taking things slow can help overcome your trust issues and pain. Also, dating a patient partner that understands your past trauma can be helpful.
This means the overall opinion people have about themselves. Usually, high and realistic self-esteem or self-worth is ideal for a person's mental health. Childhood experiences, the effect of parenting, teachers, and even types of friends in the life of a person can contribute to the self-worth of a person.
If you have a very low perception of yourself, it can cause you to feel unworthy of someone's high view of you. If they reveal to you how much they value or desire you, the low value you have attached to yourself can make you feel they are lying, causing anger or withdrawal. There are no two ways to handle this other than to work on building up yourself. You should feel great that someone likes you or finds you attractive. It means you are a great person.
Whether your ex-boyfriend did a number on you, or you have just been damaged by one too many people in one lifetime, trust issues can cause you to feel negative towards being liked by others. It takes a level of trust to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Once you can't trust, it's almost impossible for the idea of someone liking you to make sense.
The truth is, no one is sure about this thing called love. So, you just have to try because most times love feels like: "I'm not perfect, but we can be imperfect together." One of the first steps to healing is to avoid allowing your mind to entertain mistrust when there's no reason for it. A good approach to getting back out there is dating someone you know well, perhaps a best friend.
I get that one too many rejections can make a person feel terrible, and affect one's confidence and self-respect. What's more, some people have experienced being jilted too many times and for no reason have decided to shut themselves away from being loved. Similarly, if you are afraid of being rejected over and again, you may have unconsciously allowed your mind to slip into a state of viewing being loved as unnecessary, hence the feeling of disgust.
Let's face it; because a relationship ended badly doesn't mean your love life has to end too. The cure to fear is courage. So, you just have to put yourself out there, risk getting brokenhearted to overcome your fear, and enjoy the feeling of being loved by the right person. The truth is, being honest about how you feel is the first step.
Aromatic people usually do not feel the need for a romantic relationship. They are not damaged people and it doesn't affect their ability to love their own family members or close friends. In fact, they are happy for others that are in love, but don't just see themselves in the romantic bubble: kiss to show affection, holding hands, cuddling, etc.
If your romantic orientation exists in the aro spectrum that may explain why you feel negative when others like you. You can also talk to an expert to help you understand your nature and be happy about it.
From past awful relationship experiences to psychological issues rooted in pain or trauma, feeling repulsed usually has a root in the past. It is often your mind’s psychological defense to protect you from getting hurt again.
While most people get excited when others show them affection, being disgusted may mean that your mind is trying to protect you from a similar event that happened in the past. It may also mean that you have a romantic orientation that doesn't have any need for a romantic relationship.
If you are not naturally a person that doesn’t need other peoples’ affection to feel complete, i.e aromantic, you may be experiencing psychological withdrawal from affection because you have been jilted badly when you opened yourself to love in the past.
When you notice you do not feel the need for a romantic relationship or affection from others before you feel complete, you might be aromantic. That doesn't mean you have a problem loving your family. You are capable of love, but don't just feel the need for it.
You may be rejecting love because you have been treated badly in the past, are experiencing psychological fear of failing at relationship/intimacy, or are totally aromantic. Once you’ve noticed the way you feel, you should try to establish the cause as having an understanding of the way you feel will either help you heal or be at peace with who you naturally are.
Feeling disgusted when someone likes you can mean you don't feel the need for romantic relationships. That's okay, you don't need to feel bad about it. The disgusted feeling could be due to a traumatic event and could also mean you dread being brokenhearted all over again, causing your mind to react with a disgusting feeling towards the person showing you love.
If you always feel disgusted, working on yourself or seeking professional help can be a good way to heal and enjoy healthy relationships. Hope you enjoyed the article and perhaps, find it eye-opening. Please feel free to comment and share with your friends.