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What to Do When a Man Disappears Without an Explanation?

Last updated on November 11, 2022 by Florence Adepoju

Beginning a new phase of a relationship is a step critical to every couple. Everything seems fine, and then a guy disappears. Many questions tend to run into a woman's mind when a man disappears without an explanation. The first question that comes in is “Why did he disappear?”

Let's begin with a scenario: a girl named Ana finds this great guy at the coffee shop attractive. After talking to him, Ana believes she's found her Mr. Right. They exchange numbers, go out on a couple of dates, and things are moving right along. 

Then all of a sudden, the said man pulls away and disappears from her life—no calls or messages from him. Ana begins to feel guilty, thinking there is something she has done. But there is usually more to this, as both parties were not on the same page.

Let's now discover the answers to this question – why do guys disappear when things are going great?

Why do Guys Disappear When Things Are Going Great?

The following are the most common reasons why men disappear instead of breaking up when things are great.

1. He simply wasn't that interested in you

Most times, we want the guy in our life to feel a particular way about us. We want it so much that we begin to home in on specific things instead of focusing on the big picture. The last thing you should do is concentrate on the individual puzzle pieces instead of the entire puzzle, as that can be interpreted any way.

Certain times, men simply say what they say. This means what they say cannot be considered an accurate indication of their feelings. Typically, men communicate via their actions a lot more than their words. 

Consider this: if a guy tells you he is really into you and then disappears for days on end, blowing you off and not making things official, then it could be that he doesn't like you. You can only believe he wants you when he says he does and backs up his words with actions.

2. You are quick to commit

Another reason men disappear instead of breaking up could be that you commit too quickly. You are so worried about losing him that you start to do all you can to ensure you keep him. As a result, you begin to act like you are an item before anything is official.

Guys typically enjoy having the space and freedom to choose.

When this happens, both of you are on different pages, and while you are sold on him, he is still feeling you out. This can be a lot of pressure for him, especially if you recently met. No guy loves being backed into a corner and having to commit. 

Additionally, a guy is unlikely to feel compelled to commit simply because you have devoted yourself to him. This compulsion can make him unattracted to you. As humans, we can't truly appreciate what we have if we don't earn it.

3. You are too concerned about the relationship rather than enjoying it

When a man disappears without an explanation, it could be because you are stressing over the relationship rather than enjoying it. If you take a moment to think, you will realize that the guys you are usually so-so about end up becoming obsessed with you, and the guys you are interested in end up stringing you along or simply ghosting you.

If this sounds like your situation, it could be because you aren't obsessing over the so-so guys. When you meet them, you are curious, learning about them, discovering them, and trying to make sense of how you feel.

A guy disappears without an explanation because instead of getting to know him and giving him the space to like you back, you decide for the both of you. He is your Mr. Right, and you believe he is interested and the two of you will work no matter what. 

When this happens, you begin to stress and obsess. You play every interaction in your head and simply can't let it be. You are always on edge, concerned, and perhaps waiting for the other shoe to drop. Guys tend to pick up on this unattractive energy.

4. You were too focused on potential

Sometimes you are too focused and interested in the potential relationship and what it could be; this can cause you to get carried away. Rather than considering him as a perfectly normal man for who he is, you see him as an opportunity to finally be in a relationship. Instead, it should be about a chance to connect and get to know them.

Unfortunately or fortunately, people can intuitively sense when they are being interacted with as an object or a means to fulfill the desires of others. This happens when you aren't connecting to their true essence.

5. You choose men that are unable to give you what you need

This is something every lady at one point or another in their life has had to deal with.If you find yourself going after selfish, emotionally unavailable, or damaged guys, you are bound to feel devastated when they cannot commit, leading to difficult love situations.

These men are typically attractive, exciting, and charming; however, you cannot have them. They are commonly damaged, broken, or not ready to be in a committed relationship. It'll be wrong to think you can fix them and have healthy relationships. Doing so could result in you ending up with a broken heart.

What to Do When He Disappears?

You can do various things when a man disappears without an explanation. It is up to you how the relationship should go. If you want a serious relationship and everything has been great up to that point, you could choose to give him another try.

Alternatively, if things have been iffy, you need to have self-respect and realize that you deserve better. There is no point sugar coating the situation, so when he disappears let him go. 

Nevertheless, if you are wondering what to text him when he disappears or what to do about the situation, you can pick from any of the following:

1. Believe that you can do it

He left, so what? That is not the end of the world.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

When someone you care about leaves, you must pull yourself together and believe you can do it on your own. Believing you will be fine is the zeal and push you need to get up and keep going with life.

No matter how extraordinary your life was with this person, you need to know you can be okay Whatever approach you want to take – self-affirmation, pep talk, distractions - you can live without them.

2. Completely ignore him

completely ignore him

Ignoring him means just that. Pretend he doesn't exist. You have to live your life like you don't want anything to do with him. Let him know that he had his moment and chose to let it go. Coming back to you after disappearing is the epitome of mind games, and he is simply treating you as an option. Many women go through this, but you want to be different by showing that you cannot be treated as an option.

He should never see coming back to you as an alternative. This can be difficult to do at first, especially if you initially saw him as someone you could have created life with. However, when you realize that he attempted to play mind games with your feelings, you'll discover it is the right thing to do.

This guy doesn't deserve your time or attention, and you shouldn't be giving them to him. Even if he begs to come back, don't reply since that would simply reward bad behavior.

Now that he has shown that he had very little interest in you, you can return the favor. Walk away from him the moment he starts playing mind games. You can talk to a relationship expert if you feel helpless and unable to handle the emotional turmoil he’s putting you through. 

3. Admit that he isn't the one for you

If a guy has shown little interest in you, you should try to cut ties with him. While this might sound like a cliché, it is something that you have to do. It can be challenging to move on or get over someone if you still believe both can work.

You need to admit that you weren't made to last, and there isn't anything you can do to alter that, particularly if there is no effort on his end. So, even if you force it, the funny thing is, at a certain point, he will leave. He could have made sure not to lose you; instead, he willingly walked away, treating you as an option.

4. Let him know what you want

When a guy disappears without an explanation, you can text him what you expect from him. In the text, let him know your standards and that you aren't willing to let go of them simply because you like him. The guy needs to understand that at no point will you tolerate his behavior. If he cannot give you what you need, then there is no point in him being in your life.

"Hi, I hope you are doing alright. It has been a while since I heard from you. To my knowledge, everything was going great until you decided to ghost me.” You could text him the following to tell him what your needs are:

“This is why I want you to know that I have certain dating expectations. I'm searching for someone at ease with consistent communication who won't keep ghosting the moment they get scared.

If this isn't something you can deliver, then we should go our separate ways."

This text will let him know you have boundaries that you aren't willing to cross for anyone. He can simply walk away if he cannot give you what you want.

5. Directly ask him how he feels about the both of you

When a man disappears without an explanation, it could be because he's trying to avoid confrontation and doesn't want to be honest with you. This, however, doesn't mean that you are supposed to be the same. You can ask him about his disappearance without playing mind games, which will give you unique insight into the relationship.

You could text him something like:

"I had fun spending time with you, and I just want to make sure you feel the same way about me. I'd love to spend some more time with you to see if we get along; however, if that isn't part of your plan, then I wouldn't want to waste my time."

When he reads this text, he will have to reply to you. Nevertheless, you should know that if he doesn't care about any other person's feelings but his, he might still ignore you. If this happens, you know that you can completely give up on any relationship thoughts.

6. Get rid of all reminders

We know you hold many beautiful memories with this person. You have fantastic memories together that you will give anything to recreate. However, holding on to such memories or anything that reminds you of them is a bad idea.

Your partner walks out, and you have to deal with everything that reminds you of the time you had together. It is vital to summon the courage and eliminate these things to heal and move on.

As a result, try and dedicate some time to get rid of all memories you had together. The photo frame hanging in the hallway of your vacation in Hawaii needs to go. Also, the same goes for social media. The last thing you need while scrolling on Facebook is something that reminds you of your runaway love.

7. Expose him

You can choose to expose him as he knows what he is doing. He understands that it is wrong and doesn't want to stop since he believes you haven't seen through his act as an avoidance strategy. You could be blunt and direct if you are unsure about what to text him when he disappears. Expose him so he realizes you see right through him.

You can text him something along these lines:

"Hi, I figured I haven't heard from you in a while, and it has left me slightly confused. I understand we had fun spending time together, and I know how it can be for guys when they discover they want different things or are catching feelings.

So, I just wanted to ensure we are on the same wavelength, as I appreciate honesty above anything. Your honesty can save us some energy and time, so it would be greatly appreciated if you let me know what's up."

Sometimes exposing a guy for disappearing after a few dates can make him realize his mistake. In this case, he will let you know that you shouldn't get your hopes up as you both aren't on the same wavelength. When you text something along those lines, he might decide that it's time to be honest with you, that he isn’t cut out for a real relationship.

8. Confide in someone you trust

Many people find it challenging to deal with losing loved ones because they become so attached and shut everyone else out when they are dating. So, when he left, you were alone, isolated from friends and family who had been part of your life. You need people around as they can be the perfect source of distraction. This way, you will not have to deal with the pain, hurt, and rejection alone.

When you have someone to reach, they can be there for you emotionally. So, keeping in touch with your best friend can help prevent you from losing your sanity.

9. Lavish yourself with care

lavish yourself with care

Getting back on track and returning to your regular routine might seem impossible. We do not doubt that it could be challenging when someone who means so much to you walks away. One simple tip that can help your life get back on track is self care.

Sleep well, give yourself a treat, exercise, go to the movies, etc. You deserve the good things in life, and you need to be ready emotionally before you start dating again.

Show yourself some self love; you deserve it.

10. Fight every form of addiction

When someone you love lives, it is hard, no doubt. You might feel like your world is crashing down and life is not worth living. Many people even sink into depression. As a result, they might resort to substance abuse to drown their sorrow. It is understandable as excessive alcohol and other substance abuse1 might provide a form of escape from the pain.

The problem with addiction is various health issues you will have to deal with later. Besides, it is general knowledge that addiction is difficult to break.

A chilled bottle of alcohol at the night bar where you party hard and forget everything might seem like a terrific remedy for your misery. However, there are other healthy and responsible ways to deal with your plight.

11. Exercise and get enough sleep

Okay, I know what you are thinking – sleeping might be hard when you are hurting. Your mind even betrays you as it will not just stop replaying the wonderful memories you had together. Trust me, I have been there.

However, one tested way to give yourself a break is to consider exercise. Regular exercise will make you feel good about yourself, releasing dopamine and serotonin2 to enhance sleep. Such activity can help get rid of the stress of the separation.

Besides, exercise can tire you out so that sleep will come quickly. So, you need not resort to unhealthy behavior or sleeping pills before you can sleep peacefully.

12. Journaling

A loved one walking out on you can be painful. However, something as simple as penning down your thoughts and feelings might be soothing.

When you journal, the mistakes you make will become evident and glaring. With this, the chances of making the same mistake with any other guy will be reduced.

13. Find a healthy distraction

When a loved one leaves us, it can be devastating. Your life seems to crash, and nothing interests you as your emotions rage. However, you need to channel such raging emotions somewhere.

This is where a healthy distraction comes in – what you love. Go on a night out with the girls, swim, play games, visit the zoo, rekindle your love for gardening, etc.

14. Travel

Go to a place you have always wanted to visit. We know this seems extreme, but anything that can help your mental health should be welcomed. The idea behind traveling is to give yourself a healthy distraction. Seeing new places, meeting new people, and trying new dishes can help.

You don’t need to travel very far before you see the world. The distraction can come in a form of mindful meditation that will take your mind away from the hurt you are experiencing.

15. Soak yourself in your work

Understandably, you might lose interest in everything that once made sense to you. As a result, withdrawing is expected since the person who rocks your world betrayed you. However, soaking yourself in work can provide a healthy distraction.

Pursuing your career goals, paying attention to your work, focusing on your education, and such might prove helpful in dealing with the loss of your partner.

He Reappeared. Now What?

When a guy disappears, he usually stays gone. However, there are times when a guy disappears and then comes back. This can be quite emotionally draining, which might leave you wondering “Why do guys disappear and then reappear?" This section will help you navigate new ground.

1. Become grounded

You have gotten to grips with the fact that he is gone. It's something you have accepted and are ready to move on. Then one day, you get a text, and your heart skips a beat. Somewhere out of the blue, he remembered you existed and texted you. This is the sign that he is interested in you and wants you.

When you get that text, the best thing you can do is remain grounded and calm. Don't rush to send your reply as many women will do. Take some time to become centered and stop your head from spinning.

2. Assess what you really want

assess what you really want

Once you feel calm, present, and centered, you take a moment to assess the situation and discover how you truly feel about him. 

Does this fit your idea of what an emotionally mature man is? How are you sure he won't disappear again? Do you believe he can create stable, long-term, healthy relationships? Is this guy really worth your time—most times, he isn't. Will he stick with you even though there are multiple women out there?

After assessing the situation, you could choose to either give him the benefit of the doubt or simply ignore him completely. 

3. Speak with confidence

If you have chosen to text him back, ensure that you do so in a positive, calm, yet assertive manner. Remember that a reply you think is cheeky and cute can come across as passive-aggressive. The problem with text is that it loses nuance and is left to the reader to interpret.

4. Don't pretend nothing has happened

Don't pretend nothing has happened simply because you are trying to avoid drama. Many women are afraid to ask questions or honestly say how they feel to someone they care about. This typically happens because they are worried about him leaving again if they don't hold back.

Healthy relationships require a foundation of integrity, authenticity, communication, trust, and honesty; pretending that nothing happened, like you aren't hurt when he disappears for a few days, isn't an authentic approach to a healthy relationship.

In my opinion, the scenarios and issues that appear during dating are the perfect places to practice healthy relationship skills, such as setting communication standards and boundaries. You should note that these conversations can be difficult and challenging. 

Nevertheless, healthy communication is an essential skill that only gets easier as you practice it. Once you master it, you will be able to communicate in a manner that is great for both parties.

If you are concerned that this process might run him off, then you consider this: if your communication is authentic and he still runs off, then he wasn't ever going to stay. This way, you have nothing to lose at all by pursuing healthy communication.

5. What Do You Say When Asking About His Reasons for Disappearing?

If you want closure or perhaps feel you deserve an explanation for why he disappeared in the first place, then a phone call is perfectly fine. Alternatively, you can communicate via text. 

However, you shouldn't make the conversation too deep via this medium. Doing so can only confuse you, resulting in things taking an unexpected turn. If you think this could happen, you are better served to communicate this over the phone.

You might behoping he is filled with regret and wants you. However, you should beware that closure isn't as fulfilling as you might imagine. This is especially true if you are secretly hoping, deep down in your hearts of hearts, that it was a mistake.

For instance, if he texts you "hello," "hi," or some version of a greeting. You could simply reply, "Hi, I'm alright, thanks. Been a while; what have you been up to?"

You gave a polite, yet assertive message. When you send that message, he understands that you need an explanation for why he went AWOL. However, the way your message is worded also shows that you are willing to give him an opportunity to explain himself.

Once you feel like he's given you your answer, you can let him know that you won't be giving him a second chance. You can do this by explaining that while you enjoyed hanging out with him, you do not view him as an emotionally mature person, a character trait you are searching for in a partner. 

With this, you have set a boundary, letting him know that since he disappeared into thin air, you would prefer if he simply stopped communicating. In other words, you are emotionally unavailable. Even relationship experts agree with this tactic.

FAQs

Why do men disappear instead of breaking up?

Sometimes men disappear instead of breaking because they are afraid of conflict. They simply walk away because guys feel it is the best way to avoid awkward situations. Also, they might be afraid of hurting the other person.

How long is it okay for your partner to disappear?

There really is no time long enough for your partner to disappear; however, there are situations where your partner could be going through a lot, and they let you know ahead of time. In this sense, it really isn't them disappearing; instead, they are taking some time to get together.

How likely is it that he will come back after disappearing?

A majority of guys return after disappearing; however, it is typically for the wrong reasons. Perhaps they need an ego boost after being dumped by the woman they wanted, or maybe they are bored and want something physical.

Nevertheless, there are times when guys have an epiphany and realize what they could have lost.

Should I accept him after he disappeared?

When he disappears for a few days, or he disappears and comes back months later, it is your decision whether you accept him or not.

If you accept him, ensure you do so lovingly but directly. Ask him about the disappearance and use his answers to determine if a relationship with him is worth pursuing.

Conclusion

When a man disappears without an explanation, you should first understand that it is never about you. Whatever's going on is his fault since he chose to disappear rather than communicate like a healthy adult.

While it might sound selfish or conceited, you should concentrate on loving yourself. It isn't about believing you are better than others. It is simply about developing a nurturing and healthy relationship with yourself. Loving yourself means not letting someone's disappearance affect you more than it should. When you love yourself, you are better placed to handle the situation healthily and honestly.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Florence Adepoju
I am a trained teacher, psychologist, writer, and stay-at-home mom. I am passionate about children, girl children, and the female gender. My interests include volunteering, caring for the elderly, watching movies, and cooking. I currently stay in Lubbock, Texas, with my family and dog, Ayden.

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