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How to Trigger the Hero Instinct In Your Man

Last updated on June 9, 2022 by Olivia Surtees

The hero instinct in a man essentially boils down to the fact that men need to feel like they are needed, especially by women they are attracted to.

They need to feel like they are constantly saving the day or rescuing their damsel in distress. If they don’t, they might feel less masculine, less themselves or just undervalued.

And even though this may sound like a simple process...

It can have extremely important consequences for your relationship.

In fact, I struggled for many many years with my relationships because I did not understand how this concept affected men on a day to day basis.

When I did finally come to understand how to apply it in my love-life, I was able to dramatically turn around my love-life for the better (you can read more about that story here).

While some of my girlfriends that still don't understand this concept still struggle tremendously in their relationships.

It is vital that women understand how important a man’s hero instinct is and how they can utilise their knowledge of it. If a man doesn’t always feel like the brave and accomplished hero he wants to be, then the relationship will most likely never take off or will come to a halt. Therefore, I felt compelled to put together this article so that your relationship can flourish and last.

If you want to have a deeper understanding of what the hero instinct is in a man and where it stems from, please feel free to go and have a read of the article, “What Is the Hero Instinct in a Man?”.

However, in this article, we are going to jump straight in and I will tell you six ways in which you can trigger your man’s hero instinct.

1. You need to start asking him to help you with this.

This point does not mean that you have to ask him about everything. This will not take away from your independence - he will still know that you will be able to do anything he can do. However, if you are too independent, your man might feel lost or helpless. He will always want to feel like he is helping you.

So, it’s easy to make your man feel useful. It’s also probably going to benefit you. You can ask for his help with just about anything. Even something as small as asking your man to replace a lightbulb will make him feel like a hero. He will probably know that you can do it yourself, but he will massively appreciate the fact that you have asked him to do it.

It is important that you are asking your man to do good jobs. So you really need to think about what you are asking him to do. Tasks like engineering, plumbing or fixing anything will make him feel manly. If you ask him to do the washing or fill in for you at your girlfriend’s engagement party, he will probably decline. He needs to feel masculine.

When it comes to advice, ask your man if you are feeling confused about a situation or you aren’t sure what the right decision to make is. Not only is this beneficial for you, because you will actually be receiving useful advice from the closest person to you, but it will make him feel like he is helping you to solve or overcome a problem. In addition to this, he will appreciate the fact that you have opened up and shared details about your life and issues with him.

2. Show gratitude and appreciation for him.

This is probably the most important point of all. Men need to feel appreciated so that they can open their hearts. This is the biggest way in which you will make your man feel like a hero.

So, if you have already completed the first point and asked him to do something for you or asked him for his advice, you need to follow this up by saying thank you. This is the easiest way to show your appreciation, and the more appreciation he feels like he is receiving from you, the more he will fall in love with you. As well as verbal appreciation, you can show your appreciation for your man in a lot of other ways, and I am sure he will enjoy being physically thanked for doing something.

For example, if you’ve asked him if he could fix your car, you could thank him afterward by saying something like, “You look great in that oily shirt, come over here” and then…you know. He will massively appreciate the fact that you think he looks so sexy you can't help yourself. It will make him feel like a real-life hero.

Men thrive off feeling appreciated, and he will realize that being around a woman who is appreciative of him makes him feel good, so he will want to be around her more. It will also go full circle and he will start to appreciate you more, so everyone wins.

Like women, men feel hurt and used when they are not thanked for what they do for you. Have you ever felt angry or upset that no one realizes how much you do around the house? We’ve all been there lady and I feel you. Men want to be thanked for doing things, especially when it comes to tasks that you have set for him.. So if you take him for granted, this will end badly. He is not a personal handyman. He needs recognition in order to help you again.

3. Contrary to the previous point, don’t thank him too much.

As much as appreciation is needed for a man to thrive in a relationship, they won’t accept it if they don’t feel like they haven’t earned it. It’s also important that you don’t go too over the top with your appreciation. For example, you don’t need to start kissing and hugging him if he remembered to take his shoes off when entering the house. 

Set some challenges for your man. Men love challenges, it makes them feel like heroes straight away – they have a mission to complete and will be ready to get to it! The majority of men are also very competitive, so they are really willing to take a challenge on in order to prove themselves.

Setting a task for your man to complete could be anything from asking him if he wants to redecorate a room, or telling him that you would love it if he fixed a broken piece of jewelry you have. Anything can be a challenge to a man.

This is also a great point because it allows you to sit back and relax while he literally works at earning your appreciation. Then, after he has completed the challenge, it is time for some well-deserved admiration and genuine respect to be sent his way.

It’s important to say that men don’t like women who nag at them. Sometimes it might be more powerful to plant the seed of an idea in their brain and let it grow for a while rather than demanding that they do something for you right now. After practicing challenging your man, you will begin to realize what works best for both him and you.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

4. Boost his confidence in front of his peers.

One of the things everyone notices about heroes in the movies is that they get recognition from people for the good things they have done. You can do this with your man and make him feel on top of the world. All you need to do is speak positively to others about him, about what he has done that has really helped you out or made you feel good.

So, make a conscious effort to start speaking about him really positively to the people around you.  You could mention something specific he has done for you recently, or just tell the people of your appreciation towards him.

For example, why don’t you drop into his workplace and take him a coffee to say thank you for something he helped you with? Most likely, his work colleagues and friends will be around, and he will feel like the man of the hour. They will think it’s sweet of you that you have come to show a token of your appreciation with him because of something he has helped you with and they will also praise him. 

Not only will he buzz about the fact you are speaking with high regard about him, but he will feel seen and appreciated by everyone around him. This will quite clearly trigger the hero instinct, big time.

It’s vital to say that unless you are having real problems in your relationship, you should never speak negatively about him to others anyway - it should always be positive. If your partner realizes you have been speaking about him in a negative manner, he will feel put down and betrayed. Just remember, if you have nothing positive to say about your partner, don’t say it.

5. Make sure he knows that he makes you happy.

In order to feel like a hero, not only will your man need to feel appreciated and respected by you, he will also need to feel like he makes you happy. That is the purpose of his relationship with you, so if he feels like he isn’t making you happy, he won’t stay in a relationship where he feels like he is failing. So, it is as easy as making sure he is confident that he makes you happy.

This sounds really simple – why would you be together with him if he doesn’t make you happy? The sad truth is, when people have been in a relationship or married for a while, they can take each other for granted. That lack of appreciation can be why marriages break down. Your man needs to know that he is a big part of your reason to be happy, so show your outward happiness to him. You almost need to act like he is the only reason for your happiness.You can just say something as simple as, “you make me so happy” , and it should really resonate with him.

Men are eager to please you, so it can make your man feel on top of the world if he knows he is making you happy. He will also then be compelled to keep making you as happy as you are, so it will benefit you of course.

6. Encourage him to do what he likes to do and support him in whatever it is.

Your man is going to really appreciate it if you let him do what he loves. Especially if it comes to a more masculine hobby, like sports or mechanics.. So, for example, if he loves to play basketball or has a small obsession for collecting and renovating old motorcycles, let him do it. 

The majority of the time, men enjoy doing manly hobbies, with other men. It makes them feel good to be back in their manly pack for a little while. So, you should support this. Even if you don’t have a great interest in what he is doing, you need to make sure you allow him to have time out to do masculine activities.

For example, if he wants to go out to the gym but you are nagging him about putting the laundry on, he will feel restricted by ‘feminine’ activities. You need to focus on supporting him with his hobbies. If you want to make him feel even more masculine and heroic, you could tell him how good his muscles look or how amazing he is at his hobby. 

If you’re lucky, he will feel so supported by you that when he comes home with raging hormones from the gym you might have a crazy evening making love together. Everyone wins, right?

How can bringing out the hero instinct benefit your relationship?

As soon as you start using the signs mentioned above and utilising your knowledge of your man’s hero instinct, you will probably start to see a difference in your relationship. You will have set off his natural instincts to care for you, protect you and provide for you. This can actually be very sexy knowing that your man wants to look after you and strives to impress you.

He will probably started to feel more respected and appreciated, leading to him being happier and kinder towards you. Both of you will feel more loved, respected and admired. This is vital to maintain a long-lasting relationship. 


How Do I Trigger My Husband's Hero Instinct?

If you want to trigger your husband’s inner hero instinct then try asking him to help you out with DIY jobs or something that he is really good at so that he feels like a hero. Ask him to open up a jar that you just can’t get the lid off or ask him to put some shelves on the wall, nothing makes a man feel amazing than to be able to look after his woman like this. 

How Do You Trigger A Man's Hero Complex?

If you want to make your man feel like a hero and trigger his hero instinct then get him to do something that you cannot do so that he feels amazing about himself. Ask him to do something that you cannot do and you know he is really good at in order to boost his confidence. Show gratitude when he has completed the task for you. 

What Is The Hero Instinct 12 Words?

The hero instinct 12 words is a list of things that you can say to a guy or to say to him on a text to trigger his hero instinct and boost his confidence. These phrases have been tested on many guys and have been proven to boost his ego and trigger his hero instinct. Tap into his inner hero instinct by trying these phrases on your man next time you see him. 

What Are The Secret Obsession Phrases?

The secret obsession phrases are phrases that will help your man fall in love with you. They will help him show you his vulnerable side and it will help you grow together as a couple both on an emotional and physical level. Try the secret obsession phrases if you want your guy to fall really deeply in love with you or you want to boost your connection with him. 

What's A Man's Secret Obsession?

A man’s secret obsession is something that a guy desires more than love and money and he is secretly obsessed with. Find out your guy’s secret obsession and you will win him over. Every man has a secret obsession. It is important to find out what your man’s secret obsession is so that you can win his love and commitment for the rest of your life. 


I really hope that this article has shown you some ways in which you can trigger your man’s natural hero instinct. I’m sure that if you start to put some of the points into practice you will see some positive changes in your man’s behavior. If you do, please do get in touch and let us know if we have helped you!

So, did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Olivia Surtees
After realizing I was the person that everyone around me always came to for dating advice, I decided to merge this skill with my profession – writing. So, I came about to be a relationship advice writer! Being able to show not only my passion for writing, but also my passion to help others in their relationships, means the absolute world to me and I hope to continue doing so. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience.

19 comments on “How to Trigger the Hero Instinct In Your Man”

  1. Thank you for listing these 6 ways to trigger a man's hero instinct. I see I have been doing things wrong my whole life. I have often wondered why as an intelligent, independent woman I have had so much trouble in the man department. Now I get it. Thank you for helping me understand better what a man needs from his woman. Perhaps if I had known this sooner, my marriage might not have failed. Keep up the good work.

    1. I totally agree. Unknowingly, I've done this my whole life despite being strong and independent. This combination works wonders for me because men become discouraged and don't respect needy women. As an example, my ex husband still jumps at any opportunity to help me... because it makes him feel useful and happy. Oh well 😉

  2. Thank you , I hope this help me in my next relationship beca I'm presently going through nasty break up .

  3. Wow,wow,wow...I was doing it wrong I can say .I am going to practice the six steps.this really sounds amazing reading it.thanks

  4. Thank you so much for this insight. After reading this, I realize I have been doing so many things wrong. I am an independence woman and always feel I can do it all even when I have a loving man in my life. I have to put this into practice so I do not loose what I have.

  5. So basically you stroke his ego instead of trying to build the relationship through more genuine ways? And also not consider the fact that this will not work for every guy you see? No thanks, I will pass.

    1. It's not ego stroking if you truly appreciate what someone does for you. Would you be offended if your partner thanked you for some kindness you did them? Would it be good or bad if you were appreciated for the good qualities you bring to the relationship. We can be genuine in our efforts to provoke the hero instinct, that's what I beleive. Bless you and yours!

  6. I absolutely love this advice! My problem is my man sherks the things I ask for help on whether it’s hanging shelves or helping with handyman stuff. If my car breaks down he expects me to handle it alone. I always say thank you and show gratitude. And encourage him to do things that make him happy. We’ve been together almost 11 years and even when I battled cancer he looked at how it affected him more than how he could help me when I couldn’t physically do things. Communication is super challenging. I am direct and honest and give him room to improve but only short term changes happen and then fade. He lacks follow through and even though he’s a hard worker and provider, he shows no interest towards future goals. Sad to say that even when we do everything right as women to make a man feel desired and important, it doesn’t always work. He’s just in his own world and that’s going to cost us our marriage.

    1. You sound a lot like me. I was with my ex husband for 10 years when things went downhill, and in the same kind of way. After 12 years together we divorced. I can say that I am happier divorced than I was married to someone who made me feel so unappreciated for so long (and didn't fight to save/keep our marriage). In the beginning it was hard, new feelings of loneliness, but I am hopeful to "restart" in life and you're never too old to get out of a bad marriage.

  7. It is extremely difficult to pour so much adoration over a guy who carries one good deed like a badge of honor for years thinking it will give him a free pass to not have to do anything more for at least a year. I have tried all that you have written, please, thank you, boy aren’t you clever and strong, really appreciate what you did for me, go honey and enjoy your surfing and fishing all weekend but when you are working full time as well, doing the shopping, organizing the dinners and housework and cleaning up and you ask him patiently to fix anything broken or make something that is needed to save money (and his ego) and 3 years later he still hasn’t done it and tells you to stop hassling him about it, I’m sorry your theory is for those that are not jaded by the injustice and inequality in the home when you both work full time. The only way I can get anything down (sometimes) is ask for it as a birthday present. Maybe you would suggest I stop working so he can feel more like a hero? Sounds good to me and I will have plenty of time to do all the household chores with a smile on my face. How long do you wait before you sacrifice his ego and do the bloody job yourself or even worse😱 pay some to do do it? All sounds like a recipe for enslavement to me and that is coming from someone who has given it a really good go over the last 12 years. All good in theory my dear and all the very best to those that have the patience. Maybe it is more potent on particular types of males 🙁.

  8. I didn't understand what is this and how it works....please tell me in simple words...I'll be very thankful to you for this

    1. Basically when you show that you need help from your man, it makes them feel like a hero and makes them feel strongly towards you

  9. Hi, I have read your hero instinct and I feel nice but this guy whom I love is my best friend and he is a Cancerian guy and also we chat online he is kind of still stuck with his ex but he has become really close to me and says that he has never ever spoken about himself or his life to anyone before me, if he would have so things must have ben different not that he wants 2 change them. He keeps appreciating me and my looks but mentions always like a friend. He confuses meh I sometimes feel that he likes me and sometimes he shows signs that he misses his ex. How can this hero instinct work if we only chat online ?’

    1. Hello there, I've been in a similar situation as you and I unknowingly triggered his hero instinct when I was breaking down and asking for help or what to do with the problems I'm facing. He was stuck on his ex too but I still confessed that I liked him and it worked 🙂 if you're interested in him, show him or tell him directly, that way you wont have any regrets!

  10. I have read everything watched the course but still can not find the 12 words to say over text. What is the 12 words and what are examples to say over text when the guy is not responding

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