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13 Signs You're Not Really In Love

Falling out of love is normal as nobody is really certain about the future, especially when a relationship is involved. Sometimes, the things that made you want to be with your partner start irritating you. 

According to a 2013 study published in the journal The Qualitative Report, people fall out of love for many reasons including lack of trust and loss of intimacy1.

Not everyone understands their emotions when falling out of love. That’s because these signs could be confusing, especially to the receiving partner, as they may think it’s just a temporary phase. 

If you’ve found yourself in this confusing state or you did in your past relationships, here are 13 signs to know if you’re falling out of love in your current relationship and 10 ways to tell your partner you’re not in love with him anymore.

13 Signs You're Not Really In Love Anymore (Or Maybe You Never Were)

13 signs you're not really in love anymore (or maybe you never were)

1. His actions start to irritate you

At first, when you meet a man you like, you love everything he does. You adore the way he talks, walks, laughs, eats, and even the way he relates with other people. You catch yourself blushing at everything he does and you defend him when others are against his actions.

But when you’re not in love, his actions begin to irritate you. You’re not proud to be his significant other. You become emotionally detached from your partner. The things that made you worry and wonder will cease to exist. This is one of the signs you’re falling out of love.

2. You can go a long time without talking to him

One of the signs you could use to tell you’re falling out of love is your ability to go a long time with no interest in speaking to your partner. When you’re in love, you’re unable to stay for long without talking to your partner. You wouldn’t mind spending your entire day on the phone just to feel closer to him. 

When you don’t like him anymore, it becomes normal to spend a day or more without hearing from him. You would have silent and awkward conversations over the phone and not worry about them. This is a sign that your relationship may be falling apart.

3. You start comparing them to other men

One sign that you’re in love with someone is when they look perfect to you. Even when they’re not the most handsome or kindest, you still see them as your other half. At that point, your partner is your superhero and best friend.

When things start turning around, you start noticing other cute men. You’re not that attracted to your partner. He becomes a normal person to you and no matter how hard he tries, he’s not that perfect man anymore. This is a sign you’re falling out of love.

4. Little or no physical intimacy between you two

Physical intimacy happens between couples quite naturally. It brings happiness and creates a stronger bond between couples in every relationship. If you’ve always felt like you want to have intimate moments with someone who’s not your romantic partner, it’s one of the signs you were likely never in love.

This is when you begin to think of other men in a romantic way; something that wouldn’t happen if you were still in love with your man. You start picturing yourself building a family with a random person in the future. It is a warning sign and it would be inconsiderate to lead him on.

5. You become very selfish with your needs and plans

As a woman in love, every plan and decision you make will always try to accommodate your partner no matter how tough it may seem. You would do your best to tailor your plans to suit his. A lot of the things you do will revolve around your partner.

But this is different when you’re falling out of love. You would care little about your partner or the relationship. You would have it all to yourself even when you could comfortably involve him in your plans. This is a sign you’re not interested in your relationship anymore.

6. You forget to give him updates about your life

There’s that little urge to give your partner every detail about the things that are happening in your life. You’re excited to call or text just to tell him of the poorly made pizza you ate during lunch. You tell him everything there is to know about you and could even spill other people’s secrets. 

How do you know you’re not in love anymore? The complete opposite happens when you fall out of love.

You unconsciously hide your secrets from him. You forget to tell him about certain things and would give him only the summary of the activities in your life when he asks. This is a sign you’re not interested in your relationship anymore.

7. You both have negative feelings when you spend time with each other

you both have negative feelings when you spend time with each other

There’s always the need to spend quality time with your partner when you’re crazy about them. You look forward to your date nights and fun times together even when there’s nothing to do together. You feel at home with your partner and no other person would matter during that time.

When you’re falling out of love, you start asking him to give you more space. You would prefer spending time with every other person except him. If you do, your moments together would either seem awkward or you would argue uncontrollably half of the time. 

8. The feelings are no longer there

Did you ever have feelings for your partner? This is the first question you should ask yourself when you think you’re falling out of love with someone. Most relationships begin with infatuation as they start dating for the wrong reasons and they make plans without certain considerations.

If your situation is similar to this, maybe you were never in love. 

9. You’re not interested in anything that happens to him

It’s completely normal to meet a man and feel like he’s your significant half at that moment in your life. You get so excited you want to know everything about him. You also want him to be a great part of your life as every step he takes looks perfect.

This is different when you’re emotionally detached from the relationship. You don’t ask about the things happening to him anymore, whether they’re good or bad. You’re uninterested. When he tries to update you, you discover you have nothing much to say. When this happens, it likely means you’re out of love. 

10. You really don’t care if the relationship ends

Being with someone you truly love is blissful. You see a future with him. You look forward to building a family and having kids with him. Your imagination will be constantly filled with thoughts of past and future beautiful moments together. But when you don’t love him anymore, your plans don’t align.

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11. Nothing positive he does impresses you anymore

Most women love it when they’re adored by their partners. They loved to be called, texted, and given random gifts to mention a few. When you’re in love with a man, you appreciate his little efforts to make you happy. You smile when he teases you and laugh at his jokes.

If you start getting tired of these nice little things he does or you nag when he makes harmless mistakes, that could be a sign that you’re no longer interested in him and the relationship. If this feeling keeps growing stronger, you may want to have a discussion about it with your partner.

12. You don’t care about your partner anymore.

As a woman in love, you would always be worried about your partner even when you know he’s alright. When you haven’t heard from him, you would constantly call and text just to be sure he’s doing everything the right way. His joy and sadness become yours too. 

13. You no longer prioritize them

When you’re in love with someone, you sometimes unconsciously place them above yourself. You do everything to see them happy. You would put in a hundred percent of the effort to have a loving relationship. Your needs can sometimes become secondary to you as his needs top your list of priorities.

The opposite happens when you’re falling out of love with your partner. You feel reluctant to consider his needs. When he asks for little favors, you begin to feel choked by his little requests. If this happens to you, it is a sign that you may be falling out of love.

10 Ways to Tell Your Partner You're Not In Love Anymore

10 ways to tell your partner you're not in love anymore

Breakups are generally very hard. More so, there are various stages of breakups. Here’s how you can communicate to your partner that you’re no longer in love with them.

1. Focus on how you talk to him

When you no longer feel like spending time or doing sweet little things with someone you were once crazy about, that’s a clear sign that you’re falling out of love. After confirming the reality of things from your end, the first thing you want to do is to communicate with your partner.

Don’t vent to other people about your relationship. Talk to him directly as your relationship has no third party in it. Communication plays a huge part in maintaining harmony in relationships. It shows how much you respect him as a person. That way you can both discuss if it’s best to go your separate ways or not. 

2. Be as neutral as you can be

When having a conversation with someone you were once in love with, try to be as neutral as you can. Don’t put the blame on yourself or him. It’s okay to fall out of love with your partner and it doesn’t mean either of you is wrong as you may have grown apart.

You’re probably going to break things off and you don’t want to do that violently. So, don’t accuse your partner for doing anything wrong. If he tries to accuse you for being the cause of any mishap in your relationship, don’t fall for it.

3. You don’t need to give your partner details about how you feel

Sometimes, you may be pressured to give your partner details on what made you lose interest in your relationship with him. But, depending on his personality, you may want to filter your words. Pick your words carefully when expressing your feelings to your partner.

4. Don’t lead him on or give him false hope

It’s okay to try to sugarcoat your breakup with your partner, especially if you’re feeling bad for being the person falling out of love. But this doesn’t mean you should give him false hope when there is none. Don’t tell him you’re willing to stay in the relationship when you’re not. It would be insensitive of you.

5. Be calm throughout the process of telling him

Remember, not all relationships are meant to work and nobody is at fault. While some people think violence is the right way to approach situations, it is not always the best option. That’s because violence hurts people. It will either hurt you or your partner. No matter how rude your partner is, don’t follow his steps. Be calm while telling him how you feel. 

6. Don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel

One thing you should look out for in situations like this are your feelings. There would always be some kind of fear, but you shouldn’t let this affect your communication with your partner. This means that as much as you’re looking out for him, your feelings are your top priority.

7. You could use letters to communicate

Not everyone is good with face-to-face conversations. If either you or your partner is in this category, you could resort to using other methods. Writing to your partner about your feelings is one way to do it. This also takes effort as you would need to find the right words to express yourself.

8. Choose the best time and place to talk about it

choose the best time and place to talk about it

There’s time for everything and this also applies to relationship topics. Every relationship topic is quite delicate and should be treated with care. You don’t want to bother him with a heartbreaking topic after a long day at work. Try to choose the right time for it.

9. Don’t be too straightforward

Sometimes, you may be in a rush to tell your partner you’re falling out of love or you were never in love with him. This is understandable, especially if you’ve been pretending or putting up with the whole situation. But you should try to consider his feelings too. 

10. Say it as it is

Sometimes, there’s really no right or wrong way to say things. Some things are never nice no matter how amicable you try to be. One of those things is breaking up with someone you had promised to be with forever. It’s a bad feeling that can’t be avoided. So just talk to your partner and be honest. 


Do I really love him or am I just lonely?

There are numerous ways to know if you truly love someone or if you're just lonely. One way is to try spending time with other people like friends, family, or colleagues. If you can do these things without missing your partner or wishing he was around even for a second, then you may be lonely.

How do I know if I like someone or just the attention?

When you like someone, you want to be there for him, whether he gives you attention or not. You dedicate time and other resources to contribute to his general well-being. But when you can easily replace him with someone else or you’re emotionally unavailable, that’s a sign you just want his attention.

Are you in love or infatuated?

Being in love with someone is when you see yourself with that person in the future. It is a combination of passion and intimacy. You see yourself as his other half, support system, friend, but you still have great sex. Infatuation is only about passion, which is good sex.

Do I love her or am I just attached?

When you truly love someone, you detach from them and give them enough freedom to be the best version of themselves. You’ll also not depend on them for the littlest things. If you feel like you can’t do anything without a girl, that’s more of an attachment.

In Conclusion

There are numerous ways to find out if you’re no longer interested in your relationship. All you need to do is to listen to your instincts and feelings, and observe your partner. If you’re feeling confused, you can refer to the 13 signs mentioned in this guide. 

If you liked this article, please feel free to drop a comment and share with others.

Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.

1 Sources:
  1. The Qualitative Report. (2013). A Phenomenological Study of Falling Out of Romantic Love.

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