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Obsessive Ex Syndrome (9 Alarming Signs)

by Sonya Schwartz

The early stages of a healthy relationship are always blissful. Most times, you can tell that both parties are really into each other with the way you see them interact and the level of infatuation between them. However, this fades away, you find out that both parties have to put in conscious efforts to make things work. 

In cases where there are obsessive partners when things get sour, the love and affection evolve into something ugly; obsessive ex syndrome. This is a mental disorder that affects the way a normal person should think. 

An obsessed person will always want to control and monitor things happening around their partner. They also sometimes get agitated if things don't go according to how they want. If your partner is showing signs of obsessive ex syndrome and you want to be sure, this article will help point out those little signs you missed so you identify them as soon as possible.

9 Signs Of An Obsessive Ex

1. Intense Monitoring

intense monitoring

People with obsessive ex syndrome always find it difficult to let go. Even after a breakup, they always feel the need to stay close and have access to your life. An obsessive ex may want to know if you have a new partner or who your new love interest is. 

Things like; monitored phone calls, monitored social media or even text messages are going to be the order of the day. Obsessive people are highly nosey in nature and most times can resort to violence. 

This infatuation stems from the fact that they haven’t let go after the breakup, and feel the need to keep monitoring their ex’s life.

2. Excessive Jealousy

Another way to find out if you've got an obsessive ex is if they show signs of excessive jealousy. I mean jealousy itself sometimes can be cute. Normally you would want to see how your ex-husband reacts when he sees or knows that guys are moving to you. 

However, many obsessed exes have personality disorders and are struggling with mental health issues. So, this kind of jealousy may be quite dangerous. His reaction to seeing another guy act like a father to his children or a husband to his ex-wife could trigger feelings of intense and dark jealousy.

In a normal relationship, after a breakup, both parties can either decide to be friends or have a cordial relationship in a respective manner. But an obsessive partner would break these boundaries and start feeling entitled, living with the idea that the relationship never ended. 

A normal thing like receiving a message from a colleague or a crush would trigger an impulsive reaction. That’s because those feelings of jealousy have turned into infatuation and you have become the object of his obsession. If your ex-husband/boyfriend becomes a threat to you and your children, it’s advised to report to the authorities and if possible get a restraining order.

3. Denial

One of the signs of obsessive ex syndrome is that the ex always tends to live in denial, they never accept the relationship is over. You could decide to move to a new city and they would gladly follow suit. No amount of persuasion from other parties would deter his feelings. 

He’ll make attempts to contact you no matter the distance and the cost. More so, nothing, and no one will persuade him otherwise. He’ll use the excuse of seeing the children, or a courtesy visit to your mother just to stay in your life. Beware of such behaviors, your ex-partner will play the victim and could go to any length to convince himself it’s not over.

In this case, you’re not dealing with a human being that’s rational. Individuals like this could easily turn to stalkers because of their personality type. 

That’s why it’s important to be attentive to when an ex is crossing the boundaries you've set after a breakup. The earlier you realize these signs and protect yourself from them the better for all parties. 

Sometimes, the reason they refuse to accept the breakup is that constant denial and seeking of reassurance fuel their obsessive nature. Telling them you’re no longer a couple will only fuel their need to ‘reconcile.’

4. Loner

loner

Another sign of obsessive ex syndrome is that they are always alone. Most of the channel all their energy and emotions into obsessing and pursuing one particular person that they fail to develop healthy friendships with other people. Find out how his relationship with his so-called friends is. See how close they are and how often they hang out. 

That’s how to identify an obsessive ex syndrome. If the amount of time he puts into making contact with you overshadows his time with his father, mother, or even other women, then he’s probably obsessed. In case this is beyond you and you really don't know how to help him, seek help from a professional. 

If this sign is ignored and you do nothing, it may affect any future relationship you have. Even if he’s a co-parent, reduce the amount of time he spends with you and the kids then check his reaction. If it seems like he’s always trying to make contact with you, message inappropriately or call every day, please don’t be silent. 

5. Mood Swings

An obsessive person also tends to have a lot of mood swings. This is called ‘borderline personality disorder’ (BPD) in medical terms. When you can see him switch from being happy to being sad or emotional within minutes there's a high chance he has BPD, a condition that has been linked to obsessive ex syndrome. 

This explains how he can go from being so sweet and loving to hating and transmitting negative energy. If your ex-partner is exhibiting BPD and you can clearly see these signs, it is advised to seek professional help as soon as possible because that might be his only option.

6. Always Trying To Reach You

Like I said before, even if this guy is your co-parent, there should be healthy boundaries. As a parent, you have the responsibility to protect your kids and yourself first. So, another sign to look out for is the number of times he tries to contact you. Is it out of the ordinary? Does he sound desperate or freaky? 

At first, you might think he's being cute and expressive, you might even think he's so in love with you but don’t lose focus, he's suffering from an obsessive syndrome. 

Obsessive stalking like this can be a burden to the victim. Never take cases like these lightly because these obsessions could grow into something as bad as suicide or homicide. 

7. Aggression

aggression

Some partners or ex-partners tend to be very aggressive when they encounter situations they can't control, be it at work, in school, or in a relationship. Obsessive people always want to be in control, they always want to get what they want, when they want it. If things don't go their way, they tend to be aggressive or physical. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

In some cases, they might want you to cut off or stop talking to people they don’t like or deem as a threat to them. In other cases, they’ll try to sabotage any genuine relationship you have in hopes to get you dependent on them even after the breakup

However, the worst part is if he shows any aggressive behaviors towards the kids, family members of you when things don’t go his way. 

8. Low Self-Esteem

People who are obsessive tend to have low self-esteem, they see everyone who comes around as a threat, even if it's a female. They are scared of losing your attention to someone else, and in most cases, they are scared that they are not good enough or unloveable. So, they try to block everything trying to take you away from them, using extreme means. 

The constant fear and difficulty in holding a casual/friendly conversation with anyone else because your ex-partner will probably cause a scene or confront the person shows he has obsessive ex syndrome and can be dangerous.

9. Revenge Obsession

Revenge obsession occurs when your ex-partner wants you to be punished for causing him pain. Even though they don’t love you anymore, they want you to go through the same pain they went through when you left them. 

In cases where you've moved on after the breakup, or even moved to another city, he has no option than to keep wishing you have your heart broken wherever you are. Some might even go the extra mile to get you back just to break your heart in order to fulfill their desires. 

So they constantly stalk you hoping that one day they can either witness your heartbreak or get back with you to hurt/harm you. It is always advised to be careful while getting back with an ex because you really don't know their intentions.

FAQs

How do I know if my ex is obsessed with me?

The constant calling and stalking on social media should give it off if we are being honest. When you find out you are getting excessive calls from this person, and all he's talking about is you guys getting back together or getting mad that he can't control you anymore, just know he is obsessed. 

Is it normal to worry about your ex?

It depends on the kind of concern. It is normal to worry if he's okay after the breakup because I mean, this is someone you were with. So, you're concerned about his well being. But there's really no need to worry about who he is dating next or worry about overly personal things.

Is he obsessed or in love?

There is really a thin line between being in love and being obsessed. Both of them if well balanced could sometimes work together. If you ask me, I'd say obsession doesn't let you breathe, while love makes you flourish. When someone is obsessed with you, he wants you all for himself, and limits your potential and opportunities, love on the other hand is supportive and has a lot to do with sharing. 

Do guys think about their exes sexually?

Everybody has a different sexual drive and orientation. Sometimes, you meet some that match yours, sometimes they exceed yours. It is very possible to actually miss someone you have been with sexually. Maybe there was just something that you loved about that person you haven’t found in anyone else. 

How does an obsessed person behave?

Obsessed people don't see anything other than themselves and what they want. They don't care how a certain decision makes you feel. The constant calls and texts they send, trying to control who comes into your life and the places you go, is obsessive. Sometimes they could suggest they're watching out for you but it's all a hoax to cover their selfishness.

In Summary

Did you enjoy this article on obsessive ex syndrome? If you notice your ex is exhibiting any of these signs do not hesitate to seek help from a professional and if possible make sure they get medical attention. Ensure that you share this article with your loved ones, and leave a comment below to share your thoughts.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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