Breaking up is never easy, I know! It doesn’t matter whether you or your partner instigated the breakup. Or whether the break is sudden or anticipated. Sometimes all you want to know is - when do guys start to miss you after a breakup?
In order to answer ‘does he miss me’ it helps to look at our past experiences. I’ve had my share of breakups, as have we all. Each one ended differently.
In some relationships, I made the decision to break up. In others, the decision was made for me and against my wishes. So I didn’t experience the same emotions. Instead, I reacted to the situation.
Some breakups left me utterly heartbroken, convinced I’d never love again. With others, I walked away feeling guilty at the hurt I’d caused.
For example, one relationship lasted over 6 years but by the end, we were living more or less separate lives. So, in the end, I didn’t miss my ex-boyfriend at all when we decided to split up.
On the other hand, I dated a guy in my teens for just 3 months. When he broke up with me I missed him immediately and for a whole year!
What I’m trying to say is that there’s no right way to answer this. When we start missing our partners all depends on each individual relationship. They will have their own set of circumstances. For instance, the length of the relationship and who instigated the breakup.
It makes sense when you learn that the same brain areas light up during cocaine use and romantic love.
In fact, that’s exactly what’s happening when we fall in love with someone. Our brains release certain hormones and neurotransmitters that make us feel good when we do certain things.
For instance, we produce a hormone called oxytocin when we cuddle up to someone. This helps us bond and form attachments. New mothers often produce high amounts of oxytocin immediately after giving birth. You can even produce it stroking your dog.
The neurotransmitter dopamine is known as the ‘happy chemical’. Dopamine introduces a feeling of pleasure and brings about a spike of happiness when we perform a particular action.
When we’re falling for someone our brains go into overdrive. They produce vast amounts of these hormones. Oxytocin increases our feelings of attachment. It makes men want to protect their women and women nurture their men.
Dopamine spikes the pleasure and happiness we feel with our partner. We learn to associate these feelings with our loved ones.
We feel better when we’re with them so instinctively we want to keep these good feelings going. You could say that these intense feelings of pleasure are highly addictive.
Then, all of a sudden, we break up with our partner. The brain no longer produces our feel-good hormones. We are essentially going cold turkey.
That’s why some breakups are exceptionally hard on our emotions. We become used to feeling happy when our partner is around. Now they’re gone and we feel rotten.
So that’s the science behind love and how our brains work. Now, can it help us with decoding when a person starts to miss us?
So it’s important to take these into consideration when you ask yourself - does my ex miss me? It will all depend on your own personal situation. Having said that, we can use certain basic psychological characteristics and traits to help us understand human behavior.
We can ask ourselves – what is a person most likely to do in this situation? What would most of us do? How would we feel in the same set of circumstances?
It also helps us to know what happens to our brains when we miss someone. When do guys start to miss you after a breakup? This usually depends on the character of the ex-boyfriend.
Guys with full and interesting lives will be able to fill the gap when their partner leaves them. They will use their interests and hobbies to distract them from thinking about you.
These are the type of guys that don’t rely on other people for their own validation or self-worth. They are mentally well-balanced and emotionally strong. They probably won’t miss you at all.
On the other hand, we have men who are only complete with a romantic partner. These men feel as if they are half a person when they’re not in a relationship.
The very fact that you’ve broken up is enough to get him missing you straight away. But be careful. Is he missing you or the relationship?
Then we have guys that simply don’t know what they want in a partner. They tend to be indecisive in other areas of their lives. They are the ones that always think the grass is greener on the other street.
These guys might have a few casual dates to test the water before deciding you were the one in the first place. Then they’ll come back begging for a second chance. This guy will start to miss you after a few weeks or months.
Of course, men are complex creatures and I’m just narrowing down some basic attributes and traits here. But if you want advice when it comes to making your guy miss you, science can help us again.
If you are hoping to reconcile at a future date then you’ll need a plan to make your guy miss you. It’s important that you do things in stages. A key point is that if you want him to miss you then you have to cut off ALL CONTACT. It’s called the NO CONTACT RULE.
No contact means exactly that. No texting, no peeking on social media, no asking his friends how he is, no contact at all. Call it the silent treatment. Now, does silence make a man miss you? Well, I’ll tell you what doesn’t. Constant contact.
No contact allows both of you time and space to heal from the devastation of the breakup. You can crawl away and nurse your wounds. Let any anger subside until you are both calm enough to discuss moving forward rationally.
We’ve all heard of the saying ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’. Well, it’s true. In order for someone to miss you, you have to not be there. You have to not be available.
It makes total sense when you think about it. How can your guy miss you if you’re always around? The best way to get your ex back is to give him a chance to miss you! So let him come to you after a breakup.
One great thing about the no contact rule is that it gives you a chance to focus on yourself. Now, you are going to feel terribly low and lethargic at this point.
But my advice is to use this time to help yourself heal from the trauma. After all, what is better, you moping around in your sweats crying all day? Or you, going to the gym, out socializing with friends, and catching up on that studying you’ve been putting off?
This relationship does not define you. YOU define YOU! And even if your goal is for your ex to come back, you stand a much better chance if you are a positive, happy person. I mean, would you be attracted to a sad, depressed ex-partner that was pining for you?
Human beings are attracted to success, to independence, to positivity. We see it in others and we are drawn to it. We want it for ourselves. And if we can’t have it we want to be around those who have it.
That’s the great thing with being positive, you attract other positive things. A positive attitude leads to opportunities. You might meet new people that can help with your career.
You could be introduced to a new circle of friends that expand your interests. You could even meet a new lover. The key here is to be open to new possibilities.
Of course, many people ask the question ‘when do guys start to miss you’ because they are hoping to get back with an ex. In this case, there are things you can do in the meantime if you want your ex to come back.
Have a makeover like a new haircut and a new outfit. Then when you’re out at a bar make sure your friends take pictures of you having fun. You can post these images on social media where your ex will see them.
Another trick is to remember what attracted your ex to you in the first place. Then replicate this when you think your paths will cross. So, if he liked you in a particular item of clothing wear it. Or was he attracted to a certain look you had?
It’s important to remember that when your paths do cross with your ex to play it cool. You don’t want to come across as desperate or too available. Hopefully, you’ve been busy working on yourself and having tons of fun. But play hard to get when you meet and imagine that you are a prize worth getting.
You want your ex to start missing you, only then will he come back. Remember, things won’t change just because you want them to. You have to give it time. If he is the right person for you he won’t be tempted by someone else. He’ll start missing you right from the beginning.
By the way, I am not underestimating how hard it is when a relationship ends, believe me. So what can you do if you’re finding it difficult? How can you cope in the meantime?
Remember how we experience the same kind of withdrawal from romantic love as we do from drugs? We can use this knowledge to help us recover from a breakup.
We know that when we quit a drug we suffer from withdrawal symptoms. We feel low, depressed, and lackluster. There is a gap in our lives that the drug once filled.
It’s the same with romantic love. Those incredible highs we experienced have been replaced with depressing lows. There’s a huge gap in our lives that only that one person could fill.
What happens in our brains is that every time we think of that person we get an automatic surge of pleasurable emotions. However, when reality kicks in, usually microseconds later, we feel worse.
Any little thing can remind us of our lost love. A song on the radio, a TV programme, a favorite club or bar. Each time we’re reminded we get those little spikes. It’s torture.
It’s a good idea to process the thoughts and feelings you have about the relationship. Either with a friend, family member, or professional.
Analyze why the relationship didn’t work. Put everything into perspective. Examine it forensically, not through the eyes of lost love. Be objective and critical.
Cut off all contact with your ex. Block them from your social media. Delete their phone number. This will help stop those distressing spikes.
Now focus on yourself. Look at your positive attributes. If you can’t think of any ask your good friends. Remind yourself that you deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are.
Men miss things when they’re not there. So if you’re hoping to get back together at some point, give him space. You need to let him realize he’s missing you. Stick to the no contact rule. If he hooks up with someone else then you know he’s not worth it.
Men are doers, not thinkers. Therefore it’s likely that your guy is busying himself now that he’s free from any commitments. We know that guys brag about their freedom and not wanting a relationship. So you may have to give him some time to regret the breakup.
Guys feel the same emotions as us ladies. So, of course, they feel hurt after a breakup. You’ll have an idea of how your guy is feeling by his reaction at the time of breaking up. It’s best to wait until both parties are not so vulnerable before contact.
By living your best life and concentrating on yourself. There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who is independent, fun-loving, happy, and content with her own life. Conversely, no guy finds a miserable sad, or desperate woman attractive. He’s more likely to go off with someone else.
Research suggests that while women hurt more in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, men suffer more long-term. Women tend to heal themselves and come out stronger whereas men never recover, they simply move on.
It’s always hard at the end of a relationship. And it’s only natural to miss our ex-partners. As for when do guys start to miss you after a breakup? Well, maybe if you’ve broken up it’s for a good reason.
Why dwell on the past? Concentrate on yourself and find someone that values you for who you are.
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