HerNorm is a community-supported website. We may earn a small commission on purchases made through our links. Learn more.

My Husband Is Addicted To Porn? (9 Signs To Look For)

by Sonya Schwartz

Is your husband’s pornography habit affecting your relationship?

Do you worry that he is addicted? 

Is he denying that it’s a problem for him? 

If so, this is the guide for you. It reveals the telltale signs that your husband does in fact need help to recover from a pornography addiction.

But first, I need you to read the next few sentences carefully. 

Often, when a man begins to suffer from a porn addiction, it’s because he is either missing out on pleasure or running from pain elsewhere in his life. 

That’s why I need to tell you about a little-known trigger within male psychology I recently discovered. 

It’s named The ‘Hero’s Instinct’. It affects most men’s decision-making in a big way. 

When activated, this deeply primal instinct triggers strong feelings of purpose, pride and self-worth. It can be used by women to win a man’s attention and also to reignite a stale relationship. 

I tried it myself - and it is so consistent!

Before discovering the ‘Hero’s Instinct’, I was endlessly dating men who didn’t really give a damn about me.  Now, my relationships with men are filled with love, excitement and passion. Read my in-depth blog post to learn the finer details.

By addressing the root cause of a porn addiction, it becomes much easier to curb a habit.

So, to help you out, here are a list of 9 signs that could point to the fact that your husband is addicted to porn and that there is potential that your relationship could end because of this porn habit. If any of these ring true with your husband’s behavior, you may wish to sit him down and have a chat.

1: Your Husband Isn’t Interested In Sex Anymore

Now, it might sound counterintuitive – your husband isn’t interested in sex anymore so he might have a porn addiction. However, this is actually very common. You see, the thing is, when a man is obsessed with watching porn, he becomes less interested in other things – including having sex with you.

Indeed, it could be that his porn habit is so bad that he can only be turned on by watching adult movies. Which means, when you are both in bed, he just cannot get himself in the mood – either mentally or physically – so will avoid having sex with you.

It could even be a self-confidence thing, as when your husband watches porn, the women in these videos will look like they’re enjoying themselves without any pressure on those watching to provide this pleasure. So, no matter what they do, the people in the movie get their “happy ending”.

This is when porn becomes a safe place for the person watching, as there is no risk involved. Which means your husband could have started off being afraid of disappointing you, and so looked to porn for solace and his own gratification. From there, this porn obsession grew, until he can only get a proper ‘buzz’ from secretly watching his videos.

Of course, if your husband has stopped wanting to have sex with you, it could be for a number of reasons. For instance, stress or underlying health problems can really lower a man’s sex drive. If, however, he seems fine otherwise, you may wish to consider the idea of a porn addiction.

2: Your Husband Struggles To Keep Erect During Sex

While some husbands suffering from porn addiction will avoid sex with their partners entirely, some will also try and carry on as normal. However, you will often find that a husband with a worrying porn habit will struggle to physically hold an erection long enough to complete.

Known as porn-induced erectile dysfunction, this isn’t a physical problem but rather an issue of the mind. As, because they’ve watched so much online sex, their brain struggles to be turned on without the use of these adult videos or images. Indeed, they will only really get true gratification from masturbating, with what was once normal sex life with you just not being enough anymore.

Often men will try to hide this issue by blaming their partners. So, if you’re husband has claimed his erection problem is because you’ve gained weight, don’t dress up or something like you not instigating enough, this could just be a hurtful comment to hide his dirty little secret.

If he is having erection issues but you have caught him pleasuring himself, then the problem is not physical and makes it more likely that your husband has an addiction with porn. If it doesn’t look like he can hold an erection at any time, then you should encourage him to seek medical advice.

As well as issues keeping erect, porn addicts can also have an issue with reaching orgasm. That’s because, when watching porn and enjoying self-sex, your husband will have a tight and fast grip. If he’s regularly masturbating like this, there will come a stage where he will only be able to orgasm like this and will not be able to from sexual intercourse.

3: Your Husband Is Looking To Try New Things in Bed

3: Your Husband Is Looking To Try New Things in Bed

While being addicted to porn causes some men to be unable to have sex with their women. For some men, porn addiction is just a form of their own sexual addiction issue. Which means, as well as watching a lot of adult videos, they will also look to have a lot of sex with you too.

So, how can you tell the difference between a normal sexual appetite and one that might be a side of porn addiction? Well, for one, you’ll know how often you both usually have sex. So, if this has increased a lot, it might be a sigh of being sex addicts. You can also spot an addiction to porn through any changes your husband tries to make to your usual routine. This could be that he’s looking to try a variety of new and unusual positions, or could be that he’s wanting to try new kinks or fetishes. This might include bondage, wanting to try threesomes or something more unusual.

You might also find that he’s started using dirty language that he’s never done before. He might also want you to change your appearance, such as how you shave or what you wear during sex. Overall, if he’s become a lot more demanding in the bedroom, it can be a clear sign of him watching too much porn in secret.

Of course, spicing up your marriage is something that most women will welcome. However, there will be a clear difference in your husband offering to try one or two new things occasionally and a husband that is demanding a lot of new things that you might be uncomfortable with.

4: Your Husband Wants To Spend A Lot Of Time Online

A porn addict will require a lot of alone time online in order to watch his videos. For most addicts, this will be something that they need to do every day, so it should be simple enough to see if they get agitated without getting online.

If your husband is spending a lot of time in another room with his laptop – especially in another room when he could be socializing with friends or family – this is worrying and a sure sign of being addicted to born. He might even become annoyed or unreasonable if he can’t get access to a computer when he wants to – for instance, he shouts at the kids for spending too long online, as he wants on himself.

Of course, like many other addicts, if your husband is addicted to porn, he will want to hide this sexual addiction as well as he can. Which means, he might wish to try and get online at strange and unusual times, such as very early in the morning or even late at night when he should be in bed with you. You might even find yourself waking up to find he isn’t in bed during the night. Or, he could tell you he’s staying late in the office, all so that he can get some alone time with his videos.

If your husband is acting oddly and secretive about being online, it could also mean he could be having an affair. However, it is possible to tell the difference, as with porn your husband is more likely to want to be alone with a computer. If he’s talking to someone, he’ll be warier of his phone and shield it from you.

5: Any Computers Will Have Their History Cleared

Similar to the idea of your husband needing alone time with his computer for looking at porn online, you will also find that the history on these computers has been cleared to hide any evidence of what your husband has been doing online. The same will go for his phone or tablet browser history.

This can be quite hard to track, though. Especially when browsers like Chrome give their users the opportunity to browse ‘incognito’ where it won’t save the addresses of the pages you visited. So, when you look at the history, it will just have normal pages such as newspapers or online shops.

Because of these browser extensions, you can’t just presume that if your husband’s computer has history of regular browsing online, it means that he hasn’t been hiding anything he’s been looking at. This just means that he might be being sneakier about it than you might have managed.

If, though, you check and everything has been cleared, this is a sure sign that there’s something your partner is trying to hide. As he might be so paranoid that you could find out, he will want to hide everything just in case.

Don’t just jump to conclusions, though, especially if it’s on a family computer. Instead, sit him down and ask him why the history has been deleted. If he acts defensive or suspiciously, then it’s likely he’s hiding something – such as looking at sex addiction to porn stars. However, it could just as easily be a gambling addiction or something like an affair, so you will need to investigate more.

6: Pornography Use Leads To Social Distancing

When a man has a serious porn addiction, it can be draining on other areas of their life and marriage. That’s because, with so much time and energy being dedicated to pornography, they will become physically and mentally exhausted away from their habit.

This can become noticeable to those closest to them, as you’ll notice the man in question will become less interested in his real-life relationships such as those with you, his friends and the kids. For instance, perhaps he used to play football with his mates every week but has now given up. Or the kids might be pestering him to play with them, yet he claims he’s too tired or he can’t be bothered.

Those that have sex addicts support groups have described this social distancing as a form of feeling numb. Where these men will only truly get any happiness from looking at pornography. Everything else is just a chore that drains the happiness out of you.

If your man is acting in a way that you might describe as numb, it’s important that you look at all the possible causes before deciding that it’s pornography addiction. It could also easily be stress or depression, so you can always suggest a trip to his doctor to see if this makes any difference.

If he’s acting distant and showing other signs of too much pornography use, though, then it is likely he’s suffering from an addiction and you may need to seek marriage therapy or other counseling for him to work through his problems.

7: He’s Being Different With His Finances

7: He’s Being Different With His Finances

Now, you might be thinking – “You can get lots of pornography online for free, so why would my addicted husband change how he acts with finances?”. Well, this is very true, you can get plenty of adult moves and imaging online, however, for an addict what’s free and available might not be enough.

He might want to sign up to a porn website’s paid membership, where he can gain access to more movies from his favorite porn stars or get his movies in HD. If he has very specific tastes, he might also want to buy access to specific genres that aren’t freely available online.

It might also get to the stage where he wants to buy DVDs, so even If he can’t get online, he’ll still be able to watch his favorite movies over and over again. Or, he might even have discovered live cam girls, where he can ask these adult workers to do specific things for him in real time. Worse still, if a man cannot get enough time online at home, he might be tempted to pay for a cheap hotel room from time to time, where he can get away from all prying eyes and watch as much porn as he pleases.

Because of this, it’s highly likely that he will want to keep his bank statement or credit card bill away from you, as this will show you that he’s making lots of purchases online that you know knowing about. He will also likely change the password for his email address, which will prevent you from logging in and looking for any membership details or receipts. Or, you might find that he makes up a new email that you know absolutely nothing about.

This is worrying behavior, particularly if your family doesn’t have a lot of extra cash every month. You could soon find that your man is acquiring a lot of debt in the name of his pornography addiction, especially if you don’t catch it in the early stages. Indeed, this is why a marriage breakdown so often occurs due to pornography addiction, as money issues and the secrecy mean the trust is gone forever.

8: He’s Generally Acting In A Secretive Or Suspicious Manner

While men often believe that they are expert liars that can get away with anything, in a marriage a wife can often sniff out even the deepest of secrets. Especially since a guilty man will act very suspiciously, even if he’s not aware of it.

Think about it, if his laptop is sitting and you go to grab it, does he jump out of his skin? Perhaps he also sits looking extremely worried while you use it. As, even though he’s probably deleted every little bit of incriminating evidence that could point to his issue with pornography.

You might also find that he gets angry easily over any questions you ask him. It could be that you innocently asked him what he was doing online and he snaps back that he isn’t up to anything. You see, an addict is very protective of the little world they’ve built up. So, if they think someone is about to rumble that secret, they will become very anxious and defensive, which will often come out as anger.

So, if your man is acting strangely, it’s a sure sign that something is up. Which means you’ll need to start investigating further in order to see if pornography is the reason for his behavior and from there decide what you are going to do about it.

9: He Wants You To Change Your Appearance

In a marriage, we all get to point where we’d like to change something about the men or women in our lives. Maybe it’s a bad habit, or you’d like them to dress up a little bit more like they used to. What you don’t do in a marriage though, is try to force women to look like porn actors – that is unless you spend too much time looking at porn and have started to believe this is the beauty norm.

Think back, has he made comments about your weight? Saying he wishes you’d lose weight to look more like the women you see on the TV. Now, even if you could do with losing a few pounds, this is an extremely horrible thing to say. Especially coming from your partner – who might not be in as good of shape as he might have been in the past either!

When it comes to pornography and the women in them, though, you might find your husband has a few more specific ways in which he would like you to change your appearance. For one, he might become obsessed with the idea of you having bigger breasts or a bigger bum. Indeed, he might even ask you to consider cosmetic surgery in order to look more like his favorite porn stars. He could also ask you to dress more like the women he sees online, wearing the very revealing outfits or costumes used in adult movies.

If this sounds familiar, there’s a good chance that your man has become addicted to pornography so much that he thinks the people in these movies are the normality of attraction. Which can leave us normal people looking far less attractive in his eyes. However, you should never be pressured into changing your appearance by no one, especially when it’s him that has the issue.

Do any of these porn addiction signs sound familiar to you? Well, unfortunately, it does sound like your man might have a problem. So, what can you do? Well, when it comes to addiction, the earlier you catch it the better, as that gives your marriage the best chances of survival.

For some women, though, looking at other women online is as good as cheating, so you may never be able to get your marriage back to where it was before. Although, it’s always a good idea to give marriage counseling a try, as it could really work for you both.

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

One comment on “My Husband Is Addicted To Porn? (9 Signs To Look For)”

  1. I wonder if it would be possible to give me some advice please on this very delicate subject

    I have been with my husband for 25 years, married for 21, have 3 teenage sons & we are in our early 50s
    Over the years I have caught my husband looking at explicit magazines many times which I have confronted him about. He has profusely apologised afterwards but it has escalated over the years. I found out about 20 years ago just after I had our first son that he phoned a sex chat line & had phone sex with a lady. I only found out because the telephone company phoned up for our address where to send the 0898 tel no invoice. He flatly denied it but in an argument years later he finally admitted he had done it. I was in hospital at the time as our son was seriously ill in SCBU & so I felt so angry at how he could do that to us. I know in the past he watched free explicit scenes & tasters of videos on the tv & then since the invention of the internet he has been able to watch endless amounts of free porn on the computer, laptop & his smart phone. He is specifically addicted to one particular type of sex which is called ‘FACE SITTING’. I have asked him why is this so appealing & addictive to him & he says he honestly doesn’t know why. To be honest it has gone on for so long now that I feel completely numb towards it. I feel that I have got so upset & angry endless times about it & he always says “sorry” & even once said ‘I promise I will never ever do it again’ but he does of course do it & I know he will never ever stop this destroying addiction. I know that in the mornings before he leaves for work he watches these face sitting videos he has down loaded on his smart phone in the kitchen as I have caught him many times.
    Our sex life is non existent & we are lucky if we have sex once a year as it mostly is about every 18 months-2 years. He makes me feel so self conscious about my body especially as I have gained weight & have a wobbly stomach as I have had 3 No C sections & had twins but one of them was still born so I avoid getting undressed in front of him. I must be honest that I am not really that bothered about having sex with him as he doesn’t really know how to satisfy me with foreplay & oral sex as I like most women can’t orgasm just with penetration. I have tried to show him in a kind & gentle way & ask him to be very soft & gentle when he tries both foreplay & oral sex but he’s like a bull in a china shop & after 25 years I have totally given up as he has never been able to give me one single orgasm & it doesn’t seem to cross his mind that women are entitled to have orgasms also not just men, it’s like he just hasn’t got a clue what or how he needs to touch or lick me.
    I did read that men who watch pornography find it much harder to reach orgasm & my husband cannot ever, no matter how long he goes for.
    I caught him this week looking on his phone in the morning at face sitting videos & I just couldn’t even be bothered to be angry, what’s the point as all he ever says is “sorry” which means absolutely nothing to me now as if he was genuinely sorry he wouldn’t keep doing it as he has totally stripped my confidence & I have absolutely no trust for him, how can I when he continually sneaks around behind my back & lies that “he won’t ever do it again I promise” which is shallow talk as not once has he ever made any sort of attempt or effort to try to stop his betraying addiction as I know physically it’s not cheating but he is getting excited & turned on not by myself but other woman which really his very hurtful & cruel
    I have made the decision that once our sons have left home I will leave him as I don’t want to spend the rest of what life I have left with a man I don’t respect & certainly has absolutely no respect for me whatsoever carrying on with his porn addiction
    Any help would be so appreciated

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

footer logo Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected
[ TAKE THIS FREE QUIZ ]
[ TAKE THIS FREE QUIZ ]