Many women would like their man to last longer in bed – premature ejaculation seems to be a big complaint for many of us. However, what happens when your man can't come? When sex with your partner lasts so long because your partner simply can't finish, it can cause a variety of concerns. If you are dealing with this problem, then you aren't alone. A lot of women worry about what the reasons are for the fact their husbands can't come anymore, and their minds tend to go straight to deciding he is cheating with someone younger, hotter and better in bed. However, this isn't always the case. There are an array of reasons for the fact that your husband might not be able to come anymore, so don't worry too much about him being unfaithful until we have taken a look at these.
In this article, we are going to take a look at some of the concerns women will have when their husband can't come any more or experiencing ejaculation delay, the reasons why your man is having difficulty ejaculating and how you can deal with it.
- 1 Is Your Husband Unable To Come, Or Does It Just Take Him Longer?
- 2 Concerns You Might Have If Your Husband Can't Come Anymore
- 3 10 Reasons Why A Man Cannot Ejaculate
- 3.1 1 . He May Be Cheating On You
- 3.2 2 . He Is Getting Older
- 3.3 3 . He Has An Underlying Illness
- 3.4 4 . His Medication Is Giving Him Sexual Dysfunction
- 3.5 5 . He Masturbates Too Much
- 3.6 6 . He Is Struggling With His Mental Health
- 3.7 7. He Has Performance Anxiety
- 3.8 8 . He Is Drinking Too Much
- 3.9 9 . He Is Taking Illegal Drugs
- 3.10 10 . He Watches Too Much Porn
- 4 What Should You Do When Your Partner Can't Come?
- 5 Things You Can Do, Regardless Of The Specific Reason
- 6 Specific Things You Can Do, Depending On The Situation
- 6.1 He May Be Cheating On You
- 6.2 He Is Getting Older
- 6.3 He Has An Underlying Illness
- 6.4 His Medication Is Giving Him Sexual Dysfunction
- 6.5 He Masturbates Too Much
- 6.6 He Is Struggling With His Mental Health
- 6.7 He Has Performance Anxiety
- 6.8 He Is Drinking Too Much
- 6.9 He Is Taking Illegal Drugs
- 6.10 He Watches Too Much Porn
- 7 Conclusion
Is Your Husband Unable To Come, Or Does It Just Take Him Longer?
There's a difference between your husband not being able to come, and having delayed ejaculation. They are both difficult to deal with, but they do differ slightly. Everyone takes different amounts of time to reach orgasm and come, so it's important that you do not rule out the fact that having a delay in ejaculation might be the way your husband's body works or has just started to work.
Delayed orgasm is when it takes more than half an hour to come. However, it could be a lot shorter than that if you have been having sex for 20+ minutes and you have experienced one or more orgasms, but your partner still hasn't. Couples will typically try to reach the point of orgasm together, but even if they can't, it should naturally happen within about 5 minutes of each other.
If your husband is experiencing difficulty ejaculating or can't come at all, it may put a lot of stress on the relationship. You might feel unwanted and your significant other can feel helpless. This can lead to the halt of a sex life in a marriage.
Concerns You Might Have If Your Husband Can't Come Anymore
You might be having a variety of worries of concerns if your spouse can't finish anymore when you're having sex, or if he can finish but has difficulty ejaculating. You might feel start to question many things –
“Am I not attractive anymore?”
“Is he cheating on me?”
“Has he got a health problem?”
“Am I not good at having sex now?”
If you're having any of these types of thoughts, the first thing you need to do is calm your thoughts. There are several reasons a man might have problems with ejaculation. However, none of them will be your fault, so you can stop worrying about what you're doing wrong straight away. You're not doing anything wrong.
If your mind is in overdrive about the fact he might be cheating on you, of course, this could be a reason that he can't finish when you have sex with him anymore, but it should not be the first conclusion you have. Later in the article, we are going to take a look at some of the other signs your man will be showing if he is cheating on you – so you can either confirm it or cast this assumption aside.
10 Reasons Why A Man Cannot Ejaculate
Now we have covered some of the basics, and how you might be feeling about the issue of your man having difficulty ejaculating, it's time to take a look at ten of the most common reasons why your spouse might not be able to ejaculate or is having a delayed orgasm. These reasons are not in order of likeliness, and all of them are just as common as each other. Let's take a look and help you try to figure out why your man is having problems.
1 . He May Be Cheating On You
I'm going to tackle this reason head-on, hence the reason it's the first reason. This is probably the first conclusion you will come to when you realize that your husband is either finding it difficult to finish or isn't coming when he sex with you. Of course, he could be cheating on you. He might have recently had sex with someone before he has sex with you, and therefore he hasn't had enough time to recover from his earlier ejaculation. If he has feelings for someone else or finds someone else attractive, he might also find it difficult to feel attracted to you sexually now. However, unless your man is showing some of the signs of cheating mentioned below, you can pretty much be certain he isn't cheating on you and there is another reason for him to be experiencing sexual dysfunction.
The other signs that a man is cheating on you with another woman are:
- He makes more effort with his appearance before heading out of the house now.
- You spend less time with your husband now, as he always seems busy.
- He spends a lot of time at the office or goes away for ‘work' weekends.
- His spending has increased.
- He sneaks around you.
- He hides his phone from you or always has it by his side.
- He acts jumpy around you.
- You can smell another woman on him.
If your husband has started to show these signs at the same time as not being able to come, he could be cheating on you with someone else.
2 . He Is Getting Older
The reason that your husband can't come any longer could be as simple as the fact that he is getting older. Also, this might be difficult to hear, he might just be aging, and therefore that's the reason he takes longer to come or can't at all. When men get older, their testosterone levels get lower and their sperm count decreases. Therefore, they need more stimulation to firstly get an erection, and to have an orgasm. If they do come, it will be a weak ejaculation and a shorter orgasm. It also takes older men a lot longer to recover from ejaculation before they can get another erection. Sex changes over time, and as we age, we need to change our tactics and alter our expectations of what our sex lives will be like.
3 . He Has An Underlying Illness
Your spouse's inability to come could be a symptom of a variety of underlying health conditions. The illnesses that cause sexual dysfunction range from not-so-serious illnesses like urine infections and slightly high blood pressure, to serious health conditions like cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. If your spouse has recently been diagnosed with a condition or illness, this might be the reason he can't come any longer. When it comes to serious conditions, the doctors will be certain to tell your husband about the serious side effects of having the condition, but they might leave sexual dysfunction out, especially if there are many more serious effects that could cause your spouse's life to be in danger. On the other hand, your spouse might not even be aware that he has an illness, and therefore this might be a symptom that you need to check out – it could identify an unidentified and underlying condition.
4 . His Medication Is Giving Him Sexual Dysfunction
If your partner is taking has recently started to take any type of medication, this could be the reason he is having difficulty ejaculating or can't come at all. Much like the illness side effects talked about in the previous point, when the doctor was putting your spouse on these medications, they might have missed out on the fact it causes sexual problems, especially if the medication could have more life-threatening side-effects. Common medications that are known to make it difficult to orgasm and come include the majority of antidepressants, the majority of anxiety medicines, the majority of blood pressure medications and medicines for cholesterol. In addition to this, if your spouses's doctor has told him to drastically change his diet, this could have repercussions in the bedroom too – your partner's body will be going through big changes. If you know that your spouse is taking medication, you can simply research the side effects, even if they are ‘less-common' and you might find sexual dysfunction as one of them.
5 . He Masturbates Too Much
If your spouse masturbates too much, it could mean that when he does have sex with you he can't finish, or he experiences a delay in coming. Masturbation is really useful, not only to take away sexual frustration when you have it but also to understand your body and what turns it on. It's healthy to masturbate, and many married couples still masturbate – some couples even enjoy masturbating together. It's something a little spicy. However, it can also be detrimental to a couple's sex life. Sometimes, sexual frustration can be useful within a relationship – so when you do have sex with your partner, you can get it all out and have incredible sex. You might know that your man masturbates, and it might not bother you. However, if he is masturbating too much, this could be the reason he is having difficulty ejaculating when you have sex. It might be difficult for him to ejaculate during penetrative sex because of the fact he is able to turn himself on more when he touches himself, or he might have simply masturbated before having sex with you, and therefore his body hasn't had sufficient time to recover.
6 . He Is Struggling With His Mental Health
Is it possible that your significant other is struggling with mental health issues? If so, this could be the reason he can't come or is experiencing delayed orgasms. If your partner has been open with you and admits that he is really stressed at the moment, struggling with depression or experiencing a bout of anxiety, then this will most likely be what's affecting him in the bedroom. In addition, as we touched on above, he might be taking anti-depressants or anxiety drugs, and therefore this will only be adding to him finding it difficult to finish. On the other hand, your spouse might not be open with you and he might be trying to hide his feelings. In this situation, it might be increasingly difficult for you to find out the root of the issue with his sexual performance, but as his wife, you should be able to tell if something isn't right. You might be able to notice your spouse looks particularly stressed, sad or anxious. If you do, he's clearly finding life a bit difficult at the moment, and coming when you have sex together is the last thing on his mind. People struggling with mental health issues might not be interested in having sex at all.
7. He Has Performance Anxiety
Your husband could be dealing with performance anxiety. Performance anxiety isn't always an issue that occurs when you first start to have sex with someone, although you might imagine that. Anyone can have performance anxiety in the bedroom at any point in a relationship. There are several reasons that men have performance anxiety, from being worried they will get you pregnant to the fact they put so much pressure on themselves to give you the best sex of your life. If you have recently spoken to your partner about having a baby and he felt uncomfortable by it, or you have complained about your sex life, this can trigger performance anxiety. Unless dealt with properly, the issue of performance anxiety can get worse and worse. For example, your spouse might have not been able to come once, and since that moment he has been putting pressure on himself to come or come faster. This is detrimental, and it won't work because he is trying to force himself into doing it.
8 . He Is Drinking Too Much
Is your partner drinking too much? Or is he only not able to come when he has a few too many beers? Alcohol is one of the biggest reasons that men find it difficult to come. Although your man might come home from a drinking session with his buddies and instantly want to make love to you, he might be left disappointed by himself when he can't orgasm. Alcohol causes a variety of sexual issues, from delayed orgasms to erectile dysfunction. So, if your spouse drinks a lot or only has problems coming when he drinks, this will most likely be the reason for it. If sexual dysfunction happens many times when your man has been drinking, he might then start to feel performance anxiety. The best thing you can do from stopping this happening is to make love to your partner when they are sober – if this is the reason for them not being able to finish, it shouldn't affect them when they are sober, and this can build their confidence again.
9 . He Is Taking Illegal Drugs
If you know that your partner takes illegal drugs, then this could be the reason he is experiencing problems with coming, or with having delayed orgasms. Recreational drugs and illegal drugs can create issues when it comes to sex, this includes marijuana, heroin, cocaine, nicotine, and amphetamines. Different types of recreational drugs and illegal drugs will do different things to your spouse's body and his ability to come. However, they can also stop your man from being able to get erect. Therefore, if you think illegal drugs are making your spouse unable to finish or have delayed orgasms, you might also notice that your man has difficulty getting an erection or/and maintaining an erection. If you suspect that your man has issues with taking drugs but you're not sure, this could be another way you might be able to tell. Illegal drugs are illegal for a reason, and most importantly they won't only be creating issues with his genitalia, but also with the rest of his body and mind.
10 . He Watches Too Much Porn
This point might seem similar to the point about masturbation. However, people can masturbate without watching, and people can watch porn or be taking in porn and not masturbate. Are you aware that your man watches porn? Has he just started watching lots of porn? If you answered yes to both of these questions, then the fact he is watching porn could be the reason he can't come in the same way he used to. Watching lots of porn affects the brain and changes the way people feel sexually aroused. Porn is fake and the things that happen in porn might not happen in the real world. Therefore, if your man is watching lots of porn, he will expect your sex with him to be like the sex he sees in porn films – it's never going to be like that. He will get frustrated that the sex you have together isn't like what he's watching, and he might not get turned on by the sex you're having together – meaning he isn't able to finish or is having delayed orgasms. You might not know if your man is watching porn because he might be withholding this information from you. However, it could be the reason, so you might want to check search history.
What Should You Do When Your Partner Can't Come?
Don't panic. There are several things you can do to help your partner when he is experiencing difficulty ejaculating. We are going to take a look at both what you can do in general to make it better, and then also take a look over the points above and look at more specific solutions.
Things You Can Do, Regardless Of The Specific Reason
1 . Talk To Your Man
Before you work your mind into overdrive, one of the most important things you need to do is speak to your man. Hopefully, you are in a healthy relationship where you can communicate openly and honestly with each other, so it will be easy to bring up this conversation. It might seem daunting and difficult having to bring up sexual problems, but it's crucial if you are going to figure it out and get your sex life back on track. You should speak to your partner in a safe and comfortable environment when the two of you are alone. Avoid speaking about sexual issues when you are in the bedroom as it could make you both feel uncomfortable. Set aside some time to speak with your man about this issue. When you bring up the issue, you need to be aware that your partner might feel attacked – make sure he doesn't feel like that. You want to make sure he will feel like he can be open and honest with you, so he shares information with you.
2 . Give It Time
If your man has a delayed ejaculation once, or can't orgasm a few times, don't worry straight away. You need to give it time to figure out if something really is wrong. Sexual relationships change a lot, and sometimes your partner might not orgasm, or you might not orgasm. If this only happens a few times, it's not the end of the world, and your sexual relationship with your partner isn't in peril. If you can't remember the last time your partner had an orgasm, or you think it's severely affecting your relationship , that is when you need to be concerned that something isn't working and the issue needs to be looked into.
3 . Go To Sex Therapy
We're going to have a look at the different solutions for the different reasons your man might be experiencing delayed ejaculation or no orgasm at all. However, regardless of what the reason is, if you are having trouble with your sex life, it can be really useful to see a sex therapist. Your partner might not be so keen at first to go and see one, especially because men don't typically like to admit they have a problem. However, sex therapists are extremely useful to couples going through problems. They might not only be able to address your problem faster than either of you could, but they will be able to provide information about why this is happening, and how to move forward to get your relationship back on track. A sex therapist might also help you both to understand what gives the other pleasure, and how best to make the other person orgasm. Perhaps you will find out that your partner just loves oral sex but hasn't felt like he could open up to you, or he might learn a new way to give you the best orgasm ever. It's always worth going to seek professional help.
Specific Things You Can Do, Depending On The Situation
Talking to your man, giving it time to figure itself out and going to sex therapy are all great ways you can deal with this kind of situation in general. However, it's also helpful to take a look at what you should do in each specific situation. So, let's take a look.
What To Do If…
He May Be Cheating On You
If you think the reason your man is having trouble coming is because he is cheating on you, the first thing you need to do is look at the evidence. Is he showing the signs of a man that's unfaithful? If he is, you need to talk to him about it. It's useful to have solid evidence, otherwise, he might deny it and you may never find out the truth.
If you find out that your man has cheated on you, it's then your decision as to whether you want to stay in the relationship. If you do, it can be useful to seek marriage counseling to work out the issues. If you don't want to stay with him, leave him and open yourself up to the prospect of finding someone who will be faithful and who you will have great sex with.
He Is Getting Older
If you think the reason your spouse can't finish is because he's getting older, there really isn't anything to be embarrassed about. You should be open with him and have a discussion about how the two of you should move forward as partners who pleasure each other. Research the ways you can achieve orgasm together and seek information about sex when you get older. If you want to, you could seek information from a doctor.
He Has An Underlying Illness
If you think the reason your man can't come is because he's got an underlying illness, the first thing you need to do is go and take a visit to his doctor. If you know your spouse already has an underlying condition, his doctor might be able to give you information it's stopping your man from reaching orgasm. If you think your partner might have an illness, you should encourage him to go to the doctor.
His Medication Is Giving Him Sexual Dysfunction
If you think the reason your man can't finish is because of the medicine he is taking, you can either go to his doctor to find out information about it, or you can look at the information on the internet about the medicine. There might be other medications his doctor could subscribe him to, or other ways you can help your man to orgasm.
He Masturbates Too Much
If you think the reason your spouse can't come is because he's masturbating too much, the best thing to do is speak to him about it. If you don't feel comfortable to speak to him about it or you think he will feel like he's being attacked, you could try mutual masturbation.
He Is Struggling With His Mental Health
If you think the reason your spouse can't come is because he is struggling with mental health issues, it's crucial you show him you are there for him. Take extra care of him, and try and take him to the doctor if you can. Try to show him the pleasure in life, as well as in sex. You are in the relationship for good times and bad after all.
He Has Performance Anxiety
If you think the reason your man can't finish is because he's got performance anxiety, you could try to research it and find out more information. There are several support groups online for this issue, and the internet can also provide you with lots of information about how to soothe the pressure that comes with performance anxiety. It's vital you don't criticize your sex life together, instead, just try to bring more pleasure and fun into it.
He Is Drinking Too Much
If you think the reason your man can't come is because he's drinking too much, you need to see how much he's drinking. He might have an alcohol problem, and if he does, you might want to confront him about it. If you think the amount he drinks is normal, you can simply have sex when he is sober and make him realize how great it feels to orgasm sober.
He Is Taking Illegal Drugs
If you think the reason your man can't come is because he's getting taking illegal drugs, you need to speak to him and confront him about it. Taking illegal drugs is a serious matter, and you need to tackle the issue head on. You might want to speak to support groups online with other spouses of drug abusers, or take your spouse to the doctor to get information on how to get clean.
He Watches Too Much Porn
If you think the reason your man can't come is because he's watching porn, you could try to watch porn together or spice up your sex life. He might be interested in playing out some fantasies with you, leading to a more fun sex life – he might be able to orgasm if you switch up the way you have sex.
I really hope this article has given you sufficient information to help you figure out the reason your husband might not be able to come, and what you can do about it to help. I'm sure your relationship will be back on track in no time.
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