HerNorm is a community-supported website. We may earn a small commission on purchases made through our links. Learn more.

How To Talk To A Guy You Don’t Know (9 Ideas)

Last updated on June 5, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Talking to a guy that we do not know is one of the hardest things we can all do. It takes so much courage that it can be hard to be the one that instigates a conversation. Here, in this article, we look at how to start a conversation with a guy or people that you don't know. 

We give 9 suggestions about what you can do and how to hone your social skills so that starting to talk to a person is not the intimidating event that we often build it up to be over a long time. 

How Do You Start A Conversation With A Guy You Don't Know?

1. Ask a mutual friend to introduce you

Ask a mutual friend to introduce you

Something that people often overlook when we want to start talking to someone we do not know is to ask a mutual friend to introduce you. While this is not always possible if you don’t have a mutual friend, it can be a great way to try if you do. 

It takes the pressure off you a lot and means that you can relax, knowing that a conversation will be started between the two of you without you doing anything. 

2. Ask him if he wants a drink

This is a great tactic if you are out at a bar or restaurant and you see a guy that you think is really cute and you would love the opportunity to get to know better. Try not to get too nervous and simply either ask him directly if he would like a drink or ask a waitress to go over to him to ask if you can buy him one. It can be the perfect conversation starter. 

3. Smile at him

If you are too afraid of starting to talk with people that you think are cute, but don’t have the confidence to actually start talking, it can be a good idea just to smile at them. In doing so, you are putting the ball in their court and letting them in on the fact that you are interested without actually having to go up to them and start talking.

4. Send him an email

If you know the guy enough to be able to get hold of his email address - perhaps because you work at the same company as him or if you have a friend in common, you could try to drop him an email to start up talking to him that way. You can either say something that is work-related or simply something like ‘hi how are you’. Often taking out the face to face initial contact can give you that little bit more confidence. 

5. Bump into him

This is both a physical and metaphorical suggestion. You can try bumping into him gently so that it forces you both to begin talking. Or, if you are at a supermarket, mall, or bar, you could keep popping up wherever he is. Hopefully, in doing so he will initiate chatting to you without you having to take a leap of faith yourself. It can just slowly get him aware of your existence without you putting your ego on the line. 

6. Remember he will be nervous

Remember he will be nervous

One of the reasons that we find it difficult to initiate chats with a person we do not know is that we immediately assume that they wouldn’t deign to talk to us. 

However, that isn’t really the case with most people and actually, everyone gets very nervous when having to drum up an initial talk with anyone without a proper introduction. Keeping this in mind can really help give you the encouragement to start talking with any man you like. 

7. Have confidence in yourself

Bearing nerves in mind, it is also a great idea to remember that you are a highly likable person. Have confidence in yourself and your abilities. Remember that you are worth knowing and that any man should be pleased to be talking to you. And, if they are not, then they themselves are not worth talking to and don’t waste any time or thought over them. 

8. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself

Another reason initiating that first contact with people can be so hard is that we build it up in our heads. Not only does that knock our confidence, but it also piles on the pressure so that we cannot relax and be ourselves. 

Being yourself is one of the best ways to engage with a person as people respond to others who are authentic and genuine. So try not to overthink things too much. That can make the whole situation bigger in your head than it needs to be. You’re just talking with someone that you do not know - what is the worst that could really happen?

9. Go with the flow

When you alleviate the pressure you have put yourself under, you can also allow yourself to go with the flow a little more. That is great news for when you do not know a person that you want to begin chatting with. 

It means that not only do your nerves not get the better of you, you can react to what happens when you first start chatting and you can do so with ease. The result is you will be a much more attractive version of yourself to the man you have your eye on.


How do you start a conversation with a guy you don't know?

Starting a conversation with a guy you don’t know can feel like the most daunting task in the world, but if you try not to put too much pressure on yourself, you will find that you can start talking a lot more easily than otherwise. Just say hi, and see where things go from there. 

How do you talk to a guy you don't know online?

Talking to a guy you don’t know online can be difficult, but if you want to say something but are unsure what, it can be a good idea simply to start chatting by saying hi and see where the conversation then takes you. 

How do you flirt with a guy you don't really know?

Flirting with a person you don’t really know but think you may really like is all about maintaining eye contact, smiling, and staying interested in what they are saying. Appeal to their ego and make sure you say complimentary things without coming across too strong. 

How do I start a conversation?

Try not to overthink starting a conversation. Often, just saying hi is enough. People are far friendlier and happier to talk to others than we assume. It is for that reason that you don’t have to overthink what to say and what you will look like if you simply want to talk to a person you haven’t met before. 

How do I make small talk?

Making small talk is all about being interested in the person you are talking to and not overthinking the situation. The more you overthink it, the more anxious you will become and you won’t be able to relax. You will be too nervous to talk as you would do normally to a friend. 

How To Talk To A Boy - Key Takeaways

Learning how to talk to a man and what things to talk to a guy about who you do not know is definitely a skill. It takes a lot of confidence which not all of us have a great deal of. However, remembering that the man you want to begin talking to is human with his own self-doubt can really help you muster up the courage to go over to a man you are crushing on and start chatting to them. 

And finally, try not to overthink the entire situation. Doing so can make you so nervous that you start to get tongue-tied or saying things you don’t mean, simply to fill the silence. Take a breath and relax. 

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

Copyright © 2015 - 2022 HerNorm.com