Going in for the first kiss can feel scary no matter what your age is or how experienced you are, but sometimes a display of confidence is necessary.
I’ve been dating my partner for 6 years now and we would have never gotten to where we are now if I didn’t make the first move – sometimes it really does matter who initiates.
If you’re anything like me and constantly doubt yourself, then it’s important to overcome this and to simply take the plunge; rejection isn’t great, but will it matter 6 years from now? Of course not! You’ll barely remember.
So, if putting on your big girl pants is what’s needed, then go and get it girl, but firstly maybe prepare a little. There are many tips that can help when learning how to initiate the first kiss.
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Firstly, make sure that they aren’t already in a relationship. A mistake can often be made when you think you feel chemistry together but actually it’s just close friendship.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the 18th century anymore where a man would court you for weeks or months before you’d even attempt a first kiss.
The best time to initiate a first kiss is on a first date. If you’re already on a date together then you’ve established somewhat of a connection and you’re more likely to be successful.
According to UpJourney, “Approximately 60 percent of men say kissing on the first date is acceptable versus 48% of women. And surprisingly, younger consumers between the ages of 18-24 were less likely than their older counterparts to say kissing on the first date is acceptable.”
I believe that the best advice to initiate the first kiss is to kiss him when you want him to kiss you! Because it’s likely that he’s playing with the idea himself and it would be difficult for him to not see the connection when it’s so clear to you.
What’s important is that no matter how nervous you may feel, you act confident and you don’t forget yourself. It can be easy in new situations to put on a bit of a show, but really, you want to show him who you really are if you have any desire to take things further together.
Asking friends for advice is always a good place to start, as from an outside perspective, they are usually able to see if the chemistry is truly there. And if your friend hasn’t seen you interact with this new person, then they should still be aware enough of your characteristics to guide you specifically into taking the plunge.
It also wouldn’t hurt to do a little stalk on social media to try and gauge what their situation is; I mean, we’ve all done it, just don’t overdo it.
Finding the right moment is crucial; it’s all about establishing the mood. If you get the timing right, you’re more likely to have a great first kiss as you’ll both naturally feel more into it.
Leaving it until the very end of the date, although common, is not something that I personally would advise.
If you feel the connection half way through the date, when you’re changing bars for example and you have an opportunity, then seize the moment! It only makes the rest of the date a lot more fun and romantic; it also helps to eliminate any nerves because once the first kiss is out of the way, the second kiss is a lot more pleasurable.
You want him to know that you’re going to kiss him, or even simply that you’re interested in him… so make sure that your body language shows that too. Hold hands, touch his leg, welcome his touch, and maintain eye contact.
Body language is a great way to show that you’re being flirty, especially if you’re naturally a shy person or are on a date with one.
Bad breath is something that we all know can ruin a first kiss, or maybe even worse, ruin your chances of a first kiss.
I think we’ve all been in a situation a little too close to somebody's mouth when it smells bad.
Avoid garlic, or, if you can’t resist (like me), then simply take a chewing gum afterwards.
Nobody likes cracked lips, especially when kissing them. Take a chapstick handy for your bag and keep those lips luscious.
Realistically, if you’re the one making the first move, you’re likely on a date with someone who’s either shy, reserved, or simply too mysterious to gauge whether he’s into you or not.
That or you simply want to take the plunge yourself.
Whatever the reason, be confident, be sexy, and most importantly do not be afraid of rejection.
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Keep the romance flowing, enjoy a candlelit dinner or a glass of wine or two (or three) in a dark and secretive bar.
Make it clear what your intentions are by setting the scene.
This one might seem a little bizarre but stay with me.
Depending on what you want to achieve from your first kiss, your style of kissing is likely to be different:
Be mindful that what you have in mind might not be reciprocated by your date, but planning ahead of time will help you to choose the right moment.
First dates can feel awkward, but if you want your lips to meet by the end of the night then you’re going to have to put in a bit of groundwork.
It’s all well and good deciding to be confident enough to make the first move, but this means nothing without a bit of flirtatious build-up.
If you haven’t seen the movie Hitch, it follows a story of a man (Will Smith) who helps men enter relationships with women who are lacking confidence and flare. Hitch teaches Albert how to go in for the first kiss.
He explains that if a woman takes out her keys and puts them directly into the door, then she doesn’t want to kiss you, but if she fiddles (or in other words, lingers), then she’s waiting for you to make a move.
He tells Albert to not rush in to take the kiss, and explains his 90% rule. This is essentially where you lean in 90% of the way, and then pause allowing your date to come in the other 10%.
If in doubt, it’s always an option to ask your date to kiss you. First kisses can seem nerve-racking, and you may both be in a position where you’re both too nervous to make the first move. If you don’t feel comfortable by going in for the kiss, then ask him to kiss you.
This doesn’t need to be awkward and can actually be quite sexy, for example, you could say “Are you going to kiss me now?” or “I’d like it if you kissed me now.” Sometimes, all you need to break the tension is to state the obvious.
If you want a great first kiss you might need to take some risks, and that means eliminating any worry about rejection.
Rejection isn’t fun, but it’s a bad idea to dwell on it when it hasn’t even happened yet.
When you’re about to initiate your first kiss, maintain eye contact. Not in a creepy way, of course, but be sexy. Show him that you can’t take your eyes off him.
This doesn’t make you too eager, it shows confidence and adds excitement to the build-up of your first kiss as you both then expect it.
It goes without saying, you should never kiss somebody who doesn’t want to be kissed.
So be careful to read their body language, go in for the kiss slowly, giving them time to reciprocate, and if you get the sense that they don’t want to kiss you, then don’t.
Beyond ensuring consent, you simply want to build up some tension by taking it slow – both when kissing and when building up to the kiss.
It will feel a lot more romantic this way, and gives you more time to enjoy your kiss together. It also helps performance as if you rush into things the kiss might not be as good as it could be.
It’s always best to lean in when initiating the first kiss, but whilst kissing, pull him closer towards you, touch his neck and his hair – make it feel as romantic or sexual as possible.
The first kiss in a relationship should be memorable, create something that says a lot about your relationship together and do what you can to ignite the spark between the two of you. You never forget your first kiss, especially with a partner.
Holding hands on the date is all well and good, but make the most of your hands during your first kiss, as they really could be the star of the show.
The use of your hands are also crucial when differentiating what kind of kiss you’re having, and where your night is going to end.
If you’re both using your hands excessively and touching each other all over, then there’s clearly a lot of sexual tension. Intertwining your fingers in your date's hair is also incredibly sexy, and I would even encourage a gentle tug to show him that you’re turned on.
If you’re going for a more reserved kiss, then simply caress his cheek whilst you kiss.
Biting someone's lip when kissing can be incredibly sexy, but it’s something that not everyone is into. Until you’ve established what kind of sexual connection you have, then it’s best to avoid the lip biting until at least the second kiss.
For me, there are two major things that can make a kiss go badly. One is an imbalance of speed, effort, and in particular tongue. And the other is clashing teeth.
Stay on the same wavelength. You may not kiss the same, and that’s normal, if not expected! But, either take the lead in the kiss to your own kissing style or follow their lead. You want your first kiss to be synchronized.
Once you’ve finished kissing, do everything you can to extend the moment. Pause. And take some time to linger in your shared kisses. Breathe each other in, and if you’re feeling really risky, maybe go in for a second kiss.
Now that the first kiss is out of the way, it can feel easy to drop everything that you’ve worked towards and to rush into being too eager.
Play it cool, keep the talking to the same level as prior to the kiss, and even though you’ll probably feel a sense of relief, act as though it never happened. This is a great tip if you want to keep the excitement and the tension flowing. But like most of these pieces of advice, don’t overdo it.
Initiating the first kiss is a very bold statement, one that I’d encourage all women to try. However, to keep a balance in the amount of effort that’s being put into each other, after making the first move, be patient and wait for your date to make the second move.
This will help you to eliminate any worry that you’re more into him than he’s into you, and it’s sometimes nice to make a man work a little bit for your attention.
Whoever feels the most comfortable. Initiating the first kiss shouldn’t be something surrounded with worry. If you’re naturally a confident person, and know that your date will struggle to make the first move, then there’s absolutely no harm in taking the first move yourself.
Not for everybody. For some people, they haven’t quite yet come to terms with their kissing style.
Some people prefer a lot of tongue, whereas other people don’t enjoy it as much. Similarly, some people enjoy long kisses and some short.
It will only come naturally to you once you’ve fully understood your preference, not based on a boyfriend but simply by what you yourself are into. From there, you will naturally build confidence when kissing.
A first kiss can feel magical, scary, disgusting, romantic… you name it. It depends entirely on the couple. However, if you’re dating and feel positive about your future together, and if the chemistry is very much present, then I can assure you that your first kiss will feel exciting once you get past the nerves.
A first kiss is usually short and consists of multiple short kisses due to a slow build-up. You take a moment or two to understand if the kiss is being reciprocated, then to understand one another's kissing style before you actually get into the kiss and start to enjoy it. On this basis, I would say that a first kiss can take anywhere up to a minute.
Any longer may be a little too much for a first kiss just because you want to keep a bit of mystery alive, and you don’t want to give too much away.
When initiating the first kiss, make sure that you’ve fully understood the tone of the date. If there is a clear connection between the two of you, then not much can go wrong.
Remember, if you’re struggling to initiate the first kiss then it’s always a good option to ask him to make a move.
Don’t doubt yourself, be confident and most importantly enjoy yourself! You don’t want your first date to be ruined by anxieties surrounding the first kiss.
It’s also absolutely fine to not kiss on the first date. Simply do whatever feels right, don’t force it, and have a good time.
Feel free to comment with any advice for other women when initiating a first kiss, or I’d love to hear any first kiss stories! And as always, share with a friend in need.
Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.