The most interesting thing about life is that there is no single rule that works for everybody. Nobody has this dating life all figured out. It is almost like the older you get, the more complicated it becomes. I mean, when I was 12, all I had to do was write letters to my crush and hold hands after school. Now there’s “ghosting”, “online dating”, and “ karmic relationships”.
Committed relationships will forever remain a complicated aspect of life so far it involves more than one person. And while I am a pro soulmate and life partner, some years of your life are your selfish years. Where you live solely for yourself and do not have to consider people before you make certain decisions concerning your own life.
So, be it in your 20s, 30s, or 50s, whenever you choose to live your life selfishly to date casually without getting attached, to leave serious relationships and all their complicated rules, ensure that you know what you are doing before you step into it. And if you have tried a serious relationship and it is not working, maybe it is time to consider casually dating.
Casually dating may seem extremely easy because you watch people do it on television and you think it is all about sex and fun. It can move from zero to 100 on a scale of “how complicated can this get”. You have to know what you are doing and set boundaries because boundaries are important in any type of relationship.
So, if the goal is a good company, or to have good casual sex without catching feelings, then dating casually is for you. I have experienced this in the past, I walked so you could fly. Because I want your casual dating experience to be as smooth as possible, here are 17 ways how to date casually without getting attached.
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The worst person to deceive is yourself. You know yourself better than anyone, you have been with you throughout every possible aspect of your life. So I am assuming you know what works for you and what does not. Casually dating is not as easy as movies portray it to be. Can you do this without getting attached or catching feelings?
Because this is real life, casual dating is more than casual sex. Serious feelings might be caught and heartbreaks are shareholders on these streets. So, before going into a casual relationship, search within yourself and be sure. You could write down five reasons why and put them where you can see them every morning, to remind yourself because it is really easy to catch feelings.
In every form of relationship, be it a sexual relationship, or a serious relationship, communication is the principal thing. The reason why people get hurt most times is that they do more “living in the moment”, rather than having conversations that put things into perspective. It is important to talk about everything. Nothing is off-limits.
You need to know who you are about to date casually, you have to ensure they know you want to keep things casual. You need to talk, it is more than casual sex and fun. Communicate effectively and set boundaries. You cannot leave it up to vibes and living in the moment to decide.
If not, be ready for emotional attachment and the most stressful emotional roller coaster of your life.
There is nothing like plans in casual dating. Even the events of the next day should be a mystery to them. If not, you are on your road to getting attached, and this is not the goal of casual dating. In a serious relationship, making plans in advance is great. It is one of the reasons why they work because your partner wants you in their future. They do not see a future without you.
You have no business making plans for the weeks ahead or checking each other's schedules for the next time to meet, but honestly not for the next month. That’s how you get attached. So, stay awake. Living in the moment is how things remain casual. I understand that you are so lovable sis, but the goal is to date casually, not find Mr. Right.
This is hard especially if you are dealing with Cis-Het men. Those lots can be brutal. You always want to be dishonest with them because you cannot trust what they say and you always double-check and always try to stay smarter and one step ahead. I told you dating and relationships are hard. You have to prepare like it is warfare.
But at the end of the day, it is best to be honest. Communicate and be an adult. Let your yes be yes, and your no, a no. If you are not honest with yourself and your partner, it will end badly.
In casual dating, you have to stick to the status quo. Do not be confused. This is why step 1 is extremely important. You have to know what you want and understand what you want. You cannot be distracted because it can get disastrous for both of you. Always remind yourself that a serious relationship is not your goal. Keep your mind on the goal.
Do not expect any special treatment. Do not give any special treatment either. If you do, that’s how you get attached and you end up hurt because most times, your partner is not at the relationship phase yet.
Set healthy boundaries simply because what you expect from this sort of relationship are low and we girls have to guard our hearts because men are wicked. You need to communicate effectively because the right conversation can go a long way. So, how many times will you both see in a week? Is pillow talk allowed?
Is it okay to bring food along when coming over? All these questions are extremely valid. You have to know if you are being exclusive, if there is a “no fuck” list, and communicate if you do not like the sex. Know your limits and what is allowed sexually. Just lay everything out. The key to a healthy casual relationship is setting boundaries.
Expectations are how you get heartbroken. The biggest things that land casual daters into emotional turmoil and roller coaster are high expectations. Right now, in committed relationships, the bar is really low except if you have an excellent partner and you let your boundaries known.
Even at that, men still find a way to bring less than the barest minimum to the table. If you are in a casual relationship for the wrong reasons, let’s say because you are hoping it will land you a relationship with the guy, it’s best to re-think that thought and throw it far away because that is not going to happen. So if you do not want to get hurt, expect nothing.
I am a firm advocate of self-love and for women to only do things that they get the maximum benefit from. This is why I think women should try out so many things. Most times, we do not even want companionship. All we need is casual sex without the relationship.
So, if you try dating casually and it does not work out, you do not have to remain in it because of your partner. This is your life, you are not a secondary character. So, if it is not working for you and you alone, then just leave. The moment it becomes a burden or becomes too difficult to handle, excuse yourself.
In a nutshell, look out for you. Only your feelings matter. So do what you want for yourself, you matter.
The number one rule to not yanking feelings out here on these streets is to date more than one person at a time. You cannot do that and still catch feelings except if you run these streets. But if you are a regular street user like the rest of us, you won’t have time for feelings because you have to juggle scheduling time for your many men.
So if two is your maximum, do two and date them as casually as you can. If you can juggle more, go ahead. You can do whatever you can so far it remains acceptable to you. Dating should be fun, so explore with a lot of people.
Text them with a purpose. In dating casually, you don’t have the choice of texting them or reaching out just because you crave their attention. The rule is to always find a balance. Always text them when you have important information to pass across or maybe an inside joke you want to send as a meme.
It is the best way to keep things casual and emotional-free. Keep calling and texting at a minimum. If you text them all the time, it is not a good prognostic factor for the quality of the relationship you desire with your partner.
Once you catch feelings, it means the union has expired and it is time for everyone to go their separate ways. The biggest lie is to expect the emotions to disappear once you take a break from them. Let us not deceive each other, this never works. So, once you feel like you might want more from your casual partner, it is time to leave.
You are human and I cannot guarantee that if you follow these rules religiously, you won’t have feelings for your partner. So, if you do, it is advisable to pump the brakes. Ask yourself if you want anything serious with the person you are with and then go ahead to talk about it. If he is not at the same place as you emotionally, sis just leave.
You cannot wait out feelings, it does not work. You can not hope he sees you either, that only happens in fairy tales. Leave the situation and find someone on your wavelength. Casual dating does not always end in a serious relationship.
It is easy to forget most times that a relationship is just casual and nothing more can happen from it. Especially when the sex is good and your partner has grown on you. It is left to you to always remind yourself of where you were before you made the decision to date casually. It sort of helps to put your kind in the right frame and lower your expectations.
Like I said earlier, you can write these things where you get to see them every morning so that you don’t lose guard or focus and stay on the path you have chosen. Again, the goal is not a happy ending. The goal is companionship, fun times, and good sex if that is on the table. Also, emphasis on good because the sex has to be good.
The reason for dating casually is not to find a solution to your plus one problems. You are not in it because you expect them to follow you to all your events. In fact, when you are dating casually, it is advisable to go to events alone., to meet new partners or even potential partners.
So go out there, explore without them, talk to new people, and don’t make them feel like your world revolves around them. Have fun and live your life because you only live once. Casual dating is all about you, you are all you have.
I will tell you this as someone that falls in love with the first gift, do not start with the gifts. Don’t even try it. First comes the gifts, then you attach feelings and values to these gifts, then you begin to attach expectations to the relationship and you begin to get attached and you will be rolling down heartbreak-Ville.
If you do not want your feelings hurt, leave the sentiments at the door, and keep the gifts to yourself, if you feel like receiving gifts, get them for yourself instead. Just make sure that you find a balance. Casual dating is difficult to turn into a serious affair. So, just enjoy what the relationship brings and make it less complicated for yourself.
Public Display of Affection (PDA) is for a serious relationship. No holding hands in public. Nothing in the relationship requires you to hold hands. Holding hands, kissing in public, and smooching in public will send off the wrong image, especially to your friends and the people around you.
The reason why you do not want to give this sort of impression is that you don’t want them to start building “what-if” scenarios and planting ideas in your head. And we both know you don’t want that for yourself because it will land you in major heartbreak trouble. So, there is no point in PDA. Always keep it casual.
You don’t need his mother’s blessings for this sort of relationship. The moment you meet his mum, it is no longer casual dating. To date casually, family members, especially parents, are off-limits. You are not even making next-day plans with this man, why see his mom? To discuss what?
You only meet someone's mum when you are thinking long-term. Don’t even play yourself by thinking it is not that serious, because it is. The moment you see his mum, it is no longer casual, I promise it is no longer.
All good things, including this relationship, must come to an end. Casual dating, as interesting and emotionally stressful as it can be, is also a relationship and it is important to end on good terms, no matter what the reason for calling it quits may be.
So be it something serious from a different person, a blast from the past, or even if you get attached. Always know when to put an end to it. It is also important to end it on good terms. It is childish to ghost your partner or not give information about the next direction for both of you. Always know when to stop as this is as important as maintaining a relationship.
The best way to date without catching feelings is by self-reflecting first and being sure that casual dating is what you want, and not a serious relationship. Then lower expectations and set healthy boundaries. Everything else will fall into place.
You should date someone casually as long as it serves you and it remains healthy for both partners. There is no point in dating if the risks outweigh the benefits.
If there is anything I have learned in my 24 years of life, it is to never ever say never. It happens in the movies, it might as well happen in real life. I have not seen one or experienced it myself, but if the feelings are mutual, why not?
Casual dating means anything you want to be with him. This is why you need to set healthy boundaries with him and communicate effectively. It has to mean what works for you both. You could ask him what he wants from casual dating, so you can understand better what dating casually means to me.
This is why you need to have more than one partner. Having other options makes it easier, so you don’t end up flirting with just one person and catching feelings.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article on how to date casually without getting attached.
Remember that before you start casually dating, you need to do a lot of self-reflection, and ask yourself questions like “Can I handle this?” “Am I sure that I want to be in a committed relationship?” “Is this what I want at this stage of my life?” “Can I make this work with my future plans?”
If your answers are all yes, then the next step is to find a partner or partners, lower your expectations and put yourself first.
Do not forget to share this article with your loved ones. Let me know what you think in the comments.