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First Loves Are Never Really Over (11 Reasons Why)

by Sonya Schwartz

The truth is, it’s not written on the stone that first loves are never really over, they can be. However, I believe that if you truly love a person, it's difficult to change that; whether he or she is your first or not, you never really get over it. That's how love works, you can't just switch it off when you want to. If you would ever get over your first, depends on how your first time in love was like. 

To get over your first love doesn't necessarily mean that you would forget that person. Sometimes, it's about letting go and moving on from it. It'll probably shock you, but some people have to think hard to remember the names of their first love. 

The intensity you feel now can become a distant memory. The reason first loves are never really over is tied to the depth at which we fall. 

First loves are innocent and as a result very blind. You can look back in years and wonder “Why did I ever want that person as a partner so bad?” The innocence of that love can be seen as foolishness in the long run (happens a lot). 

People say the way to get over your first love is to find another person to love. To me, that's an endless journey, and the worst cure for heartbreak. Give it time, all that you feel now would become memories. Below are eleven reasons why first loves are never really over. 

11 Reasons Why We Never Really Get Over Our First Loves

1. First loves change you forever

First love changes you forever

You’re hardly the same after an encounter with real love, it exposes you to so many things and gives you a different view of life. It’s hard to go about your life after such an experience because almost every decision you make would be based on your first experience with real love. 

The memories are difficult to erase. So, it helps if you look at them as a stepping stone to other kinds of things life would throw at you. It is from your initial relationship that you learn how to love and even home to love, generally guides every decision revolving around your love life. 

2. You lost your innocence

As I mentioned earlier, the first love a person has is very innocent. You walk in with all hands on deck because you're new to it. When you fall, you fall deep with no caution whatsoever. No matter how intensively you read or hear about first loves, it’s not the same when it’s your turn, you’d probably never know when it hits you. 

Losing your innocence this way is like walking into a trap, full of regrets and wishing someone told you about it. Well I bet they did. In other news, it’s completely normal and you would be fine. 

3. This type of love seems perfect

Oh my goodness. This love is perfect. It’s too bad we can’t get second firsts because that's on the time you walk on cloud nine (you may walk on it again). It’s an amazing feeling. So difficult to let go of when you get a hold of it. It’s worse when you’re also the first love to your first love, magical. 

Neither of you sees any fault in each other and make all the mistakes and memories together, it’s sweet to watch and listen to. It doesn’t last long, although very few people get lucky and keep the intensity. 

4. You had no worries

Because you know nothing about love, you had nothing to worry about. Almost every day is beautiful with this love. The time with my first love was ecstatic, I still remember living so carefree. I didn't have my first experience until I was twenty-two (I know, took a while). Many people have theirs earlier but it hardly matters when you do. 

It felt like the world was my footstool and it sucked to have to let that feeling go, it’s like you don’t know who you are after it's gone. You will get the hang of things eventually, just hang in there. 

5. You invest in that love

You invest in that love

This is no joke. Depending on how intense things get, you may invest more than you should have in that love and this would probably hurt you for life. Some people are unlucky. They fall in love with people who take advantage of their innocence cause them to put more than they should on the table. 

You’d resent this person because he or she stole you from yourself and this experience is the hardest to get over. You can turn you into someone unpleasant in the long run, depending on the intensity of those memories. 

6. You’re afraid to start again

It’s not easy to go back into single life after this, it’s almost like you forget how life as a single person should be. You get so dependent on your first that it’s difficult to get back on your feet if you try. 

One of the reasons for holding on is that the fear of being lonely is strong after you lose this love, it keeps you going back for support because you’re afraid to be on your own. It’ll be difficult at first but if you focus on other memories, you’d be back up before you know it. 

7. It was your first!

It’s hard to forget anything that was a first, whether it’s romantic or not. Your first toy, the first time you ate a particular meal, and so on is always special, mostly if it turns out to be something good. We all cherish our first moments and want them to last forever. 

The first time we do something is always imprinted in our hearts or minds, not easy to forget. Letting go will take a while. So be patient with yourself. Many people (including me), have been here. 

8. Part of you goes with your first

That’s right, you lose your innocence, and like it or not that’s part of you. Also, after spending so much time together, you change. You have a new perspective of the world. Or, it could be worse depending on the kind of love you received. 

Unless you’ve been there, it’s hard to explain the feeling that a part of you is with someone and you have to live with knowing you may never get that piece back and living with the memories. 

9. First real heartbreak is powerful

First real heartbreak is powerful

It’s no joke when you hear people say things like feeling a dent in their heart when going through a heartbreak or losing a boyfriend. It feels just like a string is being pulled from the inside and you'd be ok physical pain. The love you give out first is always genuine, it would be new to you when someone rejects it. 

10. It came with other firsts

When you have a first boyfriend, you do other firsts with the person. Perhaps, a kiss or something more like sex, the sentimental attachment goes up a hundred. You would probably have hot flashes for a long time, mostly when you try to do those things with someone else. 

11. It may not have ended by choice

When you don’t break up by choice it’s a lot more difficult to ever let go of that boyfriend. The relationship sticks for life. This is one of the reasons it’ll hurt and the memories haunt. 

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FAQs

Is it possible to get over a first love? 

You never really get over your first love. Whether you want to or not there is usually either a sentimental attachment or resentment towards first loves. It's almost like you leave a piece of yourself with that person because when you love for the first time you go all the way. So the end of that relationship hurts as it'll never go away, but it will. 

With time, it'll not be so painful to think about the memories. Not getting over a first love doesn't mean you'd spend months pinning over the person, it just means the spark you had could be lit again if need be. 

Are first loves the hardest to get over?

First loves are known to be the hardest relationships to get over because of how deep you fall for the person. You're so lost in love here that you feel it's going to last forever. Well, some people get lucky enough to fall in love with a soul mate the first time they fall in love as well. 

The innocence surrounding your first affectionate encounter with the opposite sex makes it the hardest. It's like someone ripped your heart out when the relationship ends, the thing is, you would be okay. Those memories would be bittersweet. 

How long until you get over your first love?

Well, this completely depends on you. You can choose to use forever to pine over a person who has put you at the deep corners of his or her mind. You can shut everyone else out for as long as you like until you feel you're ready to get back out there. However long it takes you to suck it up and move on is up to you. 

Remember, getting over your first love doesn't mean a complete memory loss, you'd never get that. 

Do guys ever forget their first love? 

Why do people keep forgetting that guys are humans too? They experience emotions in the same measure women do, only very nonchalant about it. They don't forget their first loves either. He would have a sentimental attachment just like she would. 

Guys who say they're over their first loves never really fell in love then. Let's be clear that there's a huge difference between a crush and a love. No, guys too hold on to who they fell in love with first.

Why can’t I let go of my first love? 

You can't let go of your first love because you've not accepted that you loved and lost. The first step to letting go is acceptance. Agree with the fact that the relationship between you two didn't work out, it helps to pretend to would in years to come (sometimes, it does). 

However, while that is brewing, meet new people. Don't meet these new people with the intention to date, but start a genuine friendship. Give your attention to other things life has to offer. 

In Conclusion 

I hope you enjoyed the article. You should know that there's a nice difference between a crush and first love. Your first love is a deep cut, no matter how you choose to look at it. Don't beat yourself up about how sunken you feel, you'd be over it soon. Please leave your comments below and share this article with your friends, thank you! 

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Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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