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What to Do When You Are Feeling Unappreciated in a Relationship

We all want someone who will love us unconditionally and put efforts to make us feel special. But what if you are feeling unappreciated and feel that your partner does not value you enough? If your partner does not bring you expensive gifts on special occasions or take you to exotic locations, does it mean they take you for granted?

We are going to find the difference between being unappreciated in a relationship VS not knowing you are appreciated. We are also going to look at the signs that tell you that you are not appreciated and look at things that you should do when you feel that way.

Table of Contents

Being Unappreciated vs Not Knowing You Are Appreciated

Before thinking you are being unappreciated in a relationship, it is essential to know what feeling unappreciated means. You can feel unappreciated when your partner does not show appreciation, admiration, approval, and gratitude towards you and your actions1.

Everybody shows their appreciation for others differently, so it is important first to find out if you are really unappreciated or if your partner is showing their appreciation differently than you expect. 

While giving expensive gifts and showing affection on social media are seen as a few common ways to appreciate your partner, they are not the only ways. Sometimes, deep care and love for your partner are more important than a public show-off.

Read on to learn about some crucial points that will help you understand if you are really unappreciated by your man or just overthinking things.

15 Signs You Are Not Valued in a Relationship

It is a difficult feeling when you are not appreciated in your relationship. However, it is essential to figure out if you are not valued in your relationship so you can take a step accordingly. Below are the signs that will help you understand if you are taken for granted by your partner.

1. He disrespects you

he disrespects you

A loving and healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and appreciation. However, if your partner does not value your opinions and mocks you, it is a sign that you are not valued in the relationship. It shows that they no longer care how their words and actions make you feel and have started taking you for granted.

2. You are always his last priority

In these hectic times, everybody is busy with their lives; however, the people that love you should always be your priority2. If your partner consistently takes time out from his busy schedule to spend it with his friends but spending quality time with you is not a priority, then it is justified if you are feeling unappreciated.

3. They never say ‘Thank you’

If you continuously do things for your partner and they do not even say ‘thank you,’ then it is a sign that they take you for granted. They are so used to getting special treatment from you and seeing you put in all the effort that they have started believing that you will always keep doing things for them and there is no need to appreciate your efforts.

4. They never take your advice

One sign of feeling unappreciated is when your partner does not even ask for your advice, which naturally makes you feel neglected. Let your partner know that you would appreciate it if they treated you as an equal and included you in important decision-makings. 

5. Uneven distribution of responsibilities

Modern relationships are all about sharing the workload and evenly distributing the responsibilities. So when your partner is not contributing equally financially or in household duties, it can leave you feeling unappreciated as it shows they do not care about you and how exhausting things are for you.

6. They do not put in effort

If your partner does not show you love and affection, it can leave you feeling unappreciated. 

Now everybody shows their love in different ways, so you must understand your man’s love language. However, if your partner is not appreciating you in any way or putting in effort, it is a sign that you are taken for granted.

7. It feels like a breakup

Even if you and your partner have not broken up, the indifference in their attitude makes you feel like they do not care; it is a sign that you are not valued. 

If they do not show any interest when you share your feelings with them and talking to them feels like talking to an acquaintance, then it shows you are taken for granted, and you both need to find a solution to this problem.

8. They do not pay attention to you

You may end up feeling unappreciated when they do not give you enough attention. If you have been in a relationship for a long time, it is common for your partner to stop noticing small things about you. However, it is not something to be taken lightly, and you should look for ways to bring back the spark in your bond.

The absence of romance and effort means that your partner has taken your presence in their life for granted.

9. They criticize you for the things they once liked

If your partner has started criticizing you for the little quirks they once liked, it is a sign they have taken you for granted3. They do not think twice before disrespecting you as they know you will not leave them. There are chances that they are losing interest in you as they are now used to your presence.

10. They are the reason behind your low esteem

The right man will uplift you and make you feel much more confident. However, a controlling man will destroy your confidence and manipulate you so that you are dependent on him for everything and are too afraid to leave him because he has made you believe that nobody other than him will love you after knowing all your faults.

11. They ignore you when you try to discuss things

If you try to discuss things that are bothering you with your partner and they gaslight you, it is a sign that they do not value you. They do not prioritize your feelings and show toxic behavior by trivializing your emotions, indicating it does not matter to them how distressed you are. 

Sadly, you cannot work on a solution if the other party refuses to accept there is a problem!

12. The intimacy between you two has decreased

the intimacy between you has decreased

It is not only about sex, but if you and your partner have recently stopped cuddling and giving each other occasional hugs, it is a sign that boredom has crept into your relationship. This decrease in intimacy can result in you or your partner going outside in search of things they cannot find in the relationship, which can further strain your bond4.

13. They do not care to learn about you

If your man does not show an interest in knowing about your likes and dislikes and the things you like to do on your date, it is a sign that they do not value you. This man would also avoid introducing you to their family and will make excuses when you invite him to meet your family and friends. 

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They also make plans without confirming first with you as they believe you will always be available for them. This is a sign they do not value you enough to be in your life permanently.

14. They do not understand your point of view

A happy couple is not the one that agrees on everything but they try to understand each other’s point of view. However, a man who does not value you will never try to understand where you are coming from and try to force their opinions on you. 

15. They do not care about your feelings

It is bad if your partner continuously hurts you with their actions. However, it becomes worse if they do not feel bad after hurting you and so do not even apologize or try to reconcile with you. 

This shows that they do not care about how you feel and believe you will always be there for them no matter how many mistakes they make. 

15 Tips to Deal With Someone Who Doesn’t Value You in a Relationship

Ignoring your feelings will not help anyone. When you are sure your partner does not value you, you must look for ways to make things like before. Below are some things that you can do to ensure you are not filled with resentment for your partner.

1. Ask yourself questions to find out if you have a role in feeling underappreciated

It is not easy to accept our own mistakes, and there are chances that a woman might feel undervalued because of her behavior. Therefore, you must ask yourself questions to ensure you have not done something to hurt your partner’s feelings.

You might be getting too many negative thoughts and only thinking about the times where your partner ignored you while forgetting the time when he made you feel appreciated.

2. Express appreciation

If you feel undervalued in a relationship, your partner might also be feeling unloved in the relationship. You can make things better by making the first move. Start by expressing appreciation for your partner with small steps like writing them love letters, bringing them small gifts, and complimenting them. 

The small gestures of appreciation will make your man happy, and they surely will reciprocate. Express gratitude to your partner and see your relationship transform and your unappreciated feelings disappear!

3. Understand that different people have different love languages

You might be feeling unappreciated in the relationship because he might not be verbally appreciating you. However, it is important to understand that every individual shows their feelings in their own way. 

Your man might not be the one to show his love through grand romantic gestures and expensive gifts, but that does not mean he does not care for you. Therefore, to find out his real feelings for you, observe the little things he does and all the effort he puts into the relationship. Something as simple as cooking your favorite meal is a way of making you feel valued.

4. Do not make your partner too dependent on you

If you and your partner have been in a relationship for long, you might have become comfortable with each other and aware of each other’s interests. However, to receive appreciation from your partner, you must not mother him and do everything for him.

Being always there for your partner and doing too much for them will make them take you for granted, leaving you feeling undervalued.

5. Learn to say ‘no’ to your partner

learn to say no to your partner

If you feel unappreciated in your relationship, it might be because of your habit of saying ‘yes’ to everything your man asks for. 

No matter what your reason behind always agreeing to your partner is, saying ‘yes’ to everything they say can result in you being taken for granted. So learn to say ‘no’ to the things you cannot do for your partner and set your boundaries

6. Show kindness

Love is not only about give and take; you must show kindness to your partner. So even if you are not feeling appreciated after putting a lot of effort into the relationship, if this is something that is making you happy, then there is nothing wrong in continuing to do it. This kindness and understanding can improve your relationship!

7. Be confident

When you become confident, it will not be easy for your partner to take you for granted, as you will gain the strength to stand up for yourself. With you gaining confidence, you will notice that your partner respects you and values you. Being confident will help you believe you deserve to be with a man who makes you feel appreciated.

8. Manage your expectations

If you feel unappreciated in your relationship, it could be because you have kept high expectations from your man. Having some basic expectations is fine when you enter a relationship, but expecting your partner to always be perfect can strain your bond. So feel grateful for what you have without complaining about missing little things.

9. Talk to your partner about how you feel

When feeling unappreciated in a relationship, you should talk to your partner about how you feel. There are chances that you are overthinking things; in reality, your partner appreciates you, and you are just surrounded by negativity. 

Have an honest conversation with your man and tell them you need more appreciation. Once your man understands where you are coming from, he might put in an equal amount of effort to make you feel appreciated.

10. Divide labor within the relationship

If you constantly feel unappreciated in a relationship, it might be because you’re doing most of the work in your relationship. When you are already exhausted from doing everything, and your partner takes you for granted, it will make you feel worse. 

In such a scenario, you must talk to your partner and ask them to share some of the household responsibilities, so you do not feel unappreciated in your relationship, and there can be relationship satisfaction.

11. Focus on your own goals no matter what

One reason you would be feeling unappreciated could be because you might be too focused on the relationships in your life. Yes, relationships are vital in one’s life, but it is not healthy to dedicate all your energy to your relationship and expect your partner to act the same way.

Instead, it would be best to spend time daily working on yourself and your goals. You can start by writing two positive affirmations daily in your diary and going through them throughout your day. Doing this will make you realize your own worth and thus will positively impact your relationship.

12. Practice self-care

To feel valued in your relationship, you must practice self-appreciation and show yourself a little love. Sometimes women give so much to the relationship that they forget to focus on themselves. However, remember your self-worth should not only rely on how much your man shows appreciation for you5.

Even if you feel unappreciated in a relationship, you should never stop valuing and pampering yourself, which will also increase your self-esteem and make you feel more confident.

13. Do not involve yourself in a blame game

When a woman feels unappreciated in a relationship, she is filled with anger and resentment. There are chances that she will lose confidence in herself and get irritated. In such a situation, there is always a tendency to shift the blame to your partner even when you have not shared your feelings, which can negatively impact your relationship. 

Therefore, even when you are not feeling unappreciated in your relationship, do not lose your temper and do not blame them for not feeling valued without first discussing things with them. Let them know how you are feeling by making a list of some important points you want to discuss with them.

14. Seek out professional intervention

seek out professional intervention

If, even after your continuous tries, you are still not feeling valued in a relationship and your partner does not understand your need of feeling appreciated, then the last resort is to go for couples counseling. These sessions will help you and your partner communicate in a better way and understand each other’s needs.

15. Know when it is time to move on

Sometimes even after taking professional help and your partner trying to make you feel valued, you might still be feeling unappreciated and unloved. 

At times, the distance between the couple grows so much that no matter what they do, things do not work. In such a situation, it is best to move on without causing more hurt to the other party.


What to do when you feel underappreciated in your relationship?

When feeling unappreciated in a relationship, communicate with your partner and let them know that not feeling appreciated enough makes you feel bad and affects your mental peace. If your man cares about you enough, they will work on things and try to provide the necessary emotional safety to make you feel loved. 

What problems does lack of appreciation in a relationship cause?

The absence of appreciation in a relationship can make you feel unloved and unhappy. It might make you feel that your efforts are not appreciated and may result in you not wanting to do anything for your partner, which will only increase the distance between you and your man.

How to talk to your partner when you don't feel appreciated in the relationship?

Communication with your partner can help you solve your problem of feeling unappreciated. However, it would be best if you did not blame them or take out your frustration on them as there are chances they might have no idea how you might be feeling. So sit with them and calmly tell them how you feel, and together focus on finding the solution to the problem.


Feeling unappreciated in a relationship can damage the relationship and cause emotional pain and distress6. However, there are chances that this feeling can be just you overthinking things; therefore, it is essential to re-evaluate what you feel. You should then communicate with your partner and find a solution to work on things.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt taken for granted after a certain point? If yes, how did you deal with the situation? Did you make some changes in your behavior to make things work? Let us know in the comments.

Remember, take control of your own thoughts and do not depend overly on your man to the point that your happiness depends on how they treat you.

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Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.

6 Sources:
  1. Fagley, N. S. (2018). Appreciation (Including Gratitude) and Affective Well-Being: Appreciation Predicts Positive and Negative Affect Above the Big Five Personality Factors and Demographics. SAGE Open, 8(4).
  2. Miller, C.E., Townsend, M.L. & Grenyer, B.F.S. (2021). Understanding chronic feelings of emptiness in borderline personality disorder: a qualitative study. bord personal disord emot dysregul 8, 24.
  3. Leon F., (2010). Stop Criticizing Your Mate: Re-Learning What You Once Knew. Psychology Today.
  4. Ben-Ari A, Lavee Y. (2007). Dyadic closeness in marriage: from the inside story to a conceptual model. 24(5): 627- 44.
  5. Riegel B, Dunbar SB, Fitzsimons D, Freedland KE, Lee CS, Middleton S, Stromberg A, Vellone E, Webber DE, Jaarsma T. (2019). Self-care research: Where are we now? Where are we going?.
  6. Rifkin-Zybutz, R.P., Moran, P., Nolte, T. et al. (2021). Impaired mentalizing in depression and the effects of borderline personality disorder on this relationship. bord personal disord emot dysregul 8, 15.

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