Search icon

How to Focus on Yourself as a Single Woman (29 Vital Tips)

February 2, 2023

So many single women who are used to being in relationships find it hard to find a positive self relation scale. Self-care flies out the window, and it’s hard to cater to their own needs. Can you relate to this? Have you slowly slid into a phase of negative self-talk and low esteem? If it helps to know, you are not alone. 

It’s hard to bounce back after years of being single or after coming out of an abusive relationship. However, if you dig deep, you’ll find that you still have a lot of love to channel toward healthy relationships. You can still learn how to focus on yourself and improve your emotional well-being.

At the end of the day, you want to be able to maintain loving relationships without compromising on your self-worth. Remember, focusing on yourself is not selfish, it’s one of the surest paths to self-discovery. However, when you are used to focusing on other people’s needs, it can be challenging to find fulfillment and happiness when you begin focusing on yourself. 

If you are trying hard to live life without focusing too much on negative relationships, the tips listed below should help you out. 

Why It's Important to Learn to Focus on Yourself for a While?

If you feel lonely and begin feeling drained because of all the love you are giving out, it’s time to take a few steps back. 

Your mental and physical health depend on your overall well-being. This means that if you don’t set boundaries, tend to your basic needs, get enough sleep and enjoy some alone time, that will affect your physical health. 

Focusing on yourself will also help you know what you want out of life and how to get it. Plus, if you don’t work on your own thoughts and needs, you won’t be able to help others for too long. If you feel selfish taking out time for yourself, that can lead to low self-esteem. Seeing other people's needs as more important than yours can be negative at times. 

If your needs are always at the bottom of your to-do list, it means you are compromising on self respect and self-love. To improve your well-being, your self-respect and self love should thrive. 

That way, you’re motivated to keep working on yourself. You will have more happiness and be a healthier independent woman who hasn’t lost her sense of self and is still on a healthy journey to self-discovery.

Tips to Stop Looking for Love and Focusing on Yourself

1. Revisit your favorite things

Sometimes when you've been in a relationship for a while, there's a chance you could get lost in it. Sometimes you forget that you have independent likes, preferences, hobbies, etc. 

Are you still ordering Chinese on the weekends because that's what he liked? Or do you still avoid streaming certain movie genres because he didn't like them? 

Then you've really got to introspect and discover a new hobby and your key likes. Dig deep and find out if you need to and try to get rid of all the opinions you internalized. Think of a new hobby or other leisure activities you can do to improve your sense of self

2. Educate yourself

The best time to educate yourself is when you're single. If you have any interests, now is your chance to learn and master these things. There’s no need to focus on intellectual courses, you can take classes on simple things like cooking, pottery, sculpture, swimming, archery, etc. Anything that piques your curiosity. 

This is the best time to follow that inner voice that is telling you to live, without external voices trying to crush your vibes. 

3. Face your fears

Going through a breakup is hard enough, but experiencing heartbreak after a pandemic can be even harder. Living through the pandemic and all its effects has taken a toll on everyone. If you notice that some new fears have been unlocked in your mind, don't beat yourself up; be kind to yourself. 

You may notice that you aren't as laid back or carefree as you used to be because you're used to indoor life all of a sudden. Don’t feel bad about that, just take steps one day at a time. If you need to talk to a therapist, do so as soon as you can.

4. Visit the outdoors once in a while

Staying indoors with a person for long periods of time can make you develop codependent traits. If you spent long periods at home with your ex, you may notice that you don't enjoy being on your own anymore. This could happen to anyone. 

Getting out a bit more could help. You may not be an outdoor person but nature has certain healing properties, according to Franchell Richard-Hamilton M.D

Even if you have a nice house, try taking a walk in the park, sitting at the beachfront in the evenings, or having a nice picnic on the grass. These could help lower your stress levels and increase your emotional well-being.

5. Try journaling

Ever had those days when you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts? Sometimes talking to someone helps. However, in some cases people don't understand how you feel and that can be frustrating. So, instead of struggling with your emotions or hating everyone for misunderstanding you, try writing things down. 

According to Dr. Dan Brennan, journaling is quite therapeutic. First of all, getting your thoughts from your mind to a piece of paper helps you process your feelings and properly understand them. Also, having a daily journal will help you realize how far you've come when you revisit your past entries. 

Documenting your thoughts and feelings can also help you process similar ones in the future. 

6. Try meditation

try meditation

Not very many people have tried meditation. Even though it's quite common these days, most people haven't tried it before. The good thing about meditation is that even as a beginner, you can benefit from it. 

Meditation is basically spending time alone with your thoughts. Since it's more of an internal exercise, you can do it anywhere and anytime. Being consistent in your meditation exercises will help you improve well-being and your mental and emotional health over time. 

You can take this opportunity to ask yourself, “What does it mean to focus on yourself?” This way, you can gain more clarity.

7. Practice self-care more often

Much like meditation, some people are still getting familiar with the idea and concept of self-care. Although it could mean different things to different people, self-care generally refers to whatever helps you recharge your internal batteries. It helps you appreciate your real self and feel your best. 

Experts often mention that the term is greatly misused as most people believe it to simply be a day of relaxation. It's way more than that; it's about allowing yourself to experience the more nurturing side of life in the present.

8. Practice self-compassion, be kind to yourself

One of the best ways to practice self-care is to practice self-compassion. To unlock certain good traits in your personality, you've got to learn to be kind to yourself. 

For most of us, we got scolded, punished, or embarrassed when we made mistakes growing up. This led us to internalize these mean voices that pop out of our subconscious every time we made a mistake. 

By practicing self-compassion often, you will gradually erase those toxic voices and thoughts in your subconscious. So, next time you catch yourself having a toxic mental monologue, remember to stop and be kind and positive towards yourself. 

9. Get to know yourself better

Building a strong sense of self is key to building a better relationship with yourself. Also, having a good relationship with yourself will help you return the focus to yourself. 

Most people try to reconnect with themselves without really knowing who they are; this is near impossible. Being uncertain about who you really are can make it even more difficult to discover what you want out of life. So, take as much time as you need to discover yourself and what you really want out of life. 

10. Go after what you want

It's so easy to be influenced by the opinions of the people around you, especially your loved ones. Sometimes you do things based on what you think is most acceptable to them because you want to fit in. 

As you progress in your life, there comes a point where everyone has to choose their own path, including you. At this point, you've got to disregard what everyone else thinks and begin focusing on what you want. 

When you've got your eyes on your goals, it's easier to go after them with no distractions. So, discard everyone else's idea of what your life should be and start focusing on what you want. 

11. Engage in healthy routines

Creating a healthy routine could really help you improve your mental, physical, and emotional health. A happier you is a more focused you. Focusing on yourself basically revolves around taking better care of yourself and shifting the focus from other people back to yourself. 

All this starts by concentrating on your basic needs first. This includes your diet, health, sleep and relaxation as well as your style. Meeting all these needs at once can be quite challenging, but it isn't impossible. 

Try creating a realistic schedule that will help you maintain a healthy balance, doing this will help you feel a bit more in control. 

12. Whatever you do, avoid comparing yourself to others

whatever you do avoid comparing yourself to others

If you were compared to other kids when you were younger, it's possible that you habitually do the same to yourself even in adulthood. Comparing yourself to others is one of the most destructive things you can do to yourself. 

Sometimes we get so carried away by the glitz and glam in other people's lives that we forget they're human just like we are. They may not be as put together as they seem and even if they are, your path is different. 

Whenever you feel the need to compare, just remember that you aren't heading in the same direction as these people; your life's path and the timing in your life is different. Keep focusing on yourself.

13. Review your values

When you're single, it's easy to lose sight of your personal values because you're trying to find out what is generally acceptable. Trying to fit into society's idea of an ideal life can distract you from what you truly stand for. This can also happen if you just came out of a long term relationship. 

Over time, you probably adjusted your principles and values to accommodate your partner's. In this case, you've got a lot of work to do. Start by remembering what your values are and then re-establishing them. 

14. Carve out time for yourself

As adults, we're likely to have a busy life. From working a full-time job to taking care of other responsibilities, things can get very choked from time to time. You have to be more intentional about carving out time for yourself. 

For once, instead of using up your time to meet the needs of your loved one or do some more work at home, try setting aside some time to do something special for yourself. You could choose to set aside weekends only or evenings after work. Whatever works best for you. The best way to do this is to learn to say no.

15. Go to therapy

There's so much we need to unpack in our lives even if we didn't grow up in toxic environments. Sometimes life can get a bit hard and we need to talk to someone who can help us process our emotions. 

Most adults put off therapy because they don't want to admit that they need help. Sometimes, it's just because they aren't ready to face some difficult issues from their past. 

If you have a fear of going to therapy, perhaps it's time you conquer that fear. Ryan Howes PhD, ABPP highlights the importance and benefits of psychotherapy; you have a lot to gain from it.

16. Set boundaries

This is one of the most important steps to take if you want to start focusing on your life. This mostly applies to you if you tend to put the needs of other people first. If you keep letting other people's affairs interrupt the flow of your life, you will never be able to achieve any personal goals. 

Start by being more assertive; learn to say no and put your leg down. Don't let anyone (even loved ones) influence you to make decisions you aren't comfortable with. Set strict boundaries and stick to them.

17. Be intentional about doing things for yourself

be intentional about doing things for yourself

When you're used to factoring other people into your life and your plans, sometimes you forget to do things for yourself. In this case, you've got to be very intentional about it. 

Purposefully taking yourself out, having a spa day, or doing other activities that will benefit you may be a bit difficult for you at first. 

You may feel guilty for doing these things on your own; you may even feel like you're being wasteful the first few times. However, try your best to make it a habit. Do things for yourself so you can learn to do things for others out of love instead of duty.

18. Check on yourself

You're probably used to checking on everyone else and you keep forgetting to check in on yourself. Don't worry, you aren't alone. Most people don't even know they can and should check on themselves to see if they're okay. 

You may ask, if I wasn't okay wouldn't I know? The truth is, overtime we learn to ignore our feelings and tiredness so we can face the daily tasks in our lives. 

When this becomes a habit, it's possible for you to miss these feelings. You may not notice that you're burning out until it gets very serious. You may also not notice that you aren't very happy until you break down one day. So, from time to time, you need to check in on yourself.

19. Try not to stay idle

There's no harm in resting/sleeping from time to time. However, it can be harmful for you to stay idle. If you don't already have a full-time job, try involving yourself in a meaningful project - preferably something that gives back to your community. 

If you can't find any meaningful projects around you, consider getting involved in other things that bring you joy. The purpose of these exercises is to help you focus on yourself. The most effective way to do this is to direct your energy and attention on your inner needs and your inner self. 

20. Find balance

find balance

Too much of everything is bad, even if it is something that could potentially benefit you. Self-care and self-help are slippery slopes; taking it too far may end up making you feel worse instead. 

For example, adjusting your diet and exercise routine is part of taking care of yourself. When you're trying to take better care of yourself, the first step you may consider is to register at a gym so you can be more consistent. You may even start a strict diet for this same purpose. 

However, if you aren't careful, you could end up creating unrealistic expectations for yourself. The moment this happens, disappointment will set it and you're back to square one (emotionally) where you started. 

So, find balance in everything. The moment you notice that you're losing focus of the main goal, which is to do things that bring you joy, stop and re-strategize. 

21. Prioritize sleep and rest

We grow up learning that sleep comes naturally. Unfortunately, most working adults have learned that this isn't always the case. This especially applies to people who have very busy lives – getting some sleep after an exhausting day can be a challenge for them. 

Even if you aren't experiencing any sleep problems, still try prioritizing your sleep times. Waiting for your sleep habits to worsen before taking action is not the best. So, set aside some time for a nap and try giving yourself a bedtime. 

22. Try eating healthy more often

You truly are what you eat. If you want to have better overall health, start by changing what you ingest. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to go on a diet, you can simply choose to make subtle adjustments to your choice of foods. 

Reducing the amount of processed food in your diet could go a long way, organic food can be a bit more expensive, but you deserve to invest in yourself. Try cooking more and eating out less; this way you can choose the quality of every single ingredient in your food. 

23. Spend time with people that bring you joy

You aren't an island so it's not healthy for you to be alone all the time. Set out time to hang out with people who bring you joy. Healthy relationships will do so much more for your mood. Plus, being around a positive person may help chase negative thoughts away. 

If you really want to know how to focus on yourself as a woman, you’ll have to find the right balance between spending time with yourself and building healthy relationships. Sometimes, focusing on a new friend or a happier person can improve your well-being and bring happiness into your life. 

24. Focus less on other people's opinions of you

Being carried away by what other people think of you is the fastest way to lose focus of yourself. People's opinions are generally fickle, they can change with time. So basing your life on their ideas and opinions will give you an irregular life. 

The only way to build an independent mind is to weigh every opinion against what you know to be true. Yes, it's true that new knowledge is unfolding every day and the things you've believed to be true may not be anymore. So, listen to what other people have to say but don't adopt them as your gospel immediately, build your own opinions. 

25. Keep your thoughts positive

keep your thoughts positive

Positive thinking seems unreal sometimes but it's very necessary for a healthy mind. Thinking positive thoughts can help you create a good life for yourself. It can help you take advantage of rare opportunities, it could help you build healthier relationships and stay happy.

Even when you're having a tough time in your life, looking at things in a negative way can only make things worse. You end up feeling bad about your life when you have negative thoughts. Shift your focus to the positive things in your life, no matter how little they are. 

26. Say goodbye to your past

The thing about the past is that you can't change it. The only way to make things better is to move forward. So, ensure you don't dwell on your past, even though your mistakes keep staring you in the face. Take your mind off them. Try focusing on planning for your future and building the life you want. 

To achieve this, you may sometimes need to cut ties with certain people or even get rid of certain things in your life. 

27. Practice being grateful

Gratefulness helps you become more aware of the good things in your life. By intentionally practicing gratitude, you can help yourself stay positive more often. 

Positivity isn't a way for you to avoid the truth and become delusional, it's more being mindful. It keeps you in the moment and helps you become happier over time. Being aware that you have good things in your life will make you feel better about yourself. It will help you realize that things may not be as bad or mundane as you thought they were. 

28. Stay in the present

If you’re very serious about finding out how to focus on yourself, try living in the moment. It could be challenging to do this continuously since our brains are wired to constantly think about the past or future. 

However, doing things that will promote self-care and help you meet your own needs will help you stay in the moment. Self-care doesn’t only involve taking warm, candlelit baths or going to the spa, it also involves intentionally practicing self-compassion and avoiding negative self-talk. 

Some people advise that you should live every day as if it were your last. Thinking like this could help you focus on your life in the present. Living in the moment will also help you fight depressive symptoms and improve your general well-being. 

29. Learn to love yourself

Learning to love yourself may be a bit challenging if you’re used to putting other people’s needs above yours. It will help improve your self-esteem and self-respect. You may not necessarily have low self-esteem or a negative inner voice, but you need to improve the way you think of yourself. 

Your self-worth and happiness are tied to how you relate with yourself.

Performing self-care practices is a great way to develop self-love and achieve more happiness. 

FAQs

What are the risks of getting into a new relationship shortly after a breakup?

Getting back out there immediately may rob you of your opportunity for self-discovery and self-improvement. Especially if you've just left an abusive relationship. You need time to spend time with only yourself and heal. So, don't be in a hurry to get back out there after a breakup, healthy relationships can only be built by healthy people.

How can I focus on myself and not others?

You're not the only one who doesn't know how to stop looking for love and focus on yourself, countless women struggle with this too. Unfortunately, if you don't know how to focus on yourself, meaning self-love, you're more likely to struggle in other areas of your life too. The first thing you need to do to begin this journey toward self-love is to improve your sense of self.

What does it mean to focus on yourself?

Simply put, focusing on yourself means making the effort to practice self-care while meeting your own needs more often. It's not just figuring out how to focus on yourself and not a man, but also taking the attention away from other things and centering your decision around yourself first.

In Conclusion

I hope you found this article helpful. Remember, aiming to focus on yourself isn't selfish, it's a form of self-love and is very necessary for your overall health. Please let me know what you think about this article in the section below and be sure to share with friends.

Subscribe

Join Our Newsletter

Receive weekly tips & tricks to improve your love life.