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Dating An Asshole (13 Warning Signs)

by Sonya Schwartz

This is the 21st century. The dating scene is littered with a number of assholes. And you will certainly encounter some of them. However, if you are a hopeless romantic, it would be difficult for you to notice them. 

Studies show that you encounter such guys usually because of some self-damaging beliefs you hold. Obviously, they do not come to you with “I am a jerk” written on their foreheads.

Rather, they come in a charming way. And after the first day, you realize that you have met Mr. Right. This is because he is so perfect. 

He knows the right things to say and do to make you crazy about him. 

But when something looks too good to be true, it probably is. He will not show you that he is a jerk early in the relationship, however, there are always subtle signs he drops. And as time goes on, there are more subtle signs till it gets hard to ignore that you are dating a jerk. So how do you know if you are dating an asshole? Here are some warning signs to look out for.

13 Warning Signs You Are Dating An Asshole

1. He is disrespectful

If you want to know if you are dating a jerk, monitor how well he treats those around him. When you go out to dinner, is he disrespectful to the waiters or waitresses? Does he talk down to others? If so, such a guy does not respect anyone. If that is the case, you should not expect to be treated differently. 

This is because his true colors will eventually show in the end. His behavior is usually very evident when you go out. At the least mistake, you are hurled with insults. And somehow you fear introducing him to your family. You know he will end up embarrassing you.

2. He is emotionally manipulative

he is emotionally manipulative

The thing with jerks is that they are emotionally manipulative. They will do anything and everything to prove that they are in charge. And that includes trampling over your feelings to get the message across. For instance, if your partner withholds sex from you, in order to teach you a lesson, or make you beg for it, he is an asshole.

Sex helps to create a certain high level of intimacy and connection in relationships. Withholding it without your consent and lording it over you is wrong. Also, God forbid that you two ever argue, he will go MIA on you and refuse to keep in touch. He will only consider you when you come with your tail in between your legs begging for the crumbs of his attention.

3. He never apologizes when they go wrong

In all healthy relationships, when there is conflict, both parties make an effort to resolve it. They do this by admitting their faults and apologizing, and not playing the blame game. No doubt, many couples in such relationships admit to their faults. 

However, this is never the case if you happen to be dating a total jerk. In his head, he is always right. He has no faults. To him, you are the flawed one. You need to take the blame for whatever went wrong. This is due to the fact that his excuses are justifiable.

4. He can never be satisfied

Another thing about dating a total jerk is that they are never satisfied with whatever you do for them. Cut your limbs and arms, sell them and buy him a Rolls Royce. Yet, he will still ask you why you didn’t get the limited edition of that car in his favorite color.

5. He is a bully

It is okay to tease and laugh at each other in normal relationships. However, one of the many signs that you are dating a jerk is that he is a bully. He always goes out of his way to do or say things that make you feel bad. 

For instance, if you are a plus-sized woman and he knows you’re insecure about your weight, yet, at the least opportunity, he teases and laughs at how fat you are. This makes you feel worthless and you have spoken to him about it. But for some reason, he keeps doing it. This is a clear sign of a bully and jerk.

6. He is selfish

You should know you are in a toxic relationship when your man makes everything about him. A guy who is crazy about you wants to know your interests, your goals, and your opinions. This way, he will do his best to see you smile. However, assholes are the complete opposite. They want to be your king, and you the servant, not the queen.

It should always be about them. They are proud and never sensitive to your needs. They expect you to always place yourself first. You cannot talk to him, without him making the whole issue about himself. You can never win where his matter is concerned because it is always about him.

7. He always makes you sad

he always makes you sad

Ever since you started to date this guy, you have never been happy. Any hint of happiness was when you first started dating. Then there were subtle signs which made you consider the relationship you were in. Your gut was screaming. However, you ignored it because such jerks are always charming at the beginning of the relationship.

They give you an illusion of happiness. And like a drug, when you are hooked, they take it away from you. So, after a couple of months in the relationship, you realize that you are always upset. This is because deep down, you know you are not being treated right.

8. They are never around when you need them

One other clue that you are dating a jerk is that he never seems to be around whenever you need him. His common excuse is that he is busy (which is total crap). I get it. We all get occupied with one thing or the other, however, when that’s always his excuse, you need to start raising your nicely shaped eyebrows.

I say this because a guy who is crazy about you will always try to make time to see you. If he doesn’t, he will call, text, or find ways of reaching out to you. Rather than ignoring you and pulling up excuses whenever you need him. That is a big clue that he is an asshole.

9. He is a cheat

You know you are dating a jerk if he is enjoying all the perks of being in a relationship with you. Yet, he does not want to commit or make the relationship official. There are a few reasons why. Firstly, he is a cheat and a player. Why else would you want to enjoy the benefits of a relationship, without committing to it?

What's more, you might even notice his infidelity when you are both outdoors. Notice how he treats you in the presence of other people, especially women. If he is usually curt and hostile towards you and is always overprotective of his phone, you need to be on the alert. 

Again, if he has never introduced you to his family and friends. And he hasn’t officially announced that he is in a relationship with you, it’s very likely that he is cheating on you.

10. He is always suspicious of you

Most jerks are always suspicious of their partners. That’s because they know they’re fully aware of their bad behavior. . A jerk will always want to know who you are with, where, and when. He tries to sniff out at your male friends and is always jealous when he sees you happy with another guy. His suspicion is just a reflection of his insecurity and ego. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

But obviously, he won’t admit it. And in the long run, this damages the relationship. This is because his suspicious behavior shows his distrust in you, which directly links back to his bad character.

11. When you both go on dates, he never pays

If a guy never pays when you go on dates, he is either broke or a total jerk. When you go out for dinner, does he always make excuses when it’s time to pay the bill? Worse yet, does he promise to pay you back later but never does? If that’s the case, just know you are never getting your money back. That is an obvious sign that you are dating a jerk.

12. He takes out his negative emotions on you

he takes out his negative emotions on you

We all have bad days. Some days are worse than others. Everyone has a way of coping with that. However, a jerk will offload the pent-up negative emotions that have built up during his day on you. It all boils down to how he treats you on a daily basis. If he does not respect you, he is more likely to lash out at you.

Of course, sometimes it may be dependent on your approach and how much he may want his space. But a guy who is crazy about you will see that you are only trying to help, and not further upset him. Therefore, he will refrain from taking out his negative emotions on you.

13. He can’t even seem to do the little things

They say it is the little things that matter. I agree. Yet, if your guy has no way of pleasing you, face the truth. You are dating a jerk. By little things, I mean making an effort to show up on dates, replying to your text messages, returning your phone calls, etc. If for whatever reason, he can’t seem to make an effort, yet claims he loves you, read the lines sis, he is a proud asshole.


How do you know if you're dating a jerk?

You are dating a jerk if he always wants you to do things his way. He is always too busy when you need him. He also mocks and disrespects you. Again, he makes you feel like you are always at fault. And he uses his attention against you as a power play.

Why do I date jerks?

You date jerks because you have low dating standards. You also have self-esteem issues and you make sure that everyone knows it. Also, you don’t know what is good for you. And, due to the poor image you have of yourself, you allow everyone to walk all over you.

How do you tell if a guy is a player?

If a guy is a player, he treats you nicely when he is with you but never puts in much effort to meet you outdoors. He is hostile to you when other ladies are present. He also tries to know your location but never appears there. You can also tell a guy is a player if he is always suspicious of you. Another distinct trait is that he is always protective of his phone.

How do I stop being a jerk in a relationship?

In order to stop being a jerk in a relationship, you need to be honest with yourself about your behavior. Be empathic. Apologize when you are wrong. Also, learn to be kind and act with compassion. You won’t learn how to stop being a jerk in a day, so keep practicing.

Why do guys act rude when they like you?

Guys act rude when they like you because they do not know how to cope with those feelings. They are indirectly trying to tell you that they are indifferent to those feelings and confident about themselves. 

Why do I attract jerks?

You attract jerks because you don’t know what you want, and you have low self-esteem. And since that is obvious, you are likely to attract jerks.

In Summary

On a final note, watch out for these warning signs when you start dating a guy. He may keep up with the pretense of being a nice guy with good behavior. But his true colors will eventually show in the long run. When you notice that you are in such a toxic relationship, quickly exit because it always gets worse from there. You deserve the best, so treat yourself accordingly.

I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know what you think. And kindly share this piece.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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