When you fall in love with a man you expect that love to last forever, just like the happily ever afters you used to read in fairy tales. So, after you walk down that aisle, you never really consider that there might come a day when your husband no longer loves you the way he used to. You especially don’t expect to wake up one day and realize “my husband hates me”.
The question is, though, does your husband actually hate you? Or is this a rough patch in your relationship that you can work on and hopefully bring it back to the love that you once knew? Well, the good news is that love and hate are two emotions that have a very think line between them.
Which means, even if you do believe your husband hates you, you might be able to change your behaviour in a way that makes him fall in love with you again. You see, no matter how much he fights with you, ignores you and actively makes you feel like you’re the most hated woman in all the world. The fact that your husband is still here and hasn’t left you, it means that there is still a chance, he hasn’t quite given up on you.
So, rather worrying about your husband hating you, instead you need to work out why you think he hates you and how you can work on that to improve your marriage. To help you out, here are 6 common reasons why your husband might be annoyed so that you can change your habits:
1: You’re Not Effectively Communicating With Each Other
While men like to make women think that they’re incredibly manly, with no feelings. The reality is, our husbands are actually very sensitive creatures that need looked after. Which is why communication is something that is so very important in a marriage.
Just think, when he comes in from work every night, do you actively talk with each other? The most likely answer is no, which means women often jump to the conclusion that “my husband hates me” rather than looking at our own behavior too.
For instance, your husband has been working hard all day, he may even be dealing with a lot of stress at his work. He walks in and you don’t ask him about his day or, if you do, you don’t really listen to what he’s saying and engage with properly. Well, how do you think that makes him feel? In truth, it’s likely that he began feeling sad and unloved, and this could easily grow into hate or resentment against you.
Over time, this resentment and hatred grows, until it gets to a point where your husband will blow up, deciding your marriage means nothing. Indeed, it might even lead to him looking for an affair partner, as he’ll be desperate to find another woman who takes the time to communicate and pay attention to his feelings.
If you think lack of communication is a problem in your marriage, don’t panic. There’s a lot that you can work on to change this and save that marriage. For one, you might wish to contact a mental health professional or a therapist, as these professionals can look at your communication with a metaphorical magnifying glass.
Take these marriage counseling sessions to really explain that you want to know why does my husband hate me. He might have no idea that you feel this way – indeed, he might be worried that you hate him. So, you should both take the opportunity to open up and let each other know. Only then will you be able to change your behavior and improve your communication.
If you’re not comfortable with the idea of a therapist, you can still improve your communication on your own. Just start trying to chat more, such as asking him about his day. If he’s not being very open, it’s likely that he has suffered from poor communication for a while and is reluctant to chat. So, you will need to work at it and really pay attention to what’s going on his life.
2: You Are Both Fighting Over The Little Things
Often when we find that a marriage is full of fighting, we tend to blame the husband and insist that he’s changed into some toxic person. However, the likelihood is, if arguing over the little things in life is something new for you, then he could just be suffering in your marriage.
Now, don’t get us wrong, when you have a man constantly fighting with you over any little action or something you say, it’s hard not to wonder “why does my husband hate me”? You just have to look at your marriage and wonder – are you doing the same? As you might find that your man is wondering the exact same about you, as you might be picking on the little things with him too.
To help with your fighting, you will both need to play ball. However, if you start out by trying to stop fights before they happen. Meaning, if you feel like he is saying something snappy or rude to you, don’t bite back as you would normally do. Simply let it go and change the subject or say something nice.
Over time, he will see you’re trying not to fight with him and hopefully he will mirror this behavior. If he doesn’t you might need to come to terms with the fact that your marriage might be too damaged and things might be over.
3: He Has No Interest In Being Nice to You
Do you sit and wonder why your husband is no longer spoiling you like he once did? Perhaps he used to bring you flowers every week. Or, maybe he used to arrange little dates for you both to go out and enjoy. These days, though, he doesn’t even remember your birthdays or anniversaries, which leave you feeling sad and unloved. Which can lead you to think “I hate my husband”.
However, before you hate your husband for not paying you enough attention, it’s important that you think about the last time you really did the same kind of loving actions for your husband too. Just think, do you still go out your way to make his favorite meal or even spend a night watching his favorite movies. If you can’t remember the last nice thing you did, chances are you your husband is feeling exactly the same way about you.
Again, because you’ve both been neglecting each other, there’s a good choice that your marriage is damaged and you’re going to need to work hard to get your love back. This is something you should do in baby steps, trying out a few nice things to make him feel special. The hope here is that he will feel appreciated and start returning the favor.
You might even want to sit down and talk about your relationship. Here it’s very important that you don’t just accuse him of not spoiling you. Instead, say that you’re both not as loving to each other as you might have been in the past and plan a few date nights so you can feel closer together. You’ll be amazed at how some little changes can totally turn your marriage around.
4: You Take Him For Granted
One of the biggest reasons for a husband to feel like they might start hating their wives, is because they feel their other half is taking them for granted. Perhaps you’ve been in your marriage for ten or twenty years, so your life has become a bit stagnant. As, after all this time, you just wouldn’t expect your husband to leave you, which can lead you to taking him for granted. Which is why many men will start looking for younger women to have affairs with, as these women remind them of how you used to treat them.
So, bottom line, if you feel your husband is distant and unloving towards you, he could just be thinking you’re taking him for granted. Particularly if you don’t show affection towards him or show appreciation for all the things he does for your home and family. You might also notice that things he used to do; he no longer does. This could be something simple like the fact he used to jump up after dinner and do the dishes for you. Or it might be that he used to kiss you every morning before leaving for work. When behavior like this stops, it’s easy for the woman to jump to the conclusion that their husband must hate them or that he’s even having an affair.
However, before you start freaking it, take one moment to step back and think about your relationship. Have you been taking your husband for granted? As, if you have, it would make sense that your husband is pulling back and not wanting to show affection – why would he when he feels like you are treating him badly.
If you do find that you might be taking him for granted, there is still time to save your marriage. You just need to start making changes and show your husband how much you love and care for him. If this works, you’ll soon find that he starts reciprocating this behavior towards you. Meaning you’ll both feel far more loved than you have in years.
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5: You Don’t Instigate Sex
Even though sex isn’t everything in a friendship, there’s no denying that having sex is the best way you and your husband can show that you love each other. Which means, if you can’t remember when the last time you had sex was, then there is a serious problem in your relationship.
Think back to years ago, did you instigate sex in the past? Perhaps you would put on sexy lingerie or plan special dates. Whatever you did, you showed your husband that you really wanted to make love and be close to each other. These days, you might not have been aware of it, but you might have been knocking your husband back when he was trying to instigate. Something which is likely to make him feel unloved and that you don’t particularly like him.
Even if you didn’t do it consciously. Especially when physical love is such a large part of how a man feels loved. In fact, if he feels like he’s just going to be turned down by you, he’ll just not bother in the future. Or worse, he will look for physical affection elsewhere, such as with an ex girlfriend through social media or someone he knows at work.
By holding back on enjoying sex together, your husband can grow to feel angry and frustrated, which will eventually turn into hostility and not feeling like he’s in love with you anymore. Which is why you’re probably feeling like my husband hates me. So, rather than focussing on bad feelings, instead, bring the fun and love back to your marriage by bringing back the sex you used to have. You might have to do this slowly by perhaps booking a night away in a hotel with a few drinks and a nice dinner. Or, you could start showing more affection by touching and hugging him more. Just a few more loving changes will add up in no time at all, allowing you both to feel closer and even back in love again.
6: You Appear To Be Irritating Him All the Time
If there is one thing that is going to make you feel your husband hates you, is if he seems to be annoyed about every little thing you say in your relationship. Years ago it felt like you could both stay up to like two in the morning, chatting about life memories and what has made you happy in the past. These days though, your husband doesn’t even want to know about anything in your life, which can be incredibly disturbing behavior in a marriage.
However, if you want your relationship to work, you have to get to the bottom of why it is he has become irritated with your personality. As, the thing is, it might only take one month or one year but if there is a lack of love between you both, your relationship is going to break.
So, how do you make a marriage work? Well one way is to seek therapist help together, as a trained medical professional will be able to really get to the bottom on why he is feeling irritated by you and why you think he dislikes you so much. Bear in mind that this will take time and you might find that it gets worse before it gets better. However, if you want the best chances of falling in love together again, this is the best way.
Otherwise, you can both sit down and chat to each other. Promise that you will give the other at least 5-minute blocks to chat, where nobody interrupts and you can be as honest about your feelings as possible. That way, you’re likely to get to the bottom of why you think you’re irritating your husband and what can be done about it.
More likely than not, this irritation will stem from the fact that he thinks you’re not giving him enough attention or treating him like you used to at the start of your relationships. Perhaps you’re too focused on your career or all your attention is on the kids. Whatever it is, you need to evaluate what’s going on and decide what changes need to be made.
There is nothing worse than thinking that your husband hates you. After all, this is the man you chose to spend the rest of your life together with. You might even have chosen him to be the father of your children one day, which makes this marriage make down feel all the more heartbreaking for everyone involved.
Just remember, the fact that you care about how he feels and the fact that he’s not left yet, is a very positive thing. It means that there is still a good chance that you can bring your marriage back to the loving time that it used to be. Now, be warned, this is going to be a tough process and it’s likely that you’ll both have to make a lot of changes to the habits you’ve both got into. Which will be hard for you both, especially if neither of you thinks you can make those changes.
There’s also the fact that you have might just have to make the decision that you are no longer compatible. This can be especially hard if you both have children and you want to keep your family together, however; it can be more damaging to your children to see their parents fighting all the time.
Whatever you both decide, make sure you try to get rid of any hatred you both hold – as it will only harm your future relationships or make it more likely for you split again if you do try and work things out.
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