Do you suspect your husband is an asshole but you’re not quite sure? Are you worried you’re making a big fuss out of nothing? Or do you know he is and you want to know what to do about it?
If you want to double-check your husband’s asshole nature then read on and check out the following 7 signs:
- 0.1 1. Doesn’t Help With Childcare
- 0.2 2. Won’t Do His Share Of Household Chores
- 0.3 3. He Uses Your Past Against You
- 0.4 4. He Doesn’t Get On With His Mother
- 0.5 5. He Tells You He’s Doing You A Favour By Being With You
- 0.6 6. He Spends Money On Himself But Controls How Much You Are Allowed To Spend
- 0.7 7. He Exhibits Bullying And Controlling Behaviour
- 1 What To Do If You’re With An Asshole Husband
1. Doesn’t Help With Childcare
Does your significant other come home from work and grab a beer from the fridge then collapse onto the couch and start playing video games? Meanwhile, you’ve had the kids all day, you’re calming down two squabbling children, making tea for everyone, doing the lunchboxes for school tomorrow and generally doing everything where the kids are concerned?
When you glare at him or snap, he responds that he’s ‘been working all day and this is his downtime’.
Where’s your downtime? And hang on a minute, they’re his kids too. So why are you responsible for all the childcare? It’s that same old chestnut, the man goes out to work and the woman takes care of the children.
But the problems start when men don’t help with the childcare in the home. After all, childcare is a 24/7 job. Going out to work is usually 8 hours a day. So just how much ‘downtime’ does this guy need?
The next time he moans about needing his space or wanting to relax, just leave the kids with him and go out for a few hours. Remind him they are his children and he doesn’t get to switch off the moment he walks in the door.
Oh, and if he says he’ll ‘babysit’ the kids as a favour, tell him there’s no such thing as babysitting your own children. If he argues he's being an asshole.
So, picture something like this; here’s the scenario, you walk in the house, you immediately see coats and shoes left on the floor so you put them away. You move into the living room and there are cups and plates from last night on the coffee table. You take them into the kitchen where you also clear away the breakfast bowls.
You walk up the stairs, taking the pile of ironing with you and putting it away. You straighten duvets and put dirty clothes in laundry baskets before heading back downstairs where you start to prepare the kid’s tea. Sound familiar? You do everything right?
Now, let’s say you are the husband. How do you think that same scenario would pan out? Similar? Or vastly different? Would he go around the house and pick everything up? Or would he expect someone else to clear the way?
Of course, it’s different. Men are not proactive when it comes to household chores. A man can walk through a house and not see anything that needs to be doing. He can walk past a full bin that needs emptying, clothes on the floor, washing up in the sink and not realise that he could do all these things.
On the other hand, woman have been picking up after men and kids for decades.
So here’s a tip for all those women who are fed up with their lazy asshole husbands who seem to wear blinkers when it comes to housework. You have to treat them like children or dogs. You have to tell them what to do and praise them when they do it.
I know, it’s pathetic, we don’t get or need praise but this is just how it is in a relationship. And some people never learn so you have to keep going over things.
I remember living with a boyfriend who never cleaned the house while we were together. I got so frustrated with doing everything that in the end, I asked him why he never did any housework. His answer? He assumed it was always clean. He honestly didn’t realise that someone was doing it!
He did after our little chat, believe me.
3. He Uses Your Past Against You
In my life, I had one relationship where my boyfriend kept badgering me to tell him how many men I’d slept with before him. He was quite a jealous guy so I put it off so as long as I could. Not that I’d had 100’s of lovers, quite an average number for a woman of my age with a healthy sexual appetite.
But once I’d told him (it is 9 by the way) he wouldn’t stop going on about it. One minute he’d walk past me and mutter ‘nine’ and shake his head or say ‘can’t believe it’. Now, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with having slept with nine men before dating this fella. I was in my late 30’s but he made me feel like a sex pervert.
My problem was that this guy was very kind and open and honest at the start. He kind of drew me in and I revealed a lot of details about past relationships to him.
Then, when we would argue about little things he’d bring something up that I’d told him about my past. He use it as a weapon to hurt or humiliate me.
And he’d do it in public too. It was as if he enjoyed belittling me.
4. He Doesn’t Get On With His Mother
You can tell how a man will treat his wife by how he gets on with his mother. If he has problems with her he’s more than likely to have trouble with you.
Why? Because boys learn how to respect and treat all woman from their mothers. They watch how their fathers interact with their mothers and it is this learning behaviour that influences every woman in their lives.
So, if he disrespects his mum, what do you think he’ll do with you? His mother was and is the most important female figure in his life. If he can’t get on with her he’s not likely to be happy with you.
In fact, I can relate to this entirely. My last boyfriend had no relationship with his mum at all. He was embarrassed by her and constantly fell out with her. She was upset at the way he spoke to her and I was continually talking to her placating her and reassuring her about her son.
I recall one time when his mother had driven to spend the week with us. It was a two-hour drive and she was in her late 60s at the time. She pulled into our drive just as my boyfriend had got home from work. He had seen her arrive and just walked past her to the front door. I was horrified.
She was just about to get back into her car and drive the two hours back home but I persuaded her to stay.
Later in our relationship he called me a ‘c*nt’ and told me to ‘f*ck off back to the council estate I’d come from’. Why did I expect him to respect me when he treated his own mother so poorly? I believe now that he had some sort of personality disorder.
Even the Krays loved their mum.
5. He Tells You He’s Doing You A Favour By Being With You
Do you get told on a regular basis that your husband is doing you a favour by being with you? That no one else will have you and you should be grateful he’s taking you on?
Perhaps he earns more than you and throws this in your face all the time. Or does he brag about the kind of life you would have had if you weren’t with him?
Does he earn a lot more than you but throw this in your face? Does he put you down all the time? Slagging off your job or salary, or where he ‘found’ you before he ‘saved’ you?
It reminds me of that old joke, well it’s not really a joke. I’ll tell it to you and you can decide.
Hillary Clinton and Bill were filling their car up with gas at a garage and Bill spotted one of Hillary’s old boyfriends working the pumps. Bill pointed this out to his wife and said:
“See him? That’s where you’d have ended up if you hadn’t married me.”
Hillary turned to her husband and said:
“No, if I had married him, he would have been the President of the United States.”
The moral of the story, don’t let your asshole husband define who you are.
6. He Spends Money On Himself But Controls How Much You Are Allowed To Spend
Is your husband always coming home with new trinkets for himself but when you ask him for help with child support he throws a paddy? This is a true sign of an asshole husband.
Men that spoil themselves and then question what their wives are doing with their money are not only selfish but control freaks too.
Maybe he knows every penny you spend and you have to account for it? This, of course, doesn’t apply to him. He can spend what he likes on whatever he wants.
In addition, at birthdays does he scrutinise the receipts to check you’ve spent what you say you have? But when it’s your birthday there’s no receipt to be seen and you’re not allowed to ask how much the present cost?
What is this hypocritical attitude? He doesn’t control you or what you spend. If he wants to tell him to go and work in credit control in a bank.
7. He Exhibits Bullying And Controlling Behaviour
Coercive control is now a criminal offence, but what exactly is it? Does your husband check your phone without your permission? Does he read through your texts and call log and question you about them?
Do you find you are having to account for your actions? Are you on a time limit when you go shopping? Does he know if you are late and then give you the third degree about where you’ve been?
Are you always being accused of having affairs with other men? Do you change your behaviour so as not to upset him or cause a row?
One friend of mine who had a particularly controlling and jealous husband told me that she didn’t even look up from the pavement when they were out together in case he thought she was eyeing up other blokes.
He would shout at her out of nowhere and demand that she stopped gawking at men. She would be genuinely shocked, not just at the venom in his voice, but with the absolute surety, he felt that she was doing it.
Actually, my friend was studying at the time for a degree with the Open University when she was married to this guy. It was her first semester and she had classes each week. Unfortunately for her, the tutor was male, and there were other men in the class. Not only that, but her husband had never finished high school.
Her lesson was on Mondays. She began noticing her husband would go into a deep sulk from Sunday evening and wouldn’t come out of it until Tuesday night.
He also knew that it took her 20 minutes to drive home from the class. If she was 5 minutes late she would get the third degree.
The tutor was pleased with her progress and had a habit of inviting the students out for a casual drink at the local pub after the lessons. My friend was not allowed to go. She did ask her husband once, but after he accused her of sleeping with practically everyone in the class, as well as the tutor, she stopped asking.
Eventually, he put so much pressure on her, saying things like ‘why do you need a degree when you’re with me, I’ll look after you’ and ‘I trust you it’s just the other men I don’t trust’ she left the course.
What To Do If You’re With An Asshole Husband
The question is, if you’ve decided you do have an asshole husband, why are you with him? Are you financially dependent on him? Are you afraid of leaving him or are you just in the habit of staying with him and it’s a case of the better the devil you know?
The thing is, you shouldn't have to should stay with an asshole, no matter what the situation. I left an asshole boyfriend after ten years because he said I had to get rid of our two-year-old golden retriever. We had bought the dog together but the training and discipline were all down to me.
Now people, if I can do it, you can too. Sure, it was hard to start with, I had been in this relationship for a long time, but life for me now is amazing. I met someone who loves and cares for me. And you can too. So don’t put up with an asshole husband, leave the shit and live your life!