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7 Signs Your Husband Is An Asshole (And What You Should Do)

Last updated on June 10, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Are you wondering whether your husband is an asshole?

Perhaps you suspect that he’s nice to you, but naturally an asshole to everyone else?

And maybe you’re worried about what this means for the future of your relationship? 

If so, you’re in the right place. This guide will reveal the 7 telltale signs that your husband is a complete asshole. 

However, before these signs are revealed, I want to share some news about an incredible online tool I discovered. 

This discreet online background checker tool is able to produce a detailed file of a person’s recent communications. 

It only requires a few of their personal details in order to do this, and it can be a godsend for women who are worried about the behaviour of their partners. 

You’ll discover who he’s been frequently contacting, what smartphone apps he’s downloaded, what contact details he’s registered...and a lot more. 

Put simply, if he’s been cheating on you or engaging in any other asshole behaviour, this tool is likely to reveal it instantly.

The guide below will reveal if you have a legitimate reason to fear that your husband is an asshole.   

If you want to double-check your husband’s asshole nature then read on and check out the following 7 signs:

1.  Doesn’t Help With Childcare

Does your significant other come home from work and grab a beer from the fridge then collapse onto the couch and start playing video games? Meanwhile, you’ve had the kids all day, you’re calming down two squabbling children, making tea for everyone, doing the lunchboxes for school tomorrow and generally doing everything where the kids are concerned?

When you glare at him or snap, he responds that he’s ‘been working all day and this is his downtime’.

Where’s your downtime? And hang on a minute, they’re his kids too. So why are you responsible for all the childcare? It’s that same old chestnut, the man goes out to work and the woman takes care of the children.

But the problems start when men don’t help with the childcare in the home. After all, childcare is a 24/7 job. Going out to work is usually 8 hours a day. So just how much ‘downtime’ does this guy need?

The next time he moans about needing his space or wanting to relax, just leave the kids with him and go out for a few hours. Remind him they are his children and he doesn’t get to switch off the moment he walks in the door.

Oh, and if he says he’ll ‘babysit’ the kids as a favour, tell him there’s no such thing as babysitting your own children. If he argues he's being an asshole.

2.  Won’t Do His Share Of Household Chores

So, picture something like this; here’s the scenario, you walk in the house, you immediately see coats and shoes left on the floor so you put them away. You move into the living room and there are cups and plates from last night on the coffee table. You take them into the kitchen where you also clear away the breakfast bowls.

You walk up the stairs, taking the pile of ironing with you and putting it away. You straighten duvets and put dirty clothes in laundry baskets before heading back downstairs where you start to prepare the kid’s tea. Sound familiar? You do everything right?

Now, let’s say you are the husband. How do you think that same scenario would pan out? Similar? Or vastly different? Would he go around the house and pick everything up? Or would he expect someone else to clear the way?

Of course, it’s different. Men are not proactive when it comes to household chores. A man can walk through a house and not see anything that needs to be doing. He can walk past a full bin that needs emptying, clothes on the floor, washing up in the sink and not realise that he could do all these things.

On the other hand, woman have been picking up after men and kids for decades.

So here’s a tip for all those women who are fed up with their lazy asshole husbands who seem to wear blinkers when it comes to housework. You have to treat them like children or dogs. You have to tell them what to do and praise them when they do it.

I know, it’s pathetic, we don’t get or need praise but this is just how it is in a relationship. And some people never learn so you have to keep going over things.

I remember living with a boyfriend who never cleaned the house while we were together. I got so frustrated with doing everything that in the end, I asked him why he never did any housework. His answer? He assumed it was always clean. He honestly didn’t realise that someone was doing it!

He did after our little chat, believe me.

3.  He Uses Your Past Against You

3.  He Uses Your Past Against You

In my life, I had one relationship where my boyfriend kept badgering me to tell him how many men I’d slept with before him. He was quite a jealous guy so I put it off so as long as I could. Not that I’d had 100’s of lovers, quite an average number for a woman of my age with a healthy sexual appetite.

But once I’d told him (it is 9 by the way) he wouldn’t stop going on about it. One minute he’d walk past me and mutter ‘nine’ and shake his head or say ‘can’t believe it’. Now, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with having slept with nine men before dating this fella. I was in my late 30’s but he made me feel like a sex pervert.

My problem was that this guy was very kind and open and honest at the start. He kind of drew me in and I revealed a lot of details about past relationships to him.

Then, when we would argue about little things he’d bring something up that I’d told him about my past. He use it as a weapon to hurt or humiliate me.

And he’d do it in public too. It was as if he enjoyed belittling me.

4.  He Doesn’t Get On With His Mother

You can tell how a man will treat his wife by how he gets on with his mother. If he has problems with her he’s more than likely to have trouble with you.

Why? Because boys learn how to respect and treat all woman from their mothers. They watch how their fathers interact with their mothers and it is this learning behaviour that influences every woman in their lives.

So, if he disrespects his mum, what do you think he’ll do with you? His mother was and is the most important female figure in his life. If he can’t get on with her he’s not likely to be happy with you.

In fact, I can relate to this entirely. My last boyfriend had no relationship with his mum at all. He was embarrassed by her and constantly fell out with her. She was upset at the way he spoke to her and I was continually talking to her placating her and reassuring her about her son.

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

I recall one time when his mother had driven to spend the week with us. It was a two-hour drive and she was in her late 60s at the time. She pulled into our drive just as my boyfriend had got home from work. He had seen her arrive and just walked past her to the front door. I was horrified.

She was just about to get back into her car and drive the two hours back home but I persuaded her to stay.

Later in our relationship he called me a ‘c*nt’ and told me to ‘f*ck off back to the council estate I’d come from’. Why did I expect him to respect me when he treated his own mother so poorly? I believe now that he had some sort of personality disorder.

Even the Krays loved their mum.

5.  He Tells You He’s Doing You A Favour By Being With You

Do you get told on a regular basis that your husband is doing you a favour by being with you? That no one else will have you and you should be grateful he’s taking you on?

Perhaps he earns more than you and throws this in your face all the time. Or does he brag about the kind of life you would have had if you weren’t with him?

Does he earn a lot more than you but throw this in your face? Does he put you down all the time? Slagging off your job or salary, or where he ‘found’ you before he ‘saved’ you?

It reminds me of that old joke, well it’s not really a joke. I’ll tell it to you and you can decide.

Hillary Clinton and Bill were filling their car up with gas at a garage and Bill spotted one of Hillary’s old boyfriends working the pumps. Bill pointed this out to his wife and said:

See him? That’s where you’d have ended up if you hadn’t married me.

Hillary turned to her husband and said:

“No, if I had married him, he would have been the President of the United States.”

The moral of the story, don’t let your asshole husband define who you are.

6.  He Spends Money On Himself But Controls How Much You Are Allowed To Spend

6.  He Spends Money On Himself But Controls How Much You Are Allowed To Spend

Is your husband always coming home with new trinkets for himself but when you ask him for help with child support he throws a paddy? This is a true sign of an asshole husband.

Men that spoil themselves and then question what their wives are doing with their money are not only selfish but control freaks too.

Maybe he knows every penny you spend and you have to account for it? This, of course, doesn’t apply to him. He can spend what he likes on whatever he wants.

In addition, at birthdays does he scrutinise the receipts to check you’ve spent what you say you have? But when it’s your birthday there’s no receipt to be seen and you’re not allowed to ask how much the present cost?

What is this hypocritical attitude? He doesn’t control you or what you spend. If he wants to tell him to go and work in credit control in a bank.

7.  He Exhibits Bullying And Controlling Behaviour

Coercive control is now a criminal offence, but what exactly is it? Does your husband check your phone without your permission? Does he read through your texts and call log and question you about them?

Do you find you are having to account for your actions? Are you on a time limit when you go shopping? Does he know if you are late and then give you the third degree about where you’ve been?

Are you always being accused of having affairs with other men? Do you change your behaviour so as not to upset him or cause a row?

One friend of mine who had a particularly controlling and jealous husband told me that she didn’t even look up from the pavement when they were out together in case he thought she was eyeing up other blokes.

He would shout at her out of nowhere and demand that she stopped gawking at men. She would be genuinely shocked, not just at the venom in his voice, but with the absolute surety, he felt that she was doing it.

Actually, my friend was studying at the time for a degree with the Open University when she was married to this guy. It was her first semester and she had classes each week. Unfortunately for her, the tutor was male, and there were other men in the class. Not only that, but her husband had never finished high school.

Her lesson was on Mondays. She began noticing her husband would go into a deep sulk from Sunday evening and wouldn’t come out of it until Tuesday night.

He also knew that it took her 20 minutes to drive home from the class. If she was 5 minutes late she would get the third degree.

The tutor was pleased with her progress and had a habit of inviting the students out for a casual drink at the local pub after the lessons. My friend was not allowed to go. She did ask her husband once, but after he accused her of sleeping with practically everyone in the class, as well as the tutor, she stopped asking.

Eventually, he put so much pressure on her, saying things like ‘why do you need a degree when you’re with me, I’ll look after you’ and ‘I trust you it’s just the other men I don’t trust’ she left the course.

What To Do If You’re With An Asshole Husband

The question is, if you’ve decided you do have an asshole husband, why are you with him? Are you financially dependent on him? Are you afraid of leaving him or are you just in the habit of staying with him and it’s a case of the better the devil you know?

The thing is, you shouldn't have to should stay with an asshole, no matter what the situation. I left an asshole boyfriend after ten years because he said I had to get rid of our two-year-old golden retriever. We had bought the dog together but the training and discipline were all down to me.

Now people, if I can do it, you can too. Sure, it was hard to start with, I had been in this relationship for a long time, but life for me now is amazing. I met someone who loves and cares for me. And you can too. So don’t put up with an asshole husband, leave the shit and live your life!

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

13 comments on “7 Signs Your Husband Is An Asshole (And What You Should Do)”

  1. My husband is an asshole. I hate him. He whines and complain loudly when he has to clean after our 3 kids. I hate him. I regret marrying him. He flips when he comes across a problem and wants me to solve it. He ruins the day all the time bc he starts fight for stupid reasons. We fight all the time. He selfish in bed. He never defends me. He allowed his weird mom to pay his car insurance and phone bill when I told it turned me off. I flipping hate him. I hate him so much.....i hate him!

    1. I know so many men from A certain country in Asia that live in the the USA and are total assholes right in my iwn family. They talk shit over the voice of their wives. They don’t know how to boil water yet criticize everything cooked at home.They bully the wives and grown sons and daughters and k ow nothing about politics, culture or history ... worst ... they are simply awful in bed.

  2. Don't ask me how I did it but I re married my first husband all over again. Can be nice and sweet much of the time, but the rest of the time is a lazy, selfless loafer that does not want to contribute or connect at all. He can be a great husband when I act like he's the big shot. But let me show the first sign of having a mind of my own, and there will be hell to pay! He definitely does not have my back 100%. I don't guess it matters, though, because all he wants to do is be an asshole and sit around and eat fried foods and sweets all day long. R.I.P.

  3. I married and asswhole! He does everything his mother tell him to do. He puts down all my responsibilities from work. He is not working right now, but I am. I still clean cook and feed everyone.
    He keeps cameras around the house to spy on me. Everything I say and do is stupid. He puts himself on a pedestal and puts me down all the time.
    He is so narcissistic who thinks he controls the crime in hour neighborhood.
    He only wants to talk about himself. I am so miserable in this marriage. When I see his mother I get panic attacks.

  4. My husband is a jerk!
    Never does anything, and always tired! Complains all the time about everything, and always ruins the mood. He won't clean after himself, his (our) bathroom is gross, I said I would stop cleaning and using it because he wouldn't even flush the toilet properly!!!! And whenever I would tell him to flush properly he would get angry and complain and get defensive. I use my son's bathroom, he's 9 and my husband is his stepdad... he actually is more present than his real father and they get along fine, but he acts as if he's another kid and doesnt want to take any responsibilities. The other day my son asked him to tuck him in to sleep and I was meditating, he went and lay down on the bed and the bottom sheets were all messy not properly set, and there he was lying there on top of the cushion, no sheets under him... when I asked him why didn't he put it on properly before lying down, he said because he was tucking MY son to sleep while I meditating and he refused to do it himself. I feel alone and miserable, I live in his house .... maybe next year when I get started in my master's degree
    To all the other wonderful, lonely, strong women out there: you can make it if you try!

  5. Wow! I just typed in Google; What to do if your husband is an asshole? And found this and have read comments... wuf! After reading all of what everyone has wrote, my husband has become half of an asshole... He´s got flaws but not as bad and the ones I´ve read. We´ve been together for about 17 years.. he does chores and does help me more because I have talked or let him know --that he has to contribute and explained to him that too much pressure on one person --is going to end up in a divorce. He has come around and made adjustments after that conversation. He also cooks much more than he used to and even enjoys it. But as we have read in this article --he does not get along with his mother...she annoys him... and he used to be that way with me too... But he has recently been diagnosed with colon cancer... got it right in the middle of the pandemic --with over crowded hospitals... So didn´t know -and it got worse and spread, becuase he didn´t want to go. So for the summer we went to stay with my in-laws... and it was hell for me... taking care of him ...as he has become a grump and has been spoiled by his family waiting on him hand and foot... I had to have soooo much patience!! But the good thing that came out of two months with my in-laws.. parents and brothers, sisters, etc. Is that they have seen how he can be a jerk, he disrespected his own mother, she couldn´t believe it and was even crying, he was grumpy... anti-social, rude --and it was good because his family saw it all first hand. Over the years I had tried to tell them, and they refused to listen to me cus I´m the daughter-in-law and not blood family...so that makes me an outsider and a lier... So I was soooo happy that they could see it on their own!! So now my job is hard, cus he is ill and in a bad mood --but I put him in his place and let him know that he needs to change his attitude to fight his diesease and to ease my job of taking care of him... He doing a bit better healthwise and being a bit nicerwise... And I told him that he needs to change his way of being, and if he gets through this --he needs to be a nicer and better person, if not I´m outta here!!! So let´s see what happens. Oh, and his mother in two months has seen that I am not the bad person that she thinks I am, but even a way better person than her son. I told her my parents taught me manners and to respect our elders and respect others, but to also defend yourself when it is necessary. And she just stood silent, because she knows that she didn´t teach him those things.. and that is why he now is that way he is. But I let him know if you want me to be with you --then you need to make major changes or you can go back with your mother.

  6. Wow.. while i dnt know what Asshole means however, i googled my husband is an asshole, because everytime he fed up from me he threatens me to take away my cards the car keyS and the phone claiming that he bought it and its for him, even though im a stay at home mother, my mom have monthly hidenly supported me without him knowing so he wont ask me for it .. it took my husband 6 years to trust me with spendings i can tell he had very bad past relationships.. and i did not know that he was financially abusing because i kept giving. Him excuses until he started behaving this way and saying it jn my face.. he always tells me i have no where to go if i divorced him.. and i have no money to pay ill end up with no kids and no money.. i never seek help.. and never interfered no one.. from his side or my side.. i kinda regret because now he being more of an asshole.. he have always said that i have never made a penny since i married him.. and that i owe him .. i left my college and job for him and travelled over seas with no support or help.. i suffered all sort of anxiety and depression and he is mo support to my kids or me.. he never helps always tired and come back from work to eat and sleep.. weekends are the days he wakeup all night to force himself sleeping all day.. to avoid kids he always ask for his 50/50 bills that he spent kn us.. even though we have always been low income.. he mentionned ways that he wd trick the goverment and show fake loans from rich brother that he’d support him.. and tricks about how he is ready to testimony lies.. all this to me is not words.. its going to be real and he will do it one day.. and i have to be prepared and be financially independent so i can take care of my children.. i am a foreigner in this country with no family members and no residency.. he is the american raised and born here as well as my children.. so u can guess what type of strains he is pulling on me all the time.. i even wrote diaries to myself. And sent them to my anonymous email.. he deleted them.. he even caught me many times recording him and broke my phone.. i tried to collect evidence to back me up when he decide to act.. its hard.. he is aware of everything.. and he clearly been in similar situations.. i cannot be naive and fall in traps.. i have to back my self up and be smarter but dnt have a plan yet.. so i can guarentee my children with me.. im the only lne who took care of them since day one .. i dnt knw what to do anymore..!! I knw he is bon here and he knows about laws and he can trick the system.. i only have god and his mercy with me..!! I have no privacy.. he have access to all my emails and paswords.. he even look into browsers history.. if he suspect.. i have no friends to help me either.. and he is counting on that..!!

  7. My husband is a total jerk and asshole. He tells me he is right 99.9% of the time!! who can live with that. We also have not been intimate all 2020 (sheesh) Covid and no nookie its been horrible!!! Now he wants to kick my mentally ill daughter out of the house...because hes the man and pays the bills ugh.. why did I even get married?

  8. My husband is an asshole and I have decided to divorce his asshole ass! Right now, it is very hard because he is doing nasty things to me but I am staying on my journey. I finally have a future to look forward to.

  9. My husband is an asshole.His mean nd says hurtful things to me all the time.His always angry nd full of insults .He never smiles nd his so judgemental. He always picks out on my family without a thought of how I will feel .Everyday he just adds to my pain that I hide so nicely nd carry on with my life .His so oblivious about our life nd how his hurting me that it makes know sense to even bring it up .I just carry on like I'm ok with our relationship .I'm now 50 , 3 kids , 2 are married I'm grateful to God always .The sad thing is he will never change .He basically doesn't respect a woman and never will .Good luck to all the woman out there .Do what you hve to do to be happy

  10. My husband is my worst enemy. I hate him, everything I do bothers him. I married him when I was 20 and he was 28, he was so different. We are 3 years married and I dont wanna be with him anymore. He has never trusted me with money but he also has the audacity to say that I don't do or pay anything. I am the one who cleans, does laundry, take care of the dogs, cook I also pay the internet and the electrical bill, and these two things in my country are not cheap. I work and I go to University. He still wants more from me. He works for 5 hours and then goes to the bar and comes home at 10 or 11 o'clock at night.
    When I ask him to do something with me he always says no, but when I dont do things with him i am just the worst.
    He sees me as a burden not as an independent adult. In this time that we have been married romanticism is gone. He is so selfish in sex, complains that I dont talk to him about my feelings but when I do he complains that I'm weak or something like that.
    I did something bad and he was there for me, he was a hero, I thought that maybe what happened could be a lesson for the both of us... no! He now uses it as a weapon to make me feel guilty. I don't trust him with my secrets because he goes around and tells people and makes fun of me. I am so tired, people think that we are happy together but we aren't. I hate him with a passion.
    There isn't a day that he doesnt wake up in a good mood, he is always an asshole, day and night. When he wakes up he is just the shittiest man. He makes me wanna die.
    I tell him that I dont wanna have kids anymore because of school, when in fact I dont wanna have kids with someone who is always in a miserable mood. I grew up like that, and that's not healthy.
    I am just tired. I am 23 and I look like a 30 year old woman who's already have kids. My hair if falling, my skin is nasty. He doesnt seem to understand how he treats me and for him he does a good job.

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