It is a bit odd to say that you love someone, yet you cannot stop saying horrible things to them. You don’t want to hurt them, but the moment there’s a sliver of peace, you feel the need to lash out. Even worse, this is one of the best relationships you’ve been in. At this point, you may even be wondering whether you’re allergic to good men.
Yes, it is a whirlwind of sorts. The good news is that there are a handful of reasons why you are mean to your man. Identifying the problem is the first step, then you can go on to control it. With that in mind, here are some of the reasons why you’re mean to your boyfriend.
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Sometimes, it has nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with life-related stress. Picture this, you were late for work, had a bad sales record for the day, and even got into a row with a barista. Then at home, there’s this unsuspecting man who simply wants your attention. Your head is banging and all you really want is a hot shower, ice cream, and some Netflix.
But, he wants to talk to and hug you from behind. Obviously, the ideal way out is not to snap at him rudely. The thing is, you are a human being, and sometimes we are impulsive. What counts here is what you do after. Do not just expect unconditional understanding, apologize and explain once in a while.
I used to believe that most women used hormones as a crutch. Then one day I was halfway through a squabble wondering what I was even doing there. It was so uncharacteristic for me and deep down I was not even angry. At that point, I wholly understood the part that hormones play in a female’s life.
The next time you find yourself lashing out when it is not needed, take some time to assess your hormonal position. Is it that time of the month? Are you ovulating? Even more, are you eating for two? If the answer is yes, then that is probably a factor. I am not saying that it is alright to blame it on your hormones.
Once you know that you get testy during these times, you can make a conscious effort to be nicer.
Or at the very least, he will know why you are not being the nicest person at that time.
There are very few ladies that do not romanticize the notion of being in a relationship quite early on in life. Even now, there is this image that comes to mind when I think of a good relationship. Unfortunately, the real thing is not as magical. That does not mean that it is all bad, but you have to admit that there are days when it loses that fairytale vibe.
For some women, this is incredibly stressful, especially when the situation is borderline flavorless. Lashing out in this case is coming from a place of displeasure.
At this point, you need to gauge your stand in the relationship. Can you get past the fact that it does not meet your expectations? Or will it always be a point of contention? Even more, is it possible that you are a tad bit delusional?
In some cases, the root cause is not actually something present in your relationship. An aspect of your early socialization may be the reason that you cannot get one polite word out. This is very common when it comes to victims of child abuse. Since they never really got a sense of what love and affection are, they do not know how to express them.
It may even be that you watched someone you love constantly being physically and mentally abused. These things cut a lot deeper than you could ever imagine. So, if you cannot quite put your finger on why you are mean to your man, simply peer into your past.
This is probably something you have always known in the back of your head. On paper, your man is probably your prince charming. He ticks all the boxes, but there is just one problem. You do not love him. When you do not love someone and you try to force it, nothing they do will ever be enough. Obviously, it will not be all bad.
But you cannot hide the fact that you do not like them forever. The little things they do that should be cute will slowly end up annoying you. So, do some soul searching, do you really love this man? If the answer is no, then the ball is in your court.
People often say that if you do not feel great about yourself, you should not be with someone. No one can make you feel complete no matter how dreamy they seem. If you do not like the person you are, you will start feeling inadequate. What do people do when they do not feel ‘enough?’ In most cases, they lash out and try to bring the other person down.
Even more, you may feel the need to push him away before he does it first. If this is the case, then you need to deal with these issues before they chase away a good man.
Both men and women do this, so let me not make this a gender-specific thing. Nevertheless, today is all about you. This is something you need to admit to yourself because you are only hurting the both of you by prolonging the issue. The moment you have already checked out of the relationship, everything your partner does becomes annoying.
If he sneezes, it will irritate you. Even the way he breathes will end up annoying you. I am just adding my two cents here, if you do not want to be with someone then dump him. It may seem easier to stay, but that is simply selfish. He may not be your biggest fan afterward, but it is better than constantly throwing jabs at him.
Let’s face it ladies, some of you are not the most sensitive or amiable people. That is not a bad thing, I believe that variety is the spice of life. We cannot all be lovey-dovey, life would be pretty boring. So, let’s just say that you want to see if this man is really ready to commit to you, quirks and all. One way to see how much he can take is to snap at him at every moment.
In some cases, you get lucky and the guy is patient enough to stick around. But some men will not tolerate that regardless of what they feel for you.
Not everyone is ready to fall in love, that is the simple truth. It could be a result of past couplings or even non-romantic interactions. When you have been hurt in the past, it is hard to accept love even when it is handed to you on a platter. This is a bit related to not believing that you deserve him. In this case, you genuinely want love, but you have no idea how to be loved.
So, every time he does something sweet or affectionate, you cannot accept that it is coming from a place of love. There must always be an ulterior motive since that has been the case in the past.
So, this is pretty much related to the last point. There is a saying that goes, ‘if it seems too good to be true it probably is.’ With that in mind, maybe this man is a little too perfect. He may be playing you and your subconscious is alerting you. On the other hand, you may just be looking for a way out because you do not feel like you deserve a good man.
Either way, if this is the cause then you should explore it. You may discover something about yourself or your man that is beneficial to your personal growth.
Oftentimes, constantly droning on about how your man offended you can come off as nagging. So, in the corner of your mind, the next best thing is to give him an attitude till he realizes how wrong he is. So, you may end up being mean to him till amends are made. Is it the most mature approach?
Maybe not. In my opinion, open communication is not an option. But every couple is different and they know what works for them.
It is not uncharacteristic to treat someone you do not respect badly. If for one reason or the other you feel that your man is beneath you, your attitude will show it.
So, you cannot figure out why you keep snapping at your partner. Maybe that is simply who you are. Take a look at your other interpersonal interactions. How do you treat your family and friends? Do you snap at them too? If the answer is yes, then this is a personal problem you need to work on.
In most cases, it is a mere transfer of aggression. You may be upset about something totally unrelated to your relationship. It is often easy to transfer negative emotions to people closest to you. For the most part, people that know you well will accommodate your excesses. On the other hand, perhaps he’s been a bit more clingy than usual and you just need a breather.
First, you need to start being more self-aware when it comes to your reactions. Do not play the blame game. Acknowledge the fact that you are using the wrong tone. Also, try to be empathetic, imagine how you would feel if someone you love treated you in the same manner.
Being moody does not just take a toll on you, it affects everyone in your immediate environment. Furthermore, you should attempt to adopt a more positive attitude to life. Though things may seem gloomy, there is always a reason to be happy. Also, talk it out with your partner, he is an integral part of your support system.
For the most part, it may be because you cannot help yourself. Expressing anger healthily is not one of your strong points. On a darker note, you may get a kick out of seeing your boyfriend upset. It gives you this rush of power to see that you can affect someone so much. Neither of these is a great reason to say hurtful things to someone you love.
Abuse is a major factor, whether it is verbal or physical. The moment your partner deals you blows of any kind, that relationship is toxic. Also, if your partner is constantly dishonest, then that is not a healthy relationship. There has to be an equal amount of give or take from both parties.
Being mean to someone you love so much sounds crazy. Nevertheless, it happens a lot more than people account for. Is it right? No, your man should feel safe with you because the outside world is brutal. Knowing why you are mean to your man is the first step to finding a way forward. With that in mind, I hope I was able to shed some light on the topic.
Did I leave something out? I’m excited to gain more insight myself, so feel free to comment below. Even more, share this with other ladies who need to gain a little understanding of this topic.