Times have changed and the importance of independence, especially to women, has become more pronounced. We are reminded daily of how we are sufficient and can do it all on our own.
So many women are working extra hard to become that person that is respected, admired, and sometimes, even feared. However, when is the point to think and ask ourselves ‘are we too independent for a relationship?’
I am not implying that finding a partner is the sole purpose of a woman or that women become truly when they find a man, how dare I?
Here’s the thing, so many women push away the opportunity for healthy intimate relationships trying to prove a point.
Do you feel like your personal life is getting in the way of your love life? Do guys find your confidence intimidating instead of alluring? Well, to clear any doubts, here are five signs that you are too independent for a relationship.
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“I can do it myself, don’t worry, I’ll handle it”. Does that sound like you? Hey, don’t look at me that way, I love when we women are self-sufficient.
In fact, I understand that self-sufficiency kicks back at how women are tagged as the ‘weaker vessels.’ The thing is, a lot of us spend so much time trying to prove that we aren’t weak and we can do it all.
However, if Miss Independent wants to find Mr. Right and remain in a healthy relationship with him, she has to relax and enjoy being taken care of. Most men love being asked for help; it’s in their DNA. They love being the provider, and helping women out gives them a sense of worthiness.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for a little help from someone else, you can’t kill yourself trying to prove to people that you’re strong and powerful.
Replace words like, “I'm fine/don’t worry” with “Yes please and thank you”.It may be hard initially, and maybe you don’t like people in your business, but I can’t overemphasize how this has helped many relationships.
It is essential to have your career in check and be financially secure, but when other activities not related to work seem mundane, there is a problem. I understand that right now you feel like this is a pivotal time in your career. You want to achieve certain goals, and you cannot afford to be distracted by someone else.
Securing your finances is crucial, but what is the joy in owning all that with no one to share it with? Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to tell your wins and struggles to? Finding your balance is an essential tool in life, and everything works out when you know how to find balance with the things that matter most to you.
You can be a career woman and still find time for dating, relationships, and social gatherings.
I found an article in 2014, and it changed my life forever, it taught me how to balance things out by first prioritizing, and once you decide what’s important, focus on it and get it done.
What I never let go of was the part of the article that said “it is easier to find balance with another person and drawing from and giving energy to each other.” So what I’ve been doing since then is to ask myself questions before making decisions.
“Is going on a date with this interesting man more important than answering these mails I can easily assign to my assistant?” Obvious answer right?
While you shouldn’t have to change your entire life for anyone, a little compromise won’t hurt your big goals or aspirations. You should learn to reschedule meetings or events to participate in important events in your partner's life.
In an interview with Elite Daily, Dr. Gary Brown, a distinguished dating and relationship expert, talks about how a new relationship can affect one’s schedule in both good and bad ways. He also spoke about how it’s important to know how to balance people and events in your life and also create enough time to nourish a new relationship.
Changing your schedule for events that both you and your partner will benefit from is healthy, it becomes a problem when just one party benefits. So, before you make changes to your schedule, ensure that it will be mutually beneficial to both parties.
You don’t want to consider people while making personal decisions, you hate explaining your actions to people, does this sound like you? I mean, you are an adult, and where you are going, who you are talking to, and why you did something is nobody's business as long as you are not hurting anyone, right?
Men see this trait and immediately tag you as too independent. They assume you don’t want their input, and it sometimes, if not all the time makes them feel unwanted.
Now you recognize this sign, and you are convinced that you are too independent and might have jeopardized potential healthy relationships in the past because of this single act.
Here is what to do, look at this like baby steps to stop being too independent. Start by sending out a simple text like “I am going to have a busy day today, I will talk to you at the end of the day” instead of just going through an entire day without talking to a potential partner.
This can be hard at first, you might even forget on some days but don’t let it discourage you from letting your partner know what you are up to or what your plans are, it makes them feel valued and appreciated.
Anyone that cares about you will surely have an opinion on how you live your life. Being in a romantic relationship means that you will spend a lot of time with each other, and your partner will possibly influence your life, or try to help you make decisions.
You enjoy making your decisions alone because it makes you feel in control of your life, and you don’t want to let go of that just yet. It’s okay to ask for or listen to other people’s opinions. I know it feels strange to you and looks like you are allowing other people to control your life; that is actually not what is happening.
All you are doing is considering various options; you still have the power to reject or accept the suggestion. So, don’t let this stop you from enjoying a healthy relationship, instead consider the option as a suggestion and see if the outcome is better than yours.
Yes, you can. A particular amount of independence is beneficial for you when in a relationship, but too much independence can hinder the connection you should have with your partner. Interdependence is normal in intimate relationships, but if you are too self-sufficient, it may compromise your relationships and discourage you from moving forward.
It is important to note that a healthy relationship involves two people. Being individualistic in a relationship simply means you have your own sense of autonomy. While you take into consideration your partner’s view and opinions, you do not entirely depend on them to make your life choices or decisions for you.
The answer to this is effective communication and understanding. It is important to communicate and know each other’s personal boundaries as individuals to avoid being overwhelmed by individual demands.
The importance of respecting their personal boundaries cannot be overemphasized. Respect his need for personal space and time and do not be too needy as this can scare him away. Enjoy and revel in your autonomy, just like your partner.
Being self-reliant is a good thing. When you are independent in your relationship, you come across as very confident. Also, it makes you less reliant, and nobody wants a needy partner, it’s just learning to balance that out that’s important.
Did you enjoy this article? It is essential to understand that there is a thin line between being independent and being too independent. While you revel in the joy of your autonomy, ensure that your partner is happy and that your relationship is healthy.
Do not forget to use the tips in this article and imbibe them in your relationship. Kindly leave a comment below and share the article if you liked it.