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6 Things You Should Know Before Having Sex With Friends

by Sonya Schwartz

So, I guess you’re here reading this article because you have decided to have sex with one of your friends, but you're unsure if there are some rules you should stick by or some things you need to be aware of. Firstly, it's important to say that having casual sex within a friendship can be really beneficial for both people, especially if you need to relieve sexual frustration, or you have a high libido. You are both looking for a purely physical relationship, and because you're friends nothing will get weird and you won't develop feelings ... or at least that's what you think!

As amazing as being in a friends with benefits relationship can be, there are some things that you need to know before entering into this kind of agreement, just to make sure it all runs smoothly. This article is here to tell you the top 10 things you should know before you decide to have sex with a friend, and what you can do to make sure everything works out well.

One of You Might Develop Feelings

The worry of developing feelings is one of the biggest reasons we don't have sex with our friends. We already love them as friends and like them as people, so surely adding sex into the mix is just asking for the development of romantic feelings towards them?

In a friends with benefits relationship, it's not uncommon for one of the people to develop feelings for the other. Casual sex can stay emotionless, but if you are having sex quite frequently, you could start to develop feelings for the person you're constantly in bed with. As the film 'Friends with Benefits' showed us, it can turn out amazingly, if you both develop feelings for each other, as a beautiful romantic relationship might form. However, it can be an extreemly difficult situation to be in if only one person in the casual sex relationship has romantic feelings for the other person.

If you start to develop feelings for your friend and they don't feel the same towards you, it might be painful for you to feel rejected by them. It might also ruin your friendship with them because you can no longer see them as simply a friend. Unrequited feelings are exceptionally difficult to deal with and can lower self-esteem and self-confidence.

However, it can also be uncomfortable if your friend develops feelings for you and you don't feel the same way. It might make you feel awkward, and although you might still want to have sex with your friend, you won't want to, knowing that they have feelings for you. Rejecting someone is painful, especially if they are your friend because you truly care about their feelings.

You Will Hang Out As Friends A Lot Less

You Will Hang Out As Friends A Lot Less

When you cross the boundary from just friends to friends that have casual sex together, you might realize that you start to hang out a lot less as just friends, like you used to. This is especially true if the sex is good. Before you started to have sex with each other, you probably went out for coffee, grabbed dinner together and did things like go to the cinema. As soon as you see each other naked and act intimately together, the feeling between the two of you will be different and the friendship between you will have changed. You might find that you hang out in the way you used to a lot less, and you spend a lot of your time together in bed or wrapped around each other.

Regardless of how much you try to control it, once you have been intimate with one of your friends, the dynamic changes. You might find yourself missing simply talking to your friend and acting platonically. Even after you have decided to stop having casual sex together, it can take a long time to get back to a platonic friendship together.

If you didn't hang out with this person a lot anyway before you started to have sex, then this probably won't apply, or you just won't notice as much.

Your Other Friends Will Probably Find Out

Usually, if you choose to enter into a friends with benefits relationship, you will decide to keep it a secret between the two of you. Unfortunately, the secret is normally never kept between the two of you. Even if you both keep your mouths shut about the situation, your friends will most likely pry, and wonder why you are spending so much time with someone. Your friends might assume you have a boyfriend, and it can be difficult trying to lie to them and deny that you're in a relationship.

It might be harder to keep the relationship a secret if you have a large friendship group, or the two of you share friends in common. Not only will the friendship group be able to notice that you are both missing, at the same time, a lot, but they might also notice that you have both started acting very strange at the same time. Your friends might also be able to simply sense the sexual chemistry between the two of you - it's not hard to sense sexual energy between two people.

Of course, the person you are sleeping with might get too excited about it and let their tongue slip to the friendship group.

You Might Not Have As Much Sex As You Expected

You Might Not Have As Much Sex As You Expected

The truth is just before anyone gets into a relationship that is purely centered around having casual sex, they get extremely excited about the amount of sex they going to be having. Unfortunately, this isn't always the case. Just because you have both decided to sleep with each other regularly, it doesn't mean this is going to happen every time you fancy it. You might find yourself really excited about getting intimate, only for your friend to turn around and say they aren't feeling it today. People are busy, and unless you are in a committed relationship where you have to prioritize lovemaking to keep the relationship healthy, you don't normally think of sex fitting into your daily schedule as a single person.

Of course, you will find yourself being more intimate than you were before, but don't expect to be falling into bed with each other every day.

You Might Not Be Sexually Compatible

Obviously you only enter into a sexual relationship with a friend that you feel a genuine physical attraction to, otherwise, there wouldn't be any point. However, you might find that although you think your friend is unbelievably hot, the actual sex isn't so steamy. Some people just aren't sexually compatible with each other, and this could be the case with whoever you choose as your friend with benefits.

Sometimes, the idea of sleeping with a friend seems a lot spicier and exhilarating than it actually is when you get down to it. It's sometimes the whole mystery that makes it seem so exciting, and once you see your friend naked and try to be intimate with them, sometimes it simply isn't that good. If you are good friends, or the person is your best friend, you might also feel embarrassed, giggle a lot or feel like you're having sex with someone that is like a sibling to you - not cool.

Rules You Should Follow To Ensure Casual Sex With A Friend Works Well

There are a few rules that you can follow to make sure that your casual relationship with your friend is beneficial to you both, rather than detrimental to your friendship.

1 . Set ground rules

1 . Set ground rules

It's essential to sit down and talk to your friend properly before entering into an intimate and casual relationship with them. You need to decide on a set of ground rules that you both feel comfortable with and that will make you feel more confident about what to expect going into the relationship. You should discuss several things that are vital to think about before deciding to move forward together. For example, essential things to discuss are:

  • How many times a week do you want to have sex? This helps to figure out if your pairing is a good idea - maybe one of you has a lower libido than the other, in which case it might work but the expectations need to be lowered.
  • What are you going to do if one of you starts to feel romantic feelings for the other person? This is crucial - you need to be open and honest to ensure no one gets hurt.
  • Are you going to cuddle or sleepover after having sex? This is normally a terrible idea, but you both need to be sure where the boundaries lie, to ensure neither of you is confused about what to expect.
  • Are you going to tell anyone? Once again, this is a bad idea. It's normally best to keep a casual relationship secret, otherwise questions will be asked by others that don't understand.

2 . Use protection

This is a rule you need to stick to - always use protection. You should always be sure to have suitable and effective protection, even when you're in a committed relationship. However, it's even more important to use protection when you are in a casual one. No one wants to catch an STI or have a baby from a casual fling, so you need to ensure both of you are on the same page when it comes to protection. There are a variety of different methods for both men and women, and therefore together you can find something that works for both of you.

It's important to note that even if you are on birth control pills or have an IUD, this isn't going to protect you from STI's. You should always make sure the man is wearing a condom. It's also a good idea to get regular sexual health checks too because you don't know how many other people your friend is sleeping with.

3 . Don't hang out with each other more than you usually would.

Of course, you will be spending more time together when you are sleeping with each other because you never did this before. However, you need to be careful you don't find yourselves hanging out together more often than normal even when you're not having sex. You might be enjoying each other's company just a little bit too much, and this could cause some serious problems if either of you starts to develop feelings for each other. It's best to hang out the same amount as you were before as friends and then sleep with each other at other times. You need to distinguish between the time spent hanging out as friends and the time spent being intimate with each other. It's can't just all merge into one, as this will blur lines and make it confusing.

4 . Be open to developing feelings for other people.

4 . Be open to developing feelings for other people.

Both of you in the casual relationship still needs to be open to someone special walking into your life. Although casual intimacy might feel great with a friend, it isn't love, and that's what you're probably looking for long term. You shouldn't shut down other people that try to date you or show interest in you because of your casual fling. If you do find yourself shutting down to other people that are interested in you, it could be because you have feelings for the person you are already sleeping with - that's dangerous.

5 . Be honest with each other.

Having sex with friends can work perfectly well, as long as there's an open, honest and trustworthy relationship between the friends. Every relationship we have as people is based on honesty and trust, and a sexual relationship with a friend is no exception to this. You both need to be able to clearly communicate with each other and feel comfortable to be honest. For example, if one of you develops feelings for the other, there needs to be an open channel of honesty so that the issue can be talked about. You should never get into a relationship having sex with friends you don't trust to be open.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

6 . Don't get into a friends with benefits relationship with your best friend.

The final tip I want to give you is to not begin a sexual relationship with your best friend. Although you might feel like it's the best choice because you both get on so well, it can be difficult. When it comes to your best friend, you have so much to lose if anything goes wrong. You should try and be in a casual relationship with someone that you still care about, but that doesn't mean the world to you.

Conclusion

I really hope this article has helped you if you're thinking about getting into a sexual relationship with a friend. Friendship is one of the most incredible things in the world, and although having sex within a friendship can be pretty special too, you need to take precautions and handle the relationship correctly, or it could end up badly.

You should have fun in a friends with benefits relationship though, that is the whole point of it after all! Just be careful.

Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

One comment on “6 Things You Should Know Before Having Sex With Friends”

  1. Hi Sonya,

    It definitely did. Your article was right on point. Sadly (or perhaps not so sadly) I had already entered into a casual sex relationship with a friend, and I did not know how to react when I started to develop feelings. The worst part and what made me stop and think was when I perceived that my friend liked what we did, but also liked the way I was making them feel (because of my feelings for them) that started to led me on thinking that there might be more beyond the casual fling. Some sort of abusive not healthy situation. And although I think I could prevent things went south, the mere idea of losing the friendship made me backtrack several times until I could no more. The problem I see now is that my friend would never recognized that there were some sort of misleading to their benefit and just keep on having me interested in developing on just being as friendly as before but without the sex.
    One very, key thing of your article that I really felt connected with was the part of the incompatibility in bed... I think that was our case...who knows. (It was never talked). But definitely I am much more clear in where I (we) stand.

    Love,

    Marvin

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