Sex and orgasm are some of the best things in life, but if you knock it out often enough, you will probably agree that sex isn’t always a glamorous, smooth-sailing ride. As with most things venerated, there’s a side to the act most people don’t look forward to – the awkward, faux pas moments, and understandably so.
Your sex life doesn’t even have to be bubbling to experience sex mishaps, newbs and pros alike are equally prone to it. Our body is funny and unpredictable that way. Even more interesting is the fact that while most people hate to talk about or even remember these embarrassing incidents, they happen a lot more often than you might think.
Here is a piece about the most common sex mishaps, maybe you will find it relatable. At the very least, you will have a good laugh. All the same, here we go.
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While it’s totally natural to pass gas, letting one rip during sex can feel like an actual bomb went off. Unless, of course, you get with people who are turned on by stink. As implied earlier, your body doesn’t always care that you have the person of your dreams in your bed. The digestive process waits for no one.
This is similar but not to be mistaken with queefing, i.e., vaginal flatulence. Since it’s usually brought about by a good pumping action, most people even take it as a compliment when they make your kitty fart. The only problem is, that those who don’t know better may find the noise from expelling trapped air embarrassing, but still not on the same level as passing real gas.
Moon time has also been known to put a damper on a good time especially when unprecedented and with partners who view the flow as more gross than normal. In some parts of the world, having sex during menstruation is even considered taboo. With such a mindset towards your period, looking down and seeing red in the heat of the moment can be cringey.
According to a 2016 survey, over 83% of participants admitted to having had period sex. While nearly half of that number considered it natural or awesome, a whole 39% still found it kinda gross. As of today, the stigma around good ol’ aunt Flo is being progressively undone.
Still, you’re likely to be chagrined if you haven’t previously touched on whether your partner is into it or doesn’t see it coming to stay ahead of the mess.
Meanwhile, your family interrupting is another high one on most people’s most dreaded sex mishaps list. How does one get past the image of your dad or aunt walking in on you in the throes of pleasure? Legs spread, ass back and everything… the awkwardness.
I say family because that would be the height for me as far as sex mishaps go, but it’s just as bad for others whether it’s a friend or a neighbor. And it makes sense because even if the interrupter is in no position to judge or punish you afterward, you probably aren’t going around looking to get caught with your pants down. Literally.
Sex is better with a little spice, but I doubt someone who doesn’t have a golden shower fetish would appreciate you peeing on them, even if only a little. Like cutting the cheese or getting your monthlies, taking a leak is also a completely natural process, just not one that’s always suited for the bedroom. Time and place for everything and all that jazz.
Unfortunately, there is such a thing as coital incontinence during sex, particularly common in women. This is a condition where you can’t hold your pee in (not the same as squirting) due to all the pounding/stimulation or as a result of orgasm.
Despite people’s reluctance to open up about it, a study involving 400 ladies found a whopping 24% guilty of such waterworks. One-third of them experience it strictly during the big-O, whereas the others just have to be penetrated for it to happen.
Hurling your gut on someone with the mouth their member was just in is right up there with sneezing on a partner during sex. So is burping. Basically, the kind of stuff that makes you wish the ground would open and swallow you. (No pun intended.)
While your boyfriend might understand despite the unsexiness of chucking up in general, this is one of the most common sex mishaps that often mark the end of a session. If he can get past the mess, just thinking about what caused it (whether you gagged because his schlong tastes/smells foul or went in too deep) is an added distraction.
Worse still, he will remember you every time anyone blows or attempts to deepthroat him and let’s just say there are more desirable ways to be immortalized.
From breaking furniture and fixtures – couch, bed frame, toilet sink, etc. – to falling off of them during sex, it’s the fun positions that often lead to the most common sex mishaps. Possible injuries range from tears in the naughty bits to bent peckers, sprained ankle, neck, and back, not to mention the cost of replacing broken items.
Don’t even get me started on shower sex. It seems hot in theory and art but, in practice, it’s awkward, unnecessarily difficult, and extremely unsafe. A minefield of disasters, making a habit of romping in the tub is basically asking for it. With all the injury stories out here, I’m convinced shower sex alone contributes the lion's share of the most common sex mishaps.
Then again, maybe shower-related mishaps aren’t the worst that can happen. I mean it’s people out there getting their willy stuck in lady parts. True story. A condition known as vaginismus or vaginal muscle spasms, it’s an involuntary tightening down there that makes penetrative sex painful and unpredictable for those who have it.
Sometimes, it denies the penis entry, other times it waits till the woman's orgasms strike. Meanwhile, men and women alike get Charley horses more commonly during sex in positions that strain their feet or calf muscles.
One minute you’re galloping on top of him the next, your life momentarily flashes before you thanks to the sudden painful knot in your leg.
Also known as red-eye or an eyeshot, this one is exactly what it brings to mind. Yep, people are shooting their load in the peeper out there. This is one mishap though that’s more likely to be your boyfriend’s fault than yours because when it’s not due to total happenstance, it’s an issue of poor aim.
If it hasn’t happened to you before, you are among the minority because apparently, 68% of people have been there, according to a UK survey. Thankfully, other than the sting, semen doesn’t really do any serious damage to the eyes, which ironically makes it one of the safer sex mishaps. Unless his swimmers carry nasty STIs in which case it’s a whole other story.
Imagine giving your best performance in bed and your partner moans the wrong name as they climax… lol. Been there? Me too. As you can imagine, it’s pretty common. Probably because everyone is prone to it, it’s neither a gender thing to do nor even necessarily a sign of infidelity.
The idea is that the brain brings up similar memories with each experience, like when your new man takes you to heights only a particular person ever has. They say misnaming tends to happen with similar-sounding names, and mood also plays a role. Nevertheless, the scum behavior angle is also valid, especially when you look at it through the lens of Freudian slip.
Some behavior experts also deduce you can call out the wrong name in bed when you’re actively trying to repress thoughts of that person. And of course, such slip-ups always choose the worst possible time to happen.
Rushing through the foreplay, overexerting the clit or neglecting it altogether, and not moaning out loud are some common mistakes men make during sex. In a bid to impress, some inadvertently delay orgasm by trying to press all buttons rather than focusing on what got them near climax.
There’s also placing more stock on their performance than on communicating with each partner, and of course, using one-size-fits-all moves on every girl.
When a girl is aroused, she gets wet. Her breath quickens. Voice pitch drops a tone. The desire causes blood to rush to her lady parts causing her clit to throb with each pulse. Nipples get hard and are more sensitive to the touch. Her inhibitions are lowered and she’s more likely to make questionable decisions.
Hydrate to replace lost fluids. Pee to relieve your bladder and prevent possible UTI. Wash up with clean water or take a relaxing bath. Let your bits hang and soak up the fresh air. Drink some more water and bask in the afterglow.
Sufficient hydration can help you stay in the game longer in the bedroom, so yes, drinking water before sex is always a good idea. However, for maximum effect, it’s better to start hours before the sesh so you do not stay ahead of slow circulation but also get to pee beforehand to avoid spasm-related sex mishaps.
They say a man can instinctively smell arousal on a woman, although to be honest, some guys can be slow to discern it. If he’s attentive, he may pick up emotional or erotic cues like flirting and preening gestures, often in response to his own actions.
All in all, short of her saying it, feeling her hardened nips or wetness, body language is a guy’s best shot at spotting sexual excitement in a girl.
You can try to minimize how often sex mishaps happen by respecting your limit but as long as you’re getting between the sheets, it’s only a matter of time. Nevertheless, embarrassing faux pas moments with a boyfriend make for the most interesting bedroom tales later, which is something to keep in mind so you know how to deal with it when it’s your turn.
Speaking of which, sex (mis)adventures make for the best conversations, so feel free to share your thoughts/experiences in the comments. Also, share the article if you enjoyed it.