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19 Obsessive Boyfriend Signs To Look Out For

by Sonya Schwartz

Obsession is incredibly difficult to deal with because it’s not just the fact that someone is showing their feelings for you in an intense matter, but there’s also a ton of emotional manipulation and abuse that more often than not goes hand in hand with it. 

In addition, it’s incredibly hard to tell if someone just really likes you and is coming on a bit too strong, or if they’re genuinely obsessed with you in an unhealthy and potentially dangerous way.

Are you worried about whether your guy is a little too intense? Perhaps you’re confused and wondering if what you’re experiencing is love, or if it’s pure obsession? Or do you simply want to know the signs of an obsessive boyfriend so you can look out for them in future relationships? 

This article is here for you! We’re going to be taking a look at the 19 signs you should be looking out for if you’re concerned that your boyfriend is obsessive, and if he exhibits them, he is!

19 Signs Of An Obsessive Boyfriend

1. He’s always in contact with you

If your man is always in contact with you, whether that be ringing you throughout the day or texting you multiple times an hour, he could be obsessed with you. It’s normal for your man to send texts to you a few times a day and maybe call to check in with you or say goodnight, but it’s not normal for your man to be blowing up your phone all day every day. 

If your man also gets annoyed when your texts aren't fast enough or you don’t answer your phone fast enough, they’re most likely obsessive.

2. He wants to spend every waking hour with you

It’s fairly normal for lovers to spend quite a lot of time together, especially when they’re beginning to date and in the honeymoon stage. However, it’s not normal for someone to permanently be stuck to your side. 

In healthy relationships, both people spend time together, and then by themselves seeing their friends and doing what they want to do independently. It’s important to spend some time apart, not only so you can do what you like, but so you can also appreciate the time together more. 

Your man should never be attached to you, and if they are always wanting to be by your side, it’s a red flag - there’s a problem!

3. He constantly wants to know where you are

He constantly wants to know where you are

When you’re apart from your man, does he always want to know where you are? Maybe he’s constantly ringing you to check who you’re with and what your plans are? 

Unless you actually want to tell your partner everything and want to let them know where you are at all times, your partner should never have to know where you are 24/7. If your boyfriend has to know where you are all of the time, it’s a worrying sign that he’s become possessive over you.

4. He turns up and surprises you a lot

Your man turning up and surprising you some of the time is adorable and romantic, but if your boyfriend is constantly surprising you with his presence, it’s concerning. 

Rather than being a one-off romantic gesture, if your boyfriend is surprising you a lot, this likely means that he is following you around and knows where you will be and when which is very similar to the behavior of stalkers and is one of the ways that he can continue to be obsessed with you.

5. He tells everyone that you’re ‘his’

Although you might be in a relationship, if your man is constantly telling everyone that you’re ‘his’, it’s most likely because he wants everyone to know that you’re not on the market and that you’re committed to being in a relationship with him and only him. 

If he’s speaking about you like this, it means that he thinks of you as one of his possessions - you’re something that he owns, rather than someone that’s in a loving relationship with him, which is obviously unfair and unhealthy.

6. He’s very active on your social media

It’s normal for your boyfriend to like your posts on social media and occasionally comments on them, but if your man is very active with commenting, liking, and reposting your posts, as well as constantly posting photos of you and showing you off to the world, it’s because he wants everyone to know that you’re in a relationship with him. 

This is another sign that clearly shows his obsessive and possessive behavior.

7. He gets jealous of your family and friends

If somebody is being obsessive, they won’t want anyone spending time with you, not even your family and friends. 

Whenever you see your loved ones, you’ll notice that they get very jealous, sometimes even creating problems and situations to stop you from spending time away from them. They might even badmouth your closest family and best friend to you, or emotionally manipulate the situation between you and your loved ones so you spend less and less time with them.

8. He never wants to be in a group setting with you

If your boyfriend is obsessed with you, you’ll notice that you very rarely spend time with him in the presence of other people. For example, you’ll rarely hang out with your friends and him all at the same time, you’ll not attend parties or events together, simply because he wants you all to himself. 

His obsession with you and you only, so he won’t want anyone to interrupt or take away from the time you have together. He’ll especially not want to spend time with you around other men.

9. He knows information about you that you’ve never told him

If your boyfriend seems to know things about you that you’ve never mentioned to him before, whether that be where you went on holiday three years ago, what your favorite band is, who your last relationship was with, or what your cousin is called. 

It doesn’t matter exactly what your man knows, but if he knows things that you’ve never mentioned to him before, it’s probably because he’s been stalking you and obsessing over you and your life. It’s a really horrible feeling to know that your man has been diving deep into your life before him - it’s uncomfortable.

10. He accuses you of being unfaithful

He accuses you of being unfaithful

People that are obsessed are also extremely jealous, as mentioned briefly above. So, if your boyfriend has an obsession with you, he will not only display signs of jealousy, but he will also accuse you of being unfaithful. Something as small as hanging out with a male friend or speaking to a guy on the street might trigger him to accuse you of cheating on him. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

He will be doing this because he not only wants to emotionally manipulate you into feeling like you’re in the wrong, but he will also be doing it because he’s scared of losing you to somebody else because he treats you badly and probably knows it. No one should have to deal with this in a relationship.

11. He gets you to install a tracking app

If your man is obsessed with you, they might go as far as asking you to install a tracking app, or they might even install a tracking app on your phone without you knowing. 

This is extremely unhealthy and dangerous. Unless you have agreed (out of choice and preference) to have a tracking app on your phone, your man should never have to know where you are at all times or be able to track you. 

12. He asks for your passwords

An obsessed guy might ask for passwords to your phone, social media accounts, and email accounts, or they might even try to access them without your knowledge. In a healthy relationship, there’s no reason at all for your man to know your passwords or have access to any of your personal accounts. 

If your guy is asking for these things or attempting to access your accounts, it’s definitely one of the most obvious warning signs - you shouldn’t be in a relationship with this person.

13. He makes it seem like everything he does is to benefit you

If your boyfriend is obsessed with you, they will most likely be emotionally manipulating you. This means that even when he acts inappropriately and does things that are completely unreasonable, he will spin the situation and make it seem like everything he is doing is for your benefit. 

He will never take the blame or apologize, even when he is in the wrong, always leading you to believe either you’re in the wrong, or he’s acting the way he is for your benefit.

14. He gaslights you

It’s common for people who are obsessed with somebody to gaslight them. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one partner makes the other feel like they’re losing their sanity and going ‘crazy’. 

Gaslighting is used as a way to manipulate their partner (more appropriately called, victim) into always needing them and relying on them, making them stay in the relationship with them. 

15. He calls his ex-girlfriend’s crazy

You should always stay away from a guy that calls his ex-girlfriend crazy, because most of the time, these guys are actually the ones that have the issues, and try to hide it by pushing it onto somebody else - once again, never taking the blame. If you always find your guy talking about his ex-girlfriend badly, or saying in particular that she was ‘crazy’, it’s not a good sign. 

16. He threatens you if you do something he doesn’t like

If you do anything that your man doesn’t agree with or appreciate, does he threaten you, either emotionally or physically? If he does, it could be that he’s obsessed with you and he’s trying to keep you ‘inline’. 

He will try to control your every move, but unlike a possession that your man will be able to control, you are a person, with your own mind and own ability to do anything, so he will find it very difficult to deal with.

17. He threatens you if you try to leave him

If you ever try to leave a boyfriend that’s obsessed with you, he will most likely threaten you, either emotionally or physically, or he will threaten you by saying that he will harm himself. He is trying to control you to stay in the relationship, not only by scaring you into staying with him but also by making you feel guilty if you leave. 

This is abusive behavior and it should never be tolerated. 

18. Your friends and family are concerned for you

If your family and friends are concerned with your partner’s controlling and obsessive behavior, it’s a sure sign that your guy is obsessed. Your family and friends are the people that know you best, and if they think something is wrong, then it most likely is, so take their advice and concern seriously. 

If your family and friends haven’t yet said anything about your partner’s actions but you’re concerned about them, speak to one of your closest family members or your best friend and see what they think.

19. You feel smothered

One of the most obvious signs that your man is obsessive is if you feel like you’re being smothered by them. 

If you’re getting frustrated that your guy is always by your side all the time, always involved with everything you do, always trying to be in contact with you, constantly giving you hassle you about spending time with a friend, and emotionally manipulating you, it’s a sign that you need to leave the relationship, or seriously sit down with them and tell them that the way they act is wrong.

FAQs

How do you deal with an obsessive lover?

All you need to do at first is talk to them and explain how they make you feel uncomfortable and how things need to change if you’re going to continue to see each other. If they notice everything you say and they genuinely start to work on giving you space and reducing the severity of their obsession with you, then that’s great. However, if they react badly, threaten you, or beg for you, they’re probably never going to get better, and the best thing you can do is leave them and remove them completely from your life.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Is he obsessed or in love?

There’s a big difference between obsession and love. If someone is in love with you, they will want to make you happy, they won’t want to change you, they will trust you, support you and accept you for all of who you are. When someone is obsessed with you, they’ll exhibit jealousy, they’ll be forceful, they’ll be possessive, they’ll emotionally manipulate you, and be obsessed with the idea of you. The fact is, they’re in ‘love’ with the idea of you rather than being actually in love with who you are.

What does it mean if someone is obsessive?

When someone is obsessive, they don’t actually have true feelings or experience real love for the person they’re obsessed with. Instead, they have taken this person and made them a ‘thing’ in their mind to obsess over. They will emotionally manipulate the person that they’re obsessed with, become possessive over them, and make them the most important part of their life. It’s really important to say that obsession isn’t loved.

What is considered obsessive love?

Obsessive love is actually a personality disorder that some people suffer from, and it makes that person feel like they’re overwhelmingly in love with someone, to the point where they become possessive, jealous, and manipulative. This type of ‘love’ is synonymous with emotional manipulation and abuse.

Do I have obsessive love disorder?

If you think you have obsessive love disorder, take a look at the signs in this article and see if they apply to you. Are you always asking your man where he is? Are you constantly surprising them? Are you possessive over them like they’re a thing? Do you feel like you get jealous when they’re around other people? Are you genuinely giving your significant other a good life? Go through the 19 signs in this article and see how many signs you actually exhibit. If you exhibit even some of them, you could be obsessed.

Conclusion

Hopefully, this article will have helped open your eyes to understand what obsession really is, and how you can tell if your man is obsessed with you. Just remember, this kind of love isn’t real love, so don’t fall for it. Stand up for yourself and never let anyone treat you badly or mess with your life. We all deserve to experience the feeling of real and true love in life.

Did you like this article and did you find it useful? Let us know in the comments and feel free to share with anyone you think needs to pay attention to it.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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