If a relationship will stand the chance of surviving, physical contact is essential, especially among couples whose marriages are at a young age.
It’s almost impossible to overemphasize the need for a healthy relationship. Lying in each others' arms, cuddling, kissing, and having sex, are all examples of how couples maintain contact with each other.
That said, what if a man only touches his wife sexually?
Yes, every woman should be happy that her man sexually desires her and want to have more sex. Still, even if the sex is earth-shattering and mind-blowing put together, other forms of contact should not be absent between couples.
Therefore, something might be off if sex is the only reason your man comes close. If he wasn't like that before, something is likely wrong. If you just started dating, it might be a red flag. If you are in this boat and have been trying to decipher what could be wrong, here's an article that sheds some light on the issue.
In the end, you may find that your case falls into one of the possible reasons I'm going to give you. This way, finding a solution should be a bit easier.
Whether it was love at first sight or you started as friends, love is not on autopilot. If there are no conscious efforts invested into the continuous growth of what you share, I'm afraid the chances of growing apart are high. You don't need me to tell you that sex can be transactional. Many people have mind-blowing one-night stands all the time, so sex doesn't need love or a true emotional connection to happen.
However, genuine sexual intimacy, which makes couples connect outside the bedroom, only exists when the spark is alive. Once the spark is gone, what’s left might just be a mere drive to satisfy his urge. I’m sorry to put it this way, that’s just innate desire, which probably has nothing to do with you.
Still, there’s hope. Try to trace it back to where you stopped investing in the beautiful spark you had in the beginning. With some conscious efforts from you both, there might be a chance to ignite the spark again.
The truth is, the environment has a big influence here. One of the reasons is the old ideologies that reduce women’s place to maintaining homes and satisfying their husbands. I know it’s wrong, but those ideologies still exist today.
Pornography is another problem here. For starters, most porn scripts/scenes present the bodies of women as objects of sexual gratification. Even worse, it presents women as always wanting sex and ever-ready participants that never say no. Because research shows that porn has a way of influencing people's thinking and perception in real life, so many men now see sex as the ultimate package women needs. Meaning, making love should have both emotional affection and physical satisfaction.
The great thing is, you can have a heart-to-heart with your man that you require more affection that isn’t necessarily sexual. Be honest about how you feel. Let him know you feel neglected outside the bedroom. You can also add that you appreciate the mind-blowing sex but there are times you also require non-sexual physical touch, depending on your mood.
Look back, do a quick audit of your marriage. If your man wasn’t like that in the beginning, chances are, there’s a problem between you both. Perhaps, you once cheated on your man but it didn’t lead to a breakup, however, this has caused him to become less intimate outside the bedroom.
As mentioned earlier, sex can happen without love. Men have a higher sex drive, all they need to get into the “parade" is an erection, which can be influenced by sexy nightwear, or a short towel around your body. If he still feels hurt due to a past issue, kissing or cuddling with you may even be harder for him than penetrative sex. Trust me, it sometimes takes the whole heart to be affectionate.
A good step might be to have a dialogue with him. Reassure him of your loyalty so that your husband thinks well of you again. If he’s up for it, couples counseling might not be a bad idea.
Your man may be suffering from psychological issues if he doesn’t want to be physically intimate. If this is the case, you must have noticed it from the start, especially if it’s related to his upbringing.
It may also be due to new or recent happenings. Research shows that many people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder display less intimacy towards their loved ones. PTSD can happen due to the death of a loved one, occupational hazards, etc.
Your man may also have been through a terrible marriage or relationship in the past that caused him to entertain fear that what he has now won't last long. Therefore, the urge or zeal to express love and invest in the relationship may not be in him. Handling this one alone might be the best approach. Experienced therapists know how to unlock hidden or underlying pain that may be affecting those with psychological issues.
This one can exist in two ways. One way is that your relationship is fairly new. If a man seems only interested in having raunchy sex, you might want to take it as a red flag. Chances are, he’s only hanging around for the sex.
I hate to break this one to you, the other way is that he doesn’t just love you anymore. I know it’s heartbreaking but it happens. He may even be seeing someone else that he’s more emotionally connected to. If he’s still testing the waters with the other woman, chances are, he may not be honest with you until he’s sure he wants to throw what you once shared away.
Let's face it, life happens. If your husband has a job that’s demanding, trust me, your marriage is going to take some of the heat. So, being less affectionate might not be intentional. I know it can be frustrating to feel only like an object of pleasure to you man. Still, relationships sometimes involve trade-offs and compromises.
You might need to bring some understanding to the table to keep what you share alive. If the sex life is great, try to support him and also let your feelings known in a loving way. This way, you can avoid making him feel you are inconsiderate and still allow some room for improvements.
Have you and your man been together but not "together"? I mean, have there been days you were together at home, but are both in different “universes”? No fighting, no misunderstanding, no remote working from home, just alone yet together.
Yeah, I realized it in my marriage a couple of years ago when I noticed my man and I spend a lot of time on social media and with our tech devices. Trust me, as amazing as technology is, it can cause less intimacy if you allow it.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!
We could Netflix together all cuddled up but many times, we found that we have grown the habit of staying alone with our devices. Thank goodness we realized in time we were unconsciously growing apart. So, we took steps to unify our fun activities and only did our personal thing once in a while.
First, it might be that you are having a huge fight that has impaired the way he looks at you. It may be a case of past infidelity, which is known to be one of the highest causes of breakup among married couples. Also, you may have changed the way dress that attracted him, perhaps after childbirth, Maybe the usual sex appeal you had significantly diminished because of your current choice of dressing. The worst-case scenario is that he might be seeing someone else.
Chances are, the spark between you both has significantly diminished. It takes more than the attraction you started with to keep you both going forever. If you don't consciously grow and maintain the spark, you may grow apart without any major fight. This situation can cause less interest in maintaining physical intimacy.
Whether it’s a case of hurting him (perhaps you were unfaithful, a psychological issue, or he’s not aware of neglecting you), a heart-to-heart is one of the first steps in the right direction for any married couple. If the situation is deep, you might need to bring in an expert, especially if the reason is psychological or from past infidelity.
Some men don't know there's a need for more intimacy beyond the bedroom. Many view sex as a natural two-in-one package that should address emotional and sexual needs. Sometimes, cheating or excessive pornography can also make a man ignore his wife. Also, the unwillingness of a wife to try new things can cause the husband to ignore her when she wants sex.
Men can have sex without loving you, so the sex may or may not remain. If it does, it's just sex, not love-making. However, the emotional or non-sexual connection, which is harder to pretend about, will significantly diminish. Once a union is devoid of love, chances are he’ll show less respect, become more distant by being less willing to do things together.
I know this list is not exhaustive; however, it should give you a pretty good idea why your man is less intimate outside the bedroom. From the article, communication is crucial in making him understand that both non-sexual and sexual touching are important. I hope you enjoyed the article? You can drop a comment for improvement and also share it with others.
Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.
Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!