Whether platonic or romantic, true love is undoubtedly a beautiful emotion. It makes you go out of your way for others, sometimes allowing their feelings or needs to take precedence over yours. Even more, when love is equally returned, it's amazing, healthy, making it sustainable for a long period.
Sadly, love is also complicated emotion. loving someone may sometimes be unsustainable for long, especially when it becomes one-sided love, abusive, or even too much.
Yes, in a romantic relationship love can become too much. And one of the signs of too much love is when it becomes damaging, causing pain to the parties involved. While it may sound selfless to love someone too much, trust me, it can evolve into an unhealthy relationship over time.
That said, do you find yourself in this boat, wondering how you can stop being overly affectionate?
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Perhaps, you seem to be crossing over to the side of obsession in your relationship, so much that the thought of your partner leaving or the relationship ending seems dreadful.
Maybe your case is that you have noticed your partner doesn’t share the same feelings as you, abusing the love you show them. It may even be that your relationship has ended but you just love your ex so much you can't seem to let go or move on.
Not to worry. This article contains practical tips on how you can stop loving someone too much. In the end, you'll learn the reason why people love too much and how you can stop so that you can focus on building a more sustainable relationship.
One of the major reasons you may have been loving too much is because you feel less worthy of being loved or have low self-esteem. Because of this low perception of yourself, you tend to give too much love as a way of compensating for self-induced inadequacy.
Another reason is that you may have over the years become a people-pleaser. This one may have started because you have perhaps, always had to do more to get people to notice or like you since childhood.
The final reason is usually because of fear of being alone, which may be a case of untreated PTSD, a bad breakup, or abandonment issues. Research shows that many people in this boat often develop an unhealthy dependency, seek constant attention, or the need to put the feelings and needs of their partner ahead of their own.
Whatever your reasons are for loving too much, understand that it's not pretty. You may end up pushing the person you love away, open yourself to abuse, and even hurt yourself.
Now that you may have understood why you love too much in your relationships, the next step is to identify what you genuinely want out of a relationship and the things that you can't tolerate, i.e., deal-breakers.
Remember that loving too much may have caused you to put others' feelings and needs before yours. This tip is your first step in the right direction, i.e., putting your needs forward. You should communicate with your partner about what you want, what they want, and what you can comprise so that you can have a healthy relationship.
If "choking" your man was one of your behaviors as an overly affectionate lover, consciously establishing boundaries in your relationship will help you on the journey to healthy love. While it's great for couples to do things together to establish common ground as much as possible, relationship experts have also suggested that it's healthy for couples to have time apart.
For example, you can have regular quiet time to yourself to study, meditate, work on a project, etc. Let your man also have his own space, where he can spend time doing fun things without you in it.
If you are always all over your man, caring and loving him without giving him any "breathing space," taking a breather would help. If you have separate apartments, there's nothing wrong with taking a few days off from each other.
At the start, you can create reminders on your phone to consciously remind you when you need to take a break. You can also do so when you notice things are getting a bit intense or when he appears like he needs a break from your smothering.
It’s not uncommon for people to unconsciously build their life around their partner, making many great opportunities pass them by. However, you should remember that you are an individual before your partner came along. Try to rekindle what made you happy as a person before you met any man.
Even if your partner happens to be the one that rescued you from a dark place, that doesn’t mean you have to live your life for them. You are not getting what you deserve in your relationship, so find yourself again, and perhaps, you may get back all the things you have missed out on.
As mentioned earlier, some people completely lose who they are in their relationships. It gets to the extreme for some people that they don't even have a hobby, personal engagement, or fun of their own.
Everyone should have what makes them happy. It doesn't have to be something extreme like mountain climbing, or bungee jumping. Get a new hobby. It could be watching movies, listening to love songs, painting, watching nature, or hiking. Just find that thing you can enjoy by yourself all alone. It's not wrong to healthily enjoy being a single person while you are in a committed relationship.
As earlier mentioned, a low sense of self can be a reason for loving too much because you feel you are no good and are probably just lucky to be dating your partner. That said, working on yourself may just be what you need to see just how amazing you are. If you are holding on to an ex, this tip is very important. If you need to work on your physique, that's fine.
Maybe you need mental or intellectual improvement, by all means, go for it. Anything to improve your self-esteem will be helpful in feeling more confident about yourself, breaking the need for excessive love or attention, and looking to the future for better things after a breakup.
Let's face it, you would likely have been neglecting other relationships in your life when you were overly focused on your love life. It's time to reach out to your family. Take a weekend off from your man to visit your parents or a day trip with your sibling.
This tip will help, especially if you and your man live together. Families are great support especially when things go south with relationships. They can be a listening ear or a shoulder when you need someone else to lean on.
Some people's reason for loving too much may stem from trust issues. It may also be that a past relationship went south and they ended up blaming themselves for not doing enough. If you are in this boat you may be trying to put all the responsibility of making your relationship work on yourself.
You can't do it all alone. You may crack under the pressure. Instead, talk with your partner. Let him understand any insecurities you may be harboring. You'd be surprised how helpful they can be in lifting the weight you have been carrying all along.
You might need to bring in professional help if your overly loving behavior is a result of PTSD. Maybe you experienced being jilted in the past or abandoned as a child. You may be over-loving your partner or other loved ones around you as coping skills. A professional can help you address the root cause and heal, making you find wholeness with yourself instead of desperately in others.
Owning pets can be a good way to channel some of the intense emotions you harbor. With a pet like a dog or a cat, you'll dedicate time to feed it, take it to the vet, walk it, and so on. This way, you'll not only channel some of that love, but it's a good distraction especially when it's a breakup you are dealing with.
Yes, you may be in a relationship that's causing you to love excessively. Sometimes, subtly manipulative, or toxic partners can make you feel like you are not ever doing enough, causing you to put the weight of your relationship on yourself. These are red flags. If you have such a partner, it might be in your best interests to consider new relationships if communicating your situation to them is not producing any result.
If you have a best friend you let go because of a new love interest, relationship, or marriage, it's time to patch things up. As families, friends are also a good support system and are always there to help you see what you can't see because of being blinded by love. If you don't have friends, get out there and make new ones.
Sometimes, you might just need to date someone that'll let you know you deserve love too. If you've been dating immature people that expect you to "mother" them, and care for them all the time, it's time you try dating someone that will dot on you too. Many women that prefer mature relationships have confessed to enjoy being showered with love and attention by older partners.
Loving someone can feel normal, so you may not see excess love as anything. However, if you see things from other couples' perspectives, i.e., how they behave around each other, you might realize just how "extra" you are. You can take a few cues from them and still maintain healthy relationships without loving your partners too much.
It may seem hard. Because like sugar and alcohol are addictive, love can feel addictive the same way. However, all that intense feelings can be properly managed. After a breakup, accept the situation and try not to regret anything or dwell on the decisions that went south. Focus more on yourself and build up yourself. The more you do the more you'll channel your energy away from the person to yourself.
One of the things that happen is that you lose out on the things you deserve because of putting others' feelings and needs above yours all the time. What's more, it may damage your sense of self, causing you to lose yourself, become a people pleaser, and in worst cases, lose track of reality.
It will help to know why you love them too much in the first place. Are you having trust issues, fear that they will abandon you, or you have, over time, become a people-pleaser? Focusing more on building your self-esteem, enjoying time alone, and investing in other relationships like friends or family can be helpful.
There's no point in trying to forget someone even if they hurt us. Because the times shared cannot just unhappen, you can't make true feelings disappear overnight. You loved them in the first place because you focused your time and energy on creating emotional intimacy with them. Instead, focus on you and other relationships, looking into the future for better things.
You can't totally forget someone that you spent significant time with. But you can channel your energy, thoughts, and emotions away from them into productive things, self-growth, and other people. This way, you will focus on building your self-awareness and have the chance to start something new with others as you move forward.
Loving someone is a good thing, but when it's too much, you'll likely be hurting, depriving yourself of what you deserve, and may even end up pushing your loved ones away. With these tips, you can get yourself back and make a better future, though it may take some time. I hope you enjoyed the article. Please drop a comment and also share it with friends.