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How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair (19 Ways)

by Sonya Schwartz

Many people have the impression that a partner that cheats is likely to do it again. However, more often than none, people continuously seek ways to repair and rebuild their relationships after a case of infidelity. If you happen to be in that category, then this article is for you.

If you feel remorseful about cheating on your spouse, and you desperately want to make amends after having an affair, a compact manual on ‘’how to help your spouse heal from your affair” might help. 

That’s why I’ve created these nineteen tips to ensure your marriage doesn’t break because of the mistake that you made. More so, you can rebuild your relationship in the best way possible and make sure the love reignites.

19 Ways To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair 

1. Apologize sincerely

If your marriage is facing hard times because of an affair, the first step you need to take is to apologize genuinely. Your spouse has to know you’re immensely sorry for what happened. This step will begin the process of him, regaining his trust in you. If you feel bad about hurting your partner, you have to look for ways to communicate your regret to him. 

Ensure you don’t give him any room to question that you’re unhappy about the situation. It would be best to apologize in more ways than words can communicate until you’re confident your significant other has gotten over the scenario. How to help your spouse heal from your affair is continually making sure your words and actions helps him get over their pain.

2. Be completely transparent

For your husband to regain his confidence in you, it’s crucial to be transparent with him about everything. Keeping an extra-marital affair involves keeping secrets, and this undoubtedly shattered the trust in the relationship. 

However, being crystal-clear about your endeavors will help the relationship regain what was lost. Your spouse will have doubts about you from time to time. He will also feel you’re concealing things due to the broken trust in the marriage. 

Nonetheless, being direct and straightforward about your emotions, actions, and particularly, your whereabouts, will help him have confidence in you once again. You have to continually give him reasons to believe you’re completely honest and that he can trust you again.

3. Provide constant reassurance

Provide constant reassurance

An essential factor that helps spouses heal from infidelity in their marriages is persistent reassurance. If you hurt your significant other, it’s crucial to comfort him by providing solace to his emotions. Acknowledge how he’s feeling and give him reasons to believe you’ll always be there for him. 

More so, let him know that the situation will get better, and inform him of your efforts to fix the relationship. It would be best not to assume that he believes everything will be fine. Instead, you should always assure him that everything will be. It’s also helpful to make him see your commitment. These are factors that will guarantee a quick recovery from infidelity.

4. Protect your marriage

It’s crucial to protect your marriage from the adverse effects of an affair. The first step is keeping your affair partner away from your relationship. Try to block all channels that they can interfere with the recovery process, meaning they should not have access to you or your significant other in any way possible. 

You would also need to keep certain matters private because involving too many people at the beginning of the healing phase might ruin the closeness you can achieve with your better half. More so, requesting advice from too many sources would cause you to make mistakes and ruin all the effort you’ve put in.

5. Be accountable

Your actions towards your partner should be comprehensive at all points. If you’re trying to fix your marriage after an extra-marital relation left it in ruins, it’s vital to be responsible with everything you do. Justify your actions and decisions without your spouse even requesting for it. 

It would also help avoid leaving room for assumptions or making your significant other get agitated over little things like knowing your whereabouts. 

Continually acknowledge the need to signify your significant other about the things you do. It would help if you were accountable to him for every decision you make and involve him in your activities. This action will help him regain his trust in you.

6. Lose contact with your affair partner

When spouses are going through tough times caused by extra-marital relationships, the offending partner needs to take drastic steps to repair the union. One crucial step is cutting ties with the affair partner. Understand that it will be difficult for your partner to get over the past if he knows you’re still in contact with a lover. 

There will be an invisible third party in the picture if you don’t lose touch with him. It’s also crucial to let your spouse know the measures you’ve taken to leave the past behind and fully focus on him. Show him that you’ve deleted and blocked your ex-lover because this act will give him the confidence to move on.  

7. Answer every question truthfully

Without a doubt, you will feel ashamed about most of the actions you took when you were unfaithful. You may not want to reminisce on some details, but know that it’s essential for clarity in your marriage. Understand that you can’t keep more secrets from your significant other to prevent him from feeling more hurt. 

Cheating already caused enough pain, and hiding some facts would only cause more damage. Instead, aim to answer every question truthfully because this action will allow both of you to rebuild the trust in the relationship. Bear in mind that the worst has already happened. To avoid complicating the situation, ensure there is clarity at every point in time.

8. Show your partner records of the affair

If your partner demands more information about the matter, you need to give him. A betrayed spouse will always feel betrayed, but you can create a sense of oneness by showing him records of anything he demands. If you hide certain things from him, he can stumble on them later and feel hurt all over again. 

On the other hand, revealing details about the fling you had will help him get closure at once. Understand that this act gives your partner absolute power over your ex-lover. If he knows everything, he’ll be able to control the scenario to the best of his abilities.

9. Let your partner decide a timeframe to recover

Let your partner decide a timeframe to recover

If it’s been months and your significant other hasn’t gone back to his old self, you shouldn’t pull a tantrum because of this action. People deal with pain in several different ways, and you have to allow your better half to deal with it. His recovery journey might be longer than expected, but eventually, you need to know that things would get better. 

This reason is why it’s essential to let him decide how long that process will take. If you put pressure on him to recover, it will only deter the recovery process. Instead, remain steadfast and hopeful that he’ll get over the affair and truly move on.

10. Give your spouse some space

Sometimes, spouses in marriages need space away from each other to deal with their problems. If you had an affair that affected your relationship, you could save your marriage by being distant. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

You don’t need to suddenly smother your significant other with love and affection as a form of reassurance. Instead, accept the fact that he’ll need some alone time to process the circumstance and truly get over it. 

He may not communicate his need for space but bear in mind that it’s crucial for his recovery. Keep everything transactional until you’re sure he’s ready to warm up to you again. Although you’re giving him space, try not to neglect any of his critical needs.

11. Agree to go to marriage counseling

During the recovery phase, it’s possible to run out of options on how to help your spouse heal from your affair. When it comes to this scenario, don’t hesitate to go for marriage counseling. If your significant other embraces this idea, then it’s a perfect opportunity for both of you to fix anything that broke. 

Asides from attending meetings, it’s vital to diligently practice what the counselor advises because this process will ensure you see positive changes. If your significant other is not willing to attend meetings, it would be best not to put any pressure on him. On the other hand, communicate the importance of seeing a counselor and hope for a change of mind.

12. Ask your partner what he needs from you

It might seem easy to come up with a plan on your own on how to save your relationship, but it’s also vital to ask your significant other questions about what he wants. This action provides a healthy means to communicate with your better half and make decisions that would benefit him. He may want to spend more time with you, or perhaps, less time in the meantime. 

If you don’t ask questions, you might end up making the wrong moves. Be sure to show him your dedication to fulfilling his desires when he communicates what he wants because this move will create a sense of closeness.

13. Don’t be defensive about being unfaithful

As you try to save your relationship, bear in mind that your significant other won’t instantly forget about the unfaithfulness. He might occasionally bring it up and pull a tantrum because of the pain he’s feeling. In such a scenario, it’s important not to justify your actions or try to defend them. 

Don’t tell him that his neglect caused you to cheat on him because this will only reinstill the hurting his feelings. If you’ve acknowledged that your actions were wrong and caused your better half sorrow, then continually seek ways to ease that pain is the best step to take. None of your words should contribute to his grief whatsoever.

14. Talk about making amends

Like asking your partner questions about what he needs, it’s vital to talk about ways to make amends to the relationship. You can privately make decisions that will save your marriage and family, but it’s critical to involve your significant other on that journey. If you quit your job to get away from your ex-lover, you should communicate this to your better half and let him know your reasons. 

Ensure you continually mention the little things you do to rebuild the relationship because this will guarantee a quick recovery process. It will encourage him to appreciate your efforts, and you would see a positive response from your significant other. Keeping him in the dark would only make him assume that nothing has changed, which will slow down improvement.

15. Rebuild the friendship

Rebuild the friendship

The romance in a relationship is undoubtedly affected when one party has an affair. You shouldn’t expect things to get back on track instantly, which is why it’s best to focus on rebuilding the friendship with your significant other first. Concentrate on your shared interests as a couple and what helps the two of you get along better. 

If your significant other initially stop treating you like a better half, you should give him space to get over the situation before demanding anything. If he perceives you’re concerned about his well being as a friend, he will eventually warm up to you again. More so, when he sees you’re a faithful companion, he will appreciate you as his spouse.

16. Keep to all your promises

When an affair breaks the most crucial promise in a marriage, it affects how spouses see each other. The trust in each other inevitably breaks, which prevents the partners from getting over the situation and moving forward. If you hurt your significant other by cheating on him and breaking the promise of faithfulness, you have to reassure him that you’ll make a better decision next time. 

Keeping to all your promises is a vital means to communicate your commitment to making things work again. If you continually disappoint your significant other in the littlest of ways, he will doubt that you’ll keep the more substantial promise of faithfulness the next time.

17. Give your partner access to your private accounts

A little transparency can be what your spouse needs to let go of your affair. Giving him access to your accounts such as emails, messages, social media accounts, and etcetera, may rebuild your relationship faster than any reassuring words. Your better half doesn’t just want to hear about your commitment, but he wants you to prove it. 

Taking this step demonstrates that you’re remorseful about your actions and you desire to make amends. You don’t necessarily need to inform him that you’re giving him access to your accounts. You can subtly start by removing the password from your phone to ensure he always has access to it.

18. Try not to tell more lies

You might have been dishonest with your spouse in the past while trying to cover up your extra-marital relation, but you shouldn’t continue to mislead him. The littlest untruthful statement will make your betrayed spouse lose faith in you all over again. This move will thereby prevent him from truly getting over the situation. 

If you want to rebuild your marriage after a fling, being honest about everything is the best move to make. Your significant other wants to have confidence in everything you say, without having any reason to suspect or doubt you. If he can’t rely on you, he will feel demotivated to work on building the relationship.

19. Be vulnerable to your spouse

The only way to truly understand someone is by seeing their emotions, and you can’t see someone’s heart if they don’t open up to you. Partners can rebuild their marriages if they decide to be vulnerable to themselves. It’s easier to see the betrayed significant other’s emotions after an affair than the one that caused the pain. 

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

It’s crucial to be vulnerable to your better half so that he can see you’re hurting too. Don’t complain about how he’s distant or how he hasn’t yet healed from the incident. Instead, express your regretful feelings and let him see how remorseful you are.

FAQs

How do you help your spouse after you cheated?

When marriages face difficult times, it’s essential for the spouse that cheated to give their significant other some time to heal adequately. It would be best not to put pressure on them or suddenly smother them with love and affection. Instead, allow them to figure out how they can move past the situation.

Does infidelity pain ever go away?

Partners that get cheated on can’t forget that their better halves broke their trust. However, they can successfully manage to repair what broke as a result of the infidelity. If the faith rebuilds, the pain will fade with time, and the incident won’t hurt as much anymore.

Do you really love someone if you cheat on them?

Partners in love can still fall on the slippery slope of getting entangled with others if their association unknowingly lacks something. Therefore, it’s essential to establish healthy communication to ensure both parties are pleased and aren’t inclined to seek satisfaction elsewhere.

Why do people cheat on people they love?

There are many reasons why a spouse would cheat on his significant other. They could feel entitled to cheat or perhaps have an addiction that causes them to seek the experience of pleasure in forbidden places. There’s also a scenario of individuals that get vulnerable or too emotionally connected to someone and end up cheating.

How do cheaters react when confronted?

Most individuals are likely to deny all claims when confronted with cheating. They don’t want to ruin their chance with their partners, so they will try to keep the truth concealed. They might even blame you for being insecure or acting jealous when you voice your suspicions.

In Conclusion

Did you enjoy this article on how to help your spouse heal from your affair? Remember to give your spouse all the time they need to recover. If you liked this article, kindly leave a comment and share it with friends.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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