Does something in your relationship feel off? Does your gut tell you that there’s something untoward going on behind your back that’s worth investigating? Are you suspicious about your spouse's online activity, specifically his use of Whatsapp? If so, this guide is for you.
Unfortunately, with the rise of various social media platforms and the speed and ease of communication in the modern world, extramarital affairs are becoming more and more common.
An online affair is no different from an in-person one in that it can trigger feelings of anger, resentment, jealousy, and isolation in a relationship. Furthermore, affairs are likely to damage the other person’s self-esteem and erode the trust in a relationship.
Oftentimes, online affairs lead to breakups and divorce.
So, let’s take a look at some of the telltale signs which might indicate that your husband is having an affair via Whatsapp…
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Disclaimer: Treat this section of the article very carefully. We do not recommend opting for spying or deceiving your partner in any way. It’s an unhealthy approach for any relationship, even in case of infidelity. However, this has been a very requested topic and we trust everyone to proceed with these steps only after having given it much thought and consideration.
If you’ve been thinking of ways to catch your (potentially) cheating husband on Whatsapp, you’re going to want to read on…
While it would be easy to simply open up his Whatsapp and go through all of his chats on a regular basis, a cheating husband is certainly not going to let you do that. Not easily or voluntarily.
So, with that in mind, we’ve listed some options for you below on how to catch a cheating husband on Whatsapp that are reliable and won’t have you falsely accusing anyone.
Before you get started, make sure you’re aware of what’s legal/illegal in your country.
This background checker is able to run a discreet yet comprehensive scan of your husband’s recent communications and deliver them to you.
You’ll be able to see who he’s been messaging frequently, whether he’s been using dating apps and if he’s registered any secret contact details, and more.
It only requires a few of his basic personal details to get started and is very easy to use.
mSpy has been dubbed the best phone tracker for parental control, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the perfect way to catch a cheating husband too.
mSpy is a monitoring app that allows you to read social media chats, track where the person has been or is going, see who they’ve called and messaged (including deleted messages), see what they’ve searched for, and access pictures they’ve been sending and receiving. mSpy is also easy to use and keeps you invisible on the tracked phone.
KidsGuard is a remote, Whatsapp monitoring app that enables you to keep track of Whatsapp data, like chats, statuses, calls, and voice messages on the target device, all while staying incognito.
Some of the benefits include not needing Whatsapp or a password yourself, it doesn’t send any login notifications, it’s very easy to set up and use, and you’re able to sync all data in real-time.
While this app was essentially developed for concerned parents to keep an eye on their kids' Whatsapp conversations and media exchanges, it’s a reputable way to catch out a Whatsapp cheater, too.
Whatsapp web is a simple way to access Whatsapp on a laptop or desktop. The benefit here is that you’ll only need access to your husband’s phone once.
There are, however, some downsides to this method, including the fact that you’ll need your husband’s password to unlock his phone and access to his phone every time you want to access Whatsapp web, it’ll also notify your husband’s phone that Whatsapp web is active. Unfortunately, you also cannot view deleted data this way.
This is an interesting, perhaps eye-opening, hack that most people aren’t aware of. To find out who your husband interacts with most on Whatsapp, and maybe even catch a cheating husband, you’re going to want to follow the below-mentioned steps:
Bear in mind that your cheating partner might not be messaging the person he’s having an affair with if he’s trying to remain discreet. Looking at his outgoing and incoming phone calls and his Whatsapp calls might also give you a good indication regarding who he’s been speaking to regularly.
Before accusing your partner of anything it’s very important that you get your facts straight. Falsely accusing your spouse can quickly lead to a downward spiral that’s best avoided. You don’t want a faithful spouse walking out on your marriage simply because they were wrongly accused by you.
The below-mentioned signs and technologies will help you better determine whether you have a cheating partner or if there’s something else to be concerned about in your relationship.
A defensive partner usually has a long list of excuses for his behavior, will try and rationalize things with you, might lie about things, or even outright deny any behavioral changes. He might even seem extra sensitive or touchy any time you raise issues in the relationship that you feel need discussing.
Occasionally, he might even blame you for the issues in the relationship. If he’s getting defensive more frequently than usual it might be because you’ve blown his cover.
If he wasn’t a frequent texter before and now he’s all of a sudden glued to his phone, it’s bound to raise some questions. This is especially true if he smiles or laughs more often than usual while texting.
A lot of people use Whatsapp for cheating because of a number of reasons, including:
If your husband is frequently messaging someone you don’t know or have never met before, this is a serious red flag.
Generally speaking, most spouses know or are familiar with their partner’s friends, acquaintances, and work colleagues, even if it’s just because they’ve heard the name of the person several times before and are familiar with how the said person fits into the picture.
So, if your husband is suddenly chatting to someone on a regular basis who you’ve never heard of or met before, it’s worth looking into and questioning further.
A cheating husband is bound to act strangely and out of the ordinary. Some behavioral changes you might notice include:
If he’s all of a sudden changed his passwords on his phone or has two-factor authentication on his Whatsapp/social media accounts, this is another red flag. A cheating husband is bound to try and keep you from accessing any evidence as far as possible.
If he’s hesitant to share the new password with you or questions why you want it, even more reason to be suspicious about what he’s hiding. Everyone is entitled to privacy, of course, so this is only a warning sign if it’s coupled with others and/or you had no trouble sharing passwords with each other before this.
If you suspect your husband is clearing, archiving, or deleting his Whatsapp messages as a way of erasing any evidence, it’s worth looking into further.
In order to view archived messages, open Whatsapp and scroll all the way down past open chats to where it says “archived” at the bottom of the screen. Click on the archived folder and you’ll find all archived chats.
If he suddenly starts changing his profile photos on Whatsapp and other social media apps to photos that don’t include you or his kids, it’s another indicator that something’s up, especially if he changes them all one after the other. He might even change his status and hide his relationship status on Facebook.
If your partner all of a sudden seems distant, it’s a sign something’s up. You may feel disconnected from him, sense a breakdown in your communication, there might be less intimacy and sex between the two of you, and you might feel like the effort in your relationship is waning or one-sided.
If your husband is cheating online, he’s bound to be more secretive than usual. His secretive behavior might filter into everything he does and says (or doesn’t say). Some telltale signs that indicate secrecy include:
Infidelity is a really difficult thing to deal with and it’s completely normal to have a variety of emotions surfacing while you’re trying to deal with the issues at hand and make sense of everything. For a while, things are likely to be really difficult and overwhelming but in time you will slowly start to heal and feel yourself again.
If your husband’s Whatsapp messages, or any other means, have revealed he’s been unfaithful, the best way to deal with it is as follows…
A host of negative emotions, including shock, anger, jealousy, confusion, betrayal, shame, grief, and anxiety are likely to surface from time to time as you deal with the realization that you’ve been cheated on. Allow yourself the time and space you need to feel these emotions and work through them.
Speaking to a professional who can guide you through all of this may aid the healing process.
Reach out to a trusted, non-judgemental friend or family member who you can confide in and lean on for support and encouragement. Having someone to talk to, who you can trust, will help the burden feel lighter.
This might be an extremely difficult step to try and undertake, albeit a very necessary one. Analyzing your relationship and having an open and honest conversation with your partner will help you better understand the underlying reason for the infidelity.
From a breakdown in communication to unmet needs, unhealthy attachment styles, unresolved childhood traumas, low self-esteem, no emotional connection, poor boundaries, addictions, or having fallen out of love, these are all impetus for an affair.
If your partner isn’t prepared to be open and honest about why it happened or starts shifting the blame, it might be very difficult to make amends. The root cause of the infidelity needs to be unpacked and worked through. Attending both couples and one-on-one therapy will be your best bet in this regard.
Unfortunately, if your husband has been unfaithful, you’re going to want to get tested for STDs and deal with anything that could potentially come up, ASAP.
Here it’s important to try not to jump to an immediate decision. Give yourself some time and space to think about what has happened, what your partner’s side of the story is, and what your options are moving forward. Instead of being reactive at the news of an affair, take time to make intentional decisions that’ll better serve you in the long run.
As mentioned previously, seeking out professional help is essential. A therapist will guide the process, lend a listening ear, give you reliable advice, help you navigate the rollercoaster of emotions, act as a mediator when necessary, and help the two of you move forward in the best way possible.
As tempting as it may be for some to seek revenge out of anger, this isn’t going to make you feel better or serve your relationship in the long run. Seeking revenge may keep you in a state of anger and it’s likely to delay the healing process.
“Many couples will tell you that so much of the pain they caused each other in the aftermath of a betrayal could have been avoided if they had retreated and not attacked. This is true regardless of whether they chose to continue the relationship or not.” 1
Too often vengeful parents want to use kids as ammunition when it comes to divorce and/or separation. This will only put your kids in a vulnerable, uneasy position and needs to be avoided at all costs.
Furthermore, avoid sharing unnecessary details about the affair with your children as it’ll leave them feeling anxious, uncertain, and forced to take sides.
Taking time out for yourself and your kids is essential. Make sure you all have a safe, happy place to stay while ironing everything out and deciding on the best way to move forward. Eat healthy food, get some proper rest, go on fun outings together, find a new hobby, and take care of yourselves.
If your spouse isn’t remorseful, repairing the damage and ensuring an affair won’t happen again is an impossible task. There has to be a deep and sincere level of remorse and regret.
All temptations to re-engage in the affair need to be removed. Things like blocking or deleting the contact, removing them from social media, ending all forms of communication with them, and setting firm boundaries are all essential steps that need to be taken to ensure the affair doesn’t happen again.
Once infidelity has taken place in a relationship, there’s a massive erosion in trust between partners. In order to move forward, psychologists encourage the cheating spouse to be brutally honest about all details around the affair, including ones that might seem most hurtful.
Moving forward there’s going to need to be complete transparency between partners which is likely to include passwords to cell phones and computers, details about your whereabouts, and giving up things that make your partner feel uncomfortable.
There are various ways to do this, including:
- Accessing your husband’s Whatsapp chats and reading through the conversations yourself if you have access to them. Be sure to check the archived folder as well.
- Analyze who he’s exchanging the most media files with.
- Use monitoring tools if you find it to be the only option left.
Unfortunately, I do believe they’re a cause for concern. If you catch your husband having late-night phone calls or Whatsapp conversations, it’s worth confronting him about it. Even if he isn’t having an affair, there need to be certain boundaries in place when it comes to late night, private calls, and conversations.
It’s important to remember that even if you have caught your husband having an affair, it’s not your fault. Do not blame yourself.
Take time away for yourself to heal and choose a therapist to work with that’ll help you navigate the difficulties you’re facing and the ones that inevitably lie ahead. It’s also important to remember that if you and your partner want to work things out, it can be done. Not all hope is lost.