It’s hard to imagine what goes through the minds of unfaithful men. Do they feel guilty? Is there any remorse? Or are they unbothered by their actions? It’s important to get into the mind of a cheat, because you may be in a committed relationship with one. If you have a cheating partner, it’s important to know if they feel remorse only when they get caught, or don’t care at all.
Unfortunately, infidelity is common in committed relationships. According to research, infidelity happens in 25% of marriages, and men are more liable to cheat than women. So what’s the big idea behind cheating? What is the average cheater's psychology? While it would be interesting to find out the real reasons people cheat, that’s a topic for another day.
Most cheaters always have the ‘perfect excuse’ for their bad decisions, but little is said about their feelings right after. So let’s delve right into it, and answer the question, ‘how do cheaters feel about themselves after cheating?’
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When people make mistakes, one of the first feelings that come around is guilt. If you’re thinking, “how do cheaters feel about themselves?” you just have to watch their mood. Cheaters feel horrible after betraying their partner, especially if they have a conscience. The truth is, cheating hurts, and anyone who gets tempted into straying will feel pain.
If the cheater honestly loves his spouse or partner, there’ll be so much guilt after he has made such a bad decision. If he cheated just once, it would still feel wrong to him. Such conscientious people will find it hard to forgive themselves long after they have been forgiven by their partner.
Once some people have cheated more than once, they stop thinking about the consequences. They only think about their selfish interests or filling the void that’s been left dormant in their marriage. Even though many agree that there’s no valid reason to cheat, some people have justified their decisions.
Whether it’s a lack of love, longing for better sex, or loneliness that’s the reason they cheated, it’s still not valid. However, such people don’t put much value on relationships in the first place. So, whether it’s a marriage or a progressive relationship, someone that cheated unconsciously won’t think it matters.
Some cheaters feel pretty insecure after they have cheated. The reason is simple, the cheater is at the mercy of his spouse and family if he gets caught. The spouse could choose to get a divorce, sue, take personal assets, and gain sole custody of the kids. When the cheater considers all this, they’ll constantly be living in fear.
They’ll start getting jumpy, start overcompensating for their actions, and won’t be as confident as usual. Such people become ‘yes men/women,’ because they already feel insecure about what they have done. Plus, they may lose confidence generally both at work and home. The constant chain of guilt over their necks may affect their productivity and confidence largely.
Some cheaters are motivated by past wrong-doing. In some cases, they are reacting to something that either happened in a previous relationship or the current one. All that’s on their mind is how to get revenge. At this point, they are not seeing or thinking clearly, they just want their pound of flesh.
Unfortunately, some people won’t mind cheating on a new partner who has done nothing wrong to them. They just feel the need to do the same thing someone else did to them without thinking about the consequences.
A lot of cheaters feel extra adventurous when dating outside their current relationship. It’s like testing the open waters or exploring the virgin mountains. This happens majorly for young boys who have the urge to test out their skills, or men who feel lucky.
Some guys who didn’t have much luck with girls back in the day may feel the need to ‘spread their wings’ now that they have more money or better looks. As pathetic as this reason is, it’s very rampant among both the young and old.
Just imagine this, a guy who was timid, naive, and innocent back in the day suddenly finds out that many girls are attracted to him. All of a sudden, he’s feeling a pump of energy and confidence. His big ego won’t let him think straight or remember the faithful partner he has by his side.
He’s feeling extra lucky and super confident, and won’t stop until that ego is deflated. When people feel that they have suddenly gotten lucky, or can get away with something, it’s just the right motivation to make a bad decision.
Some people aren’t getting enough from their partners. There’s not much attention, love, respect, or most importantly, sex. Once a man or woman starts feeling needy, it’s easy for them to fall into temptation. This is especially true when someone else is already giving them the attention they crave.
It becomes the perfect defense mechanism and an automatic excuse. “I wasn't getting it at home, so I decided to get it from somewhere else”.
A man who cheats may just be extremely horny. He can’t get enough sex from his current partner, so he seeks a substitute romantic relationship. Such people have really high sex drives and feel little remorse for looking outside because they are largely driven by their feelings.
Once they feel horny, and their current partner is not available, they are constantly thinking of the next best option. Not all horny people resort to masturbation, some people feel it’s demeaning.
How do cheaters feel about themselves? Some of them are completely oblivious. They don’t know how to feel because of how they started cheating in the first place. Such people don’t also know how to stay committed in a relationship. They probably grew up watching their father figures have various extra-marital relationships.
Unfortunately, it's proven that people can quickly become what they constantly see. Plus, some young boys who feel this is a norm won’t know any better.
This may sound outrageous, but if you have to ask, how do cheaters feel about themselves, be ready for some unorthodox answers. The truth is, you’ll find a cheater or two who feel totally hopeless. They have tried to stop cheating in the past but to no avail. After a while, they just give in to the addiction, even when there’s little pleasure or happiness derived from it.
There’s a difference between serial cheaters and one-time cheats. The former category won’t mind cheating and will do so without batting an eyelid. They seldom feel remorse. Even when they do, they brush off the feeling and get back to business. However, some cheaters are not pathologically wired to live such a dubious life.
After they have cheated once or twice, they’ll feel a lot of remorse right after. You’ll notice their general demeanor will change. And if they ask for more space in their relationship, it’s not because they have stopped loving their partners.
Such cheaters feel they can’t face the music, and can’t help being treated right by their loved ones when they have wronged them. Even if his partner does forgive him, he’ll still feel horrible about cheating.
Not everyone feels a cheater's remorse after having extra-marital affairs. They think that they have the right to seek pleasure and love outside their relationship. Such people put the blame on their spouse/partner, their boring relationship, or their nature. For example, some men feel that guys are naturally wired to be polygamous.
They don’t think about how their actions could hurt the other parties involved. Such cheaters will show no sign of guilt, and feel comfortable shuffling between their spouse and affair partner. They don’t take cheating as a big deal and will always come up with various excuses if they cheated and got caught.
How do cheaters feel about themselves? They feel scared! After a married man has cheated, there’s always that thought that he may get caught. For many, there’s a lot to be lost if they get caught. Their job, house, and relationship are at stake. They could end up losing everything if the betrayed partner exposes the fact that they cheated.
Also, if their partner or spouse decides to break up or get a divorce, there’s no guarantee that the other woman will stick with them in the long run. That’s a lot to process, and thoughts that would make any cheater scared.
The sad fact is that most cheaters do not feel remorse after having an affair. That’s because many of them have rationalized their actions way before things happen. A cheat may only suffer when he or she gets caught. Things like losing a long-term relationship, getting divorced, losing a job, or money/properties may be the only punishments that will make a cheat feel bad.
However, others go on to struggle with intense remorse and guilt. There’s also a probability that a cheat may lose people’s respect when the news gets out.
Many cheaters have to deal with guilt after cheating. Even before they are caught, the thought of living a lie will certainly linger. Thoughts like, “do I still deserve my spouse’s love?” “Was I wrong?” “Am I a horrible person?”
However, there are some cheaters who have seared their conscience, and won’t feel bad even after the truth is out. There’s little regret because they feel they had a good reason to cheat. Such people justify their actions by putting the blame on their affair partner, their spouse, or on human nature itself.
Cheating may sound like a cool, bold, and audacious thing to do, but it is actually an act for the insecure and weak at heart. A strong man or woman doesn’t have to prove their worth by the number of people they sleep with.
Neither do strong people need constant validation from various people to feel good about themselves. It also shows that such people are unhappy, selfish, and immature. Only immature people cheat without reason. Some of such people either have low-self esteem or commitment issues.
Unfortunately, most people that have cheated on their partner won’t regret their actions until they get caught. That’s because the initial thrill of having someone else without getting caught may boost their ego.
The negative emotions will only kick in when they are caught and either has to end the relationship with the other woman or leave the marriage. However, many of them may feel remorseful at the beginning, but if the affair progresses over time, those negative feelings slowly fade away.
Sometimes, people look for whatever they don’t have or enjoy in their current relationship. For example, people want to feel accepted, loved, respected, special, and wanted. When they aren’t getting that from their current partner, it’s easy to fall into the arms of someone who’s giving that freely.
Some cheat out of habit, they have formed the habit over the years and just can’t help themselves. At the same time, others are caught in a slippery situation of falling for the thrill and excitement and regretting it right after.
No matter how much being a cheater has taken from them, just like bad drug addiction, many keep making the same mistake. Some are remorseful about it, while others couldn’t care less.
I hope you enjoyed reading through this list? Now you know some of the major things going through the minds of cheaters. Feel free to leave a comment below and share this article with others.