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All About Female Hypergamy (8 Ways To Use It)

Last updated on June 18, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

You are probably wondering what female hypergamy is and why it matters. Basically, it’s women’s biological need to find the best mate possible. 

When women are searching for men, they are looking for those who will help them create the best babies possible. They may not be doing this intentionally, as this is an innate trait.

Men and women are different in this way.

Biologically men have a tendency to “spread their seed.” They have an innate need to have sex a lot. Men are polygamous by nature. Polygamy means they seek more than one mate; that’s because of their biological need to have many children. 

Still a little confused? Don’t worry; in this article, I will cover the definition of hypergamy and how women use this innate trait, intentionally or unintentionally. 

What Is Female Hypergamy?

In simple terms, female hypergamy is when women “marry up.” Naturally, women want to be with the best men they can find. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are gold-diggers, though. It’s just the tendency of a female to find the right male for procreation reasons. 

Women search for men they can admire, someone they can “look up to.” It doesn’t mean he has to be powerful; he could have a great sense of humor or be really smart. Women just want a man who offers her a higher status of some kind. The higher status could be his popularity. It just depends on the woman’s point of view. 

Keep in mind that this is a biological trait; the female body is made for procreation, and naturally, women want to find men who have the best status for their children. Being pregnant is a 9-month investment for a woman, so she wants to find the right man to father her children. A woman may not even realize she is doing this, though.

Why Is This Topic So Hot Right Now?

Men are talking about this issue a lot right now. They seem to be under the impression that all females are gold-diggers or want men who are better than them because women are innately evil. Of course, not all sources say this, but some men are pretty vocal about this hot topic.

This really couldn’t be farther from the truth. If a woman does, subconsciously, search for the best man she can find, is that so wrong? First, she’s doing it subconsciously; it’s part of her biology. Second, men do the same thing! Third, doesn’t everyone want to find the best person that they can find to be with forever?

Also, just because a woman is looking for the best man she can find doesn’t mean she’s a gold-digger or shallow. She just knows what trait she finds attractive and is looking for a guy who is illuminating with this feature. An example would be a woman falling in love with and spending her life with a man who has a great sense of humor. Not so horrible, huh?

How Is This Topic Related To Divorce?

According to the Library of Economics and Liberty, men are naturally polygamous while women are naturally monogamous, but when it comes to divorce, women have initiated them the most. If we just consider those traits, we can safely say that men cheat and women divorce them.

However, if we were to consider female’s innate need to be hypergamous, we would say that most women are looking for someone better; so, they may be initiating divorces because they are looking for a better mate, someone who has different or more traits than the husband they are currently with. When they find a new person, they initiate a divorce.

Of course, this is not true 100% of the time, but for those who believe strongly in the power of these innate traits, the causes of divorce make sense. Men want many women, and women want better men, so men sleep around, and women upgrade! If only life were that simple!

8 Ways Women Use Hypergamy

Is your boyfriend really husband material? Does he have any of these traits?

1. Appearance

It makes perfect sense if a woman is practicing hypergamy, she wants the best looking guy she can find. Usually, a woman marries the man she plans to have babies with, and if this man is very handsome, she knows she’s got a good set of genes to pass along to their children.

Some women do only want to be with very good-looking men, but not all. For some, they just want someone who they find attractive so that the physical chemistry can stay alive.

2. Wealth

If women are biologically hypergamous, they want to provide the best father for their future children. They desire someone who will be a good provider for them and their future family. If a man is rich or has a nice inheritance to look forward to, he is that much more appealing to her, because she knows she’ll be taken care of.

I’m not going to say there are no gold-diggers out there because there are, but some women just want to know they are well taken care of and don’t have to worry about money. 

3. Confidence

A man who is sure of himself is quite appealing to women. They see this as a good sign, an indication that the man’s self-esteem is high, which is very attractive. This personality trait, self-confidence, is a great thing to pass along to her children. It can biologically be passed on, or the man can just be a good example to his children.

Confidence is extremely sexy. Can this appeal wear off? Sure! That doesn’t mean it does, though. Anyone who is super comfortable in their own skin is hot and will have no problems in their love life (unless they are too cocky).

4. Personality

Have you ever seen an okay-looking guy who gets all the ladies? It’s weird, right? Women naturally flock to a man who has a great sense of humor or who is very charismatic. These traits usually just “come” with the guy. He’s born with them or develops them early on in life. 

Someone who can hold the attention of the room or who can keep people entertained with his winning personality is sexy. Of course, not all women agree, but for many, personality trumps wealth any day of the week.

5. Intelligence

Having brains is a huge turn-on, and intelligence is a trait that can be passed down naturally from a man to his children. So, if a woman is naturally hypergamous and is looking for someone smart to have kids with, she’ll be watching closely to see how intelligent a man really is before she makes her move.

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While it does seem like, at times, handsome guys don’t have to try so hard in life, so they don’t work as hard in school and don’t have the brains that the “nerdy” guys do. There may be some truth to that statement, but not all the time. There’s plenty of handsome nerds out there. Good-looking or not, intelligence is hot!

6. Ambition

This is another one of those traits that can be naturally passed down from father to child. A woman who is looking for someone ambitious probably loves the idea of having a greater status in the world; she knows her family will move up the ranks sooner than later, and that’s just fine with her.

A man who can crawl up the food chain is sexy, but it’s more than just getting promotions. A strong work ethic is very sexy to many people! It can trump promotions!

7. Heart

Some women don’t care about status but instead find a man’s natural ability to be kind and compassionate to be hot. A woman who is looking for a kind man hopes that he will pass along this huge heart of his to their children. Kindness is both an innate and built trait; some people are born with it; others develop it over time or don’t have it at all.

You can take away all the other traits in this list for some women because having a heart of gold or having an abundance of kindness can win a woman over easily. So, if you are a guy reading this and don’t have the other things going for you, work on this one! This is a trait that you can actually do something about!

8. Popularity


All other traits aside, when someone is super popular, it’s hard to not be curious as to what this guy’s deal is. Curiosity drives a girl crazy, too!

A woman may wonder why he always has a flock of people around him and sees his popularity as being very appealing and attractive. She knows that she will get to be popular as well, just because of her association with him.


What is a Hypergamy relationship?

This is when women marry men who have a specific quality or feature that’s desirable, like wealth or a great sense of humor. Women want to marry men who are the pick of the litter, the best. They want to create the best babies they can with these men.

What is Hypergamy and Hypogamy?

Hypergamy is when you “marry up.” Hypogamy is when you “marry down.” It’s like when a “10” marries a “3.” That’s an example of “marrying down.” If you are a “3” and you marry a “10,” you are being hypergamous. This is often a subconscious action.

What is Hypogamy marriage?

A hypogamy marriage occurs when one person “marries down” or marries someone beneath them. It’s the opposite of hypergamy. For some reason, one person marries someone who is lower than them. An example would be a woman who is a “10” marrying a man who’s a “3.”

What does Mgtow mean?

MGTOW is Men Going Their Own Way. It’s an anti-feminist social movement, typically comprised of online men who don’t like the way women classify men and want to leap out on their own to define men in their own eyes. Check out the Urban Dictionary for more colorful wording.

At what age does a man look his best?

It depends on the man, but some sources claim men hit their peak between their late 20’s and mid-30’s. Some men don’t hit their peak until their late 30’s as they mature and begin to take better care of themselves, so it depends on the motivation of the man.

In Conclusion

We have covered hypergamy definition and hypergamy meaning in detail, so you should understand it now. The bottom line is hypergamy is all about having a higher status

But we’d love to hear your take on the subject. Please share and comment!

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

12 comments on “All About Female Hypergamy (8 Ways To Use It)”

  1. I'd rather not. They say that men are thinking like losers when they realize that women are superficial and decide to stop chasing after them..

    REALIZING women are superficial, and ignoring them has not only lead to picking a few of those leeches up, but after a quick lay from one, I was satisfied and went back to my work..

    Getting women out of my life has increased the size of my savings account triple fold.

  2. Definitely a good reason to go MGTOW. Grass is greener syndrome runs rampant with women. It ain't worth it, fellas. She'll bleed your wallet dry and then trade up

    At least if men sleep around, it's mutually beneficial. Women take all and give none

  3. Thanks for the article. It certainly is enlightening.
    I used to think in this traditional way, but I found the more I chased my purpose and mission, the less I cared about women. I have had a good deal of success doing that.
    I understand women are hypergamous subconsciously and I don't hold it against them, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to hand over wealth or status over to them.
    I have instead just embraced dating without cohabitation. Marriage or its equivalent is a high risk business deal for any successful man. Therefore I just date women, but I tell them I will never marry you. That way they never have some legal claim on me.

  4. This is easy. Figure out what you think you are worth. Put that number on a sticky pad. Put sticky pad on your forehead.

    Men that can afford you, will decide if you are worth that price.


  5. Hypergamy just reflects lack of morals and principles.
    Civilization and culture restrained descontrolled poligamy and hypergamy and now women want to take advatage of leaving behind all that.
    Well, they probably will end up being the losers

  6. Ms. Schwartz, you’re wrong if you think the main reason women divorce is because women cheat. Women cheat much more than men now and many times divorce their husbands after the fact while self righteously maintaining the moral high ground.

    Fun fact: If a women comes in suddenly and states she’s not happy it’s because she has another guy lined up that makes her feel better than her current guy and so she recontextualizes the relationship to make it seem like the husband’s at fault.

    This article is a major fail.

  7. So in conclusion, women, particularly this woman, have no idea what they're talking about. Saying MGTOW is "Anti-feminist social movement" god... *facepalm*, saying that divorces are probably occurring because of man cheating(Yeah, because it can't POSSIBLY be something else right ladies? Maybe that you're entitled or that YOU cheated?), saying that men just want to mass spread their seed but also "Men do it too!" about men wanting to date up? - Which is completely contradictory. Listening to a women spewing nonsensical jabber is really frustrating sometimes :(. Thankfully, men are smart enough not to take advice from women, but unfortunately women continue to delude other women, which further destroys the dating market and man to woman relationships.

  8. Fascinating. So apparently, polygamy and dating younger more fertile women is also OK, because 'biology'. What a fascinating new era of dating the modern age has brought us. Women who can't love, and men who don't care anymore.

  9. OK so i am a girl and i have never cheated and never will all the boys i have been with left ME and if u think for 1 second that all girls are the ones that cheat i will definitely prove u wrong.men cheat SO much more than girls, sure there are some of them out there but WHO CARES??? just avoid them!

  10. Women find Success Appealing & Men find Looks Appealing - So what ???

    Judge Women when you stop being so superficial - & I'm not condoning Infidelity, but Men are the Bigger Bastarfs when it comes to walking out on Relationships & kids, being Aggressive & Cheating

    4rm a Guy

  11. MGTOW is not anti-feminist social movement, they do not hate women they just do not wish to have a close personal relationship at this particular moment this is not set in stone it depends if they meet someone they feel they are compatible with, all these men have done is performed a risk/benefit analysis and decided that marriage/family life is not for them.

    It is true some but not the majority of the men in MGTOW have had bad experiences through divorce and the family court it is these men who are the most vocal but you have to accept that they are venting the anger they feel in the safest way they can by writing it down and not acting on that anger.

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