People behave a certain way because of experiences they had in the past. In most cases, you won’t notice it when you start dating someone. You pick up certain aspects of their character as time goes by.
For instance, if a partner is possessive or jealous that you have male friends, it could be a sign that he was cheated on in the past. If this sounds all too familiar, you ought to understand that he is carrying baggage from his past relationships into the new one.
Women cheat for several reasons. And in some cases, the husband may be blaming himself for his ex-wife’s infidelity. And it may be a myriad of emotions he may be dealing with. One common piece of advice given by some people is to avoid such men. This is because they’re a lot of work.
However, if you happen to be in a union with such a guy, here are some things to keep in mind.
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If you are with a man who has had a run with infidelity, establishing a safe space for your man to air out his worries is very important. Do not avoid him when he shares his past experiences with you. This will only make him more anxious.
It’s no secret that men are already expected not to be emotional. Society has imposed this idea of toxic masculinity on men. But it is quite obvious that a man whose ex-wife was unfaithful will have anxiety problems.
The onus falls on you as his lover to make sure that he is comfortable talking about his fears and anxiety. This is one way of building trust. It may be painful but try to initiate conversations about his cheating past.
When he is ready, he will come to you and spill the beans. Talking about it helps, and try to remind your partner that you are not like his ex and will not cheat on him. Let him into your world. Be open and do your best to introduce him to people in your life.
Your actions say a lot more than words. Love is better felt in actions than in words. As they say, talk is cheap. Telling your man that he can rely on you is one thing. Showing him is another. So always try to make an effort to keep your word. When you say you are going to do something, do your best to follow through.
When you need to cancel your plans, that is fine. Be honest about why that scheduled plan will not happen. It will help to eliminate any worry your partner might be having. Giving notice is very important because if you do not tell them, his imagination will likely run wild and he will assume that you’re cheating.
Another thing to keep in mind when going out with a man whose ex-wife cheated on him is faithfulness. This is because they have been hurt once and this time around, they don’t want to experience the same pain.
Thus, to prevent bad reactions, do your best to be very transparent. Also, work on your communication as much as possible. Introduce your partner to the men in your life, and the people close to you. This will lessen any suspicion he may have towards you. You must be kind to him, but also be firm.
Your partner might not be ready to get into the dating scene so quickly. That is quite understandable. He is afraid. His trust was broken in a previous relationship and to avoid future pain, he wants to ensure you won’t let him down. Therefore, he may not be in a hurry to define the union between you two.
For this reason, you ought to be patient with him. Do your best not to pressure him. Trust is a concept that is built over time. You must reassure your guy that he can take his time. Thus, you both have time to build trust.
Every betrayal is traumatic. However, this is dependent on how hurtful those experiences were. Additionally, certain things might trigger him and remind him of the past. For instance, let’s say he caught his ex-wife having sex with his best friend.
While they were in the act, a certain song was being played. It is quite obvious that he is likely to exhibit negative emotions when he hears that song.
This is because the song brings back many memories, and the best way to deal with the issue is to try to identify those triggers. If his ex-wife was unfaithful to him because of social media, he will not feel secure when he sees you online.
While it may not be your duty to correct your partner’s traumatic past, you can help them along the way. Healing means your relationship can have a stable foundation of trust.
A man who has had a cheating wife has trust issues in a new relationship or new partner. He has lost hope in committed relationships, which means you have a lot to prove. The result is that such men become emotionally unavailable in their future relationships.
He, therefore, likes open relationships, and friends with benefits scenarios which is a red flag. However, this is the only way he can satisfy his sexual desires with no strings attached. I say this because men are moved by sex. And when they finally enter a monogamous union, they carry all these self-esteem issues and negative emotions into it.
Dating a man who had an unfaithful wife means you are a man who has a lot of emotional issues. This is especially bad for your relationship if your man is doing nothing to resolve those issues. It can be tempting to try to do the work of healing him but this is an issue he needs to resolve by himself.
Let go of that “savior” mentality. It is not your job to fix him. The best you can do is convince them to seek the necessary help that he needs.
It is easy to be judgemental about your man if you haven’t had the same experience. Many people react differently to trauma. Some experiences might be more traumatic than others. Do not judge. Do well to show him a lot of affection but be yourself. Also, try not to get annoyed when he gets anxious. Spend time with him and help him to heal.
A man who had an unfaithful ex-wife would need your trust more than your attention. Likewise, in any regular relationship, the one thing that is needed is attention. This is because, in a regular relationship, trust is already at the base of the union. However, being in a relationship with a man who had an unfaithful wife is ten times harder to build faith.
To date such a man, you ought to be faithful, be willing to communicate, be honest, and patient, and not attack their healing. Also, you should be ready to be firm, yet gentle.
The pain becomes an emotional trauma. It may lead to anxiety, depression, physical pain, etc.
You need to keep in mind that you are not to blame and you should never be blamed. You can remain calm when tempers are rising. Do not make decisions because you are scared.
When men discover that their lady was unfaithful, they become emotionally distraught. They also become anxious and depressed. Also, there is an increase in their risk-taking behavior. Again, they experience actual physical pain.
Someone who has had an unfaithful partner may be emotionally unstable. This is why you ought to be careful in your dealings with them. Use words like “Let me know if there is anything I can do for you”, “I am here if you need anything.”, “You will be fine.”, etc.
With the above points, I hope you know what to look out for when in a relationship with someone who’s been cheated on. Adhere to them and your union will go on smoothly.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Let me know your thoughts in the comments section. Kindly share this piece with your family and friends.