According to an article from Planned Parenthood, “The condom is one of the most accessible and inexpensive forms of birth control available.” Condoms are 98% effective in preventing pregnancy and help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections.
So what do you do when your boyfriend wants to stop using them altogether?
Perhaps you’re also tired of fumbling around trying to find a condom every time, but you don’t want to have a baby yet. Ultimately, the choice to stop using condoms is something that both you and your partner need to discuss.
Every couple goes through making this decision differently. However, choosing to stop using condoms needs to be a mutual decision before making the choice. Your partner should never pressure you into not using condoms if you don’t feel comfortable.
To help you determine if it’s time to ditch the condoms, we put together 13 possible reasons your boyfriend may want to stop using condoms.
Table of Contents
How safe is sex without a condom? Sex without a condom can be safe, but only under certain scenarios. For example, it's better if you're in an exclusive relationship or a monogamous relationship.
Ideally, you should be tested for any STIs before you stop using condoms. Also, be sure that you're on an alternative form of birth control if you don't want to have a baby; use hormonal contraception, copper IUD, or another form of contraception. Your OBGYN can suggest an option that works best for you.
It takes a while to build lots of trust with a new partner! Before you stop using condoms, the trust you have with your partner needs to be strong. So don’t rush into making this choice. Slow down and ask yourself if it's the right move for you.
While the reality of STDs has made people become comfortable with using condoms, research shows that many people, especially men, still think the use of condoms during penetrative sex reduces sensitivity and enjoyment. Here’s the thing, some men aren’t used to having sex with condoms, especially married men.
That’s because it’s not common for married couples to use protection unless they don’t want babies for some time and also don’t want birth control pills. So, if you are dating a man that recently came out of his marriage, chances are, he hasn’t seen a condom in a long time. So it’s not weird that sex may feel less pleasurable since he probably hasn’t been using it for years.
Men are sensitive about sexual matters. From the size of their penis to how well they perform under the sheets, men can be a bit touchy about how their partner feels about their performance in bed. Naturally, men determine how long a sexual activity will last. Once he orgasms, that’s technically the end of the story, unless he’s able to back it up quickly.
So, if you are complaining about not enjoying the parade as much as you want, he might want to suggest the condom is the culprit. Since research shows that some women also complain they enjoy condom-less sex more, your man might just be ditching the condom with the aim of pleasing you some more.
Believe it or not, some men are just careless when it comes to protection during sex. If you recently started having sex with a guy and he’s not all that psyched about using condoms, chances are he doesn’t just care about it at all.
Some men are like that. They just feel invincible or have a wrong feeling of being lucky. So, they naturally feel they can’t get infected. Talk about a contraception method? The withdrawal method just before ejaculation is enough for them. Don’t get caught up in their foolishness. That’s probably how they are with other women. You’ll do well to insist on safe sex.
Some men don’t like the interruption of putting on a condom. So, it is not surprising that some guys find it difficult using condoms even if he has one somewhere around the house.
Also if sex between you both isn’t usually planned, i.e your sex is almost always spontaneous and perhaps, in awkward places, using condoms may be a bit difficult for him. What’s more, stopping the foreplay to go and get one may not be too high on his to-do list at that time.
However, there’s a great website called “make love not porn.” If your boyfriend doesn't want to use condoms and you do, you can suggest watching videos on how to put on a condom and make it hot.
Yes, there's chemistry, fireworks, or whatever you like to call it after meeting a guy. You can't be too careful, so you start the sex by using protection. It’s just the natural thing. It’s not like you feel he’s got any STDs or something. Besides, you don't want to have a baby now, so using a condom is the wisest decision for you both.
However, as time goes by, he’s becoming used to you. Sex between you both is now a natural thing that occurs more frequently without planning it. Chances are, a couple of quickies happen quite often, so it’s now natural for him to ditch the condom.
Yes, your man might start to feel safe with you after dating each other for many months. Sometimes, this point has nothing to do with the time you met each other or started dating. It may not even be because you both took a blood test. People can be negative for infections today, engage in multiple, carefree sex, and become STD carriers later.
If you don’t trust someone, you may find it difficult to have unprotected sex with them even after dating for a while. However, feeling safe or comfortable sometimes may just be a natural feeling. You know that “it feels like I’ve known you forever” feeling.
The top three reasons people gave for having sex without a condom are increased commitment, trust, and becoming exclusive. It’s easy for men to jump from one sexual partner to another, so when a man ups his commitment level, chances are he’ll not sneak around anymore.
If he feels you are in the same boat with him, it’s only natural that he’ll feel like doing what committed couples do and that includes having unprotected sex.
Believe it or not, research shows that many men are more inclined to having sex without a condom when their partner is relatively beautiful. Why? They naturally feel “less likely to have any STIs.”
Yes, it’s a false feeling of security but many men fallaciously profile beautiful women as clean. In fact, another similar research from the Kinsey Institute of research shows that good-looking men often assume they are “clean” and hence, feel they are better at determining “clean” women.
Although the yardstick that determines female attractiveness is different among men, it was revealed that good-looking guys are then the highest number of men that equates to women's attractiveness and cleanliness.
Men’s decision to use condoms is more influenced by the chances of getting their sexual partner pregnant than the chances of getting an STI. The research revealed that men, both of the younger generation and relatively older generation don’t feel the need to wear a condom after their female sex partners start using birth control pills.
This decision to ditch condoms may also be accompanied by a feeling of being safe. Meaning, once he feels he’s not at risk of having an STI, perhaps he's sure he’s the only one sleeping with you, the only thing left on the worry list is an unwanted pregnancy. Naturally, a birth control pill takes care of the worry of getting you pregnant.
The truth is, people are way too dramatic and judge their relationships based on the use of condoms. A condom is for safety. It doesn’t matter if he’s “clean” now.
When a man starts to make complaints like: ‘I don’t feel close to you enough with a condom.’ ‘Don’t you trust me?’ `We've been together for months’, ‘I don’t feel important to you with a condom between us’ —chances are he’s insecure and that’s making him pack intimacy, trust, and safety into one box.
He’s already inside you, he can’t get closer than that. If you are not feeling safe or you don’t feel you are exclusive with each other, you should insist on condom use.
Perhaps, at the start of your relationship, you guys have put all the cards on the table, which may include not having any babies until a future date. If he has recently had a change of heart and there are no trust issues between you both, wanting a baby might be an obvious reason to stop condom usage.
Naturally, he should discuss with you that he’s now ready to start a family to see if you are onboard. However, if he’s the one that doesn’t want a baby initially, ditching the condoms without a formal discussion might just be his way of telling you he’s totally ready.
This idea may have been fueled by Hollywood. How many times have you seen Hollywood sex scenes with either party reaching out for a condom? Yes, maybe one or two movies right? Believe it or not, pop culture dictates what’s cool to us, and trust me, we sometimes unconsciously follow whatever the media says.
I totally understand that the responsibility of who should buy and bring condoms to the sex venue has unconsciously been placed on the men in most relationships. This is partly due to the stigma society has placed on women. Many women have complained of being slut-shamed for going around with a pack of condoms.
So, it's not common for most women to buy them from convenience stores.
Sometimes, if there’s no formal agreement to use a condom between you both, your man might just decide to stop because he feels it’s only his decision. He might feel you don’t mind whether he uses a condom or not. However, if you also present a condom before sex, he’ll know for sure you want it as well.
There isn’t an “exact” time frame for when you “should” stop using condoms. However, if you’ve been in a committed relationship for a while and you and your partner are considering ditching condoms, discuss it. Make sure you know the risks, use an alternative form of birth control, and be on the same page.
According to recent research, men, and women rated “sex as highly arousing and pleasurable whether or not condoms or lubricants were used.” You and your partner will build intimacy by building trust and safety over time. You’ll experience intimacy with or without condoms!
Using condoms or not using condoms is a decision that both you and your partner need to make together. Your sexual health is something that you need to consider when deciding whether or not to use condoms. Once you're in a healthy, committed, and safe relationship with someone, it will be an easier choice.
Use another form of birth control and make sure you and your partner don't have any STIs; and sex without a condom in your relationship can be safe. It's not a choice to take lightly, and you should never feel pressured by your partner.
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