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16 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You (But Isn't)

by Sonya Schwartz

Have you ended a relationship recently but have reason to believe that your ex is pretending to be over you? Perhaps your ex ended it and now you’re wondering ‘Does my ex still love me?’

We all make snap decisions, say the wrong things, or make mistakes when we’re emotional. The problem is – who backs down first and admits that they were in the wrong?

No one wants to be rejected twice, so instead, we keep our mouths shut and we are none the wiser. We get over the break-up and move on. But what if your ex is pretending to get over you? How would you know?

Obviously we don’t have a crystal ball and we can’t see into the minds of our ex. But there are signs that your ex is thinking about getting back together. You just need to know how to spot them.

Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You

1. You Are Still Talking

Keeping the lines of communication open after a break-up is a very promising sign. People that don’t like each other don’t tend to want to talk to one another. So if your ex is still happy to chat, whether via text or on the phone, consider this to be an encouraging sign that they want to get back with you.

If your ex was over you then it is more likely they would want to cut off all contact. I mean, why hang onto a broken failed relationship? Most of us want to move on with our lives, not stay tied to something that didn’t work.

It’s very possible that your ex still has feelings for you, they might just fear rejection, or they may not know how you are feeling.

2. Your Ex Is Always Around

What usually happens when two people break up is that they don’t see each other very often. But if you’re finding the reverse to be true it could be a sign your ex is pretending to be over you.

I don’t know about you but I tend to avoid places I know my ex will be. After all, who wants to bump into someone that dumped them or someone they have dumped?

It’s embarrassing, right? So trust me, if you find that no matter where you go your ex seems to pop up out of the shadows, it’s no coincidence, my friend. He’s there for a reason.

3. Your Ex Can’t Stop Looking At You

Now say you’ve spotted your ex popping up in bars or while you’re out shopping, do you keep catching his eye? Body language is a tell-tale sign that we cannot control.

Does he keep averting his eyes every time you look at him? Does he seem to gaze at you as if he’s daydreaming then suddenly realize you’ve clocked him looking at you?

When we are attracted to something or someone we want to look at the object of our desire. It’s a very powerful feeling. We are drawn to staring without noticing that we’re even doing it.

So this is one of those very good signs that your ex wants you back. He literally cannot look away from you.

4. Your Ex Keeps Finding Excuses To Meet Up

If you haven’t bumped into your ex recently has he texted or called you with silly excuses to meet up? When you receive the text or call do you think to yourself ‘well this could have been resolved with a phone call or another text, we didn’t have to meet up.’

Perhaps your ex needs your advice about a problem and wants to see you face to face? Or maybe you’ve left something at his place and he wants to be sure you get it back.

Whatever the reason, and no matter how trivial, your ex always seems to find reasons for the two of you to get together. And when you do he seems to be very flirty and complimentary about you. He might comment on what you’re wearing or your hair.

5. Your Ex Leaves Their Stuff At Your Place

Being dumped is such a final act some people find it hard to process. So what they do is leave a tiny thread of connection to their ex-partner. This can be in the form of leaving items of theirs at their partner’s place.

Now they have a reason to call or text or even visit. There’s still a slim connection to that person, even though it’s really tenuous. A lot of people who didn’t want the relationship to end will do this on purpose. This is so they can at least meet up one more time.

The ex that clears out all their belongings and doesn’t give you a backward glance as the moving van leaves your drive is not likely to be pretending to be over you.

6. Your Ex Is Always Offering To Help Out

So you put out this problem you've been struggling with on Facebook and what do you know, your ex is offering to help. Normally when two people break up there’s no love lost between them. So the last thing you can expect is an offer of help.

It’s either a sign the pair of you ended on really good terms or, that he’s pretending he’s over you.

Think about it, we don’t really help people we don’t care about or those who we have no feelings for. So either way, if he’s always there, with a helping hand, it’s a very good sign. You should recognize it as a sign he could want to get back together.

We only help those we really like. And if he puts off other people to get to and help you first then perhaps you two should have a little chat about your future.   

7. Your Ex Always Responds In A Good Way To Your Texts

Does your ex always respond positively to your texts, no matter what time of day or night? This goes back to them willing to help you out. If they are happy to chat and answer quickly it’s a really good sign.

This indicates that they want to keep the communication going. That they are happy you texted them and are responding quickly so that you understand this.

They hope you’ll keep texting and that maybe they can rekindle the relationship at some further date. This is especially good if they maneuver the conversation towards your personal feelings about the relationship.

8. Your Ex Stays In Touch With Your Friends

Usually what happens when two people break up is that your friends stop talking to your ex. It’s kind of an unwritten rule. After all, they’re your friends, they’re nothing to do with your ex, you were the connection and now you are gone.

So it’s quite something if your ex is still happy to chat with your friends. Don’t forget, you are the common denominator. It’s even more of a good sign if he asks about your wellbeing or what you are up to.

It’s a very good sign if he takes your friends into his confidence and shares his feelings for you to them. He might want your friends to pass on messages from him or to share hints about how he’s feeling about you.

Ask your friends if he always brings you up in conversation. Another good sign is if he’s always complimentary about you.  

9. You Hear From Their Friends

Do you remember being young and you’d get your friend to go up to a boy you liked in the playground and tell him you fancied him? Well, it’s not that different when we’re older, just a little more subtle.

Some guys are shy and reserved and once they’ve been rejected their confidence is shattered. So to save face they’ll get their friends to go out on a reconnaissance mission to find out how you are feeling.

You may get a text out of the blue from one of his friends just chewing the fat. Or it might be a family member asking about your wellbeing. Just be aware that this is your ex reaching out, testing the waters to see how the land lies.

10. Your Ex Tries To Make You Jealous

They say the best revenge is to live well, but some people have to go above and over this mantra. Making someone jealous is a sign of intense emotion. Just think for a moment; if we are indifferent about the feelings of someone we don’t go to all the trouble of making them feel something.

So if your ex is bragging about his new girlfriend or a great job or that he’s bought a new car or house, you can bet he’s trying to get your attention. Your ex might suddenly be posting all over social media. You may see photos of him out having fun with his mates, bar-hopping and drinking shots.

Or he may post holiday pictures where he seems to be having an amazing time. There are several reasons why people want to make someone in their life jealous. But the main one is that in some way they still care about that person.

11. Your Ex Gets Jealous And Envious

Now when we’ve ended a relationship our ex-partner has no hold over us anymore. They have no right to question our behavior, our actions, or our motives. So if your ex is acting in a jealous way it’s a sign he still has feelings for you.  

When we are jealous we covet what the other person has. In other words, we want what they’ve got. So has your ex started making snide remarks about your posts on social media? Maybe you’ve been getting some nasty late-night texts or calls from him questioning what you’ve been up to.

Has your ex been slagging you off to your friends or his friends and you’re getting reports back? Have you started a new relationship and your ex is acting in a negative way towards the pair of you?

Jealousy is a sign your ex is pretending to be over you.

12. His New Girlfriend Is Jealous Of You

I have a friend who once dated a guy for over ten years. It was a mutual decision to split up with no animosity between them. However, when my friend’s ex started dating someone new things took a very strange turn.

My friend had to collect the last of her belongings from her ex’s house. The new girlfriend had already moved in. When my friend went to the house the new girlfriend kept her standing outside in the cold for 20 minutes. My friend could hear her ex arguing inside. Suddenly the door was flung open and my friend’s belongings were thrown out onto the lawn.

It turns out that my friend’s ex’s friends all loved my friend. They didn’t like the new girlfriend at all. In fact, they would talk about my friend in glowing terms in front of the new girlfriend. Not nice I know, but it certainly wasn’t my friend’s fault. If anything it proved that the ex’s friends wanted them to get back together!

13. Your Ex Likes To Reminisce About The Past

If things ended amicably between the two of you it’s more than likely that you still speak to each other. If your ex likes to remind you about the good times it’s a sign he’s pining for the past. He might tag you in a holiday picture of the pair of you on Facebook.

Or he may share a memory about the two of you that reminds him of happy times. Your ex might even go through previous arguments or disputes and try and rehash them to make sense of what happened.

He might want to put across a different argument or take your side and apologize. Whatever way he reminisces about the past, it will be him regretting the break-up and wanting you back.  

14. Your Ex Is Bettering Himself

Has your ex suddenly started going to the gym and working out? Has he changed his profile picture to one where he looks ripped and lush? Has he bought himself a whole new wardrobe after a makeover? Has he never looked this good?

It might be that he’s got himself a new job in the city that pays well. Or he may have purchased a flash new car. Basically, is your ex showing off?

There are a couple of reasons for this. He could be trying to grab your attention, or he could be trying to make you jealous of his accomplishments. Either way, it’s a sign he’s bothered about what you think of him.

15. His New Girlfriend Looks Exactly Like You

We all have a certain type; it can be a look, or personality, or even body shape. But if your ex has quickly begun dating your look-a-like it’s probably a good sign he’s not over you yet.

So, does she have the same hair color or style? Does she dress in a similar fashion to you? Is she a pale imitation of you? Have other people commented on the resemblance?

It’s possible that your ex is having trouble moving on from your relationship. He could be finding comfort in dating someone who looks exactly like you. For all intents and purposes, in his mind it is you!

16. Your Ex Still Touches You Physically

When we like someone we automatically and without thinking like to touch them. It’s a reflex action we cannot control. We have this innate need to reach out and connect in a physical way to the person that is making us happy.

Whether it’s a touch on the shoulder, the elbow, or the knee; we have to make contact with that person. It’s a powerful way of cementing a strong feeling we have with the other person. In fact, hypnotists use this touch to anchor positive feelings.

So if you find that your ex literally can’t keep his hands off you (in a non-threatening way of course) it’s a positive sign he’s pretending to be over you.

FAQs

Why Is My Ex Pretending To Be Over Me?

When we are hurt we don’t like to let our ex-partners know how we're feeling. It’s much easier to pretend we don’t want to get back together than to admit we are heartbroken. 

What Does It Mean When Your Ex Hides From You?

This is one of those signs he will never come back. If you don’t see or have contact with your ex, you can bet he has found someone else. There’s little chance of getting back together or rekindling the relationship. 

How Do You Know If Your Ex Still Cares About You?

There are signs your ex will eventually come back to you. One of the main ones is if he stays in contact with you. Communication is key here. If he still texts and calls or follows you on social media there’s a good chance you can get your ex back. 

Why Does My Ex Avoid Eye Contact When He Sees Me?

There are several reasons for this; one is that your ex is embarrassed to see you because he still wants you back, the other is that he’s not interested. It’s what he does next that’s important. Does he smile or look away again? Does he text you later? Put this into context to get the true meaning. 

Conclusion

It’s difficult to understand the thoughts and actions of an ex-partner. None of us are mind-readers; life would certainly be much easier if we were!

But there are certain signs that point to what a person is feeling. Knowing what these signs are can help us to make better decisions about our own futures.

So, that’s my take on the signs your ex is pretending to be over you. What do you think? Have I missed any out? Let me know in the comments section below. 

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

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