Before we dive into the main subject, let's define two key terms. Dating is as simple as a drink with a guy who is sexually or romantically interested in you. Merely hanging out with him alone, talking, or sharing memories (whether publicly or privately), is a date. Now, it's possible to sleep with a guy you're dating but not be in a relationship with him.
Relationships require commitment; you both have agreed to date exclusively. Without the mutual agreement to be with that one person alone, it's not a relationship. The common misconception is thinking you're in a relationship when it's just dating. It's okay to keep your options open as a single lady.
If you are dating one guy, but still go on dates with other men, you may certainly feel like you’re cheating on your boyfriend. So the question becomes, does your current boyfriend need to know about these other dates?
Or should you just stop seeing these other people and focus on one person; your partner? If you really like this guy, and decide to come clean, below are things to consider first, and how to tell him.
If going out with a couple of people (two or three) in your search for the right man is your personal strategy, it only fits that you let your date know at the beginning what you are open to. There’s never a perfect time to tell him than in the beginning; it’s safer and less messy.
Plus, at the time, neither of you has invested much time in anything. It makes it easier for him to walk away if he doesn’t agree with your methods. As long as you are honest with him initially, whatever decision he makes is on him.
Sometimes, it’s pretty obvious what a person wants after a few dates with them. I’ve met guys who mask their horniness with the desire to be in a relationship (beware). Knowing what a person wants and asking them direct questions about it is a good start.
The fastest way to archive a good connection through communication is to talk about the difficult things like what you want. If he can’t tell you what he’s looking for or interested in, then he’s probably not so invested in building a solid association. What he wants determines if telling him that you’re seeing other guys is necessary.
Many women reveal that they’re seeing someone else to have a reaction. This is a risky move as not all men react the same. You can never really tell if that’ll push him away or draw him closer based on his personal experiences.
I’ve heard women say that telling a guy you’re seeing other people as well would make him step up his game or chase. If he wasn't thinking about it before, he would start thinking about asking you to be in a committed relationship with him. It’s almost like the trick to get him to ask you out; although sometimes it can blow up in your face when he walks away instead.
It’s important to know how interested or invested he is in starting a relationship with you before telling him you’re seeing anyone else.
How would you feel if the tables were turned and a guy told you about his dating status after you’ve either slept with him a couple of times? Or after you become more emotionally invested? It hurts. This is why it is important to put it out there from the beginning and see where the ride takes you both, not the reverse.
Like I said earlier, don’t wait until things seem to get pretty serious before you tell him about the other guys; especially before getting intimate. Many people catch feelings when things get sensual.
You both need to define what you’re walking into before going the extra mile. Is this a friendship with benefits? Are you looking to start a relationship? Know all the answers before going under the sheets. It complicates the situation if you skip the talk.
Ask yourself over and over why you are telling him. Are you doing it to make him jealous? Is this a ploy to make him ask you out? Or do you just want to know how serious he is about being in a relationship with you?
This might seem like a challenging situation to put yourself in at first, but you should come clean about it. Knowing why you are telling him would help you discover how to say to him. Be straightforward about subjects like this. You do not want to leave the wrong impression of you in his mind, especially if you still want to date him.
I can’t overemphasize the need for this information to come from you. Finding out from a third party makes the entire situation worse and paints you out to be a terrible person.
That it comes from you commands respect. It takes guts to be honest about your dating situation even when you like someone. Don’t leave room for misconceptions, come clean.
This isn’t a competition about who’s getting the most attention from suitors. Remember, you’re dating to find ‘the one’ not fooling around just because you can. Personally, I think there’s a limit to how many people you can date within a timeframe otherwise it’s simply chaotic.
Dating about two to three people within a month or two is pretty safe. Anything more just sounds like you went on a hunting spree and paints you as desperate or unable to commit to something. So, simply tell him you’ve been getting to know other men but don’t go into much detail even if he’s okay with it.
Consider the mutual connection between the two of you before talking about these other men. When you sense that things are getting pretty intense, it’s important to let him know, even though you said it earlier.
Some guys assume they can hitch a free ride into exclusivity without asking you to be their girlfriend, partner, or wife. That’s not how it works. You both have to talk about commitment before anyone makes the choice to commit.
Seeing other people is about keeping your options open. It helps you discover what you want in a man and how you want it. You can’t be with anyone simply because they are available at the time. There has to be something about them and you can make your choice after a series of dates.
What matters is what you want. Nobody should tell you how to run your singlehood. As long as you find it okay to date a couple of people at a time, that’s fine. However, it’s better to be honest about it so he doesn’t feel cheated or disrespected.
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Yes, you should. Hiding it from your boyfriend makes it look like you are considering the other guy. If you're not, let your boyfriend know but also include that you told the guy you're happily in a relationship. It's better safe than sorry; it's too delicate a subject to be swept under the carpet. If he finds out himself that someone asked you out and you hid it, it might cause a little problem.
It's okay to ask but brace yourself for the answer. Remember, if he's only going on dates with you, he's within his rights to date others. Some guys don't see other people while going on dates with a lady for reasons best known to them. Asking puts him in perspective and helps you decide what you truly want. If a man is in a committed relationship with you, he shouldn't be dating others at all.
Oftentimes, it's easy to smell a phony from a distance by the way he acts and the things he says. But because we're desperate or in denial, we ignore obvious signs. A guy who just wants to hook up would steer off the commitment path and claim to want to take things slowly; however, he only wants to get physical with you. Also, a person interested in a relationship would care about all the little things that make you who you are.
I mean, if you think about it, everyone is dating someone. Unless you've both decided to commit to each other, that's a pretty huge demand to make when you ask someone to stop dating others. It's okay to get to know a couple of people to keep your options open. Keep in mind that sleeping with someone you're dating turns it into a ‘friends with benefits,’ it’s not just dating anymore.
You shouldn’t tell him that you are dating other guys or he’s not man enough. You shouldn't be dating other guys when you're in a committed relationship; it defeats the entire purpose of exclusivity. However, if you are seeing other people (cheating) behind his back, I suggest you come clean about it and avoid saying anything that would hurt his feelings or bruise his ego.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article. It's got everything you need to consider before telling him you're dating other guys. It also details how to let him know you are without ruining the prospect of a new relationship. I'd love it if you share your thoughts with me in the comments section below, and please share this article with your friends.
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