There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to some of love’s most complicated scenarios, like getting back together with your ex. You’re possibly conflicted by having feelings for your ex but fearful of being hurt again. People also generally find comfort in familiarity, making a second chance at love with an ex even more appealing.
It’s easy to slip into the trap of remembering only the best parts of your relationship with your ex when you’re not dealing with them every day. So, take a step back and look at your past relationship from all angles (the good, the bad, and the ugly) before making any decision.
It’s important to remember that just because you still get butterflies at the thought of your ex, doesn’t mean the relationship won’t come with the same old issues this time around. You broke up for a reason.
On the contrary, perhaps the timing is better this time, or perhaps you’ve both done the internal work needed for the relationship to work now…
If you’re wondering whether a second chance at love with an ex is a good idea, the 19 below-mentioned signs will help you decide.
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If you’re both on the same page about reuniting and giving your relationship a second chance, that’s a good indicator that things may work out this time around. It’s vital that you’re both equally invested or else the effort and commitment may be one-sided.
According to Cosmopolitan, "If two people are willing to work hard, forgive and nurture their relationship, then it definitely can work. Both partners need to be completely on the same page and the lines of communication need to be well and truly open."
Sometimes the trust in a past relationship is so broken it’s irreparable. If this is true for you and your ex, I strongly advise against getting back together. Trust is one of the most important building blocks of a relationship. Without trust, it’s very unlikely a relationship of any kind will last.
Trust between the two of you might be broken for several reasons, including infidelity, lying, or broken promises.
If, however, there is still trust between you and your ex and the issues of the past can be forgiven and worked on, there’s a good chance things will work out.
Perhaps the two of you parted ways because the timing of your relationship was off. The timing can be bad for many reasons including moving jobs or cities, exam stress, financial stress, health issues, getting over a previous relationship, or working through personal issues.
Fortunately, bad timing is something that passes and if you’re lucky enough to still be in love after all that time it’s a sign you should give your ex a second chance.
If you remain in constant communication with your ex or see them regularly, it’s a sign that there are possibly still feelings between the two of you. Before jumping back into a relationship with your ex just because you’re still in touch, evaluate the reasons behind this constant contact.
Perhaps the two of you remain in touch because you’re feeling lonely or bored, or because you see them as a ‘backup’ of sorts. In these instances, reuniting may not bring the positive outcome you are hoping for.
If, however, you’re still in contact because there are undeniable feelings between the two of you, you have a strong friendship, or you understand each other like no one else does, then a second chance at love might turn out great.
If your ex is persistent in wanting you back and shows, over and above, that they’ve changed, it’s a sign that they’re serious.
If their persistence is more than just an annoying nag and they demonstrate that they’ll wait for you until/if you’re ready to give them another chance, you may want to consider it. Persistence in this case shows they truly have feelings for you and that they want things to work out.
Demonstrating that they’ve changed is vital if you’re hoping for a successful, second chance at the relationship. There’s no sense in going back to something that didn’t work previously if no internal work has been done and no remorse or regret is shown.
You should also be aware that demonstrating a behavior change is far more important than simply talking about it. Discuss why your relationship didn’t work previously and the changes that need to be made. Then, make sure you’re doing the work required to make and demonstrate those changes.
More often than not, your gut feeling is spot on. Trust it. Trust your instinct if getting back together with a past love feels right. If something feels off, listen, and cut all ties.
You can analyze and try to be logical all you like when it comes to matters of the heart, but sometimes logic goes out the window when it comes to love. And sometimes, that’s for good reason.
According to psychologists, "Intuition is an automatic feeling of immediate knowledge, understanding, or awareness that neither comes from reasoning or perception. The knowledge, understanding or awareness appears suddenly. We cannot explain where it came from, and it usually comes with a sense of certainty that distinguishes it from making an educated guess.”
Whether or not you’ve both done the internal work should be one of the biggest deciding factors when thinking about rekindling a past relationship. Both of you should’ve used the time apart to think about what went wrong, what your role was in all of it, and how to fix these mistakes in the future.
Talking to a professional about your issues might be a brilliant starting point when it comes to discovering, unpacking, and working through internal baggage.
Once you’ve worked on yourself, you stand a far better chance at making healthy relationship decisions going forward. You’re also far more likely to nurture a happy, lasting relationship.
My suggestion is to take things slowly if you decide to give your ex a second chance. Don’t dive in head first expecting everything to be hunky-dory because you may be met with heartache or disappointment if you find things aren’t what you hoped for.
Taking things slowly also gives you enough time to evaluate whether or not recommitting is the right decision.
I know it’s tempting to be overcome with excitement at the thought of happily ever after with your ex. But, heading straight to social media with relationship updates, and straight into the bedroom for steamy sex might be a hasty decision.
Sure, everyone makes mistakes and sometimes couples make knee-jerk decisions when ending relationships. Perhaps you broke up over a silly argument or you were fooled into believing the grass is greener on the other side.
If this is the case, have an open and honest discussion with your partner and express your regret about ending the relationship. If you’re both on the same page, it might be possible to carry on where you left off.
This is a big one.
Here is a list of reasons you shouldn’t take your ex back:
On the contrary, if both of you want to get back together for all the right reasons, a second chance might be the answer.
Many relationships seek out the help of professionals to guide them. “It can be instrumental in creating a partnership that’s built on mutual respect, consideration, and trust.”
Having a neutral, third party that both of you trust is a great way to:
“The American Psychological Association (APA) states that marriage counseling that uses Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) is effective and helpful for about 75% of couples. Additionally, meta-analysis shows that close to 90% see significant improvement after going through EFT.”
Unfortunately, feelings don’t just turn off when you end a relationship. If things got heated towards the end of your relationship or you broke up over a fight, you might still feel the fire of passion burning inside.
On the contrary, If the spark in your relationship slowly fizzled over months or years, there may be no romantic feelings left after ending the relationship.
The former reason could indicate that there’s hope for a bright, new beginning with your ex.
If he treats you well, he’s a keeper. Although the way he treats you isn’t necessarily enough for a relationship to work, it counts for a lot.
If he is respectful in the way he speaks to you and acts around you, has great manners, and generally makes you feel good about yourself, count yourself as one of the lucky ones.
If you’re still playing the blame game and pointing fingers as to why your relationship crumbled previously, then perhaps more time is needed to work through your issues before thinking about getting back together. Getting back together on these terms is a recipe for disaster.
Second chances need mutual understanding, forgiveness, and internal work if things are to work out again. Accept responsibility for your part in the previous breakup and find a healthy way to move forward if that’s what you both want.
One of the tell-tale signs that you’re not over your ex is the way you feel about him being with someone else. If the mere thought sends you into a jealous frenzy, you should evaluate why.
Believe me when I say, if you’re genuinely over your ex you won’t care whether or not they’re with someone else. In fact, you may breathe a sigh of relief when you hear they’re someone else’s problem, or source of happiness, now.
Right on the subject, there are many ways to make your ex jealous and want you back, if you decide to go there.
All healthy relationships are built on strong friendships. Strong friendships generally consist of values like mutual respect, affection, common interests, and good communication skills - sounds like a formula for success, if you ask me.
So, if the two of you have a great friendship, chances are you might have a great relationship too.
“Friendship is at the core of any strong relationship. Research has shown that a high-quality friendship in a marriage is an important predictor of both romantic and physical satisfaction. Couples who are friends report higher levels of happiness in their relationships than couples who aren’t.”
Breaking up for reasons like abuse and violence, or narcissistic tendencies is very different compared to leaving a relationship for forgivable issues/ things that can be worked on like bad timing and poor communication.
If your mental or physical health was compromised you should not consider giving your ex a second chance.
It’s important to realize that sometimes the only way to move forward is to forgive. If you truly have feelings for your ex and the issues of the past are forgivable, a new beginning for the two of you might be what you need.
Whether they’re checking in with mutual friends to see how you’re doing, liking and commenting on all your social media updates, or finding random excuses to contact you, if they’re keeping an eye on how you are, what you’re up to and who you’re with, it’s a sign they haven’t moved on yet.
Keeping an eye on you can be considered a good thing for a few reasons:
Many exes get back together and are able to build happy, long-term relationships. Both partners need to be on the same page in terms of their relationship goals and need to be committed to putting in the relationship work needed. A second chance with an ex will also require patience, forgiveness, open communication and nurturing.
On average between 40% and 50% of exes reunite. Most of these couples reunite because they were unsure about breaking up to start with or because of lingering feelings. Unfortunately, however, relationships that are always on and off tend to suffer from lower relationship satisfaction and quality.
If you’re both on the same page about what you want; there’s still trust between the two of you; a lot of internal work has been done; they’re showing a change in behavior; and you feel you can work together on creating a happy union, then getting back together might be a good option.
If you want to give your ex a second chance at love, make sure you do it for the right reasons.
Talking to them about what went wrong in the first place, what internal work you’ve done to change, and what you’d like to happen between the two of you moving forward is a good starting point.
Remember to take things slowly and be open and honest about your feelings. A second chance may require time, patience, and effort but perhaps it’s better than living with the regret of what could have been.
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