HerNorm is a community-supported website. We may earn a small commission on purchases made through our links. Learn more.

10 Signs A Married Man Is In Love With His Mistress

by Sonya Schwartz

Are you sick and tired of your role as the ‘mistress’?

Does your man keep telling you that he’s planning to end his marriage, but fail to follow through? 

Perhaps you’re afraid this romance is going to crash to a sudden end? 

It’s no good feeling this way. You deserve better.

You need to make some moves to discover what’s really going on behind the scenes.  

You deserve to know whether he’s trying to patch his marriage up behind your back, or if he has other mistresses. 

It’s not fair if he gets away with all this, then suddenly kicks you to the curb. 

A woman should feel safe and secure in her relationship, not constantly paranoid.  

Luckily, there’s an incredibly powerful yet discreet online tool available that’ll reveal all you need to know about your married lover (click here to check it out).

This tracking tool works with just a few of your lover’s basic personal details. 

Once they’ve been input, the tool will reveal a wealth of useful information regarding who he’s been frequently contacting. You’ll also learn about any messaging or dating apps he’s downloaded, plus details of secret contact information he’s been hiding from you. 

Within a few moments of receiving this tool’s results, you’ll have a clearer idea where you stand with your married man.   

This tool will stop you wasting your time on a relationship that’s doomed to fail.

If you want to know the truth, check it out now.

The article below reveals some telltale signs that a married man is actually in love with his mistress. It should give you more clarity regarding your position in the relationship. 

1. You are a priority for him

If he gets in touch on occasions when you know he is off-limits – family events, special birthdays or anniversaries – then you know he can’t get you off his mind.  It could just be that absence makes the heart grow fonder, particularly if he is away on a holiday abroad, but receiving messages and texts when you know he is caught up in his other life, is a pretty potent indicator of his feelings.

Many married men fall out of love with their wives but would never rock the boat when it comes to the children.  Children and spouse are separated in their minds with the children often attributed a higher premium, a greater standard of care. It is often the children which prevent a man from leaving the marital home, not the wife.  If he contacts you on a day which is special to one of his children – birthday, graduation, wedding – then you really are flying up the ranks

Love can engender feelings of insecurity which good old-fashioned lust doesn’t tend to do.  If he is in a far-flung location or occupied with his family for a few days then he may well feel insecure that he can’t see you when he wants to.  This is a good sign.

2. Missing special or significant events to be with you

There is a kinda scale here.  Missing a work function probably only counts as a 1 or 2 on the scale if that, equally missing granny’s 80th birthday party will only score a 3 or a 4.  Missing a marital date like a wedding anniversary really starts to count and missing a child’s event is really a top-scoring indicator that he only has eyes for you.

Missing really crucial events whilst highly flattering runs a huge risk of detection and only the very skilled will get away with a plausible excuse.  The more serious the event, the higher the degree of subterfuge needed.   Flattering though this might be, if you have any say in the matter, perhaps best to encourage him not to take such enormous chances.  If it all blows up and he gets found out then you are likely to be the loser in the following showdown.

Missing a seriously important event indicates a real loosening of the ties that bind the family to him.  Men are genetically quite lazy so to be prepared to put in the effort to concoct a plot worthy of Miss Marple is a sure sign that he has serious designs on you.

3. Luxury gifts

Showering you with gifts is one thing but are they just blingy trinkets or are they gifts on a par with those he would give his wife – hopefully, even better? 

The quality of a gift is always an indicator of desire.  It doesn’t have to be fabulously expensive although clearly, that helps.  It could be something inexpensive or downright cheap but it could have a high intrinsic value to you personally.  A little item that you mentioned a while back that you wanted, if he buys it for you then it shows that he is attentive to your smallest desire. 

Buying gifts that of a higher value than those he would purchase for his wife is not a slam dunk of his finer feelings for you, however.  It is easy to splash the cash on expensive jewellery, flowers, chocolates and lingerie.  His married relationship may have become mundane and it would seem out of character if he bought gifts like this for his wife after so many years together.  Conversely, sometimes expensive gifts for his wife are to assuage his guilt and are nothing more than that.  It can be hard to make a value judgement sometimes based solely on the price tag.

4. His love is unconditional

Sometimes, married men want their cake and eat it, love within the context of an affair can be conditional.  “I love you as long as you won’t ask me to leave my wife”, or, “I love you as long as my wife doesn’t find out” or, “I love you but its not the right time to leave her”.  These are all really a form of blackmail, it is love on his terms, a sure case of enjoying the best of both worlds.

Unconditional love, however, is a whole different ballgame.  This really all boils down to the question of can one man love two women at the same time?  Some people believe this is simply not possible; he still loves his wife and you are just a dalliance to satisfy lust and boredom.  But, theoretically, if he has stopped loving his wife then his love for you could be genuine and true.

The key point is whether it has any conditions attached to it either overt or tacit.  He is hardly likely to follow the phrase, ‘I love you’ with a caveat but you may just come to realise over time that there are unsaid conditions which surround this proclamation and that his love is wrapped up in constraints.

5. He buys you a property

There is no doubt that this a pretty big gesture in the scheme of grand gestures but hold the front page.  Whose name is on the title deeds?  Is it his?  Does he just want a canny little investment for the future?  He could move you out and move someone else in or he could keep it for one of his children for later on.  If however, your name is on the deeds then that is quite a different matter.  Or is it?

Having you just where he wants you might suit his purposes to a ‘T’.  You are far less likely to shop elsewhere if you are living in his property and he avoids the constant paper trail of hotel receipts and payments showing up on his credit card statement.

So, you need to assess this latest development in the round.  It might not quite be as attractive as if first appears.  You may just feel that living in a property that he owns whilst flattering on the surface, is actually less incentive for him to leave his wife although he would probably claim to the contrary.  Here is a love nest all ready and waiting for him when he does leave her.

6. Removal of the wedding ring

Some men don’t wear wedding rings but those that do will often choose to remove it before they see their mistress.  It is symbolic almost as if the affair is more covert, hidden from their wives if the ring is absent.   Essentially, he feels guilty and he doesn’t want that poignant reminder of her when he is with you.  A sharp eye can always tell where a ring has been if he has been in the habit of taking it off from the outset.

Some men don’t bother to take their ring off so it is pretty symbolic if he then decides to remove it having worn it in your presence for some time.  Rings are after all, all about the symbolism.  Watch and see whether if he does leave the ring on his finger, he constantly moves it or plays around with it.  This can be wholly subconscious but is nonetheless very revealing about his mental state and is a bit of a hallmark of doubt.  He is possibly in two minds.

7. He opens up to you about his marriage

Sounds a little counter-intuitive but if he opens up to you about the state of his marriage then he is probably seeking to justify to himself what he is doing.  He is also seeking your approval which means he seriously values what you think about him.

He doesn’t want to appear the scoundrel in this situation as he really wants you to think well of him and approve.  Running down his marriage is one way to explain his actions and hopefully gain your respect.  He doesn’t want to be portrayed as an out and out rogue.  If you are just a casual fling to him then he really won’t care two hoots about your opinion of him.  But if he is falling in love with you then your approval will matter to him and he will try and justify his behaviour by telling you how bad life is for him at home.

8. He becomes jealous if you see other men

He might be married but you are not and you are quite free to see whomever you please.  It’s a little bit of a good way to test out the depth of his feelings.  If he is used to having you on tap, waiting for him whenever he clicks his fingers, he might not be quite so happy if you are suddenly not so readily available or if another man is showing interest in you. 

Is this pure good old-fashioned jealousy – the green-eyed monster – or does he really care about you and not want to share?  It might just be that he doesn’t want you to upset the apple cart.  A wife at home and a mistress tucked away somewhere else, talk about cake and eat it.  On the other hand, he could genuinely feel that he is in love with you and be unhappy that someone else is showing an interest in you or worse, that you may have eyes for another.  This could be a sign that the tide is turning in your favour.

9. He makes plans for the future with you

This might start with something as straightforward as a holiday but it could involve a more substantive suggestion that perhaps revolves around a shared interest or business connection.  This is a sure indicator that he is in it for the long haul.

You might plan on buying a property together and perhaps refurbishing it or renovating it, definitely an indicator that you are more than just a fling.  Usually, mistresses offer men a break away from all the daily chores of life that they share with their wives.  If he is willing to expand your role beyond the bedroom and mere part-time lover, then this is definitely a sign that things are heading in the right direction.

He may also become more relaxed about being found out which can be a sign that his psychology is moving towards the great revelation when he tells his wife about you. 

10. He leaves his wife for you

You might think that this is game, set and match but it really does depend on the circumstances.  She could have found out about the affair and thrown him out – he may not necessarily confess to this right away. So it just might not be his choice so the circumstances surrounding his departure are very significant.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

If he really loves you, he will want to protect you and moving out of the marital home and in with his mistress opens you up to potentially quite a lot of hassle and heartache.  For a start, if you are now public knowledge, then you may encounter visits from his wife and also his children.  If he really loves you, would he expose you to all that without careful discussion first? 

An impromptu and unplanned arrival is probably not an indicator of love, more likely it is borne out of frustration or selfishness but either way, he won’t be thinking of you and putting you first.  So, be careful what you wish for.

Every man is different, every marriage is different and every liaison is different and so applying a template of ‘loves me loves me not’ to every extra marital affair will not necessarily yield accurate results.  But there is certainly some common ground it's fair to say.

A tripartite arrangement is a complicated thing and professing or admitting to love is not going to be quite the same thing as a straightforward relationship between two people which is open and above board.  But it is important that you are able to accurately gauge professions of love within the context of your relationship and not get carried away.  The fact of the matter is that very few affairs have happy endings and so you need to be realistic when you hear those three little words.

As ever, actions speak louder than words and a good review of your circumstances in the round should indicate to you whether he really does mean what he says.  Have you been in an extra marital relationship or do you know someone who has?  How did they know their married man was in love with them?  Share the secrets of your affair on here and if you bagged top prize – he left his wife – then tell everyone how you did it.

FAQs

How Do I Get Rid Of My Husband’s Mistress?

Communication is the first and best step when there's a mistress involved. Have a candid conversation with your husband about his mistress, and gather support from family and friends. After communication, do what it takes to win your husband back, even if it involves using the children.

What Is The Role Of A Mistress To A Married Man?

Mistresses are women in the lives of married men, and they're women these men are physically and sexually attracted to. They often shower these women with gifts to keep her happy and give her more attention than he does his wife.

Can A Married Man Fall In Love With Someone Else?

It doesn't matter if a man Is happily married or not. There's always a possibility of a married man to fall in love with someone else during his life. This happens mainly because the future is uncertain and also because love and lust are often interchanged. Their feelings don't come about because of their partner, and this is something partners need to note.

How Can You Tell If A Married Man Is In Love With You?

If a married man is interested or attracted to you, he makes you a priority in his life. He engages you in conversations all the time, and compliments randomly too. He might talk about his marriage or withhold such information depending on the kind of person he is and will ensure that he can help you out as much as he can. 

What Do You Call A Man Who Cheats On His Wife?

A man who cheats on his partners or wife is an adulterer. There's no sugar coating. An adulterer is a man who cheats on his wedded wife with another woman, often referred to as a mistress, paramour, or a lover. In some instances, they’re referred to as girlfriends.

You may also be interested in: 3 Easy Ways to Find Out If He's Cheating On You

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

13 comments on “10 Signs A Married Man Is In Love With His Mistress”

  1. How about, instead of wondering if a married man loves you, you leave him and his relationship alone. Don’t get involved with someone who is in a relationship already. You are strong yourself up for failure and you are ruining a lot of lives, especially if there are kids involved. The odds the wife won’t find out is very slim, and then he is more likely to chose her than you. So stick to single guys and have your boyfriend adore you.

      1. Not all women involved with a married man are a ‘homewrecker’— maybe a few have set the intention to wreck a mans home but why would anyone do that?? Think about this.
        I’ve been married and cheated on and I was also in love with a married man, who failed to tell me he was married. It really hurt me and made me feel so small and insignificant, worthless. Still I suffer from the shame that naturally came along with it and I have been the target of many bitter wives, terrified I’ll sleep with their husband too. Labeled a whore and slut, a bad mother, all kinds of demoralizing crap thrown my way.
        But you know what I’ve never seen?? The wife punishing her husband for his choice to wreck his marriage & home. Why?? Now in all fairness when I found out that the man was married, I ended it, kicked him out (yes he lived with me) and that was that— he now lives states away with his wife living down the road for him and they share kids. We don’t speak. Anyway, why is it that most of the wives do not hold the husband as the sole responsible adulterer? A mistress is free, single, to do as she pleases and who she pleases. Let’s be real. When it was my husband that cheated, I never spoke a word to or about the woman, it was my husband at fault. He wrecked our home by his choices. Not her. He may have lied to get her to even sleep with him in the first place. Not too many women will willingly sign up to have sex with a married man, knowing there is a good chance of possibly falling for him, am I right?
        So please ladies, let’s take the focus off the single woman bc she has nothing to do with you or your marriage.
        Think— in order for a husband to even consider stepping out of a marriage, there is a reason. I’m not saying that cheating is right! There is never a good reason to cheat, nor should it ever be justified. However, there’s a reason.
        Every single wife plays a role in the failing of her marriage. Doesn’t matter how big or small. Why is the wife seen as a victim? She’s not innocent here.
        Then the labeling of the mistress as a homewrecker— the mistress already has her own home and chances are, it is not wrecked. Or, if she’s unaware that the man is married, her home (heart) is wrecked right alongside of yours.
        (Yes I’m aware you don’t care).
        But let’s all be real, authentic and just flat out honest here—- a husband who cheats is the one wrecking a home. He has no good reason or right to cheat, but he did. And then 99% of the time, we see the wife hate, label and shame the mistress and fight for her husband to come back to his home, that he was so willing to destroy. This begs me to do some deeper thinking and ask myself since I’ve experienced both sides and handled both very well—- who’s truly at fault here? I promise you it’s not the other woman you love to hate. It’s you. And it’s him. If we all loved ourselves a bit more, this would reflect positively in our marriage and our man would be happy and satisfied with no reason to step out of the marriage. Unless he is a serial cheater or narcissistic ass hat. Husbands will continue to cheat and do this because you LET HIM do it! Time to get real and take accountability for you and you only, along with a consequence for the unfaithful one. Do this and I bet you everyone wins and this stigma of it being the other woman will end and there will be many more faithful, happy husbands.

        1. Wow! You said a mouthful. Women are good at bringing each other down and never hold men responsible whether at work and in this kind of situations.
          They usually say a man never gets out of a relationship until he finds a comfortable place to go to. Once he step out and go cheat then as a wife start working your marriage out.
          I salute you for kicking your married ex out.
          It beats me though that single women would knowingly enter a relationship where they don’t have control over how they are seen or spending time with the adulterer. Low self esteem maybe?

        2. Wow you said a lot all of which is true but I guess it is easier to blame the mistress than for couples to really address their own marriage issues great response you gave and I’m glad you were strong enough to move on thanks for sharing

        3. I have dated a married man for 2 years I broke up his home and his wife of 10 years and he loves me I am also married I won he loves me I love him Only God can judge me

    1. Ladies, ladies, please. It’s time to grow up and take at least a little responsibility for the state of your lives. Ask yourselves why a quality man would want to be with a woman with a victim complex? If you can’t face yourself and take even a shred of responsibility for your share in the breakdown of YOUR relationship, then do you really blame him for leaving?

      How about instead of putting 100% responsibility on the women involved we take a little more personal responsibility, and allow the man in question to take his share as well.

      We are so quick to reprimand WOMEN for dating married men, when most mistresses don’t initiate contact or attempt to maintain it. We are pursued. Many men pretend to be separated or claim their marriage is failing.

      Stop telling women what not do do with your grown-ass husband and start taking responsibility for your own actions in your failing marriage.

      If you stop caring about the marriage and either party fails to meet one another’s needs, emotionally and sexually, either party straying to find a better replacement is inevitable. If you don’t want cheating husbands, then don’t be the controlling, emasculating wife he needs to seek refuge from.

      -the Mistress

  2. Married men lie about their wives. If she is older than him. I heard it all. From, his wife is incapable of caring for all his needs and that they are roommates living in the same house. He married the wrong woman but he cannot get a divorce because he never got a prenuptial agreement. We started seeing each other in 2017, he would visit me every week. I would visit him at work. We traveled together. He was completely opposite from my first relationship which my child’s father was physically abusive.
    So I fell in love with him. Sure I tried to leave him numerous times. And he came back. How much he missed me blah blah blah. It was hard to ignore him. Than last year he tells me his coworker or two coworkers messaged his wife claiming harmless flirting that happened before he and I got together. And they knew about me and told his wife too.
    I knew about other women years before us. Early 2000s. He and his wife were not even married too long When he began cheating. I believe he had an affair with his coworker. He denied it to me. I went through his phone and found a text from a woman. I texted her my friends met her at a motel. She was a hooker. I got upset. Confronted him. He claimed he did not know who texted him. That he was in love with me. And only in love with me. He swore he was moving out. I had enough of it. So I messaged his wife too in January. I told her about us and the hooker. She never replied. He got upset. Said we were done. But I was the one that broke up with him. Weeks later he messaged me. We continued to message. He told me his 30 yr old step daughter would look at my Social media sites and probably with his wife. In March I told him to leave me alone for good. I tried to move on. In May he began messaging me again. Making fake emails to message me. Sending me photos. He would tell me how much he misses me and how stressful his life has been. How sorry he was for everything. Yes I missed him It was hard to ignore him. So I told him I met someone and was trying to move on. The messaging never stopped. I finally got tired of the games and deleted my email yesterday. These type of men never stop cheating. They are only sorry because they got caught. Yet they were never sorry all the years during the affair.

  3. If a man is cheating on his wife, and continues to cheat, believe that there are many more than just one mistress. I had a friend that had an on going affair for 13 years. And in that span of time, she received one text calling her a whore. In 13 years 1 text. And he was not the sharpest knife in the draw about it. So the wife knows, and I do believe she did in this case, and it continued shame on all 3 of them. The wife knew and never approached my friend, and she continued even though she was getting hurt. So The guy had the best of both worlds. My friend had such low self worth and I finally convinced her through many years of just accepting her for who she was that she deserved so much more than crumbs. She met a very nice guy, and there doing great. Men can be pigs, Woman need to build each other up, and keep doing that. That poor wife, imagine how low her self worth is. We are all imperfect. Lets just remember we are all a work in progress

  4. I'm trying to figure out if my married doctor was hitting on me. He said the following over the course of several appointments:

    I’m so proud of you
    You have a nice smile
    I’m always happy to see you
    You are a nice person
    You always look nice
    I’m proud of you
    I like your shoes
    I enjoy your company
    You look tan

    On my first visit he gave me elevator eyes. He teased me once. One time I asked about starting an exercise program and he suggested something along the lines that I should go to the gym alone(??) He has also told me what sport he plays in his free time and also he told me where he lives (I asked). He even took off his wedding ring once and switched it to the opposite hand and back while we were talking.

    During my last appointment he was talking about his personal life, asking where I was from, etc. He then stood in front of me before he was going to listen to my heart and without any warning he gave me a hug. I was so shocked because it came without warning. Then he asked if I minded him hugging me and I said no.

    The last time I went he was cold and distant. Also, he has several times brought up his wife. Is he just toying with me?!

    I'm not sure where he was going with this. Is this harmless flirting? Does he have intentions? Why is he so hot and cold? I can't talk to anyone about this and I am so confused?!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

footer logo Copyrighted.com Registered & Protected