There are few worse feelings than finding yourself in a one-sided relationship, putting in all the effort and getting nothing in return. Chances are, if you’re starting to wonder if he’s still interested, he probably isn’t. It’s heartbreaking, but it’s better to be ahead of the game than staying clueless until he drops the “breakup” bomb.
No breakup comes truly out of the blue, if he says he wants to end it with you, it’s likely that he’s been acting strange and dropping hints for some time – you may have just not noticed, or chosen to pretend it wasn’t happening. Any man who isn’t brave enough to communicate that he’s losing the spark isn’t worth a moment of your time anyway. A confident and worthy man will tell you his feelings as soon as he feels them instead of slowly pushing you away with odd signs and behaviors.
You deserve a man who will never hesitate on his love for you, and trust me he’s out there! If your man is showing any signs of losing interest, make sure you get him to have a real, grown-up conversation with you before it’s too late.
He Doesn’t Text Or Call You Often.
Chances are, if he’s losing interest in your relationship then he’s probably stopped texting or calling as much as you used to. Always assume that his actions are telling you what his words are not, and in this instance, what he’s saying is that he doesn’t care if you talk or not.
When you live apart from your boyfriend, texting and calling are the only ways to keep in touch and up to date with each other’s days. If you’re deeply in love with someone, you’ll find yourself desperate to share all the highlights of your day as immediately as possible and you’ll want to hear all about theirs. So, if your boyfriend has dropped the ball when it comes to keeping in contact, he might be losing interest.
His lack of digital communication could come in all sorts of forms too. He might be texting, but if he’s drifting away then it’s likely that his messages are short and blunt. One word answers and dead-end messages are a sure sign that he’s running low on interest and is trying to avoid talking. Similarly, he might not be calling or picking up when you call as much as he used to. He doesn’t care to chat anymore. This is definitely considered to be taking the cowards way out, he’s trying to avoid you and put in as little effort as possible instead of being upfront about his concerns.
Check out this great video for some tips on what to do when he doesn’t text back!
Do This When He Doesn't Text Back – Dating Advice
He Doesn’t Make Plans For You Both.
In a happy, healthy relationship, making plans to spend time together is an essential part and something you stay excited about until the date arrives. An undeniable sign that your boyfriend is losing interest in the relationship is that he isn’t trying to make any plans with you anymore. He isn’t interested in spending time with you or planning fun things to do together. He might even be making excuses when you come up with the plans yourself.
A man who loves you will always go out of their way to spend time with you, whether it’s an extravagant date night or just a cozy day at home, regardless of his other responsibilities. Just as you would love to spend all your time with the man you adore, if he loved you the way he should, he would put in the same effort no matter the circumstances.
Typically, if he isn’t trying to spend time with you, it’s because he’s trying to avoid you. He’s putting off having to have that inevitable difficult conversation. If he doesn’t want to see you, he doesn’t want to face the truth. He’s also possibly trying to pretend that you don’t exist anymore – out of sight out of mind, as they say. If he’s not interested in spending time with you, he’s not in love with you.
He Isn’t Attentive.
When you’re together, does he feel connected? Is he paying enough attention to you or what you’re doing together? When he’s starting to lose interest, he’s probably also pulling away and spending less time being in the moment with you. If he’s not interested in the relationship anymore, he’s unlikely to be interested in doing things together or spending intimate one on one time with you.
Does he spend a lot of time on his phone, scrolling mindlessly and texting his buddies without taking any notice of you? If you’re sitting side by side, he might be more fixed on the TV show he’s watching than what you have to say – maybe even shushing you when you try to get his attention. When you finally get his attention, he probably isn’t very chatty and doesn’t laugh at your jokes or make any of your own. He’s probably distant and uninterested in what you have to say. His answers will get shorter and less thoughtful and he’ll probably stop telling you any real stories because he doesn’t care to share with you now.
If he’s behaving in an uninterested way, keeping things short and removed and never really feeling present – he’s probably not interested in the relationship anymore. Remember, his actions speak louder than his words (if he even says any.)
He Isn’t Affectionate.
There’s nothing sweeter than cuddling up on the couch with your boyfriend, or holding his hand as you wander through town. These things are the perfect way to show that you love each other without saying a word. A boyfriend who loves you and is truly enjoying being with you is typically always affectionate – unless you found yourself an odd one. Most of us love to share moments of intimacy, like wrapping an arm around each other or sharing a small, gentle kiss as you go about your days. Chances are, if your boyfriend has stopped doing these things, he’s losing interest.
Being affectionate is an obvious act of romance and if you aren’t interested in being romantic with someone, you don’t do it. It’s as simple as that. If you find yourself sitting on opposite ends of the couch in the evenings instead of snuggled together watching your favorite shows, he might be losing interest. If he doesn’t hold your hand, put his arm around you or hold doors open for you when you’re out and about in the world, he’s probably lost interest already.
When a person is drifting out of the relationship, they tend to disappear in terms of physical touch and affection. He’ll likely be feeling guilty about his loss of feelings and will be trying to show less affection as to not lead you on. It’s his way of telling you, without the confrontation, that he isn’t interested in doing that with you anymore.
For some advice on what to do if you want your boyfriend to be more affectionate, take a look at this great video!
My Boyfriend is Not Affectionate…What Can I Do?!
You Aren’t A Priority To Him.
At the beginning of your relationship, you probably would have dropped everything for him and he would have done the same for you. When we’re freshly and deeply in love with someone we tend to sacrifice everything just to talk to them, let alone see them and spend time with them. Think about the cliche of spending entire nights awake on the phone to the guy you have a crush on – that’s often very real. We sacrifice time with our friends and family, school and work and even our sleep just to be in contact with our love at the beginning. They are our top priority and nothing is more important than getting our fix.
Naturally, as the relationship progresses this intensity fades away a little, but if your commitment has remained just as strong then your desire to keep them as a priority will still be there. We might stop sacrificing everything for our partners in a long-term relationship, but we will always make time. In a strong, healthy relationship, there is no such thing as being “too busy”. There is always time. One hour is enough, one quick date over lunch or coffee will do. If your boyfriend was still interested in your relationship, nothing would keep him away for very long.
If he’s trying to pull away to make the eventual breakup less of a shock, he’ll start to come up with all sorts of bizarre reasons why he can’t see you, or call you, or spend time with you. He’ll more often be going out with “the guys” than ever before, and choosing to spend time with them over you every time – a healthy relationship requires a simple balance of the two. The age-old “I’m washing my hair” excuse will become more and more real as you see him reject your offers for seemingly unimportant tasks instead.
He’s Let Himself Go.
This one can be a little tricky, it’s not always a sign that he’s not interested in you or your relationship anymore. It comes down to the circumstances.
In a happy, healthy relationship, it’s not uncommon to gain a little weight. Lots of great dinner dates and nights in with snacks leads to a few gained pounds, but that’s okay! You do it together after all – some relationships even lead to weight loss if you inspire each other to be healthier. It’s also completely normal to stop trying quite as hard to be drop-dead gorgeous at all times. As our relationships become more comfortable and secure we’re willing to hold back on the make-up and push up bras and accept that not every day requires those jeans that make our butts look incredible. As we feel safer, our boyfriends do too and they’re also allowed to hold off on their extra effort too. We love them as they are.
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Where the difference comes in, is whether he’s relaxed or just doesn’t care. If he’s lost interest in you, then he probably isn’t dressing well around you and maybe even not thinking much about personal hygiene. You’ll notice this is a problem if he dresses up and looks great when he’s going out with friends, or anywhere without you. That might suggest that he doesn’t care what you think anymore. We should all still want our person to be a little excited by us sometimes, reminding them what they fell for in the first place. If he doesn’t want to show you his best, but he shows it to everyone else, he’s probably not interested.
He’s Picking Fights.
When you’re right on the verge of breaking up with someone, you’ll probably find yourself feeling irritated by every little thing they do. The things that you used to let go and maybe even things that never used to bother you at all will start to make you twitch. If he’s seemingly more snappy than usual and easily roused, it might be because he’s losing interest in the relationship and is thinking about calling it quits.
Subconsciously, we pick fights because we’re searching for a way out. If he’s starting fights with you over the smallest of things and allowing the argument to spiral out of control, he might be looking for an excuse to end it. By highlighting the problems, he’s hoping to make a break-up seem less surprising and more understandable.
He’s also probably trying to push you away. By giving you reasons to be upset, there’s a chance you’ll do the hard work for him. If he makes it indisputable that your relationship is flawed and pushes you to the edge, you’re more likely to break up with him first, allowing him to play the victim and leaving you to be the bad guy.
Take a look at this video for tips on what to do when you find yourself fighting with your boyfriend.
7 Things You Must Avoid When Fighting With Your Beloved
He Only Wants To Have Sex.
The truth is, even if he wants your romantic relationship to be over, he’s probably still attracted to you. If he’s dragging the final moments out, he’s probably still getting to sleep with you, and if he didn’t then you’d become suspicious of his behavior. Having sex could be the perfect evidence to back up his “of course I still want to be with you” lie.
Sex can also serve as an excellent distraction technique, to prevent having to talk about how he’s been feeling or answer any questions you might have about why he seems to be drifting away. If he’s losing interest, it wouldn’t be uncommon for him to be relying on intimacy to fill the quiet moments and avoid confronting the fact that he doesn’t want to talk anymore. If he’s lost interest he probably doesn’t have much to say and doesn’t want to talk, so having sex allows him to pretend he’s still engaged without having to sacrifice his silence.
He Never Wants To Have Sex.
Guilt can often be to blame for his sudden lack of interest in sex. If he’s generally been a respectful man, he might be showing less interest in having sex because he doesn’t want to lead you on or be intimate with you knowing he’s thinking about leaving.
He might also be experiencing a lack of attraction as a defense mechanism, to convince himself that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. This is unlikely to be true, a person doesn’t often lose their physical attraction to someone else in an instant.
If any of these signs rang true for you, it’s important that you take a chance and tell him about your concerns.
You deserve to feel deeply loved by your boyfriend and you should never feel like he’s uninterested in you and your relationship. If you start to detect any of the signs I’ve listed, be brave and communicate your concerns with him. Dropping small hints and changing his behavior a little is the coward’s approach, he doesn’t deserve the energy you’ll use up trying to figure him out. Be upfront about how his actions are making you feel and ask him honestly if he’s happy. Don’t take any of his excuses or his lies – you deserve better.
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