Pregnancy can be stressful, aside from the weight of carrying another human inside of you, you have to deal with hormonal changes, weight gain, financial arrangements, keeping a healthy diet, and handling work with all that stress. It can be a lot for an expectant mother and is worse when she has an ambivalent husband.
A BMC Public Health research shows that women get more depressed when they have husbands that are unsupportive and insensitive and do not care about the pregnancy. The study states that mothers to be are mostly depressed by their husbands. The kind of depression they experience leads to premature labor, miscarriages, postpartum depression, and could affect the babies’ health as well.
Do you feel like your husband isn’t doing enough during this period? Are you feeling overwhelmed by work and basically everything around you?
Well, something has to be done about that before the baby arrives. Husbands have to support their pregnant wives, it’s necessary for the well-being of the child and mother.
So, if you feel over-stressed by work and house chores and your husband isn’t helping out, here are 17 tips to help you handle the situation.
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If the pregnancy wasn't planned for and it came as a surprise, your husband might need time to accept the news. Therefore, that means that his attitude might change a bit and he might not willingly help you. Having a baby comes with so many changes and responsibilities and can be a lot especially when it wasn't planned. It can be truly overwhelming, as unsupportive as he might seem now, give him time to figure things out, he’ll hopefully step up with time.
Communication in a relationship is very important. No matter how difficult things are it's always best to talk things through with your partner. Sometimes, we assume people are aware of what they are doing while they are completely oblivious to it so they seem insensitive about how you're feeling.
If you feel he is distant, talk to him about it, express how you feel about him being insensitive, and then suggest things that can make it better. A wife asked her husband how he felt having a hangover in college and he explained how terrible it made him feel. She then said that is how she feels because of the morning sickness.
It gave him a little insight into what she was going through and he became more emotionally available and supportive. A partner that loves you would be willing to do anything to make you feel that he is present and he cares.
Sometimes, people don't see the reality of things until they actually see it. Seeing his child, even though it’s on the screen, might just spur up the feelings and support you want from him. Take him along to your ultrasound appointments so that he gets a chance to see the child.
Seeing his baby will help create a connection and awaken him to the reality of things. It will also help him truly realize you are pregnant so he stops ignoring the complaints about pregnancy-related symptoms.
When all forms of talking have failed then you can try mediation. Talking to a registered counselor can help you both through your relationship challenges and who knows, you just might make it out stronger than ever. It must not be a registered counselor but could be a priest, mentor, or anyone your husband regards.
That is important so he can take whatever advice is dished at him. Research shows that arguments between couples increase after delivery. This is mostly due to the fact that men tend to feel left out because they are no longer the center of your attention.
Every pregnant woman is meant to go for antenatal classes. These classes teach the mother how to prepare before her due date. Many wives also take their husbands for the bonding experience.
Taking him will not only make him feel like a part of the process but will also make him more sensitive to the pregnancy. If he is more interested in learning about fatherhood and what to expect, there are also books he can read to help him assume the role of a father.
I know this is a difficult thing to do. It's so easy for women to say “forget about him and focus on yourself.” However, how do you balance work, chores, personal fitness, and preparing for the child alone? The truth is, focusing on your insensitive husband won’t help the situation either, it will only stress you.
Our emotional and mental state is very important for a growing fetus. If your husband is failing to be there for you, then just focus on you and do what makes you happy.
Sometimes, when our partners are not there for us when we need them, we can turn to other people for support. Talk to your mother or sisters or even cousins, anybody that has your best interests at heart. In as much as we would want our husbands to be that support system, our family members can be too. Some will make you laugh and take your mind off your problems, especially in this era of social media.
Are your colleagues at work being extra nice to you? Do you get extra time off because you’re expecting? Focus on that. Yes, you may feel overwhelmed at home, especially when you feel let down by your husband's lack of sensitivity. However, during times like this, it’s best to focus on positive things.
Interestingly, many pregnant women claim that before the pregnancy, their husbands were perfect and changed once the pregnancy came. Some change to the point where they do not touch their wives anymore. Focusing on the positives and being hopeful might help.
Meditation is recommended for your general well-being. It comes in handy, especially during stressful times. Making decisions when angry won’t help the situation, so it's important to stay calm during difficult times. There’s something about being quiet, practicing safe yoga poses, and just relaxing, it will get your mind off the current situation for a while.
Find other activities that can keep you busy. If you like to draw, take that up again. If you have friends living nearby, hang out with them; just laugh, and enjoy yourself. Happiness releases certain hormones in women called happy pregnancy hormones. Staying joyful isn’t just good for you, but the child’s well-being as well.
Family is an amazing support system however there are instances where your family doesn't stay close to you. They might live in different places so the closest you get is talking on the phone. They can sympathize with you or make you laugh but there's something magical about physical presence.
Getting a friend close to you in the same town that can help you with day-to-day activities usually helps especially when it gets difficult. Sometimes, it’s just a message on the back or your feet from being sore or someone to cry to, a friend will definitely help you through it.
Have you packed your hospital bag? Bought all the necessary clothing or decorated the nursery? Yes, these are activities that are associated with work, but they could get your mind off your insensitive husband. Since you seem to be facing this alone without your partner, it will help to purchase everything you would need on time before your due date.
Depending solely on your husband to provide for your every need might be a big mistake. Ensure you do all that is to be done when you're strong so once those contractions kick in, everything else will already be in place.
You have probably talked about it a number of times but there’s still no change. You've involved family members to get him to come around and be more sensitive and even the counselor but to no avail. For your mental and physical well-being, prepare your mind and know that you might have to deal with this on your own without expecting much from your husband.
Preparing your mind helps alleviate any form of depression or sadness since you would have already reconciled yourself to it. Some husbands mean well but are just not sensitive to pregnant women.
Before you have the baby, prepare your meals ahead of time. This will help you manage time and have less to do when you finally come home with your bundle of joy. You might not have time or the energy to put meals together but it's much easier to pop a bowl in the microwave.
In the absence of a sensitive husband, it's best to do whatever it takes to look out for you and take steps to make life less stressful.
If you have friends who have had children, encourage your husband to go out with them and talk about their experiences. This has a way of waking husbands up to their responsibilities. A mentor will be able to guide him through it and let him know where he is failing and what he is doing right.
Pregnancy comes with mood swings and cravings. It is a difficult time and we want to be as comfortable as possible. If you have a husband that tries to help in his own capacity then maybe it's best to curtail some expectations.
If he goes to work every day and comes back late at night and is not able to give the nightly massage he usually gives, then you can be a bit more understanding of the situation.
If there has been a history of abuse in the relationship, it will only get worse during pregnancy Although some pregnant women testify that their insensitive husbands got better after they had the children, however, there's no guarantee that the abuse will stop. Think of yourself first and what’s best for the child as well.
A husband should be understanding of what his wife is going through. A good education is required for him to fully understand the situation. He has to educate himself on the pregnancy journey, his role in it, and how he can help his wife through it.
Communication is very important. If you feel he is not being supportive, talk to him about it in a polite way so it doesn't turn into a fight. Help him see that you are going through emotional and physical changes and would need him to be there for you.
Women go through some hormonal changes and so, emotions might be all over the place. Many women do admit that they hated their husbands during pregnancy because he was not sensitive and supportive. It is not weird to hate your husband especially if he is not supportive.
Not all husbands lose interest in their wives during pregnancy. However, many men cannot cope with the drastic change in the physical appearance of their wives which is quite insensitive.
Zied, the author of the Next Youth, states that breast milk is for babies and not for the nourishment of spouses. However, it’s all up to you and him, and it’s okay to indulge in that.
Pregnancy can be easier to bear when two adults are present and the husband is sensitive and supportive. However, sometimes, we as women are left to carry the burdens on our own.
I hope the tips above help you through these challenges. If you found this article insightful, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section and remember to share the article if you liked it.