Should parenting be a one-man job, or in this case, the responsibility of a single parent? Does the mom have the most to do when it comes to the kids or should the father be equally involved in handling parenthood or childcare responsibilities?
Should you excuse your husband from helping you to take care of your child/kids as long as he brings in the money or, do you think a father also must help with child care in every way that matters?
If you are a mom with the problem of my husband doesn’t help with the baby’, it means you belong to the team ‘yes, men should assist their spouse with child care responsibilities.
While it is not the best thing to generalize, it’s still a fact that most men don’t consider it their duty to be involved in the step-by-step process of raising kids. And so, they leave most of the parenting to their woman.
However, there is only so much that a woman can take; apart from caring for your toddler son or girl, you need to ensure you tick ‘housework done’ on your to-do list and still make sure other parts of your marriage are functioning just fine.
To avoid burnout and frustration, you need to find a way to make your husband help out and take care of your kids and this is what this article sets out to do. So, read on for tips on how to handle this situation.
It is very easy to assume that your husband is not helping out with child care because he doesn’t want to be concerned with the fact. However, have you ever taken time to wonder why he avoids doing much at home whenever your baby is involved?
Could it be that you criticize each effort he makes to help with the kids or perhaps, you make it look like you have all the bases covered and so you don’t need his help?
If you have been subconsciously over criticizing his attempts at doing housework, he might withdraw his efforts and leave you to handle things the way you see fit.
Similarly, if you have been giving off the vibes that you have everything under control, he might also be trusting you enough to be the kind of parent and home guardian your family needs. Talking to him will clear the air and hopefully encourage him to be more helpful.
In every relationship, there are defined roles for each partner. In a marriage, relationship roles should be taken even more seriously. This is because you will be sharing a house and building a home with one man for the rest of your life (hopefully).
If you are to co-exist with your husband in peace and fulfillment, you must create flexible dad and mom roles that won’t interfere with each person’s pursuits. As such, don’t take your role as a mom superior to his career or role as a dad.
Understand that a lot rests on his shoulders too and let your communication regarding how he can help you come from that knowledge. Again, make your request come from a place of awareness, not blind ignorance.
One thing that scares a male parent is the fear of messing up their dad’s duties to their little girl or son. As such, when you whine about all the nitty-gritty details of how messy your child’s diaper was (or how you got little sleep because he wouldn’t sleep himself), you increase anxiety in your man.
That said, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use words that will make him empathize with you. Just ensure you share necessary details in a way that doesn’t make your kids sound like monsters.
Also, don’t attack your husband with these details immediately he steps into the house; let him relax before you tell him only the things that will make him want to offer his help willingly.
Another thing that would help you in a situation where your man isn’t helping much with the kids and household chores are to be clear about what you need him to do for you. Remember, there are relationship roles that will help both parties understand what they should be doing at the appropriate times.
If you didn’t have relationship roles before, sit down and set them with your man. If you’ve had roles both of you played in the past but are no longer working out, still sit down to discuss how to reset those roles in a more flexible manner both of you can commit to.
Whether you like it or not, your husband thinks and sees things differently from the way you do. While you might easily see the baby bottle in the corner you kept it, your man might need you to help him use laser focus to spot it.
What this means is that you are the one in the sole responsibility of manning your home and your partner is most likely the party that comes home to you and the kids. Therefore, don’t get short with him too often when he fails to get what you need on time.
What he needs is your understanding that he is trying his best to help and he will put in more effort if you assure and encourage him.
If you have a newborn and you are still on maternity leave, for example, it might be still too soon for you to be having sex. Apart from the health implications, you will be having difficulty with sleep because most babies choose to sleep in the day and stay awake and hungry at night.
However, because you have no appetite for sex doesn’t mean your man will be on the down-low too. Some husbands avoid the baby care job because they want to have sex with their wives but she is using her child care job as a sex avoidance tactic.
This kind of thing can lead to a fight and so, it’s best if you discuss with your partner why you can’t be having sex constantly or not at all for a while.
Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.
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When frustration caused by lack of sleep and too much work sets in, you might get desperate for some help from your partner. When you get desperate, choose a better alternative than lying or exaggerating the truth.
Avoid inventing terrible situations about what happened at home while your man wasn’t around. For example, don’t say your toddler fell into the pool when he only slipped in the bath under your supervision.
Some women set high standards for their husbands with the hope that the guys will understand how hard it is to be a mom. However, this action won’t work for every man. Some husbands will be at a loss of how to help you out and invent reasons not to be at home because you expect too much from them.
Set reasonable expectations and your man will find it easier to help you with your child.
Another mistake you might have been making is seeing parenting through the eyes of your childhood. However, this gesture might be faulty, especially if you had a childhood that wasn’t too good.
Rather than project the skills, your parents used to raise you in your parenting journey, compare and contrast the two different situations and create your parenting pattern.
When you follow your approach, you won’t put pressure on your partner to parent your children in the wrong manner and he’ll be more willing to assist you.
Instead of assuming that your man will never help with taking care of your kids (for whatever reason you concoct in your head), always communicate with him at every point to understand where his head is currently at.
Some guys are terrified of holding babies because they fear dropping them and so, it will be a terrible mistake to assume your man dislikes babies. Create consistent open communication that will help both of you understand what is wrong or right in your parenting journey.
Yes, your man should help you out with raising the kids, even from babyhood. However, ditch the entitlement syndrome that makes you think it’s okay to run a man ragged because you both made the baby in the first place.
The mom is a child’s first contact and no matter how important a father’s role is, the child’s major needs rest on you. You aren’t begging for your husband’s help but you shouldn’t misuse him either.
If you can create a balance between getting his help within the right mind frame, you won’t have problems with parenting.
No, it is not normal to dislike your partner after having a baby but it happens. The dislike could be a result of imbalanced hormones or a post-delivery trauma symptom. It could also be because your partner isn’t helping you with caring for the baby.
There must have been an agreement before you got married. If the decision came after you got married, you need to also decide if you’re okay with it. If that decision won’t work for you, you might have to back out of the relationship.
Most husbands change because their wives shift their attention to the child while others change because a new baby means more responsibilities.
You should prioritize both your kid and spouse because they are both important. Strive to share your attention and care equally between them no matter how hard it may seem sometimes.
Why doesn’t he want to be with you? Is it because he is scared you’re still tender after childbirth? If that’s the case, assure him the doctor has cleared you for sex and you can resume coupling without any implication.
Getting your partner to help with child care doesn’t have to be a horrid affair you don’t look forward to. These tips should make it easier for you to convince your partner to help you with caring for the baby as regular parents should do.
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Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
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