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My Husband Can't Get Hard: Is He Cheating? (The Honest Truth)

Last updated on June 17, 2022 by Sonya Schwartz

Is your husband struggling to maintain an erection when you try to have sex?

Is this a new problem that has made you suspicious of him potentially getting his rocks off elsewhere?

Are you curious as to why else he may have lost the ability to get hard for you? 

If so, you’re in the right place because this guide will outline the potential causes of this and what you should do. 

However, I would suggest it’s first important to address your fears of him cheating on you. 

If these suspicions have been plaguing your mind, it’s going to harm your relationship even more than your hubby’s erection problems.   

In many cases, if you start accusing him of infidelity, it’s only going to make the problem worse.

Typically, it’ll just add extra pressure on him to perform better next time. That’s the last thing you want to do, as stress and performance anxiety are among the leading causes of erectile dysfunction.

Thankfully, there is a more discreet way to check whether your partner has remained faithful to you.  

This powerful online tool can run an extensive background check on him, revealing a wealth of information about who he’s been contacting, when and how.

What’s more, it only needs a few basic details about him to generate this report and you can see exactly what he's been up to.

This can give you the peace of mind of knowing whether he’s likely to have been unfaithful or not.

Of course, there are many reasons beyond infidelity why your husband is unable to perform for you. 

Read on for our full list of reasons why he may be struggling to get hard.

I need to stress to you that there could be many reasons that your man can't get hard, so coming to the conclusion that is cheating straight away isn't always true.

In this society, we live in, as women, we have always been conditioned to feel like if someone is wrong in the relationship; it's probably our fault. Maybe you think he's lost interest and found someone new? This is perhaps not the case, so first of all, stop blaming yourself and stop making up scenarios in your head about his unfaithfulness. 

I am going to tackle this part of the question first – "Is he cheating?" 

If you do think that he is cheating, this is a severe issue that you need to work through and figure out. My advice would be that unless you are one hundred percent certain he is cheating on you, simply be open with him and talk. Communication is critical in every aspect of our relationships, and this should not change because the subject matter is now on sex or cheating.

It's important to note that men are more sensitive than we think, so be sensitive when you talk to him about his sexual dysfunction. Don't go accusing him of cheating on you and pairing this with the reason that he can't get it up for you – this will not go down well, and ultimately you want to make him feel as open as possible if you're going to work through this. My advice would be simply asking him and speaking to him about the fact you might suspect he is being unfaithful to you – at this point, do not mention his sexual dysfunction.

Two responses could come from this talk – he either is or is not cheating on you.

If he tells you or you find out that he has been or is being unfaithful then you can definitely put his sexual dysfunction down to this. Once he tells you this, you might feel hurt and betrayed, which of course is entirely reasonable. You deserve to take some time away and think about the situation. How people move forward after their partner has cheated differs on the personal view on it. If you feel like you can move on with him, and he has stopped cheating on you, it might be best to go to a marriage counsellor or see a sex therapist. These two things can not only help with the emotional side of the relationship, especially after unfaithfulness, but also the physical side.

If you feel like you can't look or move past it, then, unfortunately, you will have to take action to leave him. There is solace in knowing that someone will love you purely for you, and there is so much sexual attraction out there for you.

If he tells you or you can be confident that he isn't cheating then firstly, that is excellent news, of course! He might feel hurt that you asked in the first place, but it opens up the conversation surrounding his sexual dysfunction. It means that the root of his sexual dysfunction will be down to a different matter.

 For the rest of this article, we will be discussing the other factors that could be causing your husbands problem, and how you can work through it and get right back on track to healthy sex life, that might be spicier than ever!

He might not be feeling good within himself

This is an important factor and one that we can all relate to. Have you ever just not been in the mood? We've all been there – sex is the last thing on your mind when you don't feel happy. Depression, anxiety and stress are the top three factors that might mean your husband is just not feeling like having sex with you and might be why it physically isn't working for him.

Again, communication is vital here! If you think your husband might be experiencing some negative thoughts, or might be dealing with mental health issues, you need to talk to him. Allow him a safe space where he can speak about his feelings and thoughts. Most likely, if it isn't anything too serious, he will feel much better once he has shared his negative thoughts, and perhaps you will have been able to advise or fix some problems. If he is experiencing much more substantial feelings, it might be a good idea to try and encourage him to see a therapist. If he sees a therapist, this might be beneficial because he can open up to someone completely removed from the situation, so he can speak more openly to that of how he might talk to you.

After he has dealt with his mental state and is hopefully on the road to recovery there, I can assure you that romance will enter right back into your life, and could be happier than ever.

He might feel performance anxiety

Now, this might seem like an almost sweet thing. He is so into you that he's worried he won't fully satisfy you in the bedroom. However, his anxiety concerning his sexual performance is a genuine thing and is one of the main reasons that men can't get hard. They are over analyzing everything about the lovemaking process. They want to make the experience as amazing for you as it is for them. Premature ejaculation can be one of the main problems and is a reason why many men get performance anxiety. If he feels like he is going to finish too quickly, he will put so much stress on not finishing quickly – but this can really backfire, and he might not even get hard at all.

The best thing you can do if your husband is facing performance anxiety is to be understanding. If you create a relaxed atmosphere around sex and don't seem like you're demanding too much from him, he will feel more at ease, and therefore more able to perform.

A good game plan for someone dealing with this is to try new things in the bedroom. Take it back to when you first met, make it romantic, light and have fun with it! If you try new things, he might also feel like the concentration isn't directly on him, which could lead to him feeling more relaxed. Maybe try an oily massage before getting down to it, or a bubble bath together.

He could have more serious health issues

Although this is not a nice point to make, sexual dysfunction could be an indicator of more serious health issues. It can be linked to thyroid problems, diabetes and even the development of heart disease. Don't worry; these can usually be treated very quickly if caught early on.

The best thing to do is to encourage him to go and see a doctor so he can speak about his erectile dysfunction. Obviously, he might be embarrassed to talk to someone about it, but you need to assure him it's the best idea not only for your relationship but for his health too.


I hope I helped you understand some of the reasons your husband might not be getting hard, and him being unfaithful is not the first conclusion you need to jump to. 

So, did this list help you to understand a little more about why your husband might not be getting 'it' up? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments.

Of course, for any male readers out there, we would love to hear your point of view on this topic too!

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

Sonya Schwartz
A hopeless romantic that struggled for many years to find her Mr "Right" and made all the mistakes you could think of while dating. Known for always choosing the wrong guys or messing up relationships, Sonya was finally able to change her approach and mindset when it came to dating which helped her eventually find the man of her dreams and become happily married. You can read more about me here...

One comment on “My Husband Can't Get Hard: Is He Cheating? (The Honest Truth)”

  1. My husband hasn't had sex wit me n 3 weeks Iknw he usually gets a hard on for me but nw he just cuddles with me and kinda like dry hump he did tell me one day out of those weeks that he wana have sex with me but he hasn't idk what's the problem ? Please help idk if hes not interested in me or not iknw he has PTSD depression and yes he does drugs idk if that's the problem

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