Letting go of someone you love can be a really difficult experience. Maybe you have broken up with them because you the two of you realized that you’re incompatible or someone is moving away, forcing you to break up. You might find yourself clutching at straws and hoping that something will happen, or they will magically change, so you can be together again.
The truth is, whatever is standing in your way is probably never going to disappear. It won’t disappear from your mind anyway. So, it’s time to accept that your relationship together has come to an end. Once the relationship between the two of you has come to an end, it’s time to start working on how to emotionally cut your ties to this person.
In this article, I am going to speak about both the process of actually letting go and breaking up with someone you love and how you can let go of them emotionally and be ready to move forward with your life.
- 1 How to physically let go of someone you love.
- 2 How to emotionally let
go of someone you love.
- 2.1 1. Once you have gone through the break-up, it is time to take some time away from this person.
- 2.2 2. Allow yourself time to be upset.
- 2.3 3. Start to focus on yourself.
- 2.4 4. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him, and the relationship you had.
- 2.5 5. Make sure you have people that you can lean on when you are feeling down.
- 2.6 6. Now you’re single, you have more time to spend time with the other people you love.
- 2.7 7. Do things that you wanted to do but couldn’t do when you were in a relationship.
- 2.8 8. Forgive yourself and your ex-partner.
- 2.9 9. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get over him straight away.
- 2.10 10. Move forward confidently into the world of love.
- 3 Conclusion
How to physically let go of someone you love.
The first thing we need to tackle together is the relationship ending between the two of you, especially if it is you that wants to end the relationship. You might need to physically let go of the person you love because you know it isn’t going to work out if you stay in the relationship.
If you are the one who feels the need to break up, I have put together some tips for breaking up with the person you love below.
Make sure you are confident that this is the best decision.
Before you bring your relationship to a halt, you need to really think about it. Is this what you really want? It is best to think about this decision with a clear mind. Make sure that you don’t think about it if you have just argued with your partner or for some reason, they have been overly romantic to you today. You need to think about it all in-depth when you have time and space away from their influence so that you come to a decision you know you are one hundred percent with.
Break up in a comfortable and safe space for both of you.
It’s unfair to break up with someone in a place where they feel uncomfortable. So, decide to do it in a place where you both feel at ease. Once you have decided where you will do it, it is a good idea to think about when you will do it. It might be best to make sure your partner isn’t going through any serious problems in other sectors of their life, to help them take the news a little bit better.
Be kind and leave on as much of a positive note as possible.
Although it might feel like you’re going through hell, having to break up with the person you love, you have to bear in mind that they are also going to be particularly upset. It’s a good idea to tell your partner how hard this is for you too because you love them so much. Tell your partner is best for both of you, and you are still in love with them because your relationship was so great, and they mean so much to you.
Be kind to them, and you will feel that not only the breakup was easier, but also letting go of them emotionally will be easier. If you had argued and got angry at each other, you might have left the relationship and still be hung up on how you treated them or how they treated you when you broke up.
How to emotionally let go of someone you love.
Although breaking up with someone seems hard, it is over pretty quickly. The hard part of a breakup is to emotionally let go of the person you have lost and move on. The ten tips below should help you to let go and allow you to move forward in a positive direction.
1. Once you have gone through the break-up, it is time to take some time away from this person.
To fully allow yourself the time to get over them, you should avoid seeing them or being in contact with them. It will be hard to move on if they are still in your life constantly. So, to let go of this person is crucial to put distance between the two of you.
During the break-up, it might be a good idea to tell them that you do not want to speak to them or see them so you can take some time for yourself to recover. If they respect you, they will agree to not contact you or try to see you.
Another good idea would be to block their number for a while if you think that you might want to pop them over a late-night text telling them you miss them (not a good idea). Even though you could obviously just go back on your phone and unblock the number, it makes the process of sending them a message a lot harder and forces you to take some time to realize that you shouldn’t be messaging them.
The same applies to social media. Social media can now be one of the hardest things to deal with regard to relationships, and especially breakups. You don’t want to find yourself scrolling through their photos or stalking their profiles to see what they have been doing for the past few days. So, it might be time to block their accounts or unfriend them. You can always let them know what you’re going to do, just in case you think they will be hurt by it. I’m sure they will understand, especially if you suggest that they should do the same. It will help both of you get through the breakup.
You really shouldn’t resume any contact until after you feel like you have fully got over the situation and you don’t want to go running back to them. Although, whenever you think you are ready to see them again or speak to them, you might want to ask yourself why. Why do you want to see them again? Of course, if you want a catch up once a year or something then that’s completely normal and nice that you can remain friends at a distance.
However, you need to be careful if you do start seeing them again. You might have thought you were over them, but once you see them it could be a different story. If you did really love this person, it will be more difficult than you think to be just friends with them.
2. Allow yourself time to be upset.
You will never allow yourself to fully let go if you are still holding onto emotions for this person, positive or negative. You need to make sure you let yourself feel the pain from the break-up. You had so many memories with this person and lived a part of your life with them at your side, so naturally, you are going to be upset and hurt that it is over.
You should allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling. So, you are allowed to wallow. But, I am telling you this with caution – do not let yourself slip into a bout of depression and helplessness. You can only wallow for so long, then you have to get on with life.
If you find yourself starting to feel continuously down and you have no returned to your normal life within a few days, you might need to start looking out for your mental health. You might find it useful to keep a journal, so you can keep track of what’s going on in your head. Write down your thoughts every day and if you notice that you are constantly writing down negative thoughts, you might need to open up to a friend or family member you trust or seek some professional counseling.
3. Start to focus on yourself.
Not that you are not spending a lot of time with someone by your side, it can feel lonely. However, you always have yourself. That might sound strange, but it’s true. When was the last time you spent quality time by yourself?
My guess is that if you were in love, it was a long time ago that you last only thought about yourself. Now, you only need to focus on yourself and do things that you want to do. It can be a great time to get to know yourself better. Now is your time to do it. Indulge in the fact that you no longer have to include someone else in your thought process, and you can do what you want when you want. It can feel really freeing when you think about being single in this way. The world is at your fingertips.
Another great idea, especially when you might be feeling a little bit down about being alone is to think about ways to show yourself some self-love. Think of yourself like you are a different person. What would you do for or what would you recommend someone else to do if they were feeling sad about being alone? You can actually start to look after yourself like you would someone else. You might start to eat right and exercise more. You might decide to get your nails done once a week or treat yourself to a candlelit bubble bath when you’re feeling particularly down.
Once you start to realize that even though you loved him, you don’t need him to make you feel good, it will be a lot easier to move forward. Along the journey of self-love, triggered by the break up you will probably go through a lot of self-discovery. This will only benefit you when you finally go back out into the world of love because now you know what your true self likes and dislikes.
4. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him, and the relationship you had.
Now that you have cut off your communication with your ex-partner, it is time to cut all the things that remind you of him and the relationship you shared out of your life. It’s time to clear your life of him, as hard as it might be. So, go and get together all of the things that remind you of him and your time together. This can be anything from love letters you sent each other to the cute teddy bear he got you for Valentine's Day. Get rid of it all. With things that are paper, you can burn them if it helps you to feel like you are realizing the emotion behind them. With other things, you can simply throw them out or give them to a second-hand store.
You will probably feel emotional as you throw these items out, but by the end of the process, you will have fully removed him, and everything associated with him out of your life. Of course, you are fully entitled to reminisce over the objects, and get upset over them. But, just make sure that in the end, you have thrown everything out.
In this day and age, we don’t normally have physical photographs of us and our loved ones, so it might be time to turn to your phone. Go through all of the photos you have of either him or the two of you together and delete them. You don’t need these photos anymore, so why hang on to them? I would advise not even looking through individual photos, but you can if you want.
It’s also, a good idea to go through your social media accounts and delete any photos you have posted of the two of you. You are not together anymore, so why do you want people to still be able to see these photos? Deleting them will also make everything a lot more comfortable for the next person you date.
5. Make sure you have people that you can lean on when you are feeling down.
This is actually one of the most important points that I will write in this article. Even though you can work through a lot of the emotions you are feeling by yourself, it is always useful to make sure other people around you can help you.
You can create a support system around you. You can confide in friends and family that you trust. Only depend on people who you know love you and want the best for you. It’s probably not a good idea to open up to others that you don’t think have the purest of intentions.
Once you have decided who you want to be open with and lean on a little bit, it might actually be a good idea to warn them of your upcoming breakup. This way, they can be prepared for you to lean on them a little bit more for support at the beginning.
A lot of the people around you will have probably been through something similar, so they can also give you advice that worked for them. It is also really nice to know that you are not alone in what you are going through. The majority of people will go through this kind of situation in their life at some point, and it’s nice to see that they came out the other side happy.
Friends and family can be really amazing to keep your morale up, but don’t rely on them too much. These people also have lives that they need to get on with. Although they won’t feel like you’re being too needy, make sure that you are not.
6. Now you’re single, you have more time to spend time with the other people you love.
In the previous point, I spoke about having a strong support network around you. Now, we are going to talk about spending time with these people who share in mutual love with you. Now you have a lot more time to spend with others, it’s a good idea to do that. Being around people that you love and have fun with can also be a really great way to take your mind off the love that you lost.
You might make a pact to yourself to not try and speak about your ex when you are going to hang out with your friends unless they bring it up. Of course, if you are feeling really awful and you need to speak to them, then that is different. However, if you are going for a nice dinner with your girls, no one will want to hear you moaning about how upset you are. By not speaking about it, you will probably think about it less too.
Now you have more free time, you can also do more cool stuff that you might have missed out on before. So, if your friends decide to invite you to go and do things with them, say yes. Take every opportunity you can get to spend time with people whose company you enjoy. You will surely share some laughs and smiles, with will make your heart feel fuller and you will feel mentally more on top of things.
7. Do things that you wanted to do but couldn’t do when you were in a relationship.
As much as you probably didn’t realize at the time, your relationship was holding you back. I don’t mean this in a nasty way, but every relationship hold’s people back to some degree. When we are all in relationships, we have to think about the other person involved too.
In almost every decision you make, you will find yourself thinking about how the other person would feel or if they would like you to do that. This is especially true when it comes to big decisions.
So, have a think. Is there anything you really wanted to do while you were in a relationship but ended up not doing because your ex wasn’t interested in it. I’ll give you a quick example. Say that you wanted to move to New York and change your profession to follow your dream, but your ex was in a full-time position in your town that he didn’t want to leave. He was stopping you from doing what you wanted to do because you didn’t want to leave without him, so you didn’t go.
Now is the time for you to do whatever you want to do. Do you want to travel? Do it. Go for your dream job? Do it. Set up your own business? Yes, do it. You have the absolute freedom to do whatever you want to, and there is something really refreshing about that when you think of it.
Also, if you decide to do what you want to do in life or follow something you are passionate about, you will most likely meet the perfect person for you when the time is right because you are being your true self.
8. Forgive yourself and your ex-partner.
Even if you think you have got over the situation, you might still be holding onto some blame or negative feelings towards either yourself or your partner. You can not move on fully until you have let all emotions towards the relationship you had together, go.
Perhaps you blame yourself for the breakdown of the relationship? Or maybe you can’t forgive him for ruining everything for you? Whatever it is that you feel like you won’t be able to forgive, you need to.
You need to forgive your ex-partner. They were probably trying to do the best by your relationship and you, regardless of whether they did or not. You can’t hold on to negative thoughts or feelings towards them, because that still means that you hold something for them. You need to accept whatever they did and forgive them.
Most importantly, you need to forgive yourself. You might not only be holding onto negative feelings about yourself from the relationship but also how it ended and how you dealt with it afterward. For example, if you are holding on to the blame that you broke your ex-partner's heart by breaking up with them, forgive yourself. They are fine. You did what was best for them, and they will love again.
If you are angry at yourself for the way you dealt with your emotions after the breakup, let it go. You handled it the way you were supposed to, and the only way you knew how to. Forgive yourself for everything. This will allow you to move forward with a clear head and heart.
9. Don’t put pressure on yourself to get over him straight away.
We are all human, and we all work through things at different speeds. Maybe you feel that you have not spent enough time being caught up on the breakup, or you seem to still be struggling with moving on. Whatever speed everything is happening for you, is perfect. It is the speed that you are supposed to deal with things. Don’t add pressure to yourself to do anything.
10. Move forward confidently into the world of love.
Once you feel like you have fully let go of the person that you once loved, you are ready to move forward into the world, and the world of love, as a more experienced individual. It can feel great to know that you have handled everything, and you are starting a clean slate. You will probably be able to look back and appreciate the relationship you had, but not feel the need to be sad about it.
There is no need to rush into any new relationships or start dating people straight away, but it can be a good idea to just be open to the idea of love. Go out into the world with confidence and happiness radiating from you. You have got this, girl.
Letting go of someone you love is a really painful thing to do, but you will come out the other side as a more experienced and well-rounded individual. Spending time as a single person might also make you realize what you really want in life and what makes you happy. This can be really beneficial when you feel like you are ready to go and start dating other people.
I really hope that this article will have helped you get through the process of letting go, and just remember, you will find the perfect person for you.
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