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How To Get Out Of A Bachelorette Party: 9 Ways That Won’t Hurt Your Relationship With The Bride

When it comes to the bachelorette party, there are bound to be times that you want to know how to get out of it. Whatever the reason, it’s always best to do so with tact. You can’t simply tell your friend that you don’t want to go to their bachelorette party. Instead, you have to find another way to deal with the situation. 

Backing Out Of A Bachelorette Party Nicely

It doesn’t matter whether the wedding planner is a total nightmare or you hate her other friends, you can’t say that. Bad mouthing other people can hurt your relationship with the bride, and that’s not something you want to do. 

First of all, she’s going through a lot of stress with the big day coming up. Second, you probably still want to be friends with her. These are some nice ways that you can back out of bachelorette parties.

1. Go for one night

If you’re not up for a bachelorette weekend with her close friends, consider going for one night. Tell her that your schedule is just packed, and offer a genuine apology. Let her know that you’re still excited about her big day, and can’t wait to do everything else with her. 

Hopefully, she’ll understand. I think once you reach a certain age, it’s understandable that you can’t simply pack up your things for a weekend away all the time. However, one night is a nice compromise.

2. Consider just being honest

We all have our reasons for not wanting to do things. If you can’t afford to go because they’ve planned a luxurious weekend away, tell the bride that. You can also tell her that even though you can’t come for the weekend, you’d still like to get her a special present and take her out to dinner. 

As you can see, there’s a bit of a theme here. Apologize first. Then, let her know what you have decided. Finally, offer a nice compromise. If you’re a good friend of the bride, she’s probably psyched about spending the extra time with you. Because of that, she deserves an explanation.

3. Let her know as far in advance as possible

It’s a little inconsiderate to not go out to celebrate the bride. However, it’s very inconsiderate to cancel at the last minute unless you have a really good reason. For example, if your mother just passed away. Or your child has suddenly been rushed to the emergency room. 

Unless it’s a drastic emergency, there’s no reason to cancel last minute. If you try, you’re going to have to try a lot harder to salvage your relationship. 

When you do tell her that you’re not going to be attending the bachelorette party, make sure that you let her know what you will still be participating in. 

Tell her that you’re happy to help with wedding planning. Inform her that you’ve got plenty of ideas for her bridal shower. There are quite a few ways that you can still be a wonderful bridesmaid that does not include bachelorette parties.

4. Tell her you feel bad

tell her you feel bad

When you do tell her that you’re not going to be able to make it to the bachelorette party, tell her that you feel bad. Let her know that you would genuinely love to be there with her and that you’re super excited about her upcoming wedding. 

If you don’t show up at the bachelorette party, both the bride and other bridesmaids may wonder if you’re going to be unreliable for other bridesmaid duties as well. You need to make it clear that this is not the case. Inform them if you still plan on coming to the bridal shower, wedding, etc.

5. Send money if your cancellation will increase expenses for others

Often, all of the bridesmaids and maid of honor will contribute to bachelorette parties, any wedding party, and even the bridal shower. This is a great way to even out expenses so that the maid of honor doesn’t have to pay for the majority of things related to her friend’s wedding. However, that can also include the bachelorette party. 

If you have already committed to helping to pay for things, and those things are going to be divided among everyone at the bachelorette party, you’re making things more expensive for everyone. That’s not fair to the other people at the wedding party. 

If this is the situation that you’re in, consider still sending the money to cover your part. It’s a nice thing to do to make sure that everyone else can still afford to go.

6. Pitch in anyway

Even if you can’t attend the bachelorette party, you can still pitch in. Consider paying for one night of the bride’s stay. Send flowers or a gift. Order a stripper to randomly show up. Pitch in making party favors. Then, let everyone that is going to be at the bachelorette party know that you’re still there in spirit. 

Don’t forget to text the bride that nice and let her know that you wish you were there to celebrate with her, but you’re there in spirit.

7. Tell her it doesn’t fit your schedule

If you have something else planned that weekend or have to work the next morning, let the bride know. We’re all adults, and most people will be understanding provided they are given plenty of notice. There’s nothing wrong with not being able to go to a bachelorette party. In fact, there are plenty of people that decide not to have them and instead spend their money on a honeymoon.

8. If it’s not your thing, say that

if its not your thing say that

Just because you’re invited doesn’t mean that you have to go. Maybe the cost of the trip isn’t something you’re down for. Perhaps the thought of penis necklaces or strippers makes you cringe. Maybe you don’t know the rest of the girls on the trip. 

You feel like the odd one out because everyone is married except for you. Whatever the reason, try simply telling your friend in a tactful manner. 

They will more than likely be understanding. On the other hand, they might also go out of their way to make you feel more comfortable so that all of you can spend time together. Either way, you can trust that it will go well as long as you’re nice.

9. Use an excuse

I’m not a huge fan of this and really believe that honesty is the best policy, but you can use an excuse if you don’t want to tell her the real reason. 

Instead of saying that you hate the bride’s guest list and would rather get hit by a train than pretend to have fun with them, simply say that there’s a family emergency. Claim that you have to be at work. Insist that you have to get up early in the morning. 

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Once again, it’s best to be honest. However, sometimes you can’t do that and still have fun with your friend. You need to be honest with her after the stress of the wedding is over. It’s not good to have a relationship built on lies


Is it rude to not go to a bachelorette party?

This is a time for the closest friends to celebrate as one of the group is getting married. It means a lot to the bride, and can be hurtful when someone doesn’t want to go. Offering an apology and making it up via dinner and a present is a great way to not appear rude. 

How do you politely decline a bachelorette party invitation?

Simply apologize. Then, tell them why you will not be going. You don’t want the bride to take it too personally. After that, make sure that you let her know you’d love to come to the wedding and other things. You can say that bachelorette parties simply aren’t your thing. 

Can I skip a bachelorette party?

Yes, you can. If you’re at the wedding party, it’s polite to attend. However, you don’t have to. You can also attend certain portions of the event if it is spread out over an entire weekend. Make sure that you let the bride know as soon as possible, though. 

Does the maid of honor pay for the bachelorette party?

This is traditional, but it’s not always the case now. Sometimes the maid of honor will still pay for the bachelorette party. Other times, the maid of honor will cover the cost for the bride and other people will take care of their own things, such as their own drinks, etc. It’s common for the entire wedding party to split expenses. 

How do you reject someone nicely?

Apologize. Make sure that you give them a reason so that they are not left wondering why you are rejecting them. You don’t want them to feel horrible, so make sure that you let them know in a nice way. You can offer a gentle hug, and tell them if you want a relationship in the future, too. 

To Sum Up

If you don’t want to go to a bachelorette party, there’s nothing that says that you have to. However, you do want to take a few extra steps to make sure that you don’t offend the soon-to-be bride before the wedding. What would you advise someone to do in this situation?


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Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.


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